


What If We Change How It Begins

by Amandjnx



Category: Black Widow (Movie 2020), Captain America (Movies), Captain Marvel (2019), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Auntie Nat, Avengers Tower, But she has the Marias to open her eyes, Carol Danvers & Natasha Romanov & Maria Hill Friendship, Carol is a clueless gay, Dog Tags, Eventual Romance, F/F, Fluff, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Hydra (Marvel), Idiots in Love, Natasha Romanov Needs a Hug, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Captain Marvel (2019), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Avengers (2012), Red Room (Marvel), SHIELD, Slow Burn, Strike Team, Support Group, The Tesseract (Marvel), Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:06:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 139,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25896415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amandjnx/pseuds/Amandjnx
Summary: What if Captain America had never been found in the ice and therefore Nick Fury, in need of a leader for his Avenger Initiative, called the person that inspired him to create this team, his old friend Carol Danvers, to be the sixth member.
Relationships: Carol Danvers & Maria Hill, Carol Danvers & Maria Rambeau, Carol Danvers & Natasha Romanov, Carol Danvers & Nick Fury, Carol Danvers & Phil Coulson, Carol Danvers & Sam Wilson, Carol Danvers & Tony Stark, Carol Danvers/Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton/Laura Barton, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers (mentioned), James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, Laura Barton & Natasha Romanov, Loki & Thor (Marvel), Maria Hill & Natasha Romanov, Natasha Romanov & Sam Wilson, Nick Fury & Maria Hill, Pepper Potts & Natasha Romanov, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Phil Coulson & Nick Fury, Yelena Belova & Natasha Romanov
Comments: 226
Kudos: 304





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!
> 
> So I'm basically re-writing the whole MCU with this fic, with only one little detail that changes as you can read in the summary.
> 
> There will be similarities with the few first movies, some of the events don't change but as the fiction will go, it's gonna get different. We will also explore the gaps between the movies, moments where I will be more free to develop the relationships and stories of the characters.
> 
> I have a global idea of where I want to go with this, I can tell you we are in this for a long ride!
> 
> I don't know how regularly I will update, depending on how fast I am it might be every week or every two weeks.
> 
> Don't hesitate to comments, it's always a pleasure to know your thoughts. Leave a kudo if you like it and enjoy!

Space was so peaceful, there was nothing that Carol Danvers loved more, beside spending time with her family. At light speed, in a total silence, the planets, moons and stars she passed not even noticeable, she could travel dozens of planetary systems, a couple of galaxies, within a day. She had explore so much of the universe in the last sixteen years but she still had a lot to discover.

More than two decades since Carol went to space for the first time, and the place she spent the most time was still Earth. Of course, having her family there was a good reason, but this planet was also her favourite for the landscapes and the air, she always felt lighter on Earth.

Earth was the best place to be, she knew it, and every time she went back to it she flew faster than the usual, but what she didn't know after this alert that she received via the AI of her suit was that she was going to spend a lot more time on her favourite planet than she could ever dream of.

Captain Marvel had been called by Nick Fury, a man she encountered for the first time when she still thought she was born a Kree, when she was a noble warrior hero, but she quickly learnt that her place of birth was Earth and that she had people that she loved there, who thought she had died. Fury was working at S.H.I.E.L.D, a long acronym for an organisation that dealt with the biggest threats against Earth, alien threats included. When Carol left Earth to help aliens finding a new home, she gave Fury a pager that he would use 'for emergencies only', as she told him, and this was the first time he ever used it. As mush as she was happy to go back, Carol was also worried, if Nick called her, Earth must be threatened, and she hoped she would get there fast enough to save the planet and all its population.

The surroundings of the blue planet were clear of any threat when Captain Marvel – who was almost never referred to this name – arrived in the Solar system. She was confused about the why Fury called her and she landed on Earth only because her curiosity was strong.

She knew her way around the building that hosted the head quarter of S.H.I.E.L.D and landed on the balcony of Fury's office. Now that he was the director, he had a big spacious office, unlike the one he had back in the days when Carol and he met. It was apparently late in the night, as Carol observed when she saw the enlightenment of this side of Earth decreasing as she dived towards New York City.

Even if people were supposed to sleep at this time, Nick wasn't, and that didn't surprise Carol, "Imagine my surprise when I approached Earth and saw zero threat around. Maybe the word emergency doesn't mean the same any more?"

"It's good to see you too, Carol."

They both laughed out loud as they hugged, they hadn't seen each other in a long time and, even if they would never admit it, they had missed their late night conversations.

"Something changed in your look, new eye-patch?" Carol asked jokingly and Fury didn't even bother to answer, "Okay, jokes aside, why am I here?" her tone changed from amused to serious, and so did her posture. Standing in her space suit, arms crossed, she stared at her friend with an insistent gaze, not that he could be intimidated by it, but at least she showed him her annoyance.

"I will need you soon, to lead a team," Nick said as he walked to his desk.

Carol sighed sharply, a mission, with people, she didn't like it. In space, she learnt how to do her job alone and hadn't work with a team for many years, "I'm going to need more than that to convince me to stay."

"Back in 1995 I had an idea, to find more people like you to be Earth first defenders, and I think I finally found them all."

"How many are they?" Carol asked as she went to Nick's desk, seeing that he had files that were probably about those individuals, "Six, but one of them is probably dead," he said and gave Carol the files of the six – five – people that would be her team mates.

"What does _probably dead_ means?" she wondered as she went through the first file of a man named Bruce Banner, a scientist, specialised in biochemistry, nuclear physic and gamma radiation.

"He was a super soldier in world war two. I'm sure you heard of him, Steve Rogers, also known as Captain America."

Carol gasped as she remembered her history lessons, "Oh God, yes! He crashed a plane or something."

"He did," Nick confirmed, "and since then S.H.I.E.L.D have been trying to find his corpse, or body in case the ice he crashed into kept him alive, since he is a super soldier that wouldn't surprise us, but without success, and the case has been closed a few days ago."

Carol read the other files as Nick told her other details about what he expected of this team.

It was the one of this Rogers guy, and quickly Carol recognised two names. The first was the one of the founder of S.H.I.E.L.D, Peggy Carter, who was Rogers' instructor in the army and was – briefly – his lover. The second name was another founder of S.H.I.E.L.D, but also the father of a third member of the team, Howard Stark. His son Tony was in the list for being a hero named Iron Man, although only the heroic figure was approved for this team, the man himself was judged too reckless and it was recommanded to use him as a consultant.

The third person, Carol had heard of him in space, was a God named Thor. She didn't have a lot to say about him, he was a powerful being for what she heard and could only be an asset for the team.

Remained two persons and they were humans with, at first sight, no visible super powers. They were both agent of S.H.I.E.L.D, unlike the others, and therefore must be skilled in fighting techniques. A man and a woman, Carol noticed, she wouldn't be the only one representing the gender.

The first file she opened was the man, named Clint Barton. He was described as an amazingly skilled marksman, the greatest of the planet. He had been an agent for many years and was the one recruiting the last member of the team.

The first thought that came to Carols mind when she opened the file was not one she should be having towards a team mate, but damn, this woman was extremely good looking. Her name was Natasha Romanoff, she was a spy for S.H.I.E.L.D and in her previous life an assassin for the KGB in Russia. She had a very impressive résumé, especially considering that she was the youngest member of the team. At twenty seven years old, she mastered most of the fighting techniques present on Earth and was one of the best at playing people to extract informations out of them.

Carol spent more time reading Natasha's file than all the others combined and it didn't go unnoticed, "A thought on Agent Romanoff?" asked Nick with a teasing tone, he instantly saw that it wasn't just Natasha's skills that made Carol stare at her profile, "she is quite an impressive woman for what I've read," the Captain replied, trying to fool Nick but it wasn't something one could achieve easily, "I heard she likes girls, I don't know exactly to what extent but you could have a chance."

"And you wouldn't mind that, me flirting with one of my subordinates?"

Nick chuckled dryly, "As if me warning you ever stopped you from sleeping with any of my agents! And they all will be your team mates, you won't be their boss."

Carol shrugged as she acted innocent, "Right. But you can't blame me for the rest, it's not my fault if you hire beautiful women all the time."

They laughed for a moment, they both needed it, their jobs being the opposite of laughable.

Finding their normal breathing rhythms, Carol took another look at the Natasha's file before handing them back to Fury, but he push them away, "You keep that. I want you to study those, learn everything about these six people," Carol was about to object, she didn't understand why she should study Rogers' file, but Fury raised his hand to stop her before she could speak, "I want you to know them by heart, that way you'll be able to lead them right."

Seeing that Nick wasn't starting another sentence, Carol allowed herself to ask the Captain America question, "I will, but what about Rogers? If his case is closed, why should I learn about him."

"You two have a lot of similarities, but more than that, I think some details in this file are important," Nick explained but Carol didn't seem convinced, "Just to it, Danvers. It's an order."

Carol looked at him with a confused gaze and mimicked the military salute, "Yes sir," she said dryly before walking to the balcony, "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to make a surprise to my family, I'll be there until I can meet the team."

She took off of the cement-made ground before he could say anything, and flew at a very high speed to Louisiana, even though she was allowed to do so on Earth.

Fury wanted to keep Carol's identity and her powers a secret so when she was on the third planet of the Solar system she had to act like a 'normal' person, and by that he meant she couldn't travel by flying or shooting photon blasts with her fists.

But tonight, after this meeting, Carol was on edge and didn't give a damn about this flying ban, it was not like people could see her, she was going so fast that the human eye could not detect her.

Carol arrived to New Orleans and went straight to the couch of her best friend's – Maria – house. After tossing the files on the coffee table with a loud sigh, she laid down and fell asleep almost instantly.

At dawn, the sound of a coffee maker running awakened the Captain. Carol groaned as she rubbed her eyes and, when her sight was finally less blurry, she saw Maria coming her way with a two cups of coffee, "Old habits die hard huh?" Carol said with a husky voice, referring to the fact that Maria always woke up as the sun started rising in the sky.

Handing Carol a cup, Maria chuckled, "And you coming here unannounced, can we talk 'bout that?"

"I didn't know I was coming until like six hours ago!" Carol retorted and this got Maria's attention, "Do tell."

Carol nodded toward the pile of files that Maria took as the Captain explained, "Nick used the pager to give me this. He wants me to be the leader of a team made up by these people."

Maria took her eyes off the papers and saw Carol's annoyed face, "And what's wrong with that?" she asked before going back to her reading.

"I don't know, I just don't feel like doing it, but at least I'll be more here with you."

Maria gave the files back to her best friend after a quick analyse of each member and Carol took Natasha Romanoff's file out of the pile, looking at the front page once again, "What's this one's story?" Maria asked, curious to know why this person seemed to attract Carol.

"Nothing much. It's just that she has been through a lot for her age, kinda like-"

"Like you," Maria interrupted, "Yeah, that's what I thought when I saw her file. And she is cute."

Carol looked at her best friend with wide eyes, "Please, not you too."

"I ain't saying anything, just stating facts."

Carol scoffed as she shook her head, "Sure, facts."

"Don't even try to convince me that you don't think she's good looking."

Annoyed by this conversation, Carol thought it was better to give in, "She is, yes. Happy now!" she said loudly as she walked to the kitchen to put her cup in the dish washer, hoping Maria would drop the subject, but of course she didn't, "You know, finding someone attractive is the first step to romance, maybe you will finally allow yourself to find the love with this woman."

"I can't believe we are having this conversation," Carol began as she went back to the living room, "You realise you are skipping a lot of steps, you are talking about a relationship when I didn't even meet this woman. And you know my agenda always come in the way of that at some point, it's pointless to even try."

Maria laughed out loud at Carol and it took all her willpower not to just go out in the garden and fly away, "You never even tried to make it work, Carol. And yes, I'm skipping steps but that's because you are like that, you get attached to people way faster than the norm."

"I'm aware of that, thank you very much. Now can we not talk about it any more?" It was a rhetorical question but Maria still nodded in agreement, yet she was not finished talking about this red haired woman Carol was going to team up with, "I swear that if you and this Natasha woman ever end up in a relationship, I will make your life a living hell. For at least a week you'd be at my service, it's not debatable!"

"Deal!" Carol replied in a second before slouching onto the couch.

She sat there, still in her combat suit and stared at the ceiling for some time, thinking about details she read in her soon-to-be team's files, mostly details about one Russian born spy, before her attention went back to her best friend, "Can we go see Monica soon?" she asked with a soft tone, a big change from the earlier conversation, "I sent her a text, she is coming for lunch."

"Great," Carol replied before sitting up, she leaned on her elbows and opened Steve Rogers' file. Since she apparently didn't have a choice about leading this team or not, she might as well do it correctly, for the greater good of the Earth and the success of Fury's _Avenger Initiative_.


	2. First mission

As much as it annoyed her, Carol did what she was asked and studied the files of her team. Three of them stand out from the others, Stark's, Rogers's and Natasha's.

Tony Stark, apart from being publicly a superhero but also an ex asshole who sold weapons to terrorists, had had a difficult childhood, to what Carol could relate.

Growing up as a girl in the sixties and a young woman in the seventies had been quite hard for Carol. Her father wasn't the definition of a good father, he was mentally abusive towards Carol's brothers and was even worse with her. Hopefully, Carol was a resourceful young person and found her way without the help of her parents, joined the air force and became one of the best pilots of her base before all her life changed with the Kree abducting her.

She also identified herself a little in the way agent Romanoff described Tony Stark, volatile, arrogant, full of himself, because she was taught to be like that by the Kree, even if it wasn't in her very nature, it managed to get under her skin and stuck in her DNA. However, she was capable to admit when she was wrong, which rarely happened, unlike him who reportedly couldn't. This could be Tony's worst flaw for the team, and Carol for sure would have to deal with it at some point but it didn't scare her, she dealt with worse than Stark's ego in her life.

It was hard for Carol to admit it, but Steve Rogers's file had been interesting to read. The thing about Captain America, not that much, he wasn't even a real Captain, but the rest of his life, when he was just a boy from Brooklyn, that was great to read.

What Carol noted was his friendship with a guy named James Barnes, who died on a mission with Rogers when he was Captain America. That's something Carol could see herself doing, follow her best friend everywhere and sacrifice herself for them to succeed.

The last file was so big it barely went in the fold, Carol even thought that some parts of Thor's file – which was the smallest, surely because of the lack of information S.H.I.E.L.D had about the God of thunder – had been put in Natasha's.

But no, all of it was hers, all those reports of missions, assassinations, and more were her doing. She was still so young, Carol thought, not even thirty years old but she had lived so much already, almost too much, just like her.

It horrified Carol to read all the stuff Natasha went through when she was young and she even wonder how the red haired spy could still live a decent life after all of it. Maybe she wasn't living a decent life, that was more likely. Natasha surely was holding back her emotions all the time and had nightmares every time she tried to sleep. It wasn't in the file but Carol could assume it was true, and she would find out one day, when Fury would finally call her to meet the team.

What Carol didn't expect was that she would spend six months at Maria's house with absolutely zero news from Nick. She tried to contact him, and so did Maria, but he never answered the calls. Carol even thought about going back to space, there had to be a planet that needed her but it didn't feel right to leave like that, to give up on Earth and the responsibilities Fury gave to Carol.

So she stayed, and to occupy herself she read the files, a lot, until she could recite them all by heart, even the novel that was Natasha's. She had read it so many times, but it was always the file she would go back to, and every time it hurt to imagine Natasha going through all that.

Only after eight months, Carol got news from Fury and S.H.I.E.L.D, in a none expected way.

She got awakened in the middle of the night by the sound of an engine. It wasn't a helicopter nor a plane, it couldn't land in Maria's garden anyway. She walked out of the house, closely followed by Maria, and saw Phil Coulson approaching, stepping out of a Quinjet.

Carol hadn't seen him in years but he barely changed, apart from the fact that he was not a rookie anymore, "We have a situation, you are needed immediately," he said, not even saying hello.

Carol blinked, she thought she would have an opportunity to meet her team before have to go fight with them, "Let me get my suit and I'll-"

"We have a new one for you, there's no time to waste."

Not asking more question, Carol said a quick goodbye to Maria before following Coulson, "Eh, Carol!" Maria shouted so her best friend could hear her despite the sound of the engine, "don't forget what I said about that agent!" Carol rolled her eyes as she waved at her one last time before the pilot closed the door of the quinjet.

Inside, Carol quickly found where she was supposed to sit, "Director Fury asked that you have the files, in case you needed a last minute re-read. For now we just have Bruce Banner and Agent Romanoff, Tony Stark is on his way."

"What about Barton?" Carol asked, knowing he was an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D as well and so should be with Natasha, "He has been compromised."

"What does that mean?" Carol's tone highlighted perfectly how she felt, she hated secrets and that was what Coulson was keeping, which tremendously irritated her, "If you don't tell me the whole story I can't do my job correctly so tell me."

He showed her everything S.H.I.E.L.D had on a holographic screen. Loki, who Carol knew for being the God of mischiefs and the brother of a member of the team, Thor, had stolen the Tesseract, object that indirectly gave Carol her powers. What he wanted to do with it was still unknown but he also corrupted a few agents, including Clint Barton, with a magical sceptre before leaving.

They didn't know more yet, Loki's intentions with the Tesseract were a mystery and the only thing S.H.I.E.L.D could do right now was to try and find it.

Carol dived back into Steve Rogers's file, knowing that he encountered the Tesseract in his life, maybe she could find something that would explain for what Loki stole it.

Seeing her reading Captain America's file, Coulson couldn't stop himself from asking, "Were you a fan?" Carol looked up at him, eyebrows furrowed, not understanding the question, "Captain America, when you were young, were you a fan of him?"

Carol shook her head as she covered it with her hand, Coulson was a man, there was no doubt, "I wouldn't have thought you were a fan yourself when we met," Carol teased, reminding both of them of the time Carol – who was still named Vers at the time – ran into young Phil Coulson, his gun pointed at her, in the facilities of Pegasus, "and to answer you, no I wasn't, but my brother Steve liked him and the fact that they share a name was one of the most annoying thing in my childhood."

"Well, Captain America's really name is actually Steven but everybody called him Steve."

"Oh Lord, you are worse than he ever was," Carol said, clapping her hands in amusement, "I have trading cards as well, I'm not kidding about this!" Phil replied, showing Carol the said-cards.

Carol looked at the set of cards, doing her best not to laugh as she saw how serious Coulson was about it, it wouldn't be nice of her to mock him, to each their own passion. She gave the cards back to their owner and took the files, Natasha's being the one that she mindlessly started reading.

"Director Fury gave you her whole file? You are probably the only one who read it."

Carol eventually got her nose out of the file and looked at Coulson, realising what he said and it intrigued her, "Why?" she asked, and Coulson glanced at the papers in her hands, "I guess you and Director Fury are the only ones to know."

Carol nodded as her eyes fell on the picture of Natasha once again, still wondering how the red haired spy survived all the things listed in the file. She tried, but for the rest of the flight Carol couldn't get her gaze to look away, she kept reading this file that she had already read dozens, maybe a hundred time and each words made her more impatient to meet this Natasha Romanoff.

What Carol didn't expect was that Natasha would be there, welcoming her when she and Coulson stepped out of the quinjet, "Agent Romanoff, Captain Danvers," he said to introduce the two women of the team, "You are needed on the bridge, they are starting the face-trace," Natasha told Coulson before getting her attention to Carol, "Hi."

Carol lost herself in the other woman's features for a few seconds. From her jawline to eyes, lips to her hair, she was what Carol defined as perfect.

She cleared her throat as she realised she was staring, "Nice to meet you," she finally replied, noticing that Natasha wasn't looking at her anymore, but behind her, "They gave you some reading," the redhead started as they walked away from the quinjet, towards the edge of what Carol knew was a helicarrier.

"Nick told me I'd lead a team, I gotta be informed."

Natasha scoffed discreetly, "Yeah, some of the people he wants to be in that team have quite some life experience," she stated, and Carol knew that Natasha was talking about herself.

Carol didn't reply to this, her attention getting drawn by someone she had seen before, but only in a picture, "Dr. Banner!" she exclaimed and the man, at first confused and lost, saw the two women and walked toward them, "Captain Danvers, right?"

"Yeah," Carol replied as she shook his hand, "I heard you could find the Tesseract."

"Is that the only thing you heard about me?" he asked, referring about his ability to turn into a destructive giant impossible to be controlled.

"It's the only thing that matters right now," Carol assured, if it was possible to avoid this option of unleashing the Hulk, as his second personality was called, they would for sure do it.

"Right, um…" he stuttered, his eyes wandering around, "must be familiar for you all this," he added, waving at the planes, "are you allowed to fly one of these."

Carol chuckled, "Not sure I still have the skills to fly them, but I don't think I need that to fly, right agent Romanoff?" she turned and saw Natasha stepping closer, her hand still on her earpiece, "Captain Danvers is right, you might want to step inside in a minute. It's going to get a little hard to breathe."

Carol gazed at Natasha and smirked, understanding what she meant and suddenly, noises for engines starting came out of each side of the platform. Dr. Banner looked around and walked to the edge of the desk, followed by Carol who smiled as she saw the turbine turning, creating a whirlpool in the water, "Are we gonna fly with this?" Bruce asked and Carol couldn't hold a laughter, "Yep! This is a helicarrier."

"Not sure it's a good plan to have me in a flying pressurised metal container."

Wordlessly, both Carol and Bruce turned around and followed Natasha leading them to the bridge of the helicarrier. The blonde woman couldn't stop herself from looking around, at first at the rooms that they didn't entered, the people they passed and eventually her eyes fell on Natasha and she analysed her gait.

She seemed confident, sure of herself, and that was something Carol liked in a team mate. Having someone who doubt their skills and capacities was a weakness for a team of people supposed to protect an entire country or even the whole planet. The detail about Natasha living after the hell she went through in her childhood and early days of adulthood still bothered Carol, even after meeting her but now was not the time to chat about it, maybe she would be close enough to the redhead – if it was possible to get close to her – to ask her about her past but Carol knew that asking now would be overstepping.

They entered the bridge and Carol eyes widened as she saw all those people working together, controlling if the helicarrier was flying correctly. She quickly got her sight off the agents as she saw her friend Nick Fury in the middle of the room being the conductor of all this, "We are at level, sir," one of the agent told him and, without taking his eyes off the cloudy horizon, he ordered to make the helicarrier vanish.

"Engage retro-reflection panel," the same agent said and finally Nick looked away and saw Carol.

When their eyes met, they both smiled widely, as if the last time they saw each other Carol didn't left angry, "Good to see you Nick," the blonde said as they greeted each other with a quick but tight hug, "good to see you too. So, you met Dr. Banner and Agent Romanoff."

Carol nodded as she looked at Natasha, "I did, great to finally see them in person."

After that Carol didn't really listen to Fury who went talking to Bruce to welcome him and looked at the agents working on their computers, searching for the Tesseract. Coulson said that S.H.I.E.L.D had control of everything that could record a video in the world to look for it, which meant cell phones and laptops. But even with all this they hadn't find the Tesseract and it concerned Agent Romanoff, "That's still not gonna find them in time," she stated, not only talking about the Tesseract but also Loki and Clint Barton, about whom she seemed to worry a lot.

Natasha was looking at the screen of the agent in charge of the search for Agent Barton and from what Carol could see from where she was, he was nowhere to be found. Carol stared at the redhead until Fury asked the latter to lead Bruce Banner to his laboratory.

Meanwhile, Carol stayed on the bridge, her eyes finding Natasha as she walked away and then looked all around the room at all the screens. Everyone was still looking for Loki or any of the people he corrupted with his sceptre but found nothing. Carol was starting to get bored and wanted to explore more of the helicarrier but, just when she was about to leave, Coulson arrived and started talking to her.

It was always nice to chat with him about the old days, even though they shouldn't be talking about that in case someone heard them, Carol's identity as Captain Marvel had to remain a secret. But when he began to talk about Steve Rogers again Carol wished she could be herself completely and just fly out of the helicarrier.

Carol listened to him for more than an hour until an agent called them, saying they had a match for Loki's face.

"Seventy-nine percent match," the agent said, showing to Carol and Coulson where Loki had been located, "he is in Stuttgart, Germany."

Carol turned around and looked at Fury, his gaze meeting hers instantly. He didn't really need to say what she was supposed to do, she already knew it, "Captain, you're up."

Carol nodded and followed Coulson to the quinjet they would take to go there, "Your suit is in here, the pilot and agent Romanoff are on their way, good luck back there."

She gave him a smile before entering the quinjet and looking for her suit. She took a look at this new suit, it had the same colours as the one she left at Maria's but was less damaged – because she hadn't spent seventeen years in it fighting aliens – and seemed lighter. Putting it on confirmed it. It felt so weird to get in it after months dressing in civilian clothes but it was like she was stronger in it. There was a tiny S.H.I.E.L.D logo on the left shoulder, just to reinforce the idea that she had been working for them all this time when really she did what she wanted, when she wanted. The suit probably had more things hidden in it, an AI perhaps, but now was not the time to search for those things.

Just when she was done putting the suit on, the pilot arrived and started the engines. He talked to his control tower, asking when he could take off and Natasha Romanoff entered just when the doors started to close, "You guys were leaving without me?" she said with a smirk as she walked to the co-pilot seat and buckled up.

"How fast can we get there?" Carol wondered, she didn't know where they were at all apart from somewhere in the sky above an ocean. She thought she could just get out of the plane and fly there, but Natasha seemed to be pretty confident that they would be in Germany before Loki would leave, "Fast," she simply replied and the quinjet took off.

And that wasn't a lie. Within twenty minutes, they had arrived in the German territory and were soon where Loki was. The pilot landed and Carol stepped out of the quinjet, "You sure you can fight him?" Natasha asked and Carol couldn't blame her for doing so, she didn't know a thing about her, "Don't worry about me," she assured and ran towards the last known location of the God of mischiefs.

Arriving to the square in front of the building Loki had last been seen in, Carol saw hundreds of people kneeling and only two people on their feet, one being the person the blonde Captain is looking for.

"There are always man like you," the old man confronting Loki said with pride, not threatened at all by the sceptre pointed at him.

Carol was too far to just push Loki to stop him from shooting this man, her only option was to blast him. She didn't hesitate and raised her fist in Loki's direction, photons escaping it and hit him before he could kill this man, "so much for not showing your powers, Danvers," Carol muttered to herself as she approached Loki, who's kneeling just like all the other people around him, his hand on his stomach. Some people started to get back on their feet and ran away from the two super-humans.

"It doesn't work like this here. It's not one man above everybody else," Carol stated as she got closer, "a woman, why not? But a man definitely not," she added with a shrug as Loki stood up, looking confused, "Excuse me, who do you think you are to talk to me like that?"

"Someone who doesn't like when a stranger threaten their planet," Carol replied aggressively, her fists clenched.

Suddenly, the voice of Natasha came from the loudspeaker of the quinjet, "Loki, drop the weapon and stand down," she ordered but of course Loki wasn't going to give up so easily.

With his sceptre, he fired a blast of unknown power that the pilot of the quinjet dodged. Before he could take another shot, Carol ran towards him and punched him with all the strength her human form could give her. She saw it in his eyes when he looked back at her, Loki was surprised that a human could be that strong. Loki tried to hit her with his sceptre and Carol sidestepped his first two attempts but got hit in the head by the third.

The potency of the hit threw her away but she quickly got up and walked closer to him to keep the fight going. Loki tried to attack Carol's legs with his sceptre but she easily dodged it, she jumped and rotated in the air, kicking Loki in the head. He stayed up on his feet and punched Carol, his motion so fast that she didn't see it until it hit her face.

On her knees and hands, Carol looked up just when Loki threatened her with his sceptre, "Kneel," he groaned and the blonde replied by pushing the weapon away before punching Loki in the knee. Barely steady on her feet, Loki grabbed the collar of her suit and threw her on the ground.

Before she could stand up, loud music coming from the quinjet distracted them both, and then Loki got shot by beams that knocked him on the ground, making him whimper of pain as his back hit stairs.

On Carol's left was standing Tony Stark in his Iron Man armour, all the weapons his suit could contain pointed at Loki, ready to shoot him, "Make your move, Reindeer Games," he said as Carol walked to his side.

Loki's armour faded away as he raised his hands in the air to surrender and Tony lowered his weapons, "Good move."

Catching her breath, Carol glanced at Tony, "Mr. Stark."

He barely looked at her and replied, "Captain."


	3. Meeting the team

After the quinjet landed on the square, Tony and Natasha took care of Loki, handcuffing him to be sure he wouldn't escape, even though he surely had more tricks up his sleeve and didn't need his hands for those.

Natasha went to check on Carol before going back to her co-pilot seat as the quinjet took off, "You okay Captain?" she asked, her eyes studying the blonde's body.

"You can call me Carol," the blonde replied with a chuckle, "and I'm fine, hadn't fight like that in a while," by _that_ , she meant in a non-full-binary form, with all the strength that her power gave her.

Natasha smiled? Kind of. It was brief and Carol barely saw it but Natasha did, "Good," she mumbled, looking down at the floor with her arms crossed. She stood there a few more seconds and, after a quick glance at Carol's hazelnut eyes, walked to her seat. Carol slowly followed her and observed her as she put on headphones, probably to communicate with Fury, as well as the pilot. The Captain stared at this mysterious woman a little more, almost certain that she knew she was being watched until Tony Stark joined her.

"You are strong for a woman," he said, and without even a glimpse at him she could tell he was smirking, "Women can be strong, you know," she replied, thinking she was being smart but then he took a step closer and murmured, "You were born in 1960, you are ten years older than me yet you look twenty years younger, what's your secret?"

"How do you-" she interjected loudly, her eyes widening, "I did some research, so, mind explaining?"

Carol shook her head, she didn't want to tell him particularly, and Fury would kill her if she did. One day maybe, if it was really necessary, she might have to tell the team her story and show her true self, but for now it wasn't necessary and something was bothering her, "We have more important things to discuss, like why did he surrender so easily."

"Apparently you're so strong that he gave up," Tony said with an ironic undertone.

Carol wanted to groan at his stupidity but she kept it in her and simply rolled her eyes, "He could have beaten the shit out of," that wasn't true, even in her human form she could resist for long against Loki but she had to continue to act like she was just human, "he has some mean right hooks."

Carol looked back at Loki as Tony talked, "So do you, right?" she glanced at him, feeling the subject of her strength coming back, "What's your thing, Pilates?"

Carol rolled her eyes again, they had important matter to deal with and Tony Stark was just being Tony Stark, and there Carol understood why Natasha described him as she did in her report for S.H.I.E.L.D.

"I totally get now why Fury wants you only as a consultant," Carol provoked, knowing that with a guy like Stark she could only win by playing his game, "Yet, I arrived and saved the day!" she wasn't going to win this one.

Suddenly, thunder started rumbling in the air surrounding the quinjet, "Where's this coming from?" Natasha wondered out loud. Everybody looked outside through the nearest window, and, as Carol's sight fell on Loki again, she saw that he was oddly worried of the changing weather, "Don't like the lightning?" she asked him, kind of making fun of him, "I'm not overly fond of what follows."

Carol and Tony just had the time to share a confused gaze before something – or someone – landed on the roof of the quinjet with a big thump. Everybody inside looked up, trying to understand what was happening. Before Carol could react, Tony, with his Iron Man helmet back on his head, opened the rear hatch, "What are you doing?" she asked, although she knew she wouldn't get an answer.

When totally opened, the person, who Carol recognised to be Thor himself, landed on the hatch and, after hitting Iron Man with his hammer, grabbed Loki by the collar and flew them both out his the quinjet.

Tony got projected onto Carol and they both fell on the floor, grunting, unable to stop Thor. Iron Man got up with a robotic groan, "And now there's that guy," he said, walking to the edge of the hatch.

"Another Asgardian?" Agent Romanoff demanded as Carol stood back on her feet.

"He's supposed to be friendly," Carol clarified.

Tony turned back, "It doesn't matter. If he frees Loki or kills him, the Tesseract's lost."

He flew out of the quinjet before Carol could stop him.

She had to admit that what Stark said was a good point, the mission was to get the Tesseract back and without Loki it was almost impossible. S.H.I.E.L.D could still located Clint Barton or one of the other people under Loki's spell, but if this didn't work and Loki disappeared, they would fail.

Without second thoughts, Carol took a bag with a parachute and put it on her back. She would have flown out of the jet just like Tony if she was allowed to, but she had to act like flying wasn't her main way to travel.

"I'd sit this one out, Cap," Natasha shouted from the cockpit, "I have to do this, Agent Romanoff," Carol told her, almost ready to jump.

"These guys come from legend. They're basically gods."

Carol laughed internally before looking back at Natasha with a smirk, "I'm better than gods," she stated and jumped off of the quinjet.

In the air with no one to see her, Carol figured she could just turn into her binary form and fly but the people in the quinjet probably still had eyes on her, it wasn't safe to try. It's not like she wasn't experienced in skydiving, as an air force pilot she had learnt how to eject from a plane losing altitude and had had a lot of parachute lessons. The Captain still lacked informations about her surroundings and needed to be careful thus she opened her parachute early and analysed the environment, trying to catch sight of either Iron Man or the Asgardians.

When Carol finally found two out of three of them, Tony and Thor, they are fighting. She landed as close of them as possible and ran towards their location. At that moment, she didn't know a good way to stop them from fighting and her reflex was to shoot them both with photon blasts, "Hey!" she shouted after her hands were back to their normal aspect, not all shining, "What the hell are you both doing?"

"What was that?" Tony asked, pointing at Carol, talking about her energy blast. She ignored him and turned her face to Thor, awaiting an answer from him, "I've come here to put an end to Loki's schemes!" Thor replied with a loud angry tone, and Carol could hear in it that he was genuine in his words.

"Prove it then and stop fighting us, we want the same thing. Put the hammer down."

Tony barely had the time to say a word before Thor took his best swing in his head, throwing him metres away, "You want me to put the hammer down?" the God of thunder yelled before jumping towards Carol.

His motion was so fast that the only thing she thought about doing was to raise her arm and hope she was strong enough in her human form to block him, and she was. Carol lied on the ground, the hammer extraordinarily close to her face, her arm flexed and her hand gripped at the handle. She looked at Thor's face behind the hammer, he seemed surprised, but Carol didn't know why. She used his confusion to take the advantage in the fight, she pushed the hammer away and then punched him as hard as she could in the face. He rolled on the ground, groaning loudly and got up with difficulty.

Both Carol and Tony stood up as well and, when they saw Thor wasn't aggressive anymore, lowered their guards, "Are we done here?" Carol asked and received a nod from both men as a reply. Then, they all looked at where Loki was and, without a word, Thor went to get him while Tony called the quinjet through the communicator of his suit. A dozen of minutes later, the quinjet landed, they got on board and the pilot took off.

The flight back to the helicarrier was mostly quiet, only Natasha and Carol had a quick chat. The redhead wondered, rightly so, how Carol managed to stop the fight between a god and an armour up superhero. Carol was evasive, her answer everything but clear, she had to lie. It wasn't really lying, she was just keeping informations to herself, lying by omission was the right term. To her surprise, Natasha didn't try to get more out of the blonde, she nodded and congratulated her, in her away, for succeeding in her mission.

Back on the helicarrier, Loki was taken care of by at least fifteen agents, heavily armed and led him to a cell.

Carol, Thor and Natasha went back to the bridge, joining Bruce Banner and Nick's second, Agent Maria Hill, to watch Fury interrogating Loki. Natasha offered her service, she was, as Carol recalled from her file, a very skilled interrogator and could for sure get a lot informations out of Loki but the director of S.H.I.E.L.D wanted to go first.

The god of mischief probably realised immediately, as he entered the cage that was his holding cell, that it was not meant for him, and when Nick showed him what would happen if he tried to escape, Loki let them all know that he was ahead of them, that he knew things, "Built for something a lot stronger than you," Fury told him.

"Oh, I've heard," Loki replied and looked straight into the camera, knowing that on the other side was the person they were talking about, Bruce, or rather the Hulk, "A mindless beast," he added, and there, Carol noticed something.

It was almost imperceptible, but Carol saw it in Natasha's eyes, when Loki said these words, she took it for herself first. Her green eyes disappeared as she blinked for a second and then she must have realised he was talking about Bruce and looked at him with compassionate gaze.

From what Carol knew of Natasha, basically her whole life, she understood why she reacted like that, but it hurt her that the redhead could think so little of herself. It sadly confirmed the Captain's doubts, Natasha wasn't living a happy life, she was most certainly hunted by her past and living one day at the time, struggling to forgive herself for what she did and trying to correct that. Natasha was living behind a facade that was her job as a normal agent of S.H.I.E.L.D but deep down inside her, she was hurting everyday, pushing the guilt and all these horrible feelings down in order to survive in this dreadful world that broke her, made her who she was now, a fully made-up woman who got her free will only a few years ago.

Fury didn't real interrogate Loki in the end, he just showed him that he was in control, even though it wasn't true. S.H.I.E.L.D still had no idea what Loki's intentions were, whether it was for the Tesseract or for what he was doing with those agents, and them, well, they were nowhere to be found.

The screens on which they were watching and hearing the interrogation turned off when Fury left, "He really grows on you, doesn't he?" Bruce said jokingly, probably trying to distract himself as much as the rest of the team after what Loki said about him.

"So, Thor, what's his play?" Carol asked, even though the god of thunder had, in all likelihood, no idea about that.

She was wrong, Thor came to Earth with intel, "He has an army called the Chitauri. They're not of Asgard, nor any world known. He means to lead them against your people, they will win him the Earth, in return, I suspect, for the Tesseract."

Carol had heard of the Chitauri, it wasn't an army that difficult to beat, with her powers she could handle it on her own, but since she was supposed to be a normal person, she couldn't, and acted like she didn't know this army, "An army, from outer space," she hoped she sounded genuinely worried, and the look Agent Romanoff gave her seemed to be a good sign.

"So, he's building another portal. That's what he needs Erik Selvig for," Bruce concluded.

Selvig was an astrophysicist, well known in the science community, and he had encountered Thor in the past. He was one of the person Loki had taken with him, "he had him under some kind of spell," Natasha explained, "along with one of ours," she added, talking about a fellow agent and friend, Clint Barton.

Carol saw on Natasha's face, she worried about him. He made the call not to kill her after all, when he was sent to do so, he recruited her, she was still alive thanks to him and was very grateful for that.

It was time for Carol to take her role, to lead the team, and she let them know what was on her mind, "I want to know why he let us take him. He can't lead his army from here."

Bruce disagreed, "I don't think we should be focusing on Loki. This guy's brain is a bag full of cats, you could smell crazy on him."

Carol wanted to laugh, Bruce was quite right but it wasn't Thor's view, "Have care how you speak," he threatened, "Loki is beyond reason but he is of Asgard, and he is my brother."

"He killed eighty people in two days," Natasha said with a neutral tone.

"He is adopted," Thor clarified and Carol scoffed, as if it changed anything. Natasha looked at Carol and seemed amused somehow, maybe they were both thinking the same. Carol smiled at Natasha and the latter smirked back at her, this was probably the best reaction she could get from the redhead since she barely knew her, or maybe ever.

"I think it's about the mechanics," Bruce said, getting back to the topic that mattered, the Tesseract and Erik Selvig's role in all this, "Iridium… What do they need the iridium for?" he wondered even though no one around the table could answer him.

"It's a stabilizing agent," said Tony Stark as he entered the bridge with Agent Coulson, "it means the portal won't collapse on itself like it did at S.H.I.E.L.D," he talked about the events that happened before Carol was called, how Loki arrived on Earth via a portal created by Selvig and his team manipulating the Tesseract.

Tony couldn't help himself to be serious and teased Thor, as if he won their fight, before continuing, "Also, it means the portal can open as wide and stay open as long as Loki wants."

He walked at Fury's control panels and acted as the boss, because this man is actually still a child sometimes, or so Carol read in his file, "How does Fury even see these?" he asked as he cover his left eye, "he turns," Agent Hill replied dryly. She, like the rest of the team, knew that now wasn't the time to make jokes.

"Sounds exhausting," he grumbled before using the tablets in front of him, "The rest of the raw materials, Agent Barton can get his hands on pretty easily," at this other mention of Clint, Carol glanced at Natasha and saw it again, worry, but she looked away before the redhead would notice, "The only major component he still needs is a power source of high-energy density, something to kick-start the Cube," Tony finished with a snap of his fingers.

He probably thought he was being discreet but Carol caught him when he put something on Fury's computers, a bug she assumed. She could expose him for that but she, herself, also had some concerns about what S.H.I.E.L.D was doing with the Tesseract in the first place and she could feel that Nick didn't tell her the whole truth.

"When did you become an expert in thermonuclear astrophysics?" Maria Hill asked him, "Last night," he replied with an arrogant undertone, "The packet, Selvig's notes, the extraction theory papers? Am I the only one who did the reading?" since Carol didn't know a thing about what Tony said she guessed that the answer was yes.

"Does Loki need a particular kind of power source?" Carol demanded, doing her best to lead her team to figure out Loki's plan, "He would have to heat the Cube to a hundred twenty million Kelvin just to break through the Coulomb barrier," Bruce said, and even though Carol had no knowledge in the matter this sounded hard to achieve.

But not that hard in Tony's opinion, "Unless Selvig has figured out how to stabilize the quantum tunnelling effect."

"Well, if he could do that, he could achieve ion fusion at any reactor on the planet," Bruce Banner retorted and there Carol knew the rest of this conversation wouldn't be for her, "Finally, someone who speaks English!" Tony exclaimed and Carol, well, she got lost staring at the enigma that was the other woman of her team, Natasha.

It's not polite of her to stare, Carol knew it, but damn how this redhead was even more beautiful in real life. She tried to think but didn't remember being so much physically attracted to someone, maybe she finally found her type, badass, red haired, green eyed, former assassin turned spy. Weird type but it was quite it, because Carol also empathised with the suffering she endured in her life. She cursed herself in her head for having filthy thoughts, Maria was right, once again, Carol was skipping steps, a _lot_ of steps.

Natasha wasn't paying attention to Tony and Bruce chatter anymore as well, and they weren't the only ones, Carol could tell Thor's mind was somewhere else and the agents around were surely as lost as Carol.

Before she realised it, Natasha was matching her gaze and smirked. Carol could have looked away, a part of her wanted to, but the another couldn't do it. She was mesmerised by her eyes, that were like emeralds she noticed, and the way she stared back with playfulness in her gaze, that wasn't something that made you look away. With her chin pressed on her palm, Carol softly smiled at Natasha, again, but Nick stepping in the bridge brought her back to reality.

The whole table turned to look at him, "Dr. Banner is only here to track the Cube," he said, which made Carol wonder what they were talking about while she was in a staring contest with Natasha, "I was hoping you might join him."

"What about the Sceptre?" Carol asked, "Do we know anything about it?"

"It is powered by the Cube. And I would like to know how Loki used it to turn two of the sharpest men I know into his personal flying monkeys."

Carol laughed briefly before seeing that Thor was completely lost, "Monkeys? I do not understand," no one could blame him for that since he wasn't from Earth. Whether Nick referred to the psychological term or the Wizard of Oz reference he couldn't have heard of it.

They exchanged gazes, trying to figure out if they should explain him and just forgot it in the end, Tony and Bruce leaving the bridge to go to the lab in order to combine their knowledges to find the Tesseract.

Fury and Coulson went to their own business, leaving Carol with Thor, Natasha and Maria Hill.

If Carol wasn't just a civilian here, she would have gone talk to Thor, asking him about how space is doing, introducing herself as Captain Marvel, maybe he heard of her. Another of her options was to go see Natasha. Her interest for this woman got bigger since she met her in person and grew beyond expectations after this first meeting with – almost – the whole team. Natasha Romanoff was a mystery that Carol was willing to discover, as hard and long of a process as it could be.

Standing up to start befriending the redhead, someone had other plans for Carol and tapped her shoulder, "Captain, a word?" demanded Agent Hill. They took a few steps to get away from the two remaining people around them, Natasha leaving as they did, and Maria handed her an electronic device, "Director Fury asked me to give you this, since the communicator on your suit isn't functional yet. You'll have Agent Romanoff and Coulson, Director Fury, Mr. Stark as well as myself on the frequency when you'll turn it on."

Carol took the earpiece, put it on and asked, "How do I turn it on?"

"Put your finger on it, one click activates it, keep pressure on it if you want to talk. You also have a private frequency with Director Fury if you click twice, no push-to-talk needed on this one."

"Thank you," Carol said with a grateful look and, after a nod, went to leave the bridge.

"Captain!" Agent Hill exclaimed and Carol turned around, "I wouldn't turn it on now, it's quite a mess."

Carol's lips let appear an amused smile, "Understood."

Mindlessly walking around the helicarrier, Carol's feet brought her to the lab, where Dr. Banner and Tony Stark were working to find the Tesseract. As she entered, she saw Tony stinging Bruce with something that sent a small electric discharge and heard the latter making a small noise of pain, "Don't take it badly Doctor," she began as she walked towards them, her gaze going from Bruce to Tony, "but idiocies like that could create something you wouldn't be able to control, Mr. Stark."

"None taken," replied Bruce while Tony ignored what Carol told him, "plus I wouldn't have come aboard if I couldn't handle pointy things," he added as he glared at Tony.

Carol gave him a nod, "Is everything a joke to you?" she asked Stark, "Funny things are," he said and she shook her head.

Her hands on her hips, Carol bit her bottom lip, trying to find the best way to address him, "You need to focus on your job, Mr. Stark. We still have no idea where the Tesseract is."

"Do you think I'm not?" he rhetorically asked, "Why did Fury call us in? Why now? Why not before? What isn't he telling us? I can't do the equation unless I have all the variables."

It was not what Carol was talking about but it comforted her that she wasn't the only one thinking that there was more behind why S.H.I.E.L.D had the Tesseract. She was also relieved that Tony Stark shared his concerns with her, even though their first interaction wasn't what one can call friendly.

"You think Fury is hiding something?" she asked, forcing herself to call him by his last name. Over the years they had grown to be close friends and she was one of the only who called him Nick.

"He's a spy. Captain, he's _the_ spy, his secrets have secrets," he said before taking a mouthful of blueberries, "It's bugging him, too. Isn't it?"

Bruce looked at him hesitantly, which kind of confirmed that something was bothering him too about this mission, "Uh… I just want to finish my work here, and… "

"Doctor?" asked Carol, she needed to hear it, that something was wrong. His eyes wandered around as he thought, taking his glasses off, "A warm light for all mankind," he quoted from the god of mischiefs, "Loki's jab at Fury about the Cube."

"I heard it."

"Well, I think it was meant for you," Bruce added, pointing at Tony, who offered him blueberries, "Even if Barton didn't tell Loki about the tower, it was still all over the news."

"The Stark tower?" Carol asked, although it was the only building she saw on the news recently, it could only be it, "It's powered by an arc reactor," Bruce said, "a self-sustaining energy source. That building will run itself for, what, a year?"

"It's just a prototype," Tony replied before looking at Carol, "I'm kind of the only name in clean energy right now. That's what he's getting at," he bragged.

"So, why didn't S.H.I.E.L.D bring him in on the Tesseract project? What are they doing in the energy business in the first place?" Bruce concluded.

These were interesting questions and Carol wanted their answers but, before that, finding the Tesseract was still the priority.

"I should probably look into that once my decryption program finishes breaking into all of S.H.I.E.L.D's secured files," Tony confirmed Carol's doubt without knowing it. She knew she saw him placing something on Fury's computers. But then, she thought of something, her file was in the S.H.I.E.L.D's secured files, and she couldn't get exposed like that, not now. She was lying to her team, though she wasn't sure her team mates themselves knew they were a team, but she should be the one to tell them the truth, not Tony.

As much as Carol wanted to find out what was the whole truth around the Tesseract, she couldn't let Tony do what he wanted, "You did what?"

"Jarvis," an artificial intelligence of Tony's creation, "has been running it since I hit the bridge. In a few hours I'll know every dirty secret S.H.I.E.L.D has ever tried to hide."

He offered Carol blueberries but she was not in a mood for jokes anymore, "And you wonder why Fury didn't want you around, huh?" she chuckled.

"An intelligence organisation that fears intelligence," he said, patting himself in the back for being smart, "Historically, not awesome."

"I think Loki is playing with us. This is a man who means to start a war and if we don't stay focus, he'll succeed," Carol glanced at Bruce, trying to get his support but he didn't say anything, "We have orders. We should follow them."

"Following is not really my style," Tony groaned.

Carol lifted her head a little, just to match his haughty gaze, "And style matters more than everybody's safety, doesn't it?"

Tony looked Carol up and down quickly, "Of the people in this room, which one is, A, wearing a spangly outfit, and B, not of use?"

It took Carol all her willpower not to jump him, and it was only because Bruce was here that she didn't do it, she wouldn't make a mess of Tony Stark in front of a nice man, "Carol," Bruce said, and after one last glare, she looked away, "tell me none of this smells a little funky to you."

She looked back at Tony and glanced away again. Yes, all this was weird, Fury didn't tell the whole truth, but of all the people on this helicarrier, Tony and Bruce were their best chances at finding the _Cube_ , "Just find the Tesseract," she said before leaving the lab with a roll of her eyes.

She walked down the halls, not sure where to go, as she thought about all this. What could Fury and S.H.I.E.L.D be up to with the Tesseract? What was the point of exploring its possibilities when the little Nick knew was terrifying? Carol needed answers and the sooner the better. She didn't want to wait until Stark's program was done therefore she was going to do her own researches.

She took the closest stairs to go to the inferior floors, looking for the storage, where things could be easily hidden. The first few doors weren't locked and there were stored regular weapons, guns, riffles and armours that S.H.I.E.L.D used on a daily basis. After a few more minutes, Carol found a reinforced door, this one being the only that was locked. Even if it was heavy, it was nothing Carol couldn't handle with her strength. She could also just photon blast through it but this would make obvious that she was the one breaking in.

Carol groaned as she struggled to open the door, the metal it was made of lightly breaking under her hands until she finally broke the bolt and it became easier to push it open.

This room was way bigger than all the others she inspected and the noises Carol heard from afar told her it was guarded by agents.

Thinking she might needed back up in case she get caught, Carol turned on her earpiece. Maria was right, it was a mess, apparently not all agent on the frequency had to keep pressing on the device to talk. She could hear Coulson talking to someone about a woman, Jane Foster. She figured his interlocutor was Thor since she read in his file that he knew this woman. At the same time, she heard Agent Romanoff asking someone to let her pass, where, Carol didn't get the information.

Being a former skilled Kree warrior, Carol easily overlooked the voices in her ear as she advanced in the storage. Boxes surrounded her, nothing exciting for now, just bigger guns, but as she approached the noises of the guards, the boxes started to have padlocks on them.

She was about to open one of them when she heard something that didn't go unnoticed, _"Love is for children, he owe him a debt,"_ it was Natasha. Whoever was the person she told that, she must be talking about Barton. The part about love made Carol swallow. It was a good thing to know, she wouldn't lose her bet with Maria, Agent Romanoff wasn't the relationship kind of person. It disappointed Carol more than it should, she had known Natasha for a day and they hadbarely talked but this feeling of attraction, in every sense of the word, had been instantaneous when Carol met her that she wanted to explore it, but, by knowing this, she couldn't. Unfortunately, it surely wouldn't go away in the blink of an eye, especially if they started spending more time together.

Carol did her best to shake the feeling off, she had more important matter than her love life to take care of at the moment.

Without any struggle, she broke the padlock of the box and discovered pieces of armour that have the logo of an old Nazi organisation, known by the name of HYDRA. This organisation was the one Captain America fought during world war two, the one that used the Tesseract to create weapons and S.H.I.E.L.D must be using their models to recreate those weapons, or to make new better ones.

Earth didn't need these weapons, Carol knew it, so did Nick. Closing the box, she sneaked out of the storage and stormed to wherever Fury was to confront him about this little Tesseract project.

She found him walking towards the lab and it didn't bother her that there were people around to hear them, "What the fuck are you doing with the Tesseract? You don't need those weapons!" he suddenly stopped his pace and threw daggers at her with his only functional eye, "You went looking!"

"You know this thing is dangerous, you know how much lives it cost to the Skrulls and in Germany when Captain Rogers fought against it. It's not safe to use it, especially when you can't control its power."

"Damn, you've been doing your reading after all."

She took a step closer, threatening him with her eyes as she clenched her fists, "Don't change the subject or try to bullshit me. Why are you building those?"

"I have more important things to deal with right now. I will explain everything to you when I'm done with this," he said and walked fast to the lab, Carol following him.

On the way there, the voice of Natasha resonated louder than how it did earlier in Carol's ear, and considering Fury's face when she talked, he heard her as well, "Loki means to unleash the Hulk. Keep Banner in the lab, I'm on my way, send Thor as well."


	4. Things goes wrong

Carol and Fury entered the lab and found Tony and Bruce on a computer but not working on the Sceptre or the Tesseract, "What are you doing Mr. Stark?" asked Nick.

"Uh, kind of been wondering the same thing about you," Tony replied, perched on a table with Bruce behind him, leaning against the ledge of the window.

"You're supposed to be locating the Tesseract."

"We are." Bruce explained, "The model's locked and we're sweeping for the signature now. When we get a hit, we'll have the location within half a mile," he pointed at the computer Tony brought with him from Stark Industries, on which they would get the results.

"Yeah, then you get your Cube back. No muss, no fuss." Suddenly, something appeared on the screen in front of Tony and he asked, "What is "Phase 2"?"

Carol, who had been standing afar from them for the whole exchange, took a step forward, "Phase 2 is S.H.I.E.L.D. uses the Tesseract to make weapons," she said with her arms crossed to her chest, looking at Fury with the smallest smirk, showing him on which side she was, her team's side.

He frowned, "Carol, we gathered everything related to the Tesseract. This does not mean that we're making…"

Tony cut him off, "I'm sorry, Nick. What were you lying?" he sneered and showed his screen with plans for new weapons that used the Tesseract energy to be empowered.

"Did you know about this?" Bruce asked Natasha as she entered the laboratory with Thor, "You want to think about removing yourself from this environment, Doctor?" she offered him with her nicest tone.

Bruce chuckled, "I was in Calcutta. I was pretty well removed."

"Loki is manipulating you."

"And you've been doing what exactly?"

Natasha took a step forward, "You didn't come here because I bat my eyelashes at you."

"Yes, and I'm not leaving because suddenly you get a little twitchy. I'd like to know why S.H.I.E.L.D. is using the Tesseract to build weapons of mass destruction," Bruce demanded, glancing from Fury to Natasha to Fury again, the people who had the answers in his mind. Carol was sure that Natasha didn't have them though, or if she did Fury wasn't the one who gave them to her. A plan like that, only a few people in S.H.I.E.L.D must have heard of, and from her file, Natasha wasn't someone that was fully trusted yet.

"Because of him," Nick told Bruce as he pointed at Thor.

Carol did her best not to laugh. Fury was using the Asgardian card as his defence as if he hadn't known there were aliens threatening Earth since 1995. Thor landing on Earth a year ago wasn't the first time Nick had encountered extraterrestrial beings but pretending that it was the case protected Carol's secret.

Still, if he had wanted to make weapons powerful enough to defend the Earth, he could have done it before.

"Me?" asked Thor, offended.

"Last year, Earth had a visitor from another planet who had a grudge match that levelled a small town. We learned that not only are we not alone but we are hopelessly, hilariously, outgunned," he finished his sentence by looking at Carol, surely asking her to take his side but she wasn't going to help him on this one, she was against this project and would stand with her team.

"My people want nothing but peace with your planet," Thor told them, hopelessly trying to prove that he and the Asgardians were not bad.

"But you're not the only people out there, are you? And you're not the only threat. The world's filling up with people who can't be matched, that can't be controlled."

Carol wanted to laugh again. It was like Fury wanted to show her that he didn't need her to defend Earth from foreign threats, yet it was her job. It was even more stupid of him to do that when she specifically gave him what he needed to call her in case Earth was threatened. He somehow changed with the years, became distrustful, even of his own friends. You never completely know other people, she thought, and here it was the case, she didn't know him anymore.

In the end, she couldn't help herself and scoffed, "Yeah, like you control the Tesseract."

"Your work with the Tesseract is what drew Loki to it, and his allies. It is a signal to all the realms that the Earth is ready for a higher form of war," Thor explained.

"A higher form?" asked Carol even though she knew what he meant, she once saved Earth from this kind of war, when Ronan the accuser wanted to wipe the planet off the map.

"You forced our hand," Fury said, "We had to come up with something."

"A nuclear deterrent. Because that always calms everything right down," Tony replied with his classic sarcastic undertone, "Remind me again how you made your fortune, Stark."

This time Carol let out a laughter at Fury's hypocrisy. Attacking Tony Stark really wasn't the best way to address him and she felt like she had to step in and defend him, "I'm sure if he still made weapons, Stark would-"

Tony cut her off before she could finish her sentence, "Wait! Hold on. How is this now about me?"

He had some nerves to pretend he didn't think his person was the centre of the universe, Carol thought, "I'm sorry, isn't everything?" She asked him, anger growing bigger and bigger inside her.

They all started to argue, Carol with Tony, Fury and Natasha against Thor and Bruce. It became impossible for the blonde to think and she felt like she was going to explode. If she had known back when Nick told her about this idea of a team to defend Earth that he had so many secrets he wouldn't tell her, she definitely would have said no and flown back to space.

She had been naive to believe he would tell her everything, like Tony said, Fury was the spy. He played her when they met and it almost cost them their lives and he did it again.

After ending the conversation with Tony, that led nowhere, Carol listened to Thor, "You speak of control, yet you court chaos."

"That's his MO, isn't it? I mean, what are we, a team?" We are supposed to be, Carol thought, "No, we're a chemical mixture that makes chaos. We're a time bomb."

" _You_ need to step away," Fury said to Bruce who was dangerously getting close to Loki's sceptre.

"Why shouldn't the guy let off a little steam?" Tony joked as he patted Carol's shoulder. She pushed his arm away and glared at him, "You know damn well why. Back off!"

"I'm starting to want you to make me."

Carol scoffed, "I can take you anytime, and I'm talking about Iron Man. What are you without that?"

"Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist," _Yep,_ she thought, _kinda asked for this one._

"You think you know how hard the world his but you don't know shit."

"And you do, Captain?" he stepped closer, his teeth gritted, "Who are you even? Please explain to us how you fought Loki with your bare hands."

"You really don't want to know, but okay, Iron Man versus me, whenever you want," she could just blast him, right here in the spot and leave, but that would give Nick more reasons to make these weapons of his. Carol had to stay, to be Earth's mightiest hero.

"Actually I do, show us what you've got."

Thor laughing made her look away, "You people are so petty and tiny."

"Yeah, this is a team," Bruce interjected.

"Agent Romanoff, would you escort Dr. Banner back to his-" Bruce cut him off, "Where? You rented my room."

"The cell was just in case-"

"In case you needed to kill me, but you can't. I know, I tried. I got low. I didn't see an end, so, I put a bullet in my mouth, and the other guy spit it out," that was an interesting point that wasn't in his file, the Hulk seemed to be immortal, "So I moved on. I focused on helping other people. I was good. Until you dragged me back into this freak show and put everyone here at risk. You want to know my secret, Agent Romanoff? You want to know how I stay calm?"

Seeing that Bruce seized Loki's sceptre, Carol decided that it could be the moment for her to show her powers and was ready to turn into her binary form, her hands clenched to photon blast him. Nick and Natasha had their hands on their guns as they also saw the threat that Bruce was becoming.

"Dr. Banner," Carol said nicely and he glared at her, "put down the sceptre."

He looked down at it, confused, as if he hadn't realised that he took it. A computer beeped as he put it down on the table behind him, computer that signalled them that the Tesseract had been located, "Got it," said Tony as they all glanced at the computer.

"Sorry, kids, you don't get to see my party trick after all," Bruce apologised as he walked to the computer.

"You located the Tesseract?" asked Thor.

"I could get there faster," Tony told Nick, but even without Carol allowed to fly, Thor was surely quicker than him considering how he flew out of the quinjet with his hammer the day before.

Carol stopped Tony, grabbing his arm with all her strength, "You're not going alone."

"You're gonna stop me?"

"Oh, you really wanna try me, do you?" she provoked.

"I'm not afraid to hit a woman," he replied, took a step closer and whispered, "and should I tell them all that you are 52 years old?"

Carol gritted her teeth, "I could knock you out with one punch, you couldn't tell them anything."

"Well, let's try."

"Then put on the suit."

The computer continued to beep as Carol and Tony threw daggers at each other with their hazelnuts eyes. Bruce only had the time to say _Oh, my God_ as he saw where the Tesseract was before an explosion made the floor under his feet collapse, he and Natasha falling one floor below. The others got projected in every directions, Carol hitting her head on Tony's back and Fury flew through the widow that separated the lab from the corridor.

Both gasping as the air was filled with dust, Carol and Tony sat up and shared a gaze, "Put on the suit."

"Yeah!"

They got up, Tony stumbling on his first steps but Carol helped him, steadying him as his balance came back to normal. The comms in Carol's ear were even more a mess than earlier in the day. She heard Maria Hill telling Nick the state of the engine that exploded and that it was fixable. Tony and Carol were already on their way to fix it but now they knew what was wrong. Then, Fury asked Natasha if she was okay and she said yes but Carol could tell by the way her voice cracked that it wasn't true.

"Engine three, I'll meet you there," Tony told Carol, pointing to the direction she had to go.

She nodded and tried not to look like a fool as she search for any sign that would tell her where was the engine three. As she walked, she heard Natasha talking to Bruce and it seemed to be bad back there because she was trying to calm him, he was surely turning into the Hulk.

Not thinking twice, she clicked two times on her earpiece to talk directly with Fury, "Nick, I think Agent Romanoff is in danger with Dr. Banner, maybe I could go there quickly and help her."

"She'll be fine, don't worry about her," he told her.

"I could fly there and help it'd take a few sec," Carol insisted.

"Just help Stark, she's got it."

Carol groaned but listened to him, Natasha was more than competent, she could handle Bruce Banner, but could she deal with the Hulk?

Suddenly, roars resonated throughout the whole helicarrier, which confirmed that Bruce wasn't himself anymore. Finally arriving to engine three, Carol had a last thought for Natasha before she heard someone asking for help.

She opened a door that was blocked and saw the results of the explosion. It destroyed part of the structure of the helicarrier but the engine and its turbine was still functional. She called for Tony but couldn't find him until he appeared, flying in his Iron Man suit. As he fixed the engine, Tony ordered Carol to go to the control panel so she could tell him which parts of the engine got overloaded by the explosion.

The panel was one floor above Carol, which meant she had to jump from the platform she was to the one up there. It was easy for her but she found it funny that Tony didn't think she wouldn't be able to make it, the guy had more than doubts about her capacities, he was sure she had some.

Opening the panel, Carol thanked her instructor at the air force who had been the worse to her but taught her mechanics very well. What she had in front of her was more advance than what she saw on planes back in the eighties but she quickly understood the modern technology – not that modern considering what she encountered on other planets – and gave Tony the infos he needed to be quicker in his repairs.

Now Tony only had to clear the rotors, but the turbine wouldn't re-engage if he didn't push it to help the engine start. There wasn't zero risk by doing that and Carol got suddenly proud of Tony for being ready to take it, "Okay but can you get out before being shredded by the rotors?" she asked, knowing he had a solution, "There is a stator unit back there, it'll reverse the polarity long enough for me to get out. Just stand by that red lever and wait for my word."

Carol had a four metres jump between two platforms to get there and did it pretty easily, the emptiness bellow her wasn't scary at all for the flying Captain. She could only stand there and wait, which was very frustrating.

There was no more sound coming from Natasha in her comms, she could only hear Tony speaking to himself and Fury and Agent Hill yelling orders at people. She heard from afar someone talking through loudspeaker, announcing to the whole helicarrier that hostile people were there in S.H.I.E.L.D gear. Carol wanted to go help but she had to stay there to get Tony out of the turbine in time.

She had too many informations and not enough at the same time. With her powers she could help everybody in the helicarrier and very quickly but there she was doing nothing. She hated to feel useless, she was usually the opposite of that, the person to save the day.

Thor was fighting the Hulk but the damaged that he caused could be the end of them if it didn't stop quickly. Once again, Carol could get him out of the helicarrier on her own, but she didn't even think about asking Nick if she was authorised to, she already knew his answer would be negative.

She was watching Tony working when she heard footsteps coming to their location. Three agents were there, oxygen masks on, weapons ready to shoot and she understood they were hostile. One of them pull the pin out of a grenade and threw it in Tony's direction and her first reflex was to jump and kick it away. It explode in the air as she landed on the nearest surface and jumped on the next one to fight the intruders. She punched the first one, kicked the second before throwing the former in the air to his death. The third shot at her so she took the weapon the second dropped and shot back as she went back to her position beside the lever.

Holding her position, one engine suddenly failed and the lose of altitude made her fall in the air, but she gripped a wire to stop her drop. The third man was still shooting at her so she figured that a little boost would be allowed and she used her powers to get back on the platform. Maybe this guy saw her, but he was going to die anyway, he was a witness for a minute at best.

As she shot him in the arm, the guy rolling and falling off the helicarrier, Carol heard Fury saying that Agent Barton was onboard and that he caused the failure of the other engine – and probably the first one too. One had to go fight him and, before Carol could offer her services – that would be refused – Natasha gave sign of life, "This is Agent Romanoff. I copy," she said with a hoarse and trembling voice. Carol punched the first thing in her sight, the wall beside the lever, as she cursed in her head. Considering the informations she had, it was clear that the Hulk won against the redhead, and her brain surely had a hard time processing what happened. Of course Natasha got up, she had been trained for that, but the aftermath of this on her metal health could be huge, and was what Carol dreaded.

"Cap, hit the lever," Tony asked just when another hostile agent started shooting at Carol. She laid on the platform to avoid his bullets but couldn't reach the lever, "Give me one sec," she told Tony before standing up and blasting the man, which gave her just enough time to lower the lever before getting back to her cover.

Iron Man hit his head a few times because of this delay but got out and got a ride of this guy shooting at Carol as he landed on the helicarrier.

Carol got up and went to the inside of the helicarrier, helping Tony getting back on his feet after he took of his helmet.

"Agent Coulson is down," resonated in her ear.

Her head down, Carol sniffled as a tear rolled down her cheek. Phil Coulson was a friend, they didn't see each other much, but he did let her go when she had to run for her life, and for that she had always been grateful. She once brought him something from space. Back on the planet it came from, it was more a toy for teenagers, but the complexity of it fascinated him. He always told Carol that he wanted to go to space one day and she promised him that she would take him. She didn't get the time to keep her promise.

Tony and Carol went separate ways in the helicarrier at some point, Carol didn't really noticed when. She asked the first agent she ran into where she could wash her face off the sweat that made her sticky. They lead her to a bathroom where she took off the top of her suit and they took care of it, saying that agent Coulson told them what to do with it.

Then, she went to the bridge and found it half empty and dead silent, only Nick and Maria Hill were there, as well as Tony who was seated around the table. Carol sat on the other side, trying to get Tony to look at her, but he did the opposite and stared at the floor.

Fury joined them around the table, "We're dead in the air up here. Our communications, the location of the Cube, Banner, Thor… I got nothing for you. I lost my one good eye. Maybe I had that coming. Yes," he looked at Carol and walked to her side, "we were going to build an arsenal with the Tesseract. I never put all my chips on that number, though because I was playing something even riskier," Carol glanced at him, she knew what he was going to say, "There was an idea, you both heard about, called the Avengers Initiative. The idea was to bring together a group of remarkable people to see if they could become something more. To see if they could work together when we needed them to, to fight the battles that we never could. Phil Coulson died still believing in that idea. In heroes."

Suddenly, Tony stood up and left the bridge.

"He believed you both were heroes," Nick added before going back to his control panels.

Those last words resonated in Carol's head as she followed Tony to wherever he was going. They arrived to where Loki was being held captive, but the cell was gone. For what Carol heard, the God of mischief tricked his brother, locking him in the cage before dropping it in the sky. There was still no word of Thor, but he was strong and Carol knew I'd come back.

As she approached, she made sure Tony would hear her footsteps not to surprise him, "Was he married?" she asked, it wasn't something she had had the time to discuss with him recently, and her last update on the subject was most likely obsolete.

"No. There was a… cellist, I think."

"Sorry. He was a good man," she affirmed, not trying to hide the fact that she had known him for almost twenty years.

Tony scoffed, "He was an idiot."

"Why? For believing?"

"For taking on Loki alone," Tony replied. He seemed really pissed about the situation, Carol could tell that Coulson's death affected him, "He was doing his job."

Tony scoffed again, loudly this time, "He was out of his league. He should have waited. He should have…"

"Sometimes there isn't a way out, Tony."

He rolled his eyes, "Right, I've heard that before."

"Is this the first time you lost a soldier?"

"We are not soldier," Tony groaned, all his anger channelled in his eyes, "I'm not marching to Fury's fife."

"We are not," Carol assured, "What he did is unforgivable but we have to focus on Loki for now. He needs a power source right?"

"He made it personal," Tony said, looking at the stain of blood, Coulson's blood, on the wall.

"Wasn't it from the beginning?"

"That's true. He hit us all right where we live. Why?"

"To tear us apart."

"Yeah, divide and conquer is great but he knows he has to take us out to win, right? That's what he wants. He wants to beat us, he wants to be seen doing it. He wants an audience."

"Right, we caught him in Stuttgart."

"Yeah, that was just previews. This is opening night. And Loki, he's a full-tilt diva, right?" _Kind of like you,_ Carol thought, "He wants flowers, he wants parades. He wants a monument built to the skies with his name plastered…"

Carol chuckled as she realised at the same time as Tony that Loki was going to use the energy from the Stark tower to use the Tesseract.

"Son of a bitch," Tony swore before he ran to go get his suit.

They would need help though, so Carol asked the agents she past by if they knew where agent Romanoff and Barton were. One indicated the direction and Carol found them at the infirmary. She took a detour first to get the top of her suit and then went to get Natasha and Clint to come with her.

She looked through the windows of the room, seeing a few injured agents from the attack, before finding them, "We have to go."

"Go where?" asked Natasha.

"Get Loki," Carol replied as she looked for Clint, who wasn't in the room, "I'll tell you everything on the way. Can you fly a jet?"

Natasha scoffed, "Pretty sure you are capable of doing so."

"I can," said Clint as he exited the bathroom. Carol glanced at him before asking for Natasha's approbation for his state of mind with a gaze and the redhead answered with a nod, "Get ready then."

"Yes Captain," he replied before stepping out of the room, Carol moving out of the way to let him pass.

Natasha was about to follow him when Carol blocked her inside, stepping on the doorway, "Are you okay? I heard what happened with Dr. Banner."

"And what did you hear?" Natasha wondered, taking a step back, her hands on her hips, clearly on the defensive.

"I just want to make sure that-"

"You don't have to worry about me," Natasha cut her off, "things don't really affect me."

"Until they do."

Natasha chuckled, "If you don't want me to come I can just stay here, you know."

Carol took a step forward, the door closing behind her, "I don't want that, it's just…" she sighed as she looked for the best word to formulate her concerns, "I believe you are okay, for now. I just worry about how this could affect you later. Whether you like it of not, you will have to deal with it Natasha."

After a glance away from Carol's eyes, Natasha locked her gaze with the hazelnut one and swallowed, "I know," she said, her voice suddenly softer, weaker.

"Okay," Carol replied and got out of the way for Natasha to go first, she still didn't really know her way around the helicarrier and needed her to lead her to the quinjet.

As Natasha past by her, Carol noticed something, "You should zip up that catsuit a little bit," she said as she followed the redhead.

Natasha turned around and walked backward, "Why, does it disturb you?" she asked with a smirk and zipped up her suit, barely one centimetre up.

Carol let out a breathy laugh as Natasha looked forward, "Kinda yeah," the blonde muttered to herself.

On the way, Clint joined them, his bow in hands and arrows in his back. They entered the jet that was ready to take off, a mechanics inside trying to prevent them to take it over but Carol just threw him out by saying it was Fury's order.

Clint sat on the pilot seat, Natasha as his co-pilot and Carol stood behind them, putting her earpiece back on, "Tony, you there?" she asked.

"Right ahead of you, Cap," he replied and just a second later, the three of them saw him flying out of the helicarrier.

They took off and followed him, Carol telling Clint they were heading to New York, "Let's get this done."


	5. The Avengers

Quite surprisingly for everybody in the quinjet, Tony was way faster than them, even with his partly destroyed Iron Man suit. They quickly lost track of him but their comms were still up. He talked to Dr. Selvig, who was apparently on the Stark tower with the Tesseract and then a loud static made Natasha take off her headphone with a groan, "What was that?"

"This can't be good," Clint mumbled, "We gotta get there, fast."

Carol could get there in the blink of an eye, she wanted to, but decided that it was better if she followed some of the orders Nick gave her for a change, after she transgressed a majority of them.

As they got closer, a ray of light appeared from the tower, creating a hole as it hit the cloudy sky. Wide-eyed, jaw dropped, the S.H.I.E.L.D agents and Carol witness the arrival of the Chitauri on Earth, dozens and dozens of them diving towards the ground, shooting at the population of New York City.

"Oh God," Natasha exclaimed, "This is not what I expected."

"I hope you guys stretched because this is gonna be a long afternoon," Carol said as she cracked her knuckles.

Finally flying above Manhattan, the jets radar found Tony being pursued by at least six Chitauris, "Stark, were on your three, headed north-east," she told him through their communication frequency.

"What? Did you stop for drive-through?" Tony scolded, "Swing up Park, I'm going to lay them out for you."

Natasha activated the defence system of the quinjet, an automatic heavy weapon that came out from underneath the jet. They saw Iron Man flying over the street perpendicular to theirs and the Chitauris followed. Natasha shot them all, as well as some more that were flying around the Stark tower.

Stabilizing the jet, Clint saw Thor fighting with Loki and positioned adequately for Natasha to shoot the god of Mischief. She didn't miss her shots, but he seemed to be more resistant than expected and it didn't even bruised him. With his sceptre, he shot the quinjet, warning lights starting to flicker as they lost altitude. The left engine was burning, they could smell it from the inside and Clint did his best to land as smoothly as possible. But Carol, who wasn't seated nor buckled up, grabbed the sides of Natasha's seat and held on, her body shaken by the turbulences. The right wing hit a building as they got closer to the ground and the quinjet hit the ground a few seconds later.

Carol coughed as she stood up and looked at Natasha, "You okay, Cap?"

"Agent Romanoff, you good?" they said at the same time and nodded before exiting the jet by the rear hatch.

They ran on the street, looking up at all the aliens in the sky, "We can't do anything from here."

Suddenly, a loud mechanical growl resonated in the whole city, making the ground slightly quake. Carol looked up at the hole in the sky and saw an enormous skeletal monster flying towards the city, roaring as it wrecked everything on its passage. Armed human-shaped Chitauris jumped out of it and entered the surrounding buildings through the windows.

New York needed to be fully evacuated, but Carol, Natasha and Clint couldn't just leave the fighting to the police, they had to be the ones handling the Chitauri, no other lives should be on the line.

"Tony, can you handle that?" Carol asked.

"I'm not sure but I'll do my best. Where's Banner? Has he shown up yet?"

"Banner?"

"Just keep me posted," Tony demanded.

Natasha and Clint ran towards the nearest cars to be covered and Carol, after one last inspections of the surroundings, joined them.

"We've got civilians still trapped up here," Clint said, pointing at a few buildings in front of them.

Just as he spoke, Loki past by them on one of the Chitauri's flying vehicle, shooting at some people that were still on the streets. Carol gritted her teeth as she saw him, she really had one wish at the moment, and that was to blast him off of the top of the Stark tower. But the most important was to prevent as much damage as possible and to close this portal.

The best way to do that was by Carol using all her resources. She double clicked on her earpiece, hoping the communications with the helicarrier were back on, "Nick, do you copy? I feel like now is the time to turn full binary and protect the city," she muttered quietly so Natasha and Clint couldn't hear her.

"No! You guys can do it without you exposing yourself."

Carol groaned, "we could avoid a lot of damage."

"That's why you shouldn't use your powers."

"What?" she shouted, not giving a damn about the possibility of being heard anymore.

"Just don't," he ordered and the static in her ear indicated her that he changed the frequency of his comms.

Carol groaned again as she saw the people on the street getting shot at, "We gotta do something for them."

A reflex made her dodge a shot from a Chitauri who got instantly knocked down by Natasha. More were coming their way and Carol didn't feel like leave them alone but Natasha assured they were fine, "We got this, Cap. You can go."

She glanced at Clint who gave her a nod, "You can hold them off?"

Clint smirked, "It would be my genuine pleasure."

One last glance at Natasha and she was gone, jumping off the bridge they were on, landing on a bus that got destroyed behind her feet by a Chitauri firing at her. She got kicked out of it by an explosion, landed on a car that also exploded and threw her metres away in the direction of the civilians she was going to help. She somehow managed to stay on her feet and ran there to help them, her eyes wandering around to all the damage already made. Carol jumped above cars, running on a straight line to the local police that was down the street, helping a few people on their feet on her way. They were using their guns, which was basically useless because they didn't have the perfect aim Natasha Romanoff had, and seemed totally overwhelmed, not knowing what to do but to shoot these creatures.

When she finally arrived to the group of police officers, Carol didn't bothered to find the highest rank of them and gave her orders to the closest, "You need agents there," she pointed at the few buildings Clint mentioned earlier, trying not to react about one of the men she talked to pointing his gun at her, "There are people inside and they're going to run right into the line of fire. Take them to the basements or the subway. Keep them off the streets. Install a perimeter as far back as thirty ninth."

"Why the hell should I take orders from you?" the one who threatened Carol with his weapon asked.

Before Carol could reply, something exploded behind her and a few Chitauris attacked her. She punched the first one with a right hook, the second with a left hook and finished them with a kick in the head.

She was about to tell them she had been trained in the army when he left and gave the orders she gave him to his agents.

Carol ran back to where Natasha and Clint were, seeing them from afar surrounded by Chitauris. Natasha was fighting with one of their weapons while Clint was still with his bow and arrows, not very efficient for hand to hand combat. He got tackled to the ground and Carol arrived just in time to kick the two Chitauris that were attacking him, punching three others as they regrouped. Thor and his lightning got a rid of the others that were close, and he landed beside the rest of the team a few seconds later.

"What is happening with the Tesseract?" Carol asked him

"The power surrounding the Cube is impenetrable."

"Thor's right. We got to deal with these guys," Tony said via their comms.

"How do we do this," wondered Natasha.

Carol looked back at her and smirked, "As a team."

"I have unfinished business with Loki," Thor told them, in his own words saying that he was going to let them handle the alien invaders while he would chase his brother.

"Yeah?" Clint interjected, adjusting one of his arrows, "Well, get in line."

"Enough!" Carol yelled, and they all obeyed, "Loki is the least of our priority right now. He keeps sending his army on us, which is a good thing for us. With Tony in the air-"

The sound of a motorcycle approaching stopped Carol in her pep talk. She looked behind her and saw Bruce walking towards the group, "So, this all seems horrible," he said.

"I've seen worse," Natasha replied. Carol glanced at her with a concerned gaze, but the redhead didn't look back at her.

"Sorry for that," he apologised, looking down at the ground.

"We could use a little worse though," Natasha replied. She was right the Hulk would be a precious asset in this fight, especially since he was supposedly immortal.

"Tony, he is here," Carol said through her earpiece, "Banner?"

"You were right."

"As usual," Tony teased and Carol chuckled, "Then tell him to suit up, I'm bringing the party to you."

As he said that, he appeared in the sky and following him was the big flying whale-shaped Chitauri.

"I don't see how that's a party," Natasha said and Carol couldn't fight a laughter from escaping her mouth.

"Dr. Banner, it's your moment!"

He smirked, "On it Cap," he said and turned easily into the Hulk, as if he could control it now, and just in time to stop the Chitauri from smashing them all.

The punch it received in the face made it slow but it still pushed the Hulk on a few metres, the road underneath his feet getting ripped. The metal of its spinal column clacked, part of it getting destroyed and it gave Tony an opening to shoot in its weak spot. Carol didn't think twice and ran towards Natasha, protecting her with her own body from the explosion and Natasha trustfully stayed covered behind her. Helping her to get back on her feet, Natasha gave a thanking nod to the blonde.

All the Chitauris on the walls of the buildings and flying around the city screeched and snarled as the big one died, crashing on the road.

They all regrouped in a close circle, the Hulk roaring in response to the Chitauris and Tony landed besides Carol. It was the first time that they joined their strengths for one common goal, win against this army and Loki.

They were finally a united team. They were the Avengers.

"Guys," Natasha said, looking up at the hole. More Chitauris were coming, two more of those giant beasts and the flying ones.

"Your call, Cap!"

"Okay. We gotta keep them close, there is no way we let of them escape. Clint, we need you up there," she pointed at a roof, "to shoot everything you see, call out patterns and strays. Tony, you keep them in the perimeter. If one gets more than three blocks away you bring them back to us or you bring them down."

"Can you give me a lift," Clint asked Tony, "Right! Better clench up, Legolas."

Tony grabbed the back of Clint's collar and the second later they were in the air.

"Thor, you gotta slow them from the entry. Light them up."

He span his hammer and flew away towards the Stark tower.

Carol looked at Natasha, she seemed determined to beat the shit out of some Chitauris, "You and me, we stay here and keep the fight around," Carol looked back at Bruce, "Oh! Hulk," he snarled, "Smash!"

He grinned before jumping on the nearest building, doing exactly what Carol told him to, smashing all the Chitauris he saw.

Seeing a group of Chitauris not far, Carol ran towards them, knowing that she could let Natasha alone to handle the ones that would come to her. With her superhuman strength, it was easy for her to get a rid of everything hostile that wanted to fight her. When she was not in anyone's sight, she blasted one that was going to do the same to her with his spacial weapon.

It wasn't that hard of a combat and she even had the time to look around at what her team was doing. Thor climbed – or rather flew – on the top of the Empire State building and lightened the Chitauris that were exiting the portal. Tony Clint were handling things just like Carol asked and Hulk was, well, smashing.

Back on where she was initially, Carol could see Natasha fight five Chitauris at the same time and, even if she was handling them quite well, Carol felt like she had to go back and help, there was no more to fight where she was anyway.

The red haired assassin had picked up, once again, a Chitauri's weapon and shot the last one right in the head. Just as Carol arrived behind her, Natasha turned around and pointed the rifle-like weapon at Carol, but didn't shoot as she realised who was there. She was panting and bleeding from her bottom lip and hairline, the worry disappearing from her face as Carol approached.

Natasha leaned against a taxi, catching her breath, "Captain, none of this is going to mean a damn thing if we don't close that portal," she said and looked up at the hole in the sky.

"Our strongest members couldn't touch it."

Natasha smirked at Carol, "Maybe it's more about brains than muscles, Cap!" Carol chuckled silently, she should have seen this one coming, "Mind giving me a boost," she asked, looking at the Chitauri's flying vehicles passing above them, "If you are not too tired for that, of course!"

Carol smiled, she liked a little tease even though she usually was the one making the jokes, "You know, I'm strong than you think," she replied as she took a piece of metal that was on the ground, big enough to give more surface to Natasha to jump on.

Natasha took a few steps back to gather momentum and started running towards Carol, jumped on the car beside her and then on the piece of metal that Carol was carrying. Carol pushed her up with all her strength and saw the redhead gripping a flying vehicle.

Now alone with dozens of Chitauris coming her way, Carol decided that there was no point not using her powers to take them down, "Nobody sees me, gonna make it faster," she said to herself. She blasted a few of them, not turning full binary though, it wasn't necessary.

Seeing Tony arriving to her location, Carol stopped the light show and fought with the basic kicks and punches she learnt in her training for the air force. He landed beside her, shot a few beams out of the palm of his hands and went back on the air, letting Carol handle the few more on her own.

Carol struggled a bit as more aliens converged to her position but it was nothing unbeatable. As she kicked and blasted five Chitauris at the same time, Clint, from the top of his roof, gave her some informations, "Captain, the bank on 42nd past Madison. They've cornered a lot of civilians in there."

"On my way," she said as she blasted the last Chitauri that was running to her in her back.

The building wasn't that far, half a block away, but since Carol didn't know the Chitauri's intention with these people she ran as fast as she could to get there. She entered by a window of the second floor on the side of the bank and saw three Chitauris with their weapons pointed further down to where all the civilians were herded. One of them at some device in its hand and it seemed to be a bomb as it activated it. Carol blasted him, the beeping bomb falling onto the ground. The two others turned around and shoot at her, Carol easily dodging each blow with all her agility.

Covered by a knocked over table, Carol raised her fists and blindly fired energy from her knuckles, hitting them both. One of them fell in the middle of the crowd and the other didn't stand up ever again. She was about to go take care of the bomb when the Chitauri who turned it on took it and threw it at her. She mindlessly punched it so it stayed in the building – but not in range to harm any civilian – as she jumped out by the window that was her entry a minute ago. The blast of the explosion threw her on a car that was parked on the street and she grunted as she got back to her feet.

Carol stood there, calming her breathing as she observed the firefighter evacuating the people that were inside. She looked up at the hole in the sky and sighed as more Chitauris exited it, it was like there was an infinity of them.

Analysing the whole situation, she realised that Natasha was finally on the Stark tower, after at least fifteen minutes of flying around. Tony killed one of the big Chitauri by flying through him, just like she would if she was had full strength, but he used some explosive weapons that he had in his suit to ripped it from the inside. There was no sign of the Hulk and Thor, they were probably fighting somewhere she couldn't see them.

Clint was very much in her sight though and she witnessed him jumping off the roof he had been and he used a grappling iron to land a few floors down in the building.

It was becoming very clear that the situation was getting worse and it would be soon out of control if they do something more, if she didn't do more.

She was about to talk to Fury when he bested her, "Stark, do you hear me? You have a missile headed straight for the city."

"How long?" Tony asked.

"Three minutes, max. The payload will wipe out Mid-town."

Carol wanted to go herself but Tony was already on his way to catch the missile, but to do what with it, she didn't know.

Thor joined Carol on the street as she was back to fighting at least twenty aliens at the same time. He probably saw her firing photons from her hands but didn't say anything, too occupied beating the shit out of his brother's army. More arrived from behind Carol and before she could react one of them shot her in the stomach. She groaned as she fell flat on her belly, the impact as painful as the blast but it was the exhaustion that was hurting the most. They all had been up for hours, a day more or less and to last in a fight like that they really had to draw on their last reserves of energy to succeed.

The God of thunder covered her as she painfully got on her knees and hands, throwing a car at a part of them and ripping the others' heads off. He offered his hand and helped her back on her feet, "Ready for another bout?" he asked.

Carol smirked as she panted, "This is just my warm-up, I'm waiting for more."

"I can close it," Natasha said suddenly via her comms, "Can anybody copy? I can shut the portal down."

"Okay, then do it!" Carol replied with relief in her voice.

"No!" disagreed Tony, "I got a nuke coming in, it's gonna blow in less than a minute."

Carol looked up at the hole and understood why Tony didn't want the portal to be closed yet, he wanted to send the Chitauri the missile. It was a great plan but it would more be her role to do it than him.

"I know just where to put it," he said. He was already flying under the nuke, it was too late for her to take his place. For Carol, going in space with a missile like that wasn't dangerous, she most likely didn't fear the explosion and could breath – somehow – in the vacuum of space, but he couldn't.

"Tony, can you come back from this?" she asked, maybe his brilliant mind had figured out something that she didn't think about, but his lack of answer told her otherwise.

Carol and Thor could see him now, he and the nuke were going straight towards the Stark tower and he even grazed the metal of his armour on the top of the tower he built himself as he pushed the missile up, aiming for the hole.

There was nothing to do but watch him disappearing in space, a mixed feeling of relief and guilt in Carol's chest. They succeeded in their mission, but if it was for the cost of Tony's life, she couldn't be happy about the result.

She kept her eyes up, hoping to see him flying out, but as the seconds turned into a minute, the chances of seeing him coming back got smaller. Suddenly, all the Chitauris around them died, which made it worse, the ship from where they came must have exploded, and maybe Tony with them.

As the echo of the explosion resonated into her ear, Carol decided that it was time and ordered Natasha to close the portal.

It was instantaneous, the ray vanished and the portal closed like the iris of an eye when the sun shines too bright.

As the sky came back to normal, Carol's hazel eyes caught the sight of a small spot falling down. She grinned as she recognised Tony and the typical colours of his Iron Man armour, getting closer to the ground at quite fast speed, "He is not slowing down," observed Thor as he was ready to take off thanks to his hammer. Before he could, the Hulk caught Tony during his fall and difficultly landed on the street, a few metres away from where Thor and Carol were.

They jogged to his side, to make sure he was okay. Thor tore off the front part of his helmet and Carol leaned over him to hear his breathing. She looked up at Thor, slightly shaking her head, she didn't hear anything.

Still down on her knees, Carol bowed her head, not capable of processing the news. It was all her fault, she should have been the one handling this nuclear missile, she shouldn't have lied to her team from the start. Losing Tony would forever be a reminder of her failure, how she betrayed her team for Fury's orders. Trust was built on honesty and, after this, she would never have any of these people's trust.

A roar from the Hulk cut her trail her thoughts, making her slightly jump, and she wasn't the only one. Tony gasped, his eyes opening instantly, wide and lively, as if he just woke up from a horrible nightmare.

"What the hell," Tony said, glancing between Carol and Thor as he panted, "What just happened? Please tell me nobody kissed me."

Carol chuckled, even after almost dying, Tony Stark couldn't stop himself from joking. She sat down on her butt, letting out a heavy sigh of relief, "You did it, we won."

"All right, yay! Hurray. Good job, guys," Tony cheered, "Let's just not come in tomorrow. Let's just take a day. Have you ever tried shawarma? There's a shawarma joint about two blocks from here. I don't know what it is, but I want to try it."

"We're not finished yet," Thor said with his most serious tone.

He was right, Loki was still somewhere and needed to be taken care of.

"And then shawarma after."

Thor and Carol helped Tony standing up and the God of thunder explained that the Hulk took care of Loki in the Stark tower's penthouse. Carol asked Natasha to make sure Loki was still there as they walked to the tower, all with some difficultly because of the exhaustion and the injuries.

When they arrived in the penthouse, Natasha was waiting for them with the sceptre in her hands and she nodded at Loki, who was lying on his stomach, struggling to move his body, sore from his encounter with the Hulk. They all stood behind him, staring at him as he crawled on the floor and finally rolled onto his back. Clint bent his arrow at his face, "If it's all the same to you, I'll have that drink now," Loki said with a smirk and, this time, after a groan from the Hulk, Carol didn't restrain herself and blasted him, his back hitting hard the few stairs he was sitting on.

As Loki whimpered in pain, they all looked at Carol, and the only thing she could do was to shrug, "I knew there was something about your shining hands," Tony said.

"Oh! There's much more than that, I'll explain everything later."

Carol took care of contacting Nick to get people to take care of Loki, the sceptre and the Tesseract while Clint was still threatening the god of mischief with his bow. Tony or Natasha could have called S.H.I.E.L.D instead of Carol, but it gave her a few extra minutes to prepare her explanation.

When she finally came back to the group, she could tell that everything they wanted to hear was the truth, "Strike team is on its way for Loki and um," she began, rubbing the back of her neck, "I know I owe you all the truth, and believe me I hate that I lied to you, but it was my order," she shared a glance with each one of them, and the most supportive was Natasha's, "What Nick told you about me is true, but he kept 23 years of my life. As Tony knows, I was born in 1960. I was a pilot in the air force in the eighties and my life changed in 1989."

Carol took a deep breath, the memories of these times not being her favourite of her existence, "That year, I got my powers from the explosion of an engine that had been built thanks to the Tesseract."

"Wait up!" interrupted Tony, "What are your powers?"

Natasha punched his arm, "Let her finish, Stark."

He raised his arm in defeat and Carol continued, "I'm coming to this point soon. After I got my powers, the Kree, an alien species, abducted me and brainwashed me, making me think I was one of them," Carol could see that Natasha was empathising with this part, but couldn't look at her in the eyes, "for six years I fought with them, they used me as their weapon, until I encountered Earth again and met Fury. I realised that I was from here and that the Kree fooled me. Since then, I've been flying around the universe, helping those who needed my help."

She finished her sentence with a sigh of relief. It felt good to tell them, to have the truth out there.

"So, what are the powers?" Tony asked.

There was no better way to explain this part than by showing them. Carol took a couple of steps back, closed her eyes, clenched her fists and jaw and let the energy run wild through her whole body. When she reopened her eyes, she was shining golden and blue, and her audience were all gapping.

She took another step back, started running and flew out of the tower to land back in a few seconds later. She let the energy fade away as she walked back to the group, "So, basically I can fly at light speed, shoot blasts of energy and I'm freaking strong, among other things."

"You… f-fly at light speed?" Tony stammered, his eyes still wide from the surprise of seeing Carol in her binary form, "I can, but not just like that, I need to accumulate speed before."

"Astonishing," he replied, "what about we go get this shawarma and you tell me more on the way?"

Carol chuckled, "Sure, but we have to wait for S.H.I.E.L.D before leaving."

"Right! Waiting, that I can do," Tony said as he turned on the television of his penthouse that had luckily survived all the fights.

Of course, the Avengers were on every channels, media covering the event with images from civilian's phones. Some people were already dressing up as the heroes that saved them, and other were interviewed, giving their point of view of the fight, "Captain Marvel saved my life," a woman said, and Carol recognised her. She went to see her after she saved the people in the bank and that was the name she gave her, her superhero name.

"Captain Marvel huh?" Natasha teased as she stood on Carol's right, "I rarely use this name, it’s just to keep the anonymity, you know."

"I'm not even in the news, that's how you keep your anonymity," Natasha advised, "but I like the name though."

Carol scoffed, "Thanks, Nick gave it to me. And, for what it's worth, you should be the one on the news, you closed the portal, I basically did nothing."

"Thank you Captain, but I'm not a hero."

Carol thought otherwise, but she decided not to reply, she couldn't help Natasha think better of herself by forcing it on her.

"Hey Cap," Tony shouted from the other side of the room, "Next time, please use your flying capacity so I'm not the one lifting a nuke and throwing it in space, risking my life in the process."

"Don't worry Tony, from now on I'll do all the heavy lifting **.** "

The sound of the elevator reaching their floor cut them in their conversation, "Oh! Shawarma time!"

"Wait!" Thor interjected, "Loki and the Tesseract are coming with me on Asgard. There is no way I let you and your people keep doing your things with it."

Carol agreed, "It'd be safer with you. But I believe S.H.I.E.L.D wants the sceptre."

"Of course S.H.I.E.L.D wants it," Tony said ironically.

A man approached Natasha, taking the sceptre from her hands, "We are taking care of it, ma'am."

"It's agent Romanoff," Carol stated aggressively, throwing daggers at him with her eyes, "Right, agent Romanoff."

He left way faster than he arrived and Natasha chuckled, "You didn't have to… do whatever that was."

"I just wanted to remind him that you had been useful in this fight, unlike him."

Now that it was only them, they could finally try this food Tony talked about. Actually, they had one more thing to do before going, "So, how do we get the doctor back?" Carol asked, pointing at the Hulk.

"I don't know, ask him," Tony replied as his AI was taking off his suit.

Thor approached him, but before he could say a word, the Hulk punched him in the opposite wall.

Carol, Natasha and Clint looked at each other, "I'm not getting embedded in a wall," Clint said before Carol could propose any idea.

Carol knew she had to go talk to him, calm him somehow, she couldn't ask Natasha to do it after what happened in the helicarrier, and especially considering how she seemed nervous to be so close to him.

Turning around to face the Hulk, she saw his gaze on Natasha and tapped her shoulder. The redhead did and the Hulk suddenly fell on his knees, his breaths more like groans. Natasha stepped back while Carol did the opposite, bending down to his side as he shrunk and lost his green colour, "Dr. Banner, are you okay?" she asked, carefully putting her hand on his back.

"Call me Bruce," he replied, panting, "I need clothes."

"On it," Clint said and went to Tony.

The rest of them didn't bother to change before going to this shawarma place, only Tony and Bruce were in civilian clothing. The team that went to get the sceptre kept an eye on Loki and the Tesseract while they were away.

It felt really nice to spend a moment with the team, just talking about life for a change, world saving became quite a boring subject. It was more Thor and Tony doing the talking, the two spies not very fond of oversharing and Bruce was a bit distant, but Carol supposed it was just an after-being-the-Hulk thing and that it would pass. Tony questioned Carol a lot though, he wanted to hear about all her adventures in space, and she realised that she had already met Thor in the past, but very briefly.

They went back to the tower, strolling like a group of friends hanging out, and when they got there, Fury had sent clothes for his agents and Carol.

S.H.I.E.L.D had secured a perimeter in Central Park for Thor's and Loki's departure, but there was no other orders from Fury, they were free to go where they wanted. Tony had a tower that needed to be fixed but offered Bruce a ride back wherever he wanted to go. The doc had some belongings that he wanted to get back from Calcutta but said he would come back to the Stark tower, if Tony's offer hadn't expired. Natasha and Clint had to go back to S.H.I.E.L.D to their job, a car there to pick them up after their goodbyes to Thor. Carol didn't know what to do other than going back to Maria's, as long as Nick didn't need her she had no reason not to live at her best friend's house, the only place she ever called _home_.

They all stood around as Bruce put the Tesseract in the containing box Dr. Selvig had create just for it to be transported. Carol glared at the cubic object, wishing she could throw lasers with her eyes that would melt this so coveted artefact that did more bad in the whole universe than good.

Thor took one handle of the box, Loki the other and by rotating Thor's end, the Tesseract got somehow activated. The Asgardian brothers shined blue for a few seconds before disappearing in the air.

Now was the time for everybody to say goodbye, Erik Selvig going first. I couldn't stop apologising for all that happened, even though it wasn't his fault. He left and Tony and Bruce quickly followed, Carol shaking their hands before they entered Tony's convertible.

Clint was already in the car when Natasha walked to Carol side, who was inspecting the motorcycle S.H.I.E.L.D had given her, "Where are you going, Cap?"

"New Orleans, at my best friend's house, until I'm needed somewhere," Carol replied as she was checking very closely all parts of the vehicle, bending down, knowing Fury was the kind of person to put a tracker on it to know every time she'd use it.

"Well, I hope Director Fury will have something for you, it'd be nice to work with you again."

Standing up, Carol locked her gaze with Natasha's and couldn't fight as smile, "Yeah, me too," she eventually mumbled and the redhead turned to leave. Carol blinked and her hand mindlessly found Natasha's elbow, "Eh, about what I said earlier."

Natasha glanced down at her arm, "Dealing with it," she looked back at Carol and smiled softly, "I will."

Carol let go Natasha's elbow, her hand slowly sliding down her forearm, "Goodbye Carol," Natasha said as she walked backward to the car. Carol watched them leaving, until they took a left turn, she couldn't see them anymore and got on the motorcycle.

She had only two things in mind after these few exhausting days as she drove to the south, to Louisiana, things being taking a long and cold shower and sleeping for three days straight.


	6. No time to rest

Going back home was a real delight, seeing Maria and telling her everything that happened much needed. They spent an entire evening talking about the events, Carol giving her inside point of view and Maria the feelings she had when she saw the image on her TV, the fear and worry that something would happen to Carol, and then the relief and pride of seeing that the threat had been neutralised and that people were grateful for Carol's and all the Avengers' intervention.

Of course, Maria couldn't stop teasing Carol when the name of a certain redhead was mentioned, but Carol was used to these little jokes and didn't mind them. Carol couldn't help it, she had to praise Natasha, to explain how it was her who found out how to finish this hell that was this fight against Loki. She didn't talk about the incident with the Hulk though, it was something very few people had knowledge of and Maria didn't need to know that Natasha had lived another trauma.

During the next few days, Carol mostly rested. She usually needed four or five hours of sleep to be at her best, but after these three days she opted for a full recovery, eight hours of sleep per night, morning runs for her cardio and healthy meals cooked by Maria and Monica the one time she came visit.

What Carol didn't see coming was the S.H.I.E.L.D car parked in front of the house only a week after she arrived.

She woke up at dawn, her typical move, drank a glass of juice, peach and apricot, changed into a white tank top, a pair of yoga pants and her running shoes and got out for her run. She didn't even start running when she saw Maria Hill, standing crossed arms beside the car. Her hands on her hips, Carol laughed at herself for thinking she was free of Fury's control and walked towards the black haired woman.

"Didn't expect to see you so soon, Agent Hill."

She uncrossed her arms and stepped in direction of Carol, "Well, you are a very valuable asset for us. Having you here and not asking you for a favour would be a stupid play."

"That's true but will it be the only favour, huh?" It was a rhetorical question, she knew Nick would want her to work for S.H.I.E.L.D more regularly.

"I guess you'll have to ask that to Director Fury," Maria said as she opened the door of the car, "Can I at least change before going?"

"Sure."

It took everything inside Carol to hold her sigh until she was far enough so Maria Hill couldn't hear her. This was just the beginning of Nick thinking he owned her, and she would soon have to clarify things with him, especially since he didn't tell her the whole truth with the Tesseract.

Back in the house, she went to her bedroom to change into casual clothing before knocking on Maria's door. After a minute, the head of Carol's sleepy best friend stuck out of the door frame, "Carol, I told you I wouldn't come running with you this mornin'."

"It's not that," Carol replied and there Maria saw that her best friend wasn't wearing an outfit to practice any physical activity, "There is a car outside for me, Fury wants me back at S.H.I.E.L.D."

"You workin' for them now?"

"Apparently," Carol sighed.

Maria stepped out of her bedroom to pull Carol in her arms, "I hope you'll work with that redhead of yours," she said into the embrace and Carol instantly pulled out, "Oh, my God. Shut up!" she giggled, lightly punching Maria in the shoulder.

"Alright! You be careful, huh."

Carol winked, "Always."

The ride to, well, Carol didn't know where, was dead silent. The blonde expected Agent Hill to brief her about why Fury wanted her back at S.H.I.E.L.D, but either she didn't know or she had been ordered not to tell Carol because she didn't open her mouth for the whole trip.

After about an hour, Maria stopped the vehicle on the side of the road that crossed a track. She exited the car and Carol followed her, she supposed she had to and was right. They walked for five minutes and arrived on an empty field. Carol frowned as she shared a glance with Maria, what was the point of all this.

Not a minute later, Carol heard noises from behind her, the sound of an engine, and before she could turn around to see it it was in front of her, landing.

Carol didn't even bother to ask why all the secrecy and where they were going, she entered the quinjet, sat on the first seat she saw and waited.

She must have dozed off because the time passed really fast, and when they landed she recognised Washington DC. They were on the top of a building and, to Carol's surprise, Fury didn't welcome her.

Agent Hill showed her the way, led her to an elevator and then to an office. She opened the door and closed it behind her, staying outside, and Carol saw a dozen of men there as well as Fury, "Captain, thank you for coming in such short notice," he said with a cheerful tone.

"Didn't feel like I had a choice," Carol muttered to herself as she stepped closer to the group.

"This is Strike team, you met some of them in New York I believe."

Carol looked at each on of them until she finally recognised one and chuckled, "Oh yeah, you are the guy who was rude to Agent Romanoff," she pointed at him and he looked down shamefully.

"Talking about me, Captain?" a voice Carol could recognise anywhere said. She turned around and saw Natasha and Clint entering the office, both in their S.H.I.E.L.D outfits.

"Hey Cap!" Clint greeted. They stood to each side of Carol, Clint on her left, Natasha on her right, and the latter gave her a slight nod before getting her attention back to Fury.

"Now that everybody is there, let's start," Nick gathered the people around, sending images on the big flat screen on the wall opposite to him, "This is rescue mission. Two of our agent have gone missing for a day, their last communication with us saying "it might be a trap", guess it was. The goal is zero casualties, neutralise the abductors, kill them only if necessary and get our agents back."

"Sir?" the rude guy from New York interrupted.

"Agent Rumlow?"

"Why do you need us, this is something Barton and Romanoff can do on their own."

Carol glared at him, " _Agents_ Barton and Romanoff," she said under her breath, but not quiet enough because both Natasha and Clint chuckled, the redhead looking at her with a smirk.

"Because, from what we know, their will be a lot of people guarding them. You will need to be perfectly synchronised, one mistake and it will end up in a big fight."

Fury showed more details that were all boring to Carol. She wasn't an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D for one reason, and that was because she hated to receive orders. All her life, in the air force or with the Kree, she had been yelled at, superiors barking orders at her, with no respect at all, and since she got free from the Kree she sworn she would never let anyone tell her to do anything.

Her trail of thoughts got stopped by Natasha lightly squeezing her shoulder. Carol gazed at her and the other woman nodded at Fury, who was talking to Carol, she must have noticed she wasn't listening anymore, "Strike team, time to get ready. I still want a word with agents Romanoff and Barton and Captain Danvers."

All these men left the office, chattering about the mission, until it was only the four of them in the room.

"You didn't tell me I'd work for S.H.I.E.L.D, I thought I was only there for the Avengers."

"Well, I thought it would forge a team spirit if you worked with Agent Romanoff and Barton a little more."

"Come on, Captain, it's gonna be fun," Clint said as he went to sit on one of the chairs in front of Fury's office.

"Plus, you get to call the shots," Natasha added, and that was what reassured her, she would be in control, she wasn't back to the awful early days of her life, "Fine, but I'm not at your service, okay? No more picking me up for a mission whenever you want."

"That's why I'm giving you a place here in DC, it'll save you the long trip."

"Right," Carol sighed, of course Nick had thought of something to make her stay close, that way he could ask for her help easily and she couldn't complain about the distance.

She put her head back in the mission, the faster they went to rescue these agents, the faster she could get back home, until shed have to move to this 'place in DC', "no powers again?"

"Not in presence of Strike team, no."

That was the only thing she actually needed to know, and the thing about her being at Fury's disposal came back to bother her very quickly, "Okay but if I get a place here it means I'll have to go on missions often right?"

"Only when you are needed."

Carol chuckled as she thought about what agent whatever-is-his-name said, "I'm sure Natasha and Clint could handle it without me."

"Strike team are mercenaries, they only answer to someone in higher ranking," Natasha explained.

"I've never worked here, how can I have a higher rank than you?" Carol asked, an eyebrow raised, this had no sense to her.

"Privileges, Captain, enjoy them," Clint replied as he stood up and made his way to the door, they also had to get ready.

"Now that you're here might as well do the job. It'll be great, I promise," Natasha said. This was a fair point but Carol didn't want to let go. She wasn't one of Fury's agent, he couldn't call her like that when it pleased him, "Please, Carol," Natasha insisted.

Something about Natasha calling her by her first name made Carol's heart flutter and her cheeks warm up. Since she first said it a week ago, Carol hadn't stopped thinking about it and how it sounded perfect when it came out of Natasha's mouth. Carol didn't really appreciate or dislike her name, it was common, not a long beautiful name like Elizabeth or Eleanor are – these she really liked – but Natasha's voice made it better, nicer, it was melodious.

She looked at the redhead and couldn't say no anymore. Natasha knew for sure what she was doing, she knew how to seduce people and to convince them, and that was what she was doing with her faux-saddened emerald gaze and her little pout, "Okay, let's restart from the beginning, what do we know?"

Clint came back around the desk as Fury showed them more details about the missions, details that he didn't gave to Strike team because they weren't high enough in S.H.I.E.L.D's hierarchy to have them.

From what Carol understood, it was the agents mistake, and in her personal opinion they shouldn't have been there in the first place. They wanted to know if a group of native American was hostile against the US, and they probably weren't until S.H.I.E.L.D showed up on their soil. Carol would have preferred to negotiate with these people, but it didn't seem to be what Fury had in mind and she didn't care enough to propose this option.

"I believe the three of you are already good enough of a team to succeed in this mission. Now, go get ready, agent Romanoff has a suit to show you Carol!"

In another situation, this pep talk wouldn't have been let unnoticed by Carol, she definitely would have teased Nick for saying such nice words, but the fact that she had, again, a new suit, drew Carol's attention.

They exited Fury's office and Carol followed Clint and Natasha, "You'll join us at the jet, girls?" Clint said at the junction of corridors and Natasha nodded, going in the direction.

Carol walked two paces behind Natasha and allowed herself to analyse her behaviour, as well as checking her out subtly. She had still that confidence that emanated from her, always, even if she had recently lived tough stuff. But Carol knew now that inside she was hurting, this confidence just being a facade so nobody worried about her. It seemed to work with everybody, even Clint, but Carol wasn't going to let Natasha fool her with this, she showed her she cared before and she would keep doing it if the redhead didn't deal with her shits.

Too lost in her thoughts, Carol only realised they were in the armoury when Natasha spoke up, "Since it's a stealth operation, Maria thought, stealth mode."

Agent Hill was there, on the other side of the room behind a table on which was the new suit. Carol took a step forward and gasped as she good a better look at it, "This looks so fucking amazing," she swore as she observed the suit, the classic eight pointed star was shining grey, the dark black S.H.I.E.L.D logo on the left shoulder and the rest of the suit a light black.

"You can put this on here and we are good to go," Natasha said, pointing at a screen.

It wasn't in Carol's DNA to be shy about her body anymore, the Kree made this disappear. But the boundaries on Earth weren't the same and she knew she couldn't undress in front of them, even though she wouldn't mind these two women seeing her naked.

Parts of Carol wanted to do a fashion show with this new suit on, she loved it and felt very powerful in it, but there was a more important matter that was waiting for her and Natasha. They shared a look and nodded before the redhead started walking to the shed, where Clint and Strike team was, already in the quinjet, ready to take off.

"Looking good, Cap!" Clint told Carol as he was fixing his bow.

An agent stepped in front of Carol, his hands in his back, "Ma'am, we are ready for takeoff."

She nodded and the agent left, the jet flying in the air a few seconds later. The location where they were going wasn't very far, with the speed of the quinjet, they would get there in the next half hour.

After twenty minutes of flight, Carol gathered around her the eleven people that was her team for the day, less the pilot. She reminded them of the three steps of the mission, neutralising the guards outside of the building with a soporific gas, that they had to do at the same time. Then, she would get inside with Natasha and Clint, analyse the situation while Strike team watched the surrounding, and finally they would rescue the agents. It wasn't that complicated, nobody had to die or being hurt and they would be back in DC for dinner.

They landed close to the border of the reserve and went on foot to the location, walking through woods until they could glimpse sight of the building.

Just like anticipated, there were just as much as armed guards as their was members of the team, and the woods all around the building would really help for them to take position. Carol, Natasha and Clint were the closer to the entry, since they were going in to get the agents.

It took a dozens of minutes for all the agents of Strike team to get in position and, before Carol could ask them via their comms if they were all ready, one of them went without authorisation. Agent Rumlow called him back but it was too late, the time he took to go back to his initial position, he had been caught, two guards pointing their rifles at him. He replied by aiming at them with his gun, which made Carol leave her hiding place.

"Wait!" she shouted, running towards them with her hands in the air, to show she wasn't a threat, "we only want peace with you. We are here to get our agents back and then we will leave you alone."

She stepped closer and called all her team out of the woods, all of them with their guns in their holsters, only the one that had been caught still had his gun in hands.

"Rollins," agent Rumlow said, "put the gun down."

"Only when they do it!" he shouted back, and Carol could see he was nervous, his pointing finger on the trigger.

With another step forward, she was close enough to take down these two guards, but all the others were still there and watching, so this was not an option.

"Please, just give our agents back here, we know you have them, and then you won't ever hear about us."

Carol thought she had succeeded when one of the two guards took his walkie-talkie and mumbled something that she couldn't hear, but his next motion, she didn't see it coming. One second she was standing there, thinking the mission would be over, the next she was down on the ground, her head hitting a rock after the guard struck her with the grip of his rifle.

Her head was dizzy, her vision blurry, and when she tried to get back on her feet she felt her legs failing her. Falling back on her belly, she felt a touch on her shoulder and muttered, "Stand down."

The person repeated the order, and it took Carol a few seconds to realise that it was Natasha. She whimpered as Natasha helped her get back on her feet. Putting her hand on her forehead, where she hit the rock, Carol noticed she was bleeding and kept her limb here, to hide her blue blood. She looked around and saw that every people but her and Natasha had their personal weapons in hands, "Give us our agents back and we leave, no need for anybody to get hurt," she said, her voice echoing in her head.

After another call, the guard who hit her nodded at the house and all the guards lower their weapons. In reaction, the S.H.I.E.L.D agents did the same, even agent Rollins after Clint ordered him to.

Carol looked at Natasha and Clint, "You guys can handle that," she panted, the hit she took in the head making her whole body weak.

Natasha stepped closer beside Carol, "You go in there Clint, I'm taking her back in the jet."

Carol sighed as she took a step back to go back to the jet, but as her foot hit the ground she felt like her brain was going to implode inside her skull. Natasha instantly wrapped her arm around Carol's waist to steady are as they walked together. Every step was worse than the other and she felt like she was going to throw up, but Natasha really helped her and Carol focused on that, the other woman's strong arm holding her closely against her side.

"Next time you get an impulse like that, try to warn us. I really didn't know what we were doing back there," Natasha said as they walked in the woods, not without struggles, "I thought showing myself and try to negotiate was a better idea than killing them."

Natasha chuckled, "And you are right, but just tell us next time."

_If there is a next time,_ Carol told herself.

The more they walked, the more the blonde felt like throwing up, she had to sit somewhere and fast. She couldn't hold a sigh of relief when she caught sight of the quinjet, getting her hand off her forehead.

Natasha led her to a seat before going to take a first aid kit, "Your jaw looks fine, does it feel fine?" she asked, slowly caressing the bruised skin that got hit by the rifle with her thumb. Carol closed her eyes, lightly leaning into the gentle touch and take a deep breath, "Honestly, my whole head hurts so much that I don't know where it's worse."

The redhead took a pack of ice and put it on Carol's left cheek, "Well then, just in case," she said with a smirk before searching in the kit, "I gotta close this cut."

Carol tried to get an overview of the wound with her fingers but her motions with sloppy and her touch too hard. She groaned and cursed under her breath for being such an idiot, she wasn't in a state to take care of herself and must let Natasha do it for her.

Giving up, she put the ice pack in her palm and leaned on it, her elbow on her lap.

Natasha started by disinfecting the wound, causing Carol to frown and grunt. She groaned more as Natasha cleaned the inside of the cut. Carol needed a distraction to overlook the pain and she found it in the woman in front of her. There was no way she could be subtle about her staring this time, they were way too close for that, but the redhead didn't seem to mind, too focused in her stitching. At first, Carol looked at Natasha's green eyes, that sparkled like gemstones, a mix of dark and light green and a bit of blue shining even brighter as Carol lost herself in them. A sudden sting in her flesh more painful than the others made Carol's breathing shake. She blinked and when her eyelids were opened again, her gaze was on Natasha's lips, curved into a smile, her mouth slightly open. Carol thought those lips were very kissable, but the thought got lost in the wind as she groaned again, the area Natasha was working on more sensible.

"You know, I heal faster than a normal human," she told Natasha, shutting her eyes close as another wave of pain went through her whole body, "Yeah, the blue blood makes me think it is true. But the way you are crying like a baby seems pretty human to me."

"I'm only half human," Carol groaned and Natasha let out a laughter, "Are you even qualified to do that?" she added as she released a long breath.

"Don't worry Carol, I'm not going to disfigure your perfect face."

In other circumstances, Carol wouldn't have let Natasha go with that comments, that sounded a whole lot like a compliment, but the pain was too much for her to tease the redhead.

It took a few more minutes for Natasha to clean and patch Carol's wound, and she was done just when Clint, Strike team and the agents they rescued entered the quinjet.

Clint looked at Carol, who nodded and he knew what to do, "Alright, let's get back to DC."

He came to check on Carol and told her what happened inside the building, what was her idea of this mission if Nick had thought about negotiating with them in the first place.

Natasha sat beside Carol for the whole flight, making sure her head was fine with a few motor function tests. The blonde already started to feel better, her ears not hurting anymore when she talked, and by the end of the trip, she could stand without being too dizzy.

Strike team was about to leave directly as they landed, but Carol called them out, "We are not done yet," she said as they all stood in line in the back of the quinjet, "Ma'am?" agent Rumlow replied and she did her best not to glare at him.

"What happened back there was unacceptable. Not only you didn't follow the plan but you also were undisciplined and it could have turned into a way worst situation if I didn't intervene."

She walked back and forth in front of them, ignoring Nick and Maria Hill approaching, "If we ever happen to work together, I will expect total coordination and obedience from each and everyone of you. One more mistake in my presence and you are out, all of you."

The snort from Clint almost made her lose the thread of her thought but she shook her head and finished her reprimand, "One last thing. These people are agent Romanoff and Barton, refer to them as such in my presence or you are out. I'm Captain Danvers, not ma'am, not Danvers, it's Captain Danvers or Captain. Understood?"

They all muttered something, a mix of _Yes Captain_ and _understood_ , and she lingered a bit just to add more guilt on their shoulders, "You are dismissed."

Fury and Hill entered the quinjet as Strike team exited it and Carol sat down on the closest surface, "I get it didn't go as planned," Fury started as he walked closer to take a look at Carol's forehead.

Carol chuckled, "Yep, you could say that."

"But she handled the situation perfectly, preventing casualties in both our side and theirs," Natasha clarified, and Carol gave her a thanking smile.

"Right! I guess now is not the best time to ask you for a report."

Carol crossed her arms as she stood up, "The only thing I want to do is sleeping right now."

"Agent Hill can drive you to your apartment, it is furnished, but you can get some more stuff of yours if you want," Nick told her before looking at Clint, "I'm going to need you for something, agent Barton."

"Yes sir," he replied and followed him inside the S.H.I.E.L.D facilities.

The three women stood there for a few seconds before Maria stepped forward and Carol mindlessly followed her, Natasha walking beside her, "I can write the report if you want. I saw everything and know what your intentions were, you'll just have to check it before I sent it to Nick."

It was a very appealing offer, but Fury didn't say he needed the report right away and Carol wouldn't bother Natasha with something that was her job to do, "I'll do it tomorrow, but thank you for the offer."

They arrived at an elevator, and that was where they had to go separate ways, "Okay. If you need anything, for your new place or something, you can call me."

Carol wanted to laugh, she didn't have a phone so calling the redhead would be tough to achieve, but once again the intention is nice of her, "I'll remember that," Carol managed to reply with a smile before the doors of the elevator closed.

Maria led Carol to a car opened the door for her before going to the driver seat, "Romanoff seems to like you already, it took a few months for her to be friendly like that with me."

Carol didn't really know what to say to that, what did this mean about Natasha? Did she had a soft spot for the blonde or did she just feel like she could let her guard down with her, or was it something else, what Carol overthink? That was surely it.

"Guess I'm lucky," she eventually replied, realising as she remembered some lines from Natasha's file that trust wasn't something you could get from her easily. Carol didn't pretend like she already had Natasha's trust, she, herself, didn't fully trust the redhead, but what Maria said was still interesting.

They parked after a fifteen minutes ride and Maria showed Carol the way to her apartment. It wasn't that much old of a building, late eighties was Carol's guess and the neighbourhood seemed decent at this time of the evening. Inside, there was only three apartment on the second floor and the letter box on the first, meaning there wouldn't be much noises that would bother Carol in her sleep.

Maria Hill opened the door and let Carol entered first, the blonde gasping with surprise as she saw how big and nice this place was, "There is food in the fridge, sheets of the bed in the closet as well as towels."

Carol turned around, seeing Maria still at the door, "Thank you, agent Hill."

"It's my job, Captain."

Carol chuckled, "Please, call me Carol."

"Then I'm Maria," she replied and stepped out of the apartment, "Goodbye Carol."

Carol looked around as she sat on the couch, about to put her feet on the coffee table when she saw something on it. She took a closer look and saw a phone and a note. She laughed as she read it, it was like Fury had seen ahead of her and her conversation with Natasha. After considering using the phone, she put it back where she found it and went to the kitchen, taking a little thing to eat before going to bed.

_I figured it would be easier if I had a way to contact you. There's Barton's, Hill_ _'_ _s and Romanoff's numbers in this. If you ever get bored when you don't have any work to do you can call them and hang out._


	7. Hanging out

Life in Washington DC was calm and peaceful for Carol, especially because Fury didn't call since that first mission.

The report sent two days after the mission, her belongings from Maria's moved to the new apartment after a week in it, she had not a lot to do. With this time off, Carol took the opportunity to visit the city, she hadn't been there for quite some time, before she got her powers.

But even after that, she received nothing on her phone and got bored. She fell into a routine, morning run, then she would go to the farmers market in a smaller town nearby, using the motorcycle and credit card Fury gave her, and back at her place she would cook her lunch and later on the day dinner. The afternoon and evening were mainly spent in front of the television, she had an amazingly long list of films to watch, she even discovered that Star Wars had a new trilogy.

Weeks passed and not once Carol dared to call Natasha, she wanted to but felt like she would bother her.

One morning though, when Carol came back from her jogging, her phone rang and a smile formed on her lips as she saw the name of the redhead on the caller ID, _"_ _Hey Cap,_ _haven't_ _seen you around_ _in_ _a while._ _"_

Her smile turned into a grin as she heard Natasha's voice, deep and soft, as usual, "Well, it seems Nick doesn't need me."

Natasha chuckled, _"_ _But I do. Clint doesn't want to spar with me anymore, he got tired of getting his ass kicked. Would you like to be my_ _new_ _training partner?_ _"_

Carol could tell that Natasha was smirking as she asked this question, even through her phone, "I guess it wouldn't hurt."

_"Great! I'm at S.H.I.E.L.D's gym, meet you there."_

The call was hung up before Carol could say anything more but she was so excited to see Natasha again that she didn't mind. Still in her running clothes, she figured they were appropriate to spar and left her apartment right away. She just added a leather jacket on top of her tank top for the ride on her motorcycle and headed to S.H.I.E.L.D's facilities.

She got lost inside the parking lot, not sure where was the gym. She asked the way to the first agent she ran into, who nicely led her there.

To her surprise, the gym was empty, except for one redhead practising on a punch bag. Carol slowly approached her, smiling bigger and bigger as she got closer.

"Hey," she eventually said when she was only a few steps away.

Natasha finished her sequence before glancing at the blonde, "Hi, it's good to see you!" she greeted as she wiped the sweat off her forehead with the sleeve of her hoodie.

"You too," Carol replied, tossing her jacket and keys on the nearest bench.

After a gaze at the bag, Natasha looked back at Carol, "You mind if I finish this session? I've got three more sequences and I'm done."

"No problem," Carol told her, standing behind the punch bag to hold it still, making it easier for Natasha to hit her strikes.

"So, what have you been doing during these two months?" Natasha breathed as she started another sequence of punches, "Nothing really. After my best friend helped me getting my stuff from her house, so basically just clothes, I had nothing to do. I visited DC a little."

"Never been here?"

Carol laughed, "I've been here but it kinda changed since the last time I came. Pretty sure you weren't even born at the time."

Natasha chuckled between two sequences, "My brain still has a hard time processing the fact that you aren't my age."

"You think I look like I'm your age?" Carol asked, surprised that Natasha would think she looked so young.

Her capacity of ageing had slowed since she got her powers, her body barely aged, maybe only a few years, so it seemed like she was still twenty nine. She felt like she was older though, older than the age that she was supposed to have – 54 – but that sure had something to do with all the experiences she had in her life.

Over the years, after hundreds of trips across the universe, Carol started to forget about the concept of age and only remembered it when she came back to Earth to visit Maria and Monica. Now that Nick wanted her here all the time, she would have to get used to it again and act like she was her body's age, not her real one or life experience's one, in order to blend in the society.

"Yep, still looking good Cap!" the redhead replied with a smirk before starting her penultimate sequence.

They finished in silence, Carol admiring Natasha's technique as she punched and kicked the bag, all her motion perfectly executed. The blonde realised that sparring with her might be more difficult than what she expected, she hadn't have a good opponent for a while and a fight against Natasha as a new start of frequent combat training could end up badly for Carol.

As she caught her breath, Natasha stretched her arms towards Carol and she knew the redhead was asking her help to take off her boxing gloves. Carol put them on the bench with Natasha's belonging, beside where she put hers and brought her the bottle of water that was on the floor.

"Thanks," Natasha panted as Carol handed her the bottle. She pointed at the mat on her right as she drank and Carol went there, Natasha joining her after she took off her hoodie. She was already sweating a lot because of the training she did while Carol was driving to join her, and Carol had to look away to not stare at her form-hugging tank top, her abs more than distinguishable.

Carol stretched a little, bouncing up and down, "Should I play fair or do I use every fighting techniques I learned in space," she teased and Natasha chuckled, "Let's see if you can beat me with those."

Her hands up to her chin, Natasha took a side step to the right and Carol mirrored her doing, smirking. The observed each other for a bit and it took Carol a hot minutes to notice that Natasha was left handed, her guard being symmetrical to Carol's.

She was very grateful to see it in time, otherwise Natasha's first attack would have been successful. She didn't completely fail, though. Yes, Carol blocked her left hook but it gave the redhead an opening that she didn't miss and punched her in the stomach. This hit unbalanced Carol and Natasha took this opportunity to tackle her, the blonde falling on her butt.

"It seems the fight is fair," Natasha teased, "want a hand?" she added, offering her limb to help Carol back on her feet but the later pushed it away and stood up on her own, "Game on," she said as she cracked her neck and Natasha smirked.

This time the fight was close, they exchanged punches, dodged some, received some, but nothing too hard to take. None of Carol's Kree fighting techniques worked on Natasha, she was too observant, too smart to be surprised, even by things she never encountered, "You'll teach me that one later," she teased as she dodged another special attack from the Captain.

They went on and on with short sequences of combat, both enjoying themselves, smiling at each other in the calmer moments, provoking and teasing, but more serious when the punches came close and almost hit them.

During one longer exchange, Carol found an opening she would never have dreamt of against such a skilled fighter like Natasha, but since the seriousness of the sparring wasn't at its maximum, it wasn't that surprising that Natasha wasn't a hundred percent of her time fully on her guard. After a nicely done right hook in Natasha's right shoulder, the redhead had the reflex to put her hand on her sore joint, leaving her midsection totally exposed. With the momentum from her punch, Carol rotated on her right foot and kicked Natasha in her ribcage, sending her down on the mat.

Proud of herself for knocking down Natasha Romanoff, Carol grinned but it quickly faded away as she realised the redhead wasn't stand up.

"Natasha," she said, suddenly worried that she might have hurt her severely.

Natasha had her feet tucked under her butt, leaning forward with her forehead on the mat. She was breathing heavily and clenching her fists hard, her nails probably scratching her own skin.

Carol crouched beside her and delicately put her hand on the other woman's shoulder. She didn't know what else to do and just rubbed Natasha's shoulder for a few more seconds until she straightened up, a single tears rolling down her cheek.

"Sorry," she muttered, looking down at the mat as she wiped the tear away.

Carol didn't understand why she apologised and wondered why she reacted that way, "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" she asked as she sat crossed-legs, her hand not leaving Natasha's shoulder.

Natasha shook her head, "I'm okay. You didn't hurt me, quite the contrary, you helped."

"What do you mean?"

Natasha looked up and found Carol's gaze, her swollen eyes making Carol's heart ache, "You kicked me in a rib that… um, Banner broke," the Hulk did, but Carol supposed Natasha couldn't say his name without being triggered even more, "I found out it was broken two weeks later. It didn't really bother me until it did, you know..." she laughed nervously and Carol moved closer, knowing it wasn't easy for a woman like Natasha to open up and talk about her trauma, "It just all became dark when I fell and I was back on the helicarrier, running for my life," she looked at her shoulder, Carol's hand still gently stroking it, "but you helped, so thank you Carol."

Carol felt suddenly emotional. It had been her job for so long to help people and it never felt so much rewarding than now with Natasha. She was glad she helped her fight her demons, and proud of her for succeeding at fighting them. She didn't know why, but Carol had this need of protecting Natasha, from other people and from herself, and knowing that she could do it made her even more determined to keep doing it.

After gently squeezing Natasha's shoulder, Carol stood up and gave her her hand, pulling her back on her feet.

"Wanna keep going?" Natasha asked and Carol shook her head, "We've been here for more than an hour, I think we're done for today."

They went to the bench where their stuff were, Natasha putting them all on the floor before walking away, "I'll be right back," she told Carol and disappeared in another room.

Carol sat down on the bench, swallowing to try to humidify her dry throat, still a bit shaken up by what Natasha told her. She couldn't stop thinking about it, she knew when she heard Natasha in her earpiece that things were going sideways but Nick wouldn't let her help and she dumbly obeyed. Carol hated herself for letting Natasha in this situation, she could have prevented this trauma, she could have helped sooner, she should have…

A voice brought Carol back to reality, "There you go," she heard and looked up, seeing Natasha handing her a very much needed bottle of water, "Thanks," she replied as she stared at the redhead, at first sitting on the bench to drink. But then, she put her own bottle down and laid down on the bench, her head resting on Carol's thigh.

Carol took another long sip of water, looking away as she tried not to play with Natasha's hair. It was so tempting, it was just there, on her lap, all wavy and beautiful.

Finally laying eyes on Natasha, she found her softly smiling, fidgeting the fabric of her top. She was staring at Carol and laughed as Carol raised an eyebrow, "What?" Carol asked, and that made Natasha laugh even more, "I just think it's funny that I lied there and you didn't say anything."

"What was I supposed to do, push you off the bench?"

"That's what I would have done if you'd done that to me."

Carol gasped, acting offended, "Oh great, so you can do whatever the fuck you want but I can't."

"Exactly," Natasha replied as she sat up, her laughters filling the air.

Carol looked at her with a serious gaze but couldn't keep it for long and joined Natasha in her amusement, "Come back here," she said, pulling the redhead towards her, the back of her head pressed against her thigh. Natasha gladly obliged and laid down after taking a sip of water.

This time, Carol didn't resist and took a strand of red hair between her thumb and pointing finger and Natasha didn't seem to mind. Carol could see Natasha wanted to say something and kept her eyes on her, waiting for her to open up.

"Thank you again… for earlier," she finally managed to let out, her tone the total opposite of what it was a minute ago, heavy and hesitant.

"I wasn't going to let you there, Natasha."

At that, Natasha just hummed, her eyes wandering around.

"Hey," Carol whispered to get her attention, "are you dealing with it? Like talking to someone or something?"

"I'm talking to you now."

As nice as this was, Carol knew she had to scold her, "I wish I was capable of helping you heal but a professional would be better for this, Natasha."

She looked away again, "I know," her voice was weak and trembling, "but I don't feel like talking to a stranger about my problems."

Carol scoffed, "I'm not far from a stranger for you. We've known each other for two months."

Natasha sat up, suddenly looking more joyful, "And I intend to change that. I have a few days off since I almost die on my last mission, so we are going to spend time together."

Carol, who was drinking, almost choked on her water, "You what?"

"Just a bullet that passed really close to my head, nothing really."

"You better not die now that you promised me time with you," Carol warned, standing up to take her stuff, "and don't think I forgot about the other conversation, if I'm the one you want to talk to we will talk."

"I count on that," Natasha replied and noticed Carol was putting her jacket on, "Going somewhere?"

"I mean, it's lunch time and I'm like super hungry."

"Wanna try S.H.I.E.L.D's canteen," Natasha asked with a smirk.

"Why do I feel like it sucks?"

And she couldn't have been more right, the food looked, smelled and tasted like garbage, even the water tasted like it wasn't potable.

"Please, tell me you don't eat here everyday," Carol said in the middle of the meal, tossing her fork away as she grimaced.

Natasha chuckled, "Only when I come here to train and I'm too lazy to go back to my place."

"Oh, my God, I wanna see what Natasha Romanoff's place looks like."

"It's nothing really, not worth the trip."

"Hmm, I'm letting you go with this but we are definitely going to your place one day."

They didn't know what to do for the rest of the day and just walked around, Natasha introducing Carol to some people she knew until a thought crossed the redhead's mind, "What happens if you shoot me with your sparkling hands?"

Carol chuckled, _sparkling hands_ was one of the many nicknames people gave to her powers, "Photon blasts, that's how I call it. And I wouldn't try, for what I've seen it kinda hurt."

"Okay but what if we try on a dummy," Natasha said and started to walk faster.

"What's that?" Carol asked as they entered a room full of weapons.

They passed another door and arrived in a shooting range, "I can enter the infos about my weight and height in this," Natasha showed Carol a computer screen, "and then if you shoot at one of these it will simulate it like I was your target."

It sounded like a very funny idea, but Carol wasn't sure they could just go in and do that, "Are we allowed to just use S.H.I.E.L.D's stuff?"

Her eyes on the screen, Natasha replied, "You are a level 8, it shouldn't be a problem."

"What?"

Natasha looked up at Carol, "Your level of clearance. I'm level 6, but you are a field commander, so you are a level 8."

Again, Carol wondered how she could have a higher rank or whatever was a clearance level than Natasha when she had never worked here, apart from one mission. She supposed it had something to do with the fact that she was hiding her identity to all the employees of S.H.I.E.L.D and only the people with higher level of clearance than her knew who she really was, as well as Clint and Natasha.

"Okay, it should work now," Natasha said and pointed at one of the target, "do your thing Cap!"

Carol rose her hand up and clenched it into a fist, all the energy in her channelled in her extremity. She didn't even need it to shine to shoot a photon blast but she did for the show, golden and blue beams of light hovering around her skin. After a smirk at Natasha, she shot a short blast and the target got completely destroyed in dozens of pieces.

Natasha looked at the screen with excitment as the computer created the simulation. Carol joined her just in time to see how she would shatter Natasha's whole ribcage with a blast like this one.

"It says I wouldn't die," Natasha laughed. Wouldn't die on the moment, yes, but of her injuries, that was a possibility.

"I wasn't at full strength," Carol said, not wanting to brag but that was surely how it sounded.

"Well, please don't ever photon blast me."

Carol chuckled, "Not in my plan, don't worry."

She was about to say more when Natasha's phone rang. She picked up but stayed in the room, Carol taking a few steps back so she wasn't tempted to eavesdrop. Natasha walked back to her a minute or so later with a smirk, "So, Hill was watching us and just yelled at me for using this for fun and my argument about testing your powers of course didn't work. But! Since it's you I guess she let it pass but we can't have more fun here, she sent me home until Im back on duty."

"She can do that?" Carol asked.

"Yep, level 9. The only people above her are Nick and Pierce."

That was a very interesting point. Carol didn't know nor cared to ask about agent Hill's rank, she know she was Nick's right-hand woman but it never occurred to her that she could be that high in S.H.I.E.L.D's ranking. It was now official that Maria knew everything about Carol, she wasn't sure about that back on the helicarrier or when she picked her up to bring her to DC. She must be the person Nick trusted the most, maybe the only person he fully trusted.

Not sure what to say, Carol just stood there and looked around, the air starting to feel heavy. Natasha cleared her throat and Carol glanced at her, softly smiling as her cheeks turned pink.

"So um… I should go back at my place but um, what would you think about a drink tonight? Maybe Clint and Maria could come too," Carol proposed, even if she could imagine Nick's reaction, his proud grin if he learnt that Carol was hanging out with his agents.

"I'm seeing Clint when he'll be back here, I'll ask him."

Carol smiled, "Perfect."

Natasha took a step forward, "I'll see you later, Carol," she said and, after a pat on Carol's shoulder, exited the shooting range.

Carol stayed in the room, daydreaming, thinking about the moments she just spent with the redhead until two agents entered, and she apologised and left. As she walked towards the exit of the building, she ran into Maria Hill.

"Agent Hill!"

"Captain," she replied seriously, and Carol remembered what they said they she took her to her apartment, "Maria! We are gonna get a drink tonight with Barton and Romanoff, wanna join?"

Her behaviour suddenly changed, "Sure," she said with a genuine smile.

"Great, I guess Natasha will send you the infos since I don't know any good place here."

Maria nodded and walked away, leaving Carol in the hall, not sure what was the way to the parking lot. She managed to find it without asking anyone this time and figured she should learn her way around this building if she had to work here some times.

Back at her place, she showered and changed into casual clothing, an old rock band t-shirt and a pair of jeans, and when she got out of the bathroom she had received a text from Natasha.

_There's a bar down your street, see you there._

Carol didn't waste a second and went down the stairs to the street, walked for less than five minutes and found the bar. Natasha and Clint were seated at the terrace, a beer in front of the archer. Clint was the first to see her and waved at her, "It's been a while Cap!"

Barely seated, Carol saw Maria from afar and called a waiter in anticipation. She joined them and ordered a soft drink, unlike the other people around the table, she had to work the next day.

It quickly became loud and messy, Clint and Natasha telling their best stories, from their first mission together to embarrassing details that they would rather have kept secret. Natasha's laughters were the only thing Carol could hear, it was nice to see her being happy, enjoying herself.

Then, they all talked about their memories with Fury and Carol noticed that only Clint didn't call him by his first name. It must mean something that Maria and Natasha, just like Carol, called him Nick considering that Carol remembered perfectly him saying everybody should call him by his last name. She kept this thought in the corner of her mind as she enjoyed the evening as much as possible.

She spent such a great time with them that she regretted not proposing this earlier. It was like she belonged there, like these people and she were meant to have fun together. Carol wondered how Nick knew they would get along so well when he wrote that note, how could he be so sure of that?

Carol honestly didn't really care, she just wanted to take the most of this evening and would, for sure, hang out more with Natasha, Maria and Clint in the future.


	8. Being a friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all, I wanted to thank you for your comments and kudos, it really motivates me to keep going and make this fiction the best version of itself so please don't hesitate to tell me your thoughts, I read all the comments.

As hard as it was to admit, working at S.H.I.E.L.D wasn't that bad, it was even fun some times.

After another two months without a call from Nick, Carol thought that he just forgot she was available to help, though she was spending a lot of time with three of his best agents so he couldn't really forget her.

But one morning, Carol's phone rang and the number on the caller ID was unknown. She recognised the voice on the other side in the blink of an eye, even though she had not heard it in months. Nick called her in for another rescue mission, this time only with Natasha and Clint, meaning powers were allowed and no need to say that Carol enjoyed it very much.

The tradition was for the duo of best friends to get a celebratory drink after successful missions and Carol was of course invited.

Since their first meeting at that bar close to Carol's apartment, they met frequently in bars all over the city. When it wasn't the four of them it was Clint that was missing, obligations at home he always used as an excuse. Carol didn't know if he had a family, but it was likely that he did and that they were somewhere safe, attempts on S.H.I.E.L.D's agents' family unfortunately not rare. Whether it was with the man of the band or not, the evening were always festive, each time better than the one before.

In the weeks following this mission, Carol had a couple others, all ending in a bar with Maria, Natasha and Clint. It was fair to say that they were more than colleagues at this point, even though none of them really talked about their personal lives, it still felt like they knew one another perfectly.

One of the only thing Carol learnt during these nights was that Maria was a lesbian. They once talked about exes, Carol bragging about the few S.H.I.E.L.D agents she had slept with in the early days of Fury at the head of the organisation and Maria had burst into laughters when Carol said the name of a woman who was also Maria's ex. Carol could have totally seen herself sleeping with Maria a few years ago, she was a very attractive woman after all, but now they were friend thus there was no way they would.

And, if Carol was being honest to herself, she kinda, sort of, developed a crush on a certain redhead. She had a hard time dealing with it, she was spending a lot of time with Natasha but they were rarely alone, and when they were it was when Natasha needed to talk about her traumas so Carol didn't feel like asking her out after these moments.

She hated that Maria – Rambeau – had been right from the start, she knew Carol would catch feelings for her before they even met. But how could anyone blame her, Natasha was such a good person, she was smart, funny, passionate about what she did and incredibly good looking, Carol simply couldn't not fall for her.

With Thanksgiving, Christmas and the new year approaching, Carol knew she wouldn't have the opportunity to see Natasha since she was going back to New Orleans for the events. She promised to herself that she would invite her after all of this, but deep down she knew she didn't have the courage to do so.

Her relationship with Natasha was so unexpected, like Maria Hill said, the redhead wasn't someone to trust anybody just like that, but it seemed that it was what happened with Carol. The blonde also had this resonating sentence in her brain, _Love is for children,_ and that really didn't help her to make up her mind about how their relationship could go.

Back in Louisiana, Carol did her best to not think about Natasha, but she didn't help with her texts to wish Carol a merry Christmas and happy new year. The blonde thought she had avoided the subject with Maria, but it indubitably had to be mentioned once.

Carol's best friend was nice enough to not talk about it when Monica was here. She had a bad habit to get too much interested in Carol's love life and when it came to Natasha, the blonde preferred to keep the number of people knowing to its lowest.

Carol made it quick, _yes, I have a crush on her. No, I'm not asking her out._ Maria knew there was no way she could convince her to do it, she had to take the decision on her own.

The Captain went back to Washington DC with the will to see her friends again, and when Nick called her for a mission the next day, she thanked whoever heard her.

This time, they worked with Strike time again, and they were way more effective, listened to her orders and the mission didn't end up with a giant cut in Carol's forehead.

As usual, they finished their day celebrating, back in the bar down Carol's street. It came to her mind to propose to all of them to come visit her place since they were nearby but it was too late in the evening. That night, Carol had difficulties to fall asleep, the image of the redhead hunting her the second she closed her eyes.

The next day, after hours of wavering, Carol finally found the bravery to call Natasha. She knew the redhead had a day off and wouldn't have anything else to do, therefore she invited her in her apartment.

Natasha was overjoyed to finally see Carol's place and her smile when she entered couldn't tell otherwise. Carol didn't really plan anything for them to do so she just followed her as she wandered around, looking at the few objects and pictures Carol brought from Maria's house.

She stopped in front of an old picture of Carol with Maria and Monica during Christmas.

"So that's Maria, huh," Carol nodded, more looking at Natasha than at the photograph, "nice to finally put a face on the name."

This remark made Carol laugh, "It's not like I've been to your place."

Natasha took the framed picture in her hands, "True but there is nothing you've never seen there."

"And how can I be so sure of that?"

The redhead looked up at Carol and smirked, "I guess you'd have to trust me."

Her words sounded deep and meaningful, as if she wasn't sure Carol trusted her and waited for the confirmation. Carol wanted to tell her that she did, but the words died on her tongue and Natasha eventually changed the subject.

"When was that?"

Carol took a look at the picture to be sure, "A year before I got abducted by the Kree, 1988."

"How old was she?" Natasha asked, her finger pointing at Monica, "Four."

Natasha looked at Carol with surprise, "You are telling me she was born the same year as me," she said as she put the picture back on the shelf.

"Um, yeah," Carol muttered, she hadn't realised it herself.

"Oh, I've got something for you," Carol observed Natasha as she put her hand in the inside pocket of her jacket, taking a picture out of it, "It's the photo we took the last time we went out before you left. I wanted to give it to you sooner but you where already away and then I forgot."

The corners of the picture were a bit dog-eared but Carol couldn't care less about that. It was such a nice attention of Natasha to give this to her that Carol got emotional, "Thank you," she whispered as she put the photograph on the shelf, between the Christmas picture and the one where Carol and Maria were singing karaoke.

Carol kept staring at the picture, remembering how fun was that night and the smile on all their faces made her look at Natasha, tears in her eyes threatening to fall.

"Hey," Natasha said, taking a step forward to put her hand on Carol's back, "I didn't know you could cry, I thought Kree were emotionless."

This made Carol chuckle, "Well, I'm still half human so I guess I have emotions some times," she sniffled at locked her gaze with Natasha's, "I'm just very grateful to be friends with you guys."

Natasha smiled and pulled Carol closer, wrapping her arm around her shoulders, "Yeah, me too," she mumbled and looked at the picture again.

They stood there in silence, staring at the photo for a while. It was starting to be late, it was dark outside but Carol didn't want this moment to stop. It took her so long to invite Natasha here, she couldn't just show her the few things she had and then let her go. She needed an idea and found it by looked through the window.

"Follow me," she suddenly said and pulled Natasha by the arm. On the way to the door, she took a blanket and two cushions, "we might need those," she told Natasha as she gave them to her and took a chair from her dinning table.

They left her apartment, Natasha not questioning where they were going.

"I discovered this when I was visiting DC," Carol explained as she pushed a door that seemed to be locked, "I thought it was out of use until I blasted the knob and found this," she added as she let Natasha go first in the stairs.

Closing the door behind them, she heard a gasp from upstairs and figured Natasha was already on the roof. She joined her and put the chair down, "So, yeah… it's quite a view."

Natasha looked at her, her jaw dropped, "How selfish of you to never invite me here before!"

"You are a busy woman, Ms. Romanoff, I didn't think you'd be available."

"Come on, I'm always available to spend time with you."

Carol couldn't fight a smile as she heard that, "You want the chair or the deckchair?"

Natasha didn't reply and picked her choice, sitting on the deckchair. Carol had bought it after she discovered this access to the roof and often came here during the hot night of summer to look at the stars.

But this night, it was cold and she only had one blanket so she put the chair next to Natasha's seat and they shared the blanket. She put her feet on an unused chimney and a cushion between her neck and the backrest of the chair to be more comfortable to see the stars. Despite the lights of the city, they were visible and shining bright.

Carol couldn't stop herself from telling Natasha everything she knew about the stars, especially those she had seen with her own eyes. Space became more than just somewhere Carol could fly, going from planet to planet, galaxy to galaxy, she accumulated a lot of knowledge and always liked to share it with the people she cared about.

"You see this one there," she pointed at a the star at the end of the constellation of the Scorpio. She glanced at Natasha who nodded and looked back at the sky, "It's still in our sky but it doesn't exist anymore. I saw it dying, it was genuinely heartbreaking."

"Was there people living around it?"

"No, this side of the galaxy isn't very friendly, not a lot of species can live there."

Natasha chuckled, "Okay, smartass."

Carol gazed at Natasha in shock, "What? I've learn things up there, might as well share it!"

"I was messing with you," Natasha laughed, "I take it back, you are actually a dumbass."

Carol felt her cheeks heating up and she was grateful that it was too dark outside for Natasha to notice. It wasn't her usual reaction to blush when someone was teasing her, normally she would tease back. She used to with Natasha in the early days, but recently, since she accepted that she had a crush on her, Carol couldn't, afraid that it would be too obvious that she was flirting.

She saw the redhead rubbing her hands together, surely to get some heat, "Give me your hand," she said, her palm ready to receive it. Natasha didn't ask a question and obliged, a light smile on her lips. Without any effort, Carol sent energy in her hand that warmed up. Natasha's smile grew bigger as she gave Carol her other hand and sat up, "Tell me more about what you did up there."

After a quiet chuckle, Carol thought about her best memories and achievement. Of course her very first battle to save the Earth was what came to her mind and, even if she had already told this story to Natasha, Maria and Clint, it seemed like the redhead was still discovering it for the first time. She told her best moment with her Skrull friend Talos and how Fury lost his eye. It made Natasha laugh out loud to know that a cat did it, even though Goose was more than a simple cat but Carol kept that information to herself, it made the story funnier.

Carol would tell her most hilarious stories to hear Natasha's laugh, it was so genuine and full of joy that it enlightened her days. The redhead grinning and just enjoying her moment was something that Carol felt privileged to witness. She knew Natasha wasn't always this happy, but knowing that she could bring her some joy, offer her a break from all the dark things that her past put on her, make her forget about all the things that were hunting her everyday, brought Carol the feeling that she was useful.

It felt like Carol had been talking for ages when Natasha finally broke the contact between them and lied back on the deck chair. Carol kept staring at her, the stargazing long forgotten, and a question came to her mind, "What did you think of me the first time we met?"

Her green eyes still looking at the sky, Natasha replied, "That there _has_ to be more than what I read in your file," she glanced at Carol with a smirk, "and I was right!"

Carol giggled, "I guess you are the smartass here."

"Oh yes, I am," Natasha let out a short laughter and looked back at the sky, "I could ask you the same question but I know you had my whole file so I know your first thought."

Carol changed her position and pressed her cheek on her knuckle, not looking away for one second, "And what was it then?"

Natasha swallowed, "That I'm broken."

"Are you?"

Natasha scoffed and licked her lips, "I think you know the answer."

It hurt Carol deep in her heart to hear this from Natasha. She had always supposed that the redhead was suffering, but the confirmation was unbearable, "I try everyday to be better after what they made me do, to overcome all I've been through. Hell, I even changed my name when I joined S.H.I.E.L.D to let my past behind but it never left, it's a part of me and I just have to live with it."

Carol had never asked why, but she read that Natasha's real name was actually Natalia Romanova. The modification wasn't big but it could change things in Natasha's brain, after all Carol had forgotten her past for six years, being called Vers, until Monica triggered her memories by calling her by her true name.

"You know, thinking I was Kree really messed up my brain. It took me some time to get to trust Maria again when I came back to Earth, I didn't know who I was anymore, but she guided me. Maybe that's what you need, someone to help you find your true self."

"Would you be that person?" Natasha asked immediately after Carol finished her sentence.

Carol looked away, she didn't know what to say, she didn't know if she was the right person for that. She would have to put her feelings away to focus on Natasha's problems, but she was actually already doing it.

She was about to answer when Natasha bested her, "I'd get it if you say no, I'm not sure I can be fixed. But I just feel like I can talk to you so I thought-"

"I was going to say that it'd be an honour," she replied and smiled, "I mean, you're already using me as your shrink, we are just making it official."

"Oh, so do I have to pay you?" Natasha joked, making Carol's smile turning into a grin, "Keep your money, I'm happy to help."

Her eyes up in the sky, Carol remembered something, "Eh, talking about your 'problems'," she air quoted, "did you get the text from Tony?"

She received it during her vacation, thinking it was Nick who needed her urgently for a mission but after only a few words she recognised Tony's arrogance, even through a phone he was full of himself. He wanted to present them his new tower, their tower in a way, since he called it the Avengers tower. He wanted them all to be there, Natasha, Clint, Bruce – who already lived there – Carol and Thor and he even invited Nick and Maria.

What concerned Carol was Bruce. Natasha was far from being over her trauma with the Hulk, she knew it, but she wasn't sure she could handle seeing him.

"I did and I see where you are going with this."

"Okay then, are we going?"

Natasha sat up and scratched the back of her head, "I guess we won't know if I can be in the same room as him if I don't try. And if you are here it should be fine," she said and stood up.

"What are you doing?" Carol asked, following Natasha, "It's late Carol. You know, some people need to sleep at night."

"You could stay," Carol said before thinking about her words.

Natasha looked back at Carol with a sad smile, "It's not safe for anyone to sleep in the same bed as me. I rather go back to my place."

"I can take the couch," Carol offered but she saw it on Natasha's face that it was a lost cause.

"This is something you are not ready for, but thanks for the offer," Natasha said, her head down and voice trembling. Carol didn't argue, it wouldn't change Natasha's choice, so she waved at her and the redhead did the same before going down the stairs and left.

Carol released a sigh she hadn't realised she was holding. Natasha mentioned only once that she could barely sleep at night and as much as she tried to get more infos the redhead gave her nothing. She could imagine what it was though, Carol went through that herself when she was on Hala. She had nightmares most of the nights, her sleep was bad and she supposed that was what was happening to Natasha too. But it could be worse, she could have night terrors and what was awful with these was that she wouldn't remember them. Maybe that was why Natasha didn't gave details about why she couldn't sleep, she simply didn't know. She must know she was agitated in her dreams since she said it wasn't safe, but the fact that it could be more created a knot in Carol's stomach, she had to know if those sort of things happened to Natasha, otherwise how could she help her?

Back in her apartment, Carol tried to forget about this idea, but her brain was all over it and she spent most of the night thinking she should have insisted, tell Natasha to stay. But she didn't and hated herself for that, she let her friend down on this one and promised that she would do better the next time.


	9. The team's reunited

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: description of a panic attack, it's short but I rather tell you all just in case.
> 
> First chapter where I attempt changes the point of view, tell me in the comments if you liked it.

Organising an Avengers reunion in New York took a few weeks, three of the seven people that were going still had a daily job and needed a schedule rearrangement before being able to go. Fury had to refuse the invite, if three of his best agents – and an honorary level 8 – had to be away for a few days, he had to stay and deal with the lack of their presence.

They settled the meeting during the weekend of the penultimate week of March.

After a whole debate, the four Washington DC based Avengers decided to go to New York by car. Clint convinced Natasha and Maria, who weren't thrilled by the idea at first, that it would be fun to be the four of them in one car, chatting for the whole ride. Natasha only agreed because she wouldn't have to drive, Clint and Maria would share this task.

They left early the Friday morning to be at the tower for lunch, and to surprise Tony who didn't expect them until the next day. Carol had planned to sleep for the whole trip, especially after the shitty night she had, but her friends joking around made it impossible for her to fall asleep. After half an hour of unsuccessful attempts to find Morpheus' arms, Carol decided to liven things up in the car, taking the control of the music as Clint drove.

They changed the driver after two hours, Maria taking Clint's place and Carol going to sit in the back with Natasha.

This part of the trip was calmer for the ears. Instead of singing, they chattered about how they couldn't wait to see their team mates again. Oddly, Carol had missed bickering with Tony, as much as he infuriated her. As Clint mentioned Thor and Bruce, Carol noticed a change in Natasha's position, who had been sitting the same way for the two and a half hours before. The redhead suddenly looked at the sky through the window, resting her head on the palm of her hand. Carol could see that the idea of seeing Bruce again made her nervous, every time his name was said she would move slightly or take a sharp breath.

The blonde couldn't take it to see her like that and after another mention of his name, Carol extended her arm and took Natasha's free hand. She didn't say anything, didn't even looked at Carol or try to break the contact when their skins touched like Carol had imagined. When she squeezed her hand in support, Natasha closed her eyes and squeezed back before opening them again. The blonde knew her friend and she probably wanted to talk about it, but not right now when Clint and Maria could hear her, they didn't know about her trauma. She quickly let go, Clint looking back at them too often, they wouldn't want to have to explain why they were holding hands.

As the group arrived in New York, they discovered how the city had been rebuilt, for the most part it was totally back to normal, only a couple of blocks – the poorest – were still half destroyed.

Maria drove into the garage of the tower, and it didn't surprise any of them in the car to find a security system made by Tony to authorise, or not, their entry. The AI, Jarvis, asked the identity of the driver and her passengers, and when Maria said all their names, the screen flickered before it displayed Tony's face, "Well, if that isn't my favourite ADC and Fury's angels. You guys know you are one day early, right?"

"Open the gate, Stark."

"Agent Hill, good to see you too," he said ironically and a loud mechanical sound followed, "Meet me in the lobby."

The parking lot was almost empty and Maria parked on the spot the closest to the elevator.

"Who was I in his metaphor?" Clint asked as he gave to each their bag.

"Pretty sure that we," Maria pointed at Carol, Natasha and then herself, "are Nick's angels."

"What's an ADC?" he wondered out loud and no one replied.

They arrived in the lobby welcomed by Tony and two other people Carol didn't know, "You should have told me you were coming today, I had planned a whole orchestra and confetti for your arrival."

"Shut up," Natasha said as a greeting before giving him and quick hug.

"I believe only Natasha knows Pepper and Rhodey."

Carol looked at this tall, gorgeous woman before glancing at Tony with a smirk, "So _you_ are the brave woman in his life. I admire you," she teased before greeting them all with short embraces.

It was quite a messy reunion, they were all chatting, joking around and catching up, so much that Carol didn't noticed that Bruce had joined them until she saw him saying hello to Clint. She walked toward him and salute him before discreetly sidestepping to Natasha, "You okay?"

The redhead seemed oddly unmoved by this unexpected encounter, "Yeah… I think I am… somehow," she vaguely replied as she stared at the man who caused her so much trouble.

After a few more minutes of chatters, Tony gathered everybody with a clap of his hands before leading them all to his private elevator. He showed them the floor where he was working, Bruce's laboratory as well as the med bay before Pepper and Rhodey leave while he gave them all a room for the weekend.

During the whole visit, Carol noticed that, even if it went well between Bruce and Natasha earlier, the redhead wouldn't stand beside him, there had to be someone – Carol – between them or she would stop walking until she was far enough of him.

"This floor isn't totally functional but there are enough room to fit all of you so you won't have to share a bed and be all uncomfortable."

Carol thought she would only be uncomfortable sleeping in the same bed as Clint, but whether it was Maria or Natasha she could handle it without trouble.

With no consultation, Carol and Natasha took the late two rooms of the floor, Carol's being between Natasha's and Maria's.

Thor wouldn't get there until the next day, which gave Carol time to just wander around the tower before the big dinner that was scheduled.

She ate lunch with Maria and Clint before exploring the floors Tony didn't show them, until she found Tony in his lab, "Hey Cap, wassup?" he mumbled, a screwdriver in his mouth.

"I was just wondering what you and Bruce have been up to for all this time in here. I know you two understand each other."

"Well," he took the screwdriver out of his mouth to use it, "he did his things, I did mine. The only time we worked together was when I tried to find a way to unhulk him."

He pointed at a little piece of hardware and Carol gave it to him, "And did it work?"

Tony chuckled, "If you consider that eight hours of trying to convince him until he finally came back to his right mind successful then, yes," Carol grimaced, it must have been a long day, "we did it twice and then agreed that it was pointless. Hopefully we were in a no man's land and nobody but my ego got hurt."

Well, _two_ long days, "That's something we should keep working on though."

"We?" Tony exclaimed, "You guys are too occupied working for Nick to show up. _We_ is just me and Bruce."

"And what do you want us to do?" Carol asked, her hands on her hips, "You could live here and work with us," Tony replied as he turned on the helmet of the suit he was working on.

"Honestly, it would be with pleasure, but for now there is no threat that need the Avengers' intervention. Natasha, Maria, Clint and I, we are fighters, spies, soldiers, we are often needed for smaller missions and having a floor here for us would just be for training."

"Oh! You want a gym, noted. I forgot that was something you guys enjoyed doing, pumping iron."

Carol laughed, "says the Iron Man."

He looked at her, pursing his lips as hard as possible not to laugh but didn't manage to, "Right, you guys will have a gym here one day."

"Thank you Tony!" she said joyfully as she walked await, "you got it, Cap!" he shouted back before the doors of the elevator closed.

Back in the living area, Carol finally found Natasha, though she hadn't realised she was looking for her. She was with Clint and Pepper, talking and drinking a beer when Carol nodded at her.

"Hey, where were you?" she asked before taking a sip of her beer, "I talked to Tony and he said something interesting."

"Did he now?" Natasha joked, "Tell me."

"He said he tried to "unhulk"," Carol air quoted, "Bruce a couple of times and didn't succeed and it gave me an idea," she felt it immediately as she saw Natasha's eyes, she wouldn't like what she had to say, "when we did unhulk him last year here, he turned back to his normal form when he saw you so maybe we could try and-"

Natasha cut her off, "You wanna put me in front of him? Have you even listen to anything I've been telling you for the last few months?"

It was a rhetorical question but Carol felt like she had to explain herself, "It's just that you triggered something in him back then, maybe it could still work."

"And what about what _he_ triggers in me, huh?" she shouted, Clint and Pepper looking back at them. Natasha put her beer down on the nearest surface and walked away after a glare at Carol.

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Carol turned around to avoid Clint's and Pepper's confused gazes, but she could still feel their eyes on her back. She cursed herself under her breath, _fuck you Danvers,_ she really thought her idea was good, especially after how well it went between Natasha and Bruce in the lobby. But Bruce wasn't the Hulk, and that was what terrified Natasha, what tried to kill her.

It had been so insensitive of Carol to propose that to the redhead, it was too early, she knew it. Or maybe it would never be possible, but she lost what was surely her only attempt to try to calm him with Natasha by tell her so early.

Carol needed a distraction, she needed to think about something else than how she just hurt someone she cared about so much. She looked around the floor, seeing different way to distract herself until she saw a grand piano close to the wall of windows and went to play a little.

* * *

Natasha stormed out of the living area and took the stairs to go to her room.

She couldn't believe Carol just proposed that. Of all people, she was the one who knew how Natasha feared him, she was the only one to know this and it didn't come to her mind that her idea would terrify the redhead.

_Unbelievable._

She ran into someone on her way to her room, they were probably working for Tony, and only when they asked her if she was okay Natasha realised she was crying. She didn't stop, didn't look at them, didn't reply, she just walked fast to her room and locked the door behind her in case Carol would want to check on her.

Laying on her bed, Natasha wiped her tears away as she tried to slow her breathing, feeling the pressure growing bigger and bigger in her chest. She sat up and leaned forward even if she knew it wouldn't help her breathing getting better and grasped the bedsheets. She groaned and whimpered as the oxygen she needed got stuck in her throat, reaching her lungs with such difficulty that she felt like she was burning inside. Tears were back on her cheeks as she closed her eyes shut, trying to imagine a safe place to beat the panic attack that was invading her mind and taunting her.

_What was she thinking?_

Natasha knew she was doing it all wrong and forced herself to open her eyes and stared at her bag and the one little photograph that stuck out of it. It was the same picture as the one she gave to Carol when she went to her place, Maria, Clint, herself and Carol, in this order, grinning. She gritted her teeth and tried to remember this day, how fun it had been that night, how happy she had felt, how earlier in the same day Carol found her in S.H.I.E.L.D's gym in the middle of a panic attack.

The words she had told her back then echoed in her ears, _I'm with you, I know it_ _'_ _s hard but try to look at me._

She looked up, straightening her posture, as if Carol was with her, _O_ _ne breath at the time._

The first inhalation she took felt like someone was stabbing her chest, but she held it for four seconds before releasing it and taking another one. At first heavy and shaking, Natasha's breaths became steadier and slow, the last sentence Carol had told her that day were even more meaningful now, _You did it._

Still taking big breaths by her mouth, Natasha used the hem of her t-shirt to wipe the residue of tears off her face before hearing a knock on her door, "Carol, leave me alone!" she yelled to make sure the blonde would hear her, hurting her throat in the process. She coughed as an another knock resonated in the room and before she could stand up to go tell Carol to go fuck herself face to face, another blonde entered the room.

"Tony taught me how to unlock the doors in case of emergency," Pepper said as she walked towards Natasha.

"And _I_ am an emergency?"

"Well," Pepper began as she sat down on Natasha's right, the latter slightly moving away to keep her distance, "you seemed pretty shaken up up there and when I saw that Carol wasn't running after you I thought that _I_ should."

Natasha scoffed, "She actually did the right thing, I really don't wanna see her right now."

"What happened? If I may ask?"

About to say that Carol was an idiot, Natasha took a second to think and realised how she had actually been trying to do the job Nick gave her, to lead a team and make it work. Yes, this idea was way too early for Natasha to even imagine it, but, in the long term, finding a way to get Bruce back would be needed.

"She didn't think her idea through and I overreacted, we are both stupid on this one," she finally answered, doing her best to sound convincing.

"Okay," Pepper whispered as she put her hand on Natasha's back, "what's the deal between you two, if I didn't know better I'd say you are dating."

"I don't do dating," Natasha replied way too fast, more trying to tell herself that she didn't have feelings for Carol than answering Pepper's question, "but you do like her?" Pepper asked.

"I do," the redhead said quietly, admitting it for the first time, "but I can't…" the words died on her tongue as she tried to make sense of it all. None of it actually made sense to her, the way Carol made her feel safe when she was around, the way Natasha yearned to be with the blonde all the time, all these feelings were absurd. It wasn't her to feel like this, or maybe it wasn't who she was told to be, but either way she didn't know how to deal with it.

"You know, before he found me, Tony didn't do dating as well. But things happened and he realised he liked me and look at us now. Maybe you never found the right person before, but now you have?"

Natasha took her head in her hands, a million thoughts in her brain making it impossible for her to think, "I don't know," the muffled sound of her voice sounded like a cry of desperation, Pepper's words were so right but yet so not what Natasha wanted to hear.

Pepper moved closer, pulling Natasha against her side, "It's a hard thing to figure out, but for what I've seen earlier, Carol really cares about you and the song she was playing when I left confirmed that she felt bad for hurting you."

"The song?" Natasha said suddenly, sitting up.

Pepper stood up, "I'm not sure what it was but it sounded sad. She is a very good pianist."

_A pianist?_

Natasha hummed as Pepper stopped before the door and looked back at her, "You'll be okay?" she asked and the redhead hummed again matching Pepper's gaze before she exited her room.

As much as it tempted Natasha to go see Carol playing the piano, she needed to wash herself from what happened in the previous half hours and went to the bathroom to take a shower, Carol's concert could wait.

* * *

Carol didn't know for how long she had been playing but it started to get dark outside, which told her she had been sitting here for at least an hour. People had left and come in and out the living area, not really paying attention to her and the sad songs she was playing. She wasn't even sure what song she was playing, if she was playing the right chords and if she was playing right at all but it really soothed her to sit and just press the keys that attracted her.

It had been so long since the last time she played, it was in high school, some thirty years and something ago but she'd never forget any of her lessons. When she was still a young girl, her father signed her up for the conservatoire, without her agreement of course, for her to learn music. Carol hated it at first, but as she got better and better, playing the piano became her way to escape the reality of her life. She learnt how to read music and could easily play other instruments but she always stuck to her first choice.

Playing random chords, one of the last songs she ever played came back to her mind and her hands mindlessly started to play it. _Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word_ by Elton John. Back in the days she related to this song so much because _sorry_ was the only word she wanted to hear for her dad but now it was the only thing she wanted to say to Natasha, but didn't know how to.

Mumbling the lyrics of the chorus, she heard footsteps coming her way and she instantly stopped playing when she saw who it was.

"I didn't know you could play," Natasha said, now standing beside the stool. Carol moved to the right to let Natasha sit beside her, "The only good thing my father did for me."

They sat there in silence, Natasha's fingertips hovering over the white keys. Carol observed her, her hands in her lap, a part of her wanting to take Natasha's but the other was too scared to even brush her skin, "I'm so sorry Natasha," she finally breathed, her voice weak and her eyes full of sorrow.

The redhead looked at Carol, letting her hands fall onto her lap, one of her fingers lightly pressing a key, "You were trying to do the right thing for the team, I get it. And it's a good idea, but I'm not ready for it."

"I know. I'm stupid, I didn't think-"

"Eh," Natasha whispered and took her hand, "Let's forget it, okay? I don't like it when you're sad."

Carol giggled as she nodded and squeezed Natasha's hand, the latter squeezing back before asking, "You play classic music?"

"I can play anything, I just need a score. Why?"

Natasha stood up, "Nothing… just wondering," she replied with a hint of a smile, "you should come eat dinner."

"I'll be there in a few," Carol said as she put her fingers above the keys and played some classic music she remembered.

Natasha's footsteps fading away, others replaced them and soon Maria was there, leaning against the piano, "So, when are you going to admit that you like her?"

Carol stopped playing and looked up with her eyebrows furrowed, "What?"

"Don't play dumb with me, Danvers. I've been sitting there, watching your whole talk, and _damn,_ even from afar I could see how you look at her."

"And how do I look at her?" Carol asked, closing the fall board.

"Not like when you look at a friend, not like when you look at me."

Carol sighed, she thought she had been subtle the last few times they went out, but apparently she was wrong, "I know you two have been spending time together and you are super gay and not into me so it was kinda obvious that you would fall for her," Maria said with an amused tone as she sat on the stool, her back against the piano, "So, when are you asking her out?"

Carol laughed nervously, "Never."

Maria glanced at Carol, surprised, "You are a lot of things, Danvers, but I didn't expect you to be a coward."

Carol gasped and slightly shoved Maria, "Shut up!" she shouted as the dark haired woman elbowed her, "I don't think she would say yes."

"Remember when I took you to your place the first time," Maria asked and Carol nodded, "when I said that she liked you already, I knew it would be more than just friendly."

"How?"

"Because Natasha isn't someone who trust people just by the snap of the fingers. It takes her times, a _lot_ of time, and for her to be so nice to you like she was back then, it had to mean that she was letting her feelings in control, which never happen to her."

"Okay but who says she trusts me?" Carol smartly asked but Maria had apparently thought about this for a while, "Once she told me she trusted two people in this world, Nick and Clint, and the other day she said _three_ people, and believe me the third was you."

Carol took a sharp breath, she needed time to think, to process all this, "Well, even if that's true, it doesn't mean she would go on a date with me. I'm never going to risk my friendship with her."

"Right," Maria got up on her feet, "From now on I'll call you coward."

"No, you will not, otherwise she will think something's up," Carol warned as she followed Maria, "I mean, something _is_ up."

"Just please shut up."

They walked together to the giant kitchen where everybody was and Carol automatically went to sit beside Natasha.

Seeing that they were all here, Tony announced that Thor wasn't coming, an unforeseen event happened and he had to be on Asgard to deal with it. Even without him, Tony wanted this weekend to be a party and had ordered a sophisticated buffet even though the big dinner was suppose to be the next day.

This dinner was as chaotic as it could get, Pepper scolding Tony when he did idiot things, Maria and Clint joking around, Carol telling her old air force stories. It was just like the evenings at the bar but louder and messier.

The laughters were filling the air but Carol didn't forget to check on Natasha every now and then, analysing her behaviour when Bruce was talking or when Tony was mentioning the Hulk. It wasn't easy to catch, but Carol had learnt to see when Natasha was uncomfortable and it happened a couple of times during the dinner. Each times, the redhead started to talk about something else with Carol or Maria and the Captain did her best to make the table change the subject.

But Carol talking too much gave Tony opportunities to ask question she never saw coming, "Cap, I was thinking about your powers the other time and I wondered if you glow during sex?"

Pepper kicked him under the table for that, Clint laughed like and idiot and the others were so embarrassed that they looked away, "You don't have to answer that," clarified Pepper.

"How does it have anything to do with my powers?" Carol asked Tony, genuinely interested to hear his reasoning, "Well, you work with energy, right? And sex is an exchange of energy so I thought it would make sense."

"Actually, it does make sense," Bruce muttered, "Maybe it does but I don't glow during sex, so let's talk about something else, shall we?"

"Did you ever have sex with an alien?"

This time, Pepper punched his arm, "What is wrong with you?"

"I don't know how you deal with this everyday, Pepper," Maria said as she ate a raw bit of carrot.

"Okay, now, serious question," Tony gathered the crowd and they all waited for him to say something stupid again, "how do you breathe in space?"

They all looked at him, surprised by his interesting question and Carol shrugged, "I don't know, I just do."

Tony pouted, "That's disappointing."

"Well, Carol," Rhodey began as he stood up, "you managed to shut Tony's mouth, and I think it deserves a round of applause," he added before starting to clap his hands, Pepper and Bruce quickly following him. Tony acted offended as the whole table cheered for their Captain's success, probably the best of her career.

The dinner ended with a much quieter Tony, but Carol assumed he was just trying to figure out how she breathed where there was no oxygen, when really the answer was just that she could. This was one of the numerous mysteries of Carol's powers. She learnt how to master all of what she could do, understood a big part of it, but there still was an unresolved category.

As it got late, people started to leave the table. Bruce was the first to go, then Clint, Tony and Pepper and finally Rhodey. It left Carol, Maria and Natasha around the table and the blonde could feel that Maria wanted to tease her after their conversation from earlier.

"I'm gonna go to bed," Carol said as she stood up.

"Already?" Natasha exclaimed, "I mean, we could just stay there for a bit and just… talk," she added with a calmer tone.

"I'm just gonna leave," muttered Maria and actually left before Carol or Natasha could say anything against it.

Carol sat back beside Natasha, "What do you wanna talk about?"

"I don't know… I just… don't wanna go to bed."

Carol was about to talk when they heard someone entering the room, at first thinking it was Maria who came back. But when Carol saw Natasha's face, she knew that it was Bruce.

"Hey," he greeted and sat in front of Carol, "I've been willing to talk to you," he pointed at Natasha.

"Should I leave?" Carol asked, more to Natasha than Bruce, "No," he replied, "I believe you are aware of the matter."

Natasha seemed confused, her brows furrowed, her arms defensively crossed against her chest. But Carol knew what it was about now, and she definitely wanted to stay.

"Listen, I've seen how you were around me and I'm sorry, I hadn't realised the consequences that it has on you," he didn't say what _it_ was, but the three of them knew he was talking about the Hulk attempts to take Natasha's life on the helicarrier. But he didn't know all of the consequences, the panic attacks, the nightmares, he just knew Natasha didn't feel safe around him, "I wanna help, if that's possible. Just tell me what I can do."

Natasha shared a glance with Carol, looking for her support and she gave it to her with a slight nod, "I- um…We are working on it but for now I just don't think I can work with you."

He looked down at his hands, "I understand."

"But thank you," Natasha replied, trying to match his gaze but it never reached it.

He left without another word.

The silence that he left in the kitchen felt heavy, and Carol suddenly needed to go, "I think it was enough talk for tonight, don't you think?"

Natasha agreed by standing up and walked so fast that Carol had to run to catch up. They reached her room and Natasha almost shut the door on Carol, "Hey, you okay?" the blonde asked, not understanding Natasha's sudden swing of mood, "I can stay with you if you want."

"I'm fine," Natasha stated with an annoyed undertone.

"You sure?"

"I told you I'm fine, Carol. Just leave me the fuck alone!" she yelled and probably everyone on the floor heard her.

Carol raised her hands in the air in defeat, "Okay," she whispered and took a step back, "but just remember that I'm next-door if you need me."

Natasha slightly nodded and closed the door before Carol could wish her a good night. She stood there for a second, rubbing her temples, and decided to go take a shower before going to bed.

Under the tepid water, Carol couldn't stop thinking at everything that happened during the day. Her argument with Natasha, her conversation with Maria, their talk with Bruce, all of these confusing her brain on how she should be around he redhead. She wanted to protect her from her fears but for that she felt like she had to be close to her, to touch her, take her in her arms, and that she didn't know if she could do. There wasn't defined boundaries between her and Natasha, and she liked it, but since she got this crush on her it became harder to just be herself with Natasha.

Carol went to bed and vainly attempted to solve her problem as she tried to fall asleep but it didn't help her for the second task and gave up the first one to get some needed rest.

After her usual four hours of sleep, Carol woke up but not naturally. She heard noises through the wall that she shared with Natasha's bedroom. She hesitated to go check on her, after all Natasha clearly said that she wanted to be alone, but at the same time if she was having a nightmare she would for sure be happy that Carol came to soothe her.

Choosing the second option, Carol got out of her bed, putting a hoodie on as she exited her room. Standing before Natasha's door, she listened closely, trying to decipher the words that were coming from the inside. It led nowhere but the noises continued so she knocked on the door, discreetly at first but as nothing happened inside she knocked louder and the noises stopped.

It was dead silent in the corridor for an awful and lingering dozen of seconds and then Natasha opened the door.

"Hey," she whispered.

"Were you okay in there?" Carol asked, leaning against the door frame, "No, I fell asleep like half an hour ago and had a nightmare instantly. I think I should just… not sleep tonight."

"Huh-huh, not happening," Carol said as she entered without Natasha's permission, "you are getting your ass back in bed and I'm staying here."

"You really think that having you here will change anything?"

Carol shrugged, "We won't find out if we don't try. Plus I've had my sleep for the night so I can just stay awake and wake you up if I see you're agitated."

Natasha rolled her eyes, sort of, but pointed at the bed and Carol sat on it, her legs going all over to the other side of where she was seated. She took a pillow that she put on her lap and tapped on it, telling Natasha to come.

"You can't do anything straight, can you?" she laughed as she found a comfortable position, "Nothing about me is straight, I thought you knew that."

"Oh, yes, I know!" Natasha replied with a smile as she let her head fall on the pillow and looked at Carol, "Thank you," she muttered and closed her eyes.

Carol had nothing else to do and staring at Natasha, even though it was creepy as fuck. She saw Natasha's face softening as she fell into unconsciousness and, when she was sure that she was asleep, Carol slipped a strand of hair behind her ear and gently cupped her cheek, "Always there for you, Natasha."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you wondering, an ADC in the video game League of Legends is a marksman, so I thought it was appropriate to refer Clint as such.


	10. Ballet

Life quickly went back to normal after the four Avengers living in Washington got back to there respective places.

A few missions per month, their weekly drink at the bar, this was Carol's routine. During her days off, when Natasha was available, they would go to the gym and train together, the redhead talking about her issues while and after the sessions.

Since they came back from New York, they barely talked about the Hulk problem and, for a moment, Carol thought that it was because of what she said back there, she thought Natasha didn't trust her on that subject anymore, but then she realised something. Natasha had only talked about him since they started this sort of therapy. Maybe now she needed to talk about the rest, her childhood, all the things she went through growing up in the Red Room. But she mostly mentioned what she was told to do after becoming the Black Widow, not how she became this person.

Carol didn't feel like she was helping, she just listened, but every time she would tell Natasha that maybe a therapist would be more helpful, the redhead said that she got better since they started to do this. There was no way for Carol to know if it was true, Natasha never told her when she had panic attacks nor did she ever talked about her nightmares, therefore it was impossible to know if their number had decrease or not.

Natasha did tell her about the panic attack she had at the tower after their argument. They were walking back to Carol's place with Maria and Natasha said she had one the first day in New York, and Carol knew it could only be at this moment and for this reason. Carol felt really bad about it and apologised again to Natasha during one of their private conversation. Of course, Natasha said it was okay, because Carol still helped in some way, but it didn't make the blonde feel any less guilty.

But, as the months passed and Natasha kept telling her that it was okay, the guilt disappeared.

She and Tony exchanged more since they left, but whenever he texted it was more to annoy her than for serious matter. She got used to it quite easily, a few texts a week, nothing too hard to handle, and it was always nice to talk with him.

Nothing surprised Carol anymore, she knew that when she was getting a call in the morning it was Fury for a mission, later on the day it was Clint or Natasha to tell her when they would meet for their drink and the texts were from Tony.

But one day, at the beginning of the afternoon, Carol received an unexpected and mysterious text form Natasha.

_Danvers, I'm taking you out tonight. Meet me at my place at seven and make an effort on your outfit, anything but one of your rock band t-shirts._

At first, Carol thought she misread the contact ID, it wasn't Natasha's style to call her _Danvers_. But it was her and she was very serious, especially about the outfit part.

Carol opened her closet and searched for anything that would look more dressed-up than what she wore every day. These _rock band t-shirts_ were the only thing she would wear outside, when she was going to S.H.I.E.L.D she had her suit. She was desperate when she finally found a loose white shirt that would look perfect with a pair of black jeans and her white Converse. She somehow also had the jacket of a suit that she must have worn once in her life and took it, even if it was hot outside. After putting on her clothes, Carol left her apartment, knowing that she would be at Natasha's early.

She went on foot, because taking her motorcycle would mean she'd be even more early and arrived to Natasha's building ten minutes before the time of their rendezvous. In the elevator, she quickly looked at herself in the mirror and suddenly doubted that she looked good enough. Natasha didn't say if it was a date – _but why in the world would it be a date?_ – and Carol didn't ask where they were going either.

She could open one more button of her blouse to show more of her cleavage, she could have put some make-up on, – though she didn't have any – she could have done her hair better but it was too late, she was already in front of Natasha's door.

After a deep breath, and another one, Carol clenched her fist and knocked on the door. A few seconds passed – they felt like decades – and then she heard Natasha's voice through the door, "Come in, it's opened."

It surprised Carol that a woman like Natasha, an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D, would let her door open like that but she quickly forgot about it and entered.

"I'll be ready in five minutes," Natasha said from the bathroom as Carol closed the door.

Her apartment was what you could expect from Natasha Romanoff, not much personal things or furniture, no decoration and the colour of the walls were probably the same as when she got the place. Carol still felt like she could live here, it wasn't too dark or gloomy, and somehow was welcoming.

Taking a closer look at the shelf in the corner of the living room, Carol saw that a dozens of photographs accompanied the few books Natasha owned. There were pictures of Natasha with Clint, Maria and Fury, them all together and on the shelf above, the one at eyes level, were more recent pictures of their nights at the bars and the one they took with Tony, Thor and Bruce in New York after the battle.

Carol smiled as memories of these nights came back to her mind, Natasha had the same photo as the one she gave Carol when she came to her place, but there was one picture that Carol didn't remember. It was her and Natasha on a booth seat, Carol with her biggest grin and her arm around Natasha's shoulders. They were so close and so happy on this photo that it surprised Carol that she didn't remember it.

Hearing footsteps coming her way, she pointed at the picture, "I don't remember this, when was it taken?"

"It was at Maria's birthday, you were definitely very drunk when she took this one."

"Which is funny because I don't get drunk eas-" she didn't manage to finish her sentence as she finally turned around and saw Natasha.

The redhead was in a slinky **knee-length** black dress and colour-matching heels, her arms bare but shoulders fully covered and a V-neck that let appear her upper chest. Her shoulder-length wavy hair was up in a sophisticated bun and her curves were perfectly highlighted by the dress.

Carol had a hard time not staring as the redhead stood before her, it was actually impossible of her not to stare. She had never seen Natasha like this, so chic and _fucking sexy_.

"Uh- wow Natasha, you look just-… wow," Carol stammered as her gaze finally found Natasha's eyes that she made up with mascara.

"Looking quite good yourself, Carol," the redhead replied with a smirk, "I wasn't sure you'd find something else than your old t-shirts," she added with a playful chuckle.

Carol blinked and her brain finally found how to function again, "I had to go deep into my closet to find it."

A silence fell between them as Carol looked at the pictures again, Natasha taking a step forward to stand beside her.

"We should go, we have a reservation at the restaurant at seven thirty."

Carol nodded and let Natasha lead the way, she was the one driving after all, and the one knowing where they were going.

The blonde was quiet in the car, still wondering what was tonight's purpose. She convinced herself that it wasn't a date, Natasha would have told her if it was, but at the same time why would they have to dress up if it wasn't because they were going at a fancy and expansive restaurant.

The place where Natasha parked proved her wrong, it was a great restaurant but not one you take someone on a date with low lightening, candles, roses and great wine.

During the whole dinner, Carol was distracted, trying to understand the need of good outfits and it didn't go unnoticed, "Carol, are you listening?"

She shook her head slightly, "Sorry, I was… thinking."

Natasha chuckled, "Yeah, I can see that. What's going on?"

The option of telling the truth was there, it was surely the best one but it was not the one Carol picked. She couldn't ask Natasha if they were on a date, she wasn't ready to hear it, whether the answer was positive or negative. Both of them would make Carol even more nervous anyway, so she lied, "Just um… something that Nick told me that was kind of bothering me but don't worry, it's nothing serious."

She could feel it in Natasha's eyes, she didn't believe her, but, for some reasons, she didn't try to extract the truth out of her and just hummed.

Carol took a sip of wine before apologising again, "Sorry Natasha, you were saying?"

"It's so funny how you always call me by my full name."

Carol raised an eyebrow, "That's what you were saying?"

"No, I just note that, unlike everybody else, you never called me _Nat._ "

Carol herself never really paid attention to that, but it was true that she had always called Natasha _Natasha_ . There never really was a reason but the conversation they had on the roof of her building might explain why she kept on calling her Natasha and not Nat, " You said you changed your name to forget your past and _Nat_ is short for both Natasha and Natalia so I guess I just thought that calling you that way could remind you of your past."

It was a logical reasoning now that she thought about it and Natasha seemed to agree, "Uh… that's actually a very good point."

And they went back to the subject Carol didn't listened to after that.

It was a quick dinner, they were out of the restaurant after a bit more than an hour.

Back in the car, Carol expected that they would go back to Natasha's place – even if it was still early – but the redhead drove in the direction opposite to where she lived.

Only when they arrived at a theatre Carol understood what they were going to do for the next few hours, "A ballet, huh?" she said as she stepped out of the car.

"You don't like ballet?" Natasha's sounded uncharacteristically not confident and Carol immediately reassured her, "No no, I like it. I just couldn't imagine you would take me here."

Natasha smirked, "I love to surprise you," her confidence was back.

The lobby was full of people wearing fancy suits and dresses, which helped Carol understand why she had to dress correctly. They went directly upstairs without going to the ticket counter and Natasha gave their tickets to a man who guided them to their seats. They had balcony seats, probably the best they could have in the whole theatre to see the stage perfectly and were alone in their box.

"How much money does this cost?" Carol asked as her eyes wandered around the whole theatre, looking at the people sitting down on the floor below them.

"Nothing I can't afford," Natasha confirmed mysteriously as she sat down.

Carol didn't ask any more questions, she was happy to spend time with Natasha and especially in such a different environment than the usual S.H.I.E.L.D's gym.

It was the first time she would see a whole ballet. Of course she knew what it was but she had never been to see one in her life, though she wanted to, she always thought classic dancing was beautiful.

Natasha got oddly nervous as the beginning of the show approached. She was sitting, her legs crossed and her thumb frenetically tapping the wood of the armrest of her chair. Carol couldn't act like she hadn't seen it, it was too hard for her to see her friend like this. Wordlessly, she put her hand on Natasha's, the latter stopping her thumb as Carol squeezed her hand gently. She looked at her direction and smiled as Carol stroked her thumb on her knuckle to soothe her.

The lights on the side of the audience suddenly switched off and one spot enlightened the stage. The brouhaha faded away as everybody in the theatre looked at the stage and saw the lead dancer and prima ballerina arriving. More dancers stepped on the stage under the applause of the audience and the music started.

Not quite sure if she should take Natasha's hand in hers again, Carol glanced at the redhead and saw that she was clenching her jaw. Worried, she leaned closer and whispered, "You okay, Natasha?"

Closing her eyes, Natasha cleared her throat, "I thought I would be," she admitted, her voice shaking.

Carol didn't think twice this time and reached Natasha's hand, giving it a squeeze before intertwining their fingers together.

She knew what it was about, she read it in Natasha's file but hadn't connected the dots until now, "You want to talk about it?" Carol asked in a murmur, her eyes not leaving the redhead, who was staring at the dancers on stage.

Natasha swallowed, "We should watch the show but um…" she finally looked at Carol, "I really need to."

"Okay," Carol said and moved closer, as close as she could to hear Natasha perfectly.

"I haven't been to a ballet or practise since… since I learnt I wasn't a ballerina," she said and let out a heavy sigh, "I'm not even sure I can dance."

The Red Room – that Natasha always called _they_ or _them_ – trained the girls they kidnapped both to be assassins and ballerinas, while brainwashing them to make them think they were only the latter. Only when S.H.I.E.L.D took her in, Natasha discovered that the ballet was only a way to make her unbreakable – as they said – and that the repetitive, endless routines were another way to train them to kill.

"I always thought I was learning how to do this," she nodded at the dancers on the stage, "pirouettes, pliés, when in reality they taught me how to slit throats, shoot in the heart, stab in the back… We thought we were competing to get the lead role in a ballet in Moscow when we were actually killing one another in hand to hand combat, for months, years of fights until it was just me against that one girl, who was my friend, my sister, but to survive I had to kill her… and I did."

Natasha closed her eyelids and a tear rolled down her cheek. She had never talked that much about her past and, even if Carol already knew it all, hearing it from Natasha made it so real. Carol brought Natasha's hand to her mouth and kissed its back, it was the only gesture she could think of to try and comfort the redhead. She closed her eyes as she kept her lips pressed against Natasha's skin, fighting her own emotions to be strong for Natasha.

The ballet they were supposed to watch was long forgotten when Natasha squeezed Carol's hand, the latter's gaze falling on Natasha's sorrowful one, "I never thought I could come here…" she whispered as Carol gently wiped away the tears on her cheeks, "But I knew I'd have the courage to come if you were with me."

"You are stronger than I'll ever be, Natasha. You don't need me to do anything, you just need to convince yourself that you can."

Natasha sighed sharply, "I assure you I need you. You are stuck with me, Danvers," she chuckled at the end of her sentence, a hint of her smile in the corner of her lips, but it only lasted a second.

Carol felt the need to share her own experience, but as she saw that Natasha was watching the ballet, she realised that it could wait. For now, she just had to be there for Natasha if she needed her, and to enjoy the show that was happening on the stage.

For the next hour and a half, Carol and Natasha watched the ballet in silence, the redhead's hand warm and safe in Carol's, who didn't let go until the very end and only because she had to applause the dancers for their incredible performances.

They slowly walked out of the theatre, Natasha's hand finding Carol's arm as the entered the lobby, navigating in the middle of the crowd to exit. Finally out on the pavement, Carol put her jacket on Natasha's shoulders, seeing that she was trembling, the night still cold in the middle of august. They arrived to where Natasha's car was parked and Carol opened the passenger seat for the redhead. She didn't even protest and sat down, giving the key to the blonde before she could ask.

During the ride back, Natasha was staring at Carol as she drove, and after only a few minutes she had to break the silence to know what was on the redhead's mind, "I know I'm good looking but staring is still creepy," she joked and it earned her a discreet chuckle from Natasha, "I was just… thinking about earlier. It felt like you wanted to say something but didn't."

Carol slightly rolled her eyes, she couldn't believe that Natasha noticed it when she wasn't at her best, "Yeah um… I just wanted to tell you something I don't really talk about…"

"Now I'm intrigued," Natasha said and Carol could tell she was interested by the tone of her voice.

"Okay, so… when I was on Hala, when I thought I was Kree, they had their leader called the Supreme Intelligence. Whenever I would do something bad I would commune with the Supreme Intelligence as a punishment for it to remind me of who I was, or who they made me."

"They were brainwashing you?" Natasha asked. It surprised Carol that she used the word, it was one she never used even though that was what happened to her and she expected Natasha to not use it as well, "Yeah. It told me that I had to be better, to give up my emotions and only use my brain in my decisions, give up what made me human, in a way…" she sighed, "but I never could, and I found out the truth about who I was thanks to that."

"And you say I'm strong."

"I was just an idiot who didn't like to take orders, you fought to survive."

"I _killed_ to survive, Carol," Natasha corrected, "I can never be proud of that."

"I didn't mean that…" stationary at a traffic lights, Carol looked at Natasha and put her hand on hers, "I'm sorry, I just meant that you went through more than me, worst than me."

Natasha didn't reply, didn't look at her and Carol had to put her gaze back on the road as the lights turned green.

They didn't talk for the last minutes of the ride and Carol hated herself for what she said, she managed to hurt Natasha again. She parked the car, turned down the engine and stared at the redhead as she stayed inside, looking down at her hands.

"Natasha?" Carol asked quietly and the redhead chuckled, "So you opened the door for me to sit but not now?"

Carol sighed in relief, she thought Natasha was mad at her but she was just messing with her. She exited the car and walked to the passenger side, offering her hand to help Natasha standing up, the latter teasing Carol with a smirk.

They went back to Natasha's apartment, Carol hesitating to take her hand on the way but they were in front of the door before she could make a decision. They both stood there, waiting for the other to open the door, until Natasha looked at Carol with a brow raised. Carol blinked as she realised that she drove, therefore she had the keys and finally opened the door.

Inside, Carol didn't really know what to do and just stood in the middle of the hallway, watching Natasha as she got a rid of her heels. When she was done, Natasha turned around and laughed as she saw Carol, motionless with the keys in her hands, "You want a drink or something?"

Carol shook her head, realising she looked like a creep to just stand there, "I should go back to my place," she said as she walked towards Natasha, looking down at the keys, "I kinda came on foot."

"You what?" Natasha exclaimed, "Take my car, I'm not working tomorrow, I'll come to your place to get it."

"It's fine," Carol said quietly as she put the keys on the counter behind Natasha, "I need to walk anyway," to _think_ was more what she needed, and she could do it while walking back home.

Natasha nodded and stepped closer, her hands carefully finding Carol's. Feeling Natasha's hands slowly sliding up her forearms, Carol looked up at Natasha and smiled before pulling her gently towards her, her arms tightly wrapped around her waist. The redhead tiptoed and tucked her head in the hollow of Carol's neck as she wrapped her arms around her shoulders. Rocking slightly, Carol pressed her lips on Natasha's temple for a soft, lingering kiss that she only broke when Natasha changed position, putting her chin on Carol's shoulder. She closed her eyes as she felt Natasha tracing circles on the back of her neck, taking in anything she could of her first hug with the redhead.

After one last quick kiss on Natasha's cheek, Carol pulled out of the embrace, finding Natasha smiling, "I don't think I've ever felt so good in my life," the redhead said and Carol snorted, "Me too," she replied and leaned in to kiss Natasha's cheek again, "good night, Natasha," she whispered and took a step back.

"Good night, Carol," Natasha murmured as Carol walked backward to the door.

Outside of the apartment, Carol waited until she heard Natasha locking the door to leave.

She strolled back to her place, the corner of her lips cocked into a smile as the feelings of Natasha holding her were still fresh and new in her mind. She had never imagined that a hug could make her feel so good, but it wasn't just that. After months, almost a year of talking with Natasha about her past, her traumas, it was the first time that she really opened up about her childhood in the Red Room.

It felt also really nice for Carol to have shared her experience with the Kree to Natasha. Maria was the only one who knew everything about it and the blonde thought that she could talk to Natasha about her past, trust her to keep it for herself, just like she did with Carol.

Back in her apartment, Carol showered before going to bed, the memories of the evening being the best lullaby for her usual difficult nights.


	11. Thanksgiving

A month before Thanksgiving, Carol got a call from Tony, asking her if she and the other three Avengers living in Washington would want to come to New York for the holiday. She couldn't tell for the others, but she definitely wanted to go and get her revenge on Tony after all the pranks he pulled on her.

Only after Tony hang up the call Carol remembered that she was supposed to go to Louisiana for the holiday, as usual. They didn't really had any plans, Maria didn't call her to ask if she would come but it was what they always did when Carol was around. She felt like she had to call Maria and ask for her permission, after all Carol hadn't been there for months and maybe she wanted to spend time with her best friend. To Carol's surprised, Maria took it really well, encouraging her to go and have a great time with Natasha and all her friends. Carol suspected that the only reason Maria wanted her to go was to win her bet.

Since their night out at the theatre, Natasha and Carol had spend even more time together than they usually did and Maria heard of it all. After they came back from New York, Carol's crush for Natasha had faded, sort of, but since that night it was back and lively. The blonde opened up more about her time on Hala, her brainwashing, and all these conversations often featured a hug or a hand holding. Carol felt like she could finally really help the redhead, comforting her with small gestures, holding her tight in her arms when she felt really sad. Being close to Natasha that much gave Carol many opportunities to kiss her, opportunities that she never took because she still didn't think the redhead felt the same way, even if both Marias told her she did.

After an evening out, they discussed about Thanksgiving and all agreed that it would be great to go to the tower.

This time less generous, Fury gave his agents only two days off but loaned them a quinjet. Once again invited, he declined the offer with the same excuse, someone had to hold the fort while four of his best employees were away.

They all met at S.H.I.E.L.D early in the afternoon of Thanksgiving and Clint piloted the jet, heading to New York City and the Avengers tower. It took less than an hour for them to get there, way faster than the car but less fun thought Carol, and they landed on the runway Tony had built instead of the penthouse.

Of course, Carol had to make sure that Natasha was fine with seeing Bruce again. The redhead saw her coming, the worry in her eyes, her hand had unconsciously reaching Natasha's elbow thus she quickly reassured her, "Don't bother to ask, I'll be fine."

Carol snickered, "You know me too well, it's not even funny anymore."

They were welcomed by Tony and Thor, who was available this time, and greeted each others with quick embrace and hand shaking.

Through the glass celling above her, Carol could see the living room were she spent so many time the last time they were here, fighting with Natasha and making up with her. Further away was Bruce's lab – that was still under construction a few months before – and he was there, doing his science things that Carol would never understand.

Tony told them on the way that Pepper would join later for dinner, her meeting at Stark Industries' headquarters drawing out.

Before she could head to her room – if she could call the one she used the last time _her_ room – Tony took her aside and led her to a lower floor, "You are not ready for this Cap!" he said with excitement as the door of the elevator opened, revealing a giant, full equipped gym.

Carol stepped in, eyes widening with surprise, jaw dropped, and she stumbled on a bench that she didn't see, "Good enough for y'all to train?" he asked and she didn't even need to answer, her face was giving it away, "you have all the toys you could ever ask for, a boxing ring, mat for free fighting. There you have all sorts of machines to work out. Back there…" he spun on himself and pointed at a door, "are the showers. You have an armoury and shooting range on the floor below and that… well, that's an empty room, if you have an idea, tell me."

"Is it big enough for a dance studio?" Carol wondered before she actually thought of it.

Tony crossed his arms and tilted his head slightly, "You dance, Cap!" it was more a surprised comment than a question but Carol still felt the need to clarify, "I don't, but it would still be useful."

This was the opposite of clarifying, it intrigued Tony even more, "Well, it _is_ big enough to practise any dance I think. Might have to check but Jarvis can do that quickly."

"Already on it, sir," the AI's voice resonated in the whole floor, "But what would you need in it?"

Carol changed position, leaning her whole weight on her left leg as she put her bag down and cogitated about loud, "Well… I guess you'd need mirrors on a whole wall, you know, like in any dance studio. And maybe bars for classic dancing exercises."

"Classic dancing?" Tony exclaimed, "That's oddly specific. I don't see any of you in a tutu… Oh my God, Barton in a tutu, I would pay to see that," he added with an ironic undertone that earned him a laughter from Carol.

"Just, get that stuff there, it will be of use," Carol assured as she put the strap of her bag on her shoulder, "I'm gonna go to my room. But thanks for this, it's amazing!"

After putting her bag in her room, Carol checked Natasha's, but nobody replied after she knocked. Not insisting, she went back upstairs to the living area and found everybody on the couch, drinking coffees and teas. Rhodey just arrived and Bruce had joined them, Natasha still sitting as far of him as possible.

Carol mechanically went to sit beside Natasha, on her right, and chose tea when Maria asked what she wanted to drink, "You said you'd be fine," she said quietly to Natasha.

"What makes you think I'm not?"

Carol scoffed discreetly, "The only way you could sit further away from him would be by being in another room."

"I just sat on the first couch I saw," she whispered, leaning against the backrest for their conversation to be more private, "He came to say hello when you were away doing I don't know what with Tony, and everything was fine. It was just me and him, no one around and we talked quickly."

At first startled, Carol then smiled, "That's great, Natasha," she joyfully said before taking her cup of tea, "what did he say?" she asked and took a sip.

"That he was glad to see me. And then he said that he tried new things with Tony for… you know. And that it worked, so that's good for him."

"Okay," Carol simply replied. She wanted to say that she was glad her idea wasn't needed but it would remind Natasha things that she surely didn't want to remember.

They all discussed, caught up with what they all did in their lives since their last encounters. Thor recited the story of him, protecting Earth and the nine realms against Malekith with the help of Loki, who died to save him. They were all in shock to learn that, except Clint who laugh out loud, relieved that the person who messed up his brain finally got what he deserved.

Bruce talked about his many researches, but even with the most simple words Carol could barely understand what he meant. Rhodey and Clint shared memories of their recent missions, for the army and S.H.I.E.L.D. Both Natasha and Carol hadn't teamed up with the marksman for a long time, and them nor Maria knew why.

Carol noticed after a long hour of chatting that Tony was weirdly silent, unlike his usual self he didn't talk about his achievement of the last few months. Knowing the man, it was impossible that he didn't achieve anything, he was a genius after all. His behaviour worried the blonde, it wasn't like him to not brag about himself or to not interrupt people's stories with witty jokes or stupid and unnecessary comments. She would check on him later, but for now, something else bothered her.

"Who is making dinner?" she asked, looking at all the people in the room one by one. They all shared glances, apparently none of them knew, not even Tony.

"I called a caterer," said a voice coming from the stairs, "I knew Tony would forget to do it," Pepper appeared as she climbed the steps.

Tony pointed at her as she approached, " _You_ are a life saver."

She sat beside him, "I know," she mumbled as he kissed her cheek.

Seeing that scene, Carol suddenly felt jealous of what they had. She wished she had someone that would do the things for her when she was too absent minded to do it herself, someone she could cuddle with at night, someone she could come home to. Looking at her left, Carol saw Natasha, her gaze on Tony and Pepper, smiling, and she wished she could just lean towards her and kiss her cheek, just like Tony did to Pepper. Natasha was that _someone_ , the person she wanted to come back to, to hold in her arms for hours. She already had her, somehow , she got close to her by some inexplicable ways, but she wanted more, she wanted it _all_.

It was only when Maria called her name that Carol realised she had been staring at Natasha for a few minutes, too lost in her thoughts to hear what they all said.

What Maria was asking was a hand to refill everybody's cups, because for some reason it was her job to do it, even in Tony's tower, and for more obvious reasons she asked Carol to help her.

"You know, I really thought you were dead back there," she began as they walked down the stairs to go to the kitchen two floors below, "you were just sitting there, staring at her, no part of your body moving but your chest as you breathed and your eyelids as you blinked."

"I got lost in my thoughts, happens to anybody."

"Daydreaming is what you should call it."

Carol raised an eyebrow, "What?"

"You were smiling like a dumb idiot," she put down the tray with all the empty cups, "hopefully you did that when everybody was looking at Pepper talking about tonight's dinner."

"Did she see me?"

Maria blinked, "Did she see you? Danvers, come on! It's Natasha we are talking about. She didn't directly look at you but she definitely noticed you were staring at her."

Carol put her hands on the counter and leaned forward, shaking her head, "This is so embarrassing."

"Is it though?" Maria asked, oddly serious, "Let's be honest here, you are in love with her," hearing these words, Carol swallowed, "you were sitting beside the woman you love and staring at her and she just… let you do it?" Maria shrugged,"She knew you were staring, she didn't say anything, she just let you do it. Why do you think she did?"

"Be-cause… she didn't want to embarrass me even more in front of everybody by telling me to stop?"

Maria imitated the sound of a buzzer, "Wrong answer, try again."

"I don't know!" Carol exclaimed, taking a step back as she crossed her arms, "Please, enlighten me."

Maria took a deep breath and smirked, "We both know Natasha likes to joke around with us and you gave her the best opportunity to make you look like a dumbass in front of all of us. _But!_ She didn't do it, and my genius guess is that she didn't because she liked it that you were staring at her."

"I don't get it."

"Do you like it when someone stares at you?" Maria asked.

Carol shook her head, "No, that's rude."

"How would you feel if _Natasha_ was staring at you like you did to her?"

Carol took a second to think, and her eyes widened when she found her answer, "I would like it because it would mean she likes what she sees."

Maria clapped her hands, "Exactly. I think she likes you just as much as you like her and she takes anything you give her. I've seen you two together recently, you've been close for a couple of months, like physically close," it began after that night, and the hug, "Maybe before she wasn't into you like I thought, but now she definitely is."

Even with this information, Carol didn't know what to do. It wasn't like she would just go talk to Natasha and ask her out. She needed something, she needed a sign that all Maria's suspicions were correct, that Natasha _did_ like her.

Putting the filled cups back on the tray, Carol spoke up, "Don't expect to learn about me and her going on a date in the next days, I won't ask her," the blonde heard Maria sighed but continued, "she is still going through a lot, and until I can tell that she really feels better I won't add anything to her worries."

Carol could tell Maria wanted to argue, but they were almost back in the living room and she had to end the conversation quickly before someone could hear her, "Well, that's really thoughtful, but don't take too much time or she will think you don't actually want it," she finished her sentence in a whisper.

"Finally! You guys got lost or something?" Clint shouted across the floor, "Yeah, something like that," Carol replied vaguely as she gave back everyone their drinks.

After this conversation, it was hard for Carol to focus on all the chatters. She had so much to think about, how she wanted to do this, if there was a _this_. Her feelings for Natasha were very real and strong and she wouldn't manage to keep fooling people, especially Natasha, if she didn't do something about her behaviour. It was quite simple when she thought of it, she just had to stop being so drawn by the redhead in public. Stolen stares with everybody around was definitely a bad move, and Natasha was observant, she could easily catch her.

But the hugs and the hand touches in private, if they were needed, there was no need to stop them. It was Natasha who reached for her most of the times, Carol was just at the receiving end of those gestures, so she could still have that, and it should be enough.

But it wasn't, it would never be. What she wanted was Natasha, for herself, no one else, just for her. She wanted to be able to slip behind her and hug her, to take her hand when they walked side by side, to shamelessly kiss her cheeks and her temple and her forehead and her lips. Damn, how hard she wanted to kiss her lips.

So many wants and so many needs that needed to be fulfilled, but that couldn't been, or at least not now.

Time passed so fast while Carol was lost in her thoughts that she barely saw the sun getting low in the sky as the evening approached. A few people around the couches left, Thor and Rhodey, and then Pepper said that they had to get dressed properly for tonight's dinner. Natasha stood up to leave a few minutes later and, when Carol thought about doing the same, she remembered what she noticed about Tony and let her go.

He quickly got up and she followed him, "Mind if I walk with you?" she asked, but she would do it anyway.

"Sure," he said, letting her enter the elevator first.

"Look, I'm not going to lie, I saw you earlier and you were… well… not you."

He glanced at her with a strange look, and Carol could tell he understood what she meant but fake incomprehension, "You usually talk… a lot, but today you didn't. You didn't joke at the many opening we all gave you and you seem _really_ tired, what's going on, Tony?"

He sighed heavily as the elevator stopped, "Let's say New York left its mark on me."

It was a start but still not enough of an answer, and it didn't reassured her at all, "Care to elaborate?"

Tony sighed again, quieter this time, "I just have some difficulties to sleep, so I spend my time working on new, better versions of my suit."

Trouble sleeping, that Carol knew all too well, "You tried sleeping pills?"

"No. It doesn't help."

He had nightmares, that was why he didn't want to take them. Carol did the same when she was on Hala, "Did you talk to someone about it?"

"Like a shrink," he laughed, "nope! Tried Bruce though, and it kinda worked."

As he entered the en-suite bathroom of his floor of the tower, where Pepper surely was since water was running, Carol stopped at the door, "Well, keep doing that, and if you ever need anything you know my number."

"That I do, Cap! I hope you enjoy my texts!" he shouted from the inside of the bathroom.

Carol walked away and shouted back, "They enlighten my days," she joked before taking the stairs to go change in her room.

Earlier this morning, she had taken the blouse she wore when she went to the theatre with Natasha and put it in her bag, a last minute change of plan for her outfit. Carol didn't understand why they should dress up for Thanksgiving, that's something she never did with Maria. It was just another dinner with her friends, she didn't see any reason for her to dress differently than her usual t-shirts. But Natasha told her that she had to, so she took the white blouse and was going to wear it, even if she had wished the redhead would be the only one having the privilege to see her in it.

It was half buttoned when someone knocked on her door and Carol didn't bother to finish before opening.

"Hey, you ready?" asked shyly Natasha before seeing the state of Carol's clothes, "guess you aren't."

Her eyes were on Carol's cleavage and she bit her bottom lip as she stared at her flesh-coloured bra. After a quick smirk, Carol moved away to let Natasha enter and noticed what she had on shoulder, just hanging there, "That's my jacket?" she asked, not sure to recognise her own piece of closing.

"Yep," Natasha replied, popping the _p_ as she pushed herself from the door frame to step inside, "You didn't take it before leaving the other time and I never thought about giving it back to you since."

"Keep it!" Carol exclaimed, "you look better in it than I do."

"Trying to charm me, Danvers?" Natasha asked with a playful tone, a mischievous sparkle in her eyes.

Carol chuckled, "Does it work?"

Natasha didn't reply, instead, she took a step closer and busied Carol's hand with her jacket. With her now free hands, Natasha reached each sides of Carol's blouse and buttoned it up, one more than the last time Carol wore it, "You don't need to look sexy around them," she mumbled as she adjusted her collar, "put this on."

Carol complied, putting one arm in the sleeve and the other. She glanced at Natasha proudly and finally noticed her perfectly done hair, free waves falling on her shoulder and chest covered by a black jumpsuit. The redhead smiled as she hooked her arm at Carol's and brought her in front of the mirror, "We look good, don't you thing?"

"Perfect," Carol muttered as she analysed Natasha in the mirror and then looked right at her, "We look perfect."

Natasha's smile grew bigger. Wordlessly, she stood before Carol and wrapped her arms around her neck. She planted a soft kiss on Carol's cheek before tucking her head in the crook of her neck, like she always did. The blonde pulled her closer, holding her gently in her arms as she inhaled the scent of her recently washed hair.

Pulling out of the hug, Natasha let her hand fall back against her body and Carol reached it, at first one finger tickling her palm before the redhead intertwined her fingers with Carol's, "Let's show them how perfect we are."

Hand in hand, they walked down the corridor and in the elevator, Carol releasing her when the door opened. She let the redhead go first, everyone expressing how beautiful they thought she was. Carol hoped she would go unnoticed but Pepper was there, "Well, Carol, I didn't think you could look better than you already do in your usual clothes."

Tony was dumbstruck by his girlfriend comments, and then by Carol, "Uh… That's very true but please… look at me in my new suit."

Carol ignored them as they bickered about Tony's jealousy and sat on Natasha's right, "They agreed, we are perfect," Natasha said as she leaned towards Carol ear, "but I would have kept this for myself if I could have," she added, waving at Carol's outfit.

The blonde smile, feeling her whole body heating up as she blushed. Natasha expressly told her, twice now, that this outfit was one she should only wear with her. What did she mean by that? She didn't know, but the redhead wanted Carol to be sexy around her, and her only.

It was already a big mess of voices when they arrived, but it was even more now that they all standing with their glasses in hands, ready for Tony's toast.

"So," he said loudly to get everybody's attentions, "as the tradition wants it I'm going to tell you guys what I'm grateful for, and because I'm pretty sure it concerns us all you won't have to talk. Also if you do the food's gonna be cold."

It was so Tony to say this that none of them were surprised nor objected.

"I'm grateful for Nick Fury," they all looked at him with wide eyes, gasps and shocked " _what?"_ coming from each corner of the table, "I know, weird right? But with his spy's lies he did something good, and that was to bring us together. Even if we don't see each other very often when we do it's always a party and I'm very grateful to have you all in my life," he glanced at Clint with a shit eating smirk, "even you arrow guy."

Clint laughed but didn't even try to punch Tony in revenge.

"A toast, to Nick Fury, and to all of us here thanks to him."

"To us," Natasha said first and they all followed, "To us!"

The chaos was back quickly as they cheered and drank. It was hard to keep up with all the discussions around the table and Carol focus only on the ones Natasha was a part of.

Between the entrée and main course, Natasha leaned to Carol's ear, resting her head on her shoulder, "I wish Tony had let us talked earlier."

"Why?" Carol asked as she saw Maria smirking in her glass of wine, amused by the two women and their closeness.

"Because I wanted to say that I'm grateful for you, and for all the help you gave me this past year," Natasha sat up, looking right into Carol's eyes, "Without you I would still think I'm weak and broken."

"Natasha…" Carol whispered before pulling the redhead into a hug.

At that second, all Carol's feelings for Natasha came up to the surface and she couldn't stop herself from taking her in her arms. She could have kissed her, she wanted to, so fucking much, but she knew she shouldn't, not like that, not in front of all their friends.

Carol ignored Clint's comment about them hugging and enjoyed every second of it, muffling a whine as Natasha pulled out.

As the dinner went, Carol discovered that Tony and Rhodey were like her and Maria Rambeau, chaotic teasing best friends and she was glad the Iron Man had someone like Rhodey to calm his ego. Unlike expected, it wasn't the Washington band talking together and the other having another conversation, they all chattered, joked, laughed as they ate. She had talks with Rhodey, a man she barely knew, but they shared a past – present for him – in the military.

"I've been informed of who you are by Tony, with Fury's permission, and I have to say I'm impressed you survived the air force back when women weren't allowed to fly combat planes."

"Well, officially I didn't survive…"

"About that-" Tony interrupted, swallowing a mouthful of mashed potatoes, "Why does Fury wanna keep you identity secret so bad? He would kill anyone out there who knew if he hadn't told them himself."

That was a story Carol thought she would have to tell sooner, especially knowing how curious Tony was, "Officially, I, Carol Danvers, died in 1989 in a plane crash. The person I am today, Captain Danvers, or Captain Marvel for the public, is an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D born in 1989, air force pilot prodigy and all that shit," she wanted to laugh at this part, Nick told her this after New York, that her talents at piloting was why S.H.I.E.L.D recruited her but she wasn't allowed to fly any of S.H.I.E.L.D's flying machines.

"But I'm both these persons, and from the moment I supposedly died to my arrival at S.H.I.E.L.D last year, I was away most of the time and Fury created this _other me_ to cover for the moment I'd need to come back. Captain Danvers' childhood explains my non existence in the nineties and then the career I had in the eighties in the air force has been transposed in the 2000s."

"That doesn't explain the mystery," Tony shrugged.

From the corner of her eyes, Carol saw Natasha glaring daggers at him, "Can you let her talk, Stark or are you just an impatient child?" Tony was speechless, he didn't expect Natasha to make him shut his mouth like that.

"He fears that people would want to weaponise me," Carol continued, "like the Kree wanted to, though on Earth nobody can't just catch me and use me," or at least she hoped nobody could, she hoped S.H.I.E.L.D wasn't creating some device to try and control her somehow, "But it's first and foremost to protect the people I care about, because even if I can difficultly get caught, the people I love don't have super powers… even if they can fight back," she glanced at Natasha, thinking about the horrible things the Kree would do to her if they abducted her in order to hurt Carol.

She cleared her throat before finishing her monologue, "And, as Thor said once, if the universe knows that I'm from Earth and that I'd do anything to defend it, they will send stronger beings here, the higher form of war. In space, they think I'm Kree and I made sure that the Kree who knew I was from Earth wouldn't be able to come here or to tell anyone that I'm from Earth. As much as I hate to hide, it both protect my family and the planet. So, that's it."

It all became awfully silent as she stopped talking, everybody taking in what she just told them, "Well then, thanks!" Tony exclaimed, "I don't wanna see any more higher form of war, I've had enough with the Tamagotchi."

"Chitauri," said Thor.

Tony sighed, "Yeah, whatever."

Before the dessert arrived, Tony had another one of his childish yet interesting question, "How strong are you Carol?"

Natasha chuckled, "Spar with her and you'll see."

"I second that!" Maria added, the bruises she got from that last time they sparred together had lasted more a month.

"Okay but are you like… as strong as this individual?" he asked and tapped Thor's shoulder with the back of his hand.

The two long blond haired super heroes shared a gaze, both seemed unsure of who would win in a fight, "His lightening would only charge me up and make me stronger so there's that. But maybe with the hammer you can outfight me in hand to hand combat."

Thor grimaced, "I think you can get a rid of Mjolnir easily and then it would just be my skills against yours. The Kree are known for their quality at close range combat therefore I would not be surprised that you could beat me."

"Guess I'm the strongest then," Carol shrugged.

Tony applauded her while Natasha gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. Glancing at the woman on her left, Carol could tell that she was proud of her and it warmed up her heart. Quickly, she tilted her head and kissed the hand that was still on her shoulder.

The rest of the dinner happened with no more question directed at Carol. She didn't mind talking about herself but whenever she was mentioned, as Captain Marvel, everybody would look at her and it was quite oppressing.

But no question didn't mean no trouble. Sitting opposite to her, Maria would kick Carol under the table ever time Natasha would smile at her or lean closer to talk to her ear, and unfortunately for her ankles it happened a lot. She did it for the whole dessert, because Natasha couldn't stop looking at her, and the smallest smirk was enough for Maria to bother Carol. It crossed her mind that she could just photon blast her under the table, not a big one, just a little spark in her leg or her stomach that would stop her, but Carol was too nice and didn't.

As it started to get very late, or early – depending on the way you live – they all agreed that it was time for them to sleep. They went to their own rooms, Carol accompanying Natasha to the end of the corridor before going back to her room to shower.

She barely had the time to put on her bathrobe and take her toothbrush before she heard a knock on her door. It was of course Natasha, Carol didn't need X-ray vision to know it was her. She quickly went to open the door before going back to the bathroom. She let the door half opened and heard Natasha stepping closer, stopping just before it.

"Hey, I was hoping you would come celebrate Christmas with me and Clint at his place this year."

_That_ , Carol didn't see coming. She spat what she had in her mouth and drank some water from the tap to buy some time. Putting her sweatpants on, she chose the ironic option to not have to reply, "He has a place? Like a real house? Not a cave or something?"

"Shut up!" Natasha laughed, this genuine laughter that Carol loved so much, "Yeah, a house, with a garden and all, and a Christmas tree."

Finally dressed, Carol exited the bathroom, sorrow on her face, "Natasha… It would be really nice to be with you for Christmas but I already missed Thanksgiving with Maria to be here-"

"I understand," Natasha interrupted, "you miss your best friend, that's something I can relate to."

Carol couldn't bare it, to disappoint Natasha, it was too hard, "I'm sorry, Natasha," she whispered as she pulled her into her arms.

"It's okay," Natasha replied in a plaintive voice, incapable of hiding her disillusion.

No, it wasn't okay. It wasn't fair that Natasha had to be sad for Christmas, alone with just Clint as company, but Carol missed Maria so much, it wouldn't be fair that she didn't have her best friend for Christmas either.

Nothing would make Natasha feel any better, but Carol tried, she held her tightly, her hand slowly caressing her back.

"I should go sleep," Natasha said, remains of deception in her tone.

Carol kissed her temple before letting her go, "Good night."

"You too," the redhead replied as she left.

Carol groaned, she hated this situation. She wanted to be at two places at the same time, but it wasn't one of her powers. She had to pick an option and she chose the one that hurt Natasha.

She had trouble sleeping that night, and barely had the four hours she needed to be fully rested. Natasha noticed it during breakfast, but Carol lied, she said she was okay because she didn't want to worry her. And she also couldn't tell her that thinking about Natasha being sad prevented her from a good night of sleep.

The S.H.I.E.L.D agents decided to leave after lunch, considering that it wouldn't start before three PM, they should be back in Washington for dinner at eight PM. Not all the Avengers were there anymore, Thor had to leave early in the morning, Carol didn't even have the time to say goodbye to him. Pepper was away too, emergency at Stark Industries.

They finished lunch around five PM and took an extremely needed coffee before packing their bags and got on board of the quinjet.

Clint, Natasha and Carol were there, waiting for Maria to join them, when she arrived and stayed outside of her fly back, "I'm not coming."

"What!" exclaimed both Carol and Natasha.

"Nick just called, he wants me to command from here while he deals with stuff."

"What stuff?" asked Clint.

Maria grinned, "That, none of you is allowed to know, and it's some stuff you don't have to worry about, anyway."

If Carol couldn't know, it meant that only one other person apart from Nick and Maria knew what it was about, so it had to be very important and dangerous, therefore not worrying about it seemed impossible.

Maria entered the quinjet, gave them all a goodbye hugs and stepped outside before Clint closed the rear hatch, "Let's go back home."


	12. Christmas

_"I've lived without you, sometimes for years, I just can keep doin' it. Yes, I miss you but I know how to deal with it while some others might not. You have a new family now,_ they _are your new family so embrace it, enjoy it, and please don't look back at the past. We will always be there if you need us but don't let them down because of us, because of me."_

_"I will love you until the day I die but what happens then? Your life ain't gonna stop when mine does. Other people love you, maybe more than I ever did, so let them love you. Let them be there for you like I used to and when I'll be gone you'll still have so much love around you that you won't even notice I ain't there anymore."_

_"Shut up and go then! You can still make it on time."_

* * *

It was cold and snowing outside, flakes slowly falling on the jumble of recently sawed logs of pine wood. The whole landscape was like painter's colour palette, but they used all of them to make lighter and darker shade of the same one, the usual colour of the clouds. It was like they reflected onto the ground, the horizon meeting the snowy grass and the sky in a blurry junction.

Hands cupping a mug of tea, the hot liquid warming up her body at every sip, Natasha watched the weather from the inside of her best friend's house, a couple of kids heckling in the background. In a jumper way too big for her, sweatpants and socks, the red haired woman could look at the snow for hours and never get bored.

Christmas was close, less than a day away. She couldn't forget about it, Lila and Cooper Barton reminding her every half hour that Santa would soon bring them presents to reward them for their good behaviours.

They were so innocent, Natasha thought, so naive.

At their age, Natasha still believed in Santa Claus, she still had no idea that it was her parents who bought her this stuffed animal she took with her everywhere she went and a few little wooden toys.

But then she was taken away from her childhood and innocence, by people who made her fear every little things her parents taught her before they were gone, fear trust, love, faith. Her childhood and innocence burnt down with the house she had always lived in, with her wooden toys, the stuffed animal she took everywhere with her and the people who raised her.

Looking at these kids, Clint's kids, she found herself grateful that they would never have to go through any of what she experienced, glad that they couldn't even imagine that something like this was possible.

Natasha also felt extremely privileged to be part of their lives, to see them grow. She couldn't express how thankful she was to Clint, for letting her in, trusting her enough to introduce her to his family, that was hidden because of his job.

There was nothing she enjoyed more than being here, in this house in the countryside close to Washington, with this family, as one of its member. Clint was her best friend, his wife, Laura, was one of her closest friends, too. For their children, she was Auntie Nat, a name she never thought she would be called one day. Natasha felt blessed to be part of this family, knowing that her own was gone and that it was impossible for her to have a new one.

But, even around all these people who she loved and who loved her as much, she couldn't forget the lack of one super strong blonde woman's presence. It pained her to her heart that Carol decided to go to Louisiana for the holiday, that she declined her offer to spend the holiday with her but deep down she understood.

After being so lucky, finding friends, a family, Natasha didn't expect to find someone else that would become essential, vital for her. Carol arrived in Natasha's life like a lot of people, through her work, but she decided to stick around so quickly, just by caring for her, worrying about her. If she was being honest, Natasha would say that she thought Carol was just doing her job back on this helicarrier, but she had proven more than once that she really cared, that the redhead was important to her.

More than just helping her with a PTSD that had never been diagnosed, Carol became Natasha's friend, her confidant, more than Clint would ever be. She understood her, had lived some shits in her own life and could give her advices, guide her to get better, to heal from the wounds that caused her past.

Carol was more than just a friend or a confidante, she was the only person Natasha had ever been attracted to. It was magnetic, supernatural, as if she was under some kind of spell that always brought her back to the blonde, and _damn_ how she wanted to be with her. Carol was the only person capable of making her laugh until her throat was dry and her belly aching, she was the only one who ever calmed her when she had a panic attack, the only one Natasha had ever wanted to kiss.

Love wasn't something Natasha thought she could feel for anyone, not _this_ kind of love. But there she was in the middle of Christmas Eve dinner, wishing she had Carol on her right, hand close enough to reach it, light fingertips brushing the sensible skin of her forearm like she knew the blonde loved to do. She wished she could lean to her ear and whisper things, comments that would make Carol blush and that she would hide with a nervous laughter, not aware that Natasha meant every single word of what she told her.

_Sexy. Good looking. Perfect._

All these words that Natasha would say with an ironic tone, but that were the truth about what she thought of the blonde. She didn't know from who she was hiding because she was sure Carol felt the same way, but it somehow never felt like the right time to tell her.

Maria was definitely not the person she was hiding from, no, she had figured them out easily, way too easily. She could be a pain in the ass sometimes, but when it came to Carol, every time she came to talk to her, she was nice and understanding. Love wasn't her thing, dating wasn't her thing, so Natasha wanted to do it right, to take all the time she needed to open up to Carol and Maria understood that and was there to listen if the redhead felt like confiding in her.

As she went to bed that night, only a few minutes before Christmas day, Natasha wished Carol would have picked her over her best friend, that she would be in bed with her because this house didn't have enough space to fit them all and that they would have had to share a bed. It was selfish of her, Natasha was aware of that, but she really missed the blonde. At first it was okay, she could live without her around, even though when Carol was there Natasha's days were better. But as they grew closer, it became nearly impossible for the redhead to spend more than a few days without seeing her, hugging her, hearing her voice.

Thinking about Carol, Natasha couldn't fall asleep. She rolled in her bed, desperately trying to find the right position, but nothing worked. After more than an hour of unsuccessful attempts, she got out of bed and went to the living room.

The presents where already under the tree, Clint and Laura had placed them while Natasha was tucking Lila and Cooper in. These kids were spoiled in Natasha's opinion, but it wasn't her decision to make therefore she respected it. She still did buy only one present for each of them, things that were in the boy's list of toys he wanted and for Lila, what Clint told her to get. Natasha didn't even try to count all the presents, it would just confirm what she already thought.

Walking around, Natasha looked out the windows, at the night sky full of shining tiny spots, the moon barely noticeable making all the starts more visible. Staring at this dark ceiling, the redhead remembered what Carol told her about that star that she saw dying, _it was_ _genuinely heartbreaking_ wrtr her words. But was it as much as when Natasha heard the word _no_ echoing in her eardrums after she had asked Carol to spend Christmas with her?

Natasha shook her head, she was being a child, a stupid little kid that wasn't happy because their parents didn't give them a candy. Carol had a life apart for her, she couldn't be with her all the time, as much as Natasha wanted her to.

Realising her behaviour didn't make sense, Natasha went back to her room, lied down in bed and closed her eyes until she would finally find unconsciousness.

Screams of children, that was what Natasha woke up to. Happy screams, hopefully, screams that were saying _Santa came here during the night and brought us presents!!!!_

Slowly, Natasha rolled onto her bed as she stretched, the sheets and quilt wrapped around her. She waited until the yelling had stopped, meaning the kids were playing with their toys, and went down the stairs to join the family. As expected, Natasha found Lila and Cooper playing on the floor while Laura and Clint were in the kitchen, drinking coffee.

"Hey, Nat," Clint greeted, handing the redhead a cup.

She smiled and replied sleepily, "Hi."

Taking a sip, she saw a flat long box, not even wrapped in paper. She figured it was Clint's present for Laura, but the latter proved her wrong, "That's for you," she said as she stepped towards Natasha, "Merry Christmas, Natasha."

The redhead put her cup on the counter before looking up at Laura, "Thanks," she whispered and pulled the other woman into a quick hug.

It was a rule they had, every year, Natasha would get a present for her best friend, Clint for his wife and Laura to Natasha.

Natasha could tell there was a necklace in the box, considering its shape, but she still let herself being surprised. She opened it, and gasped as she saw her silver chain linked from each end by an arrow of the same colour. Of course it meant to represent Clint, and it would perfectly remind her of him whenever they wouldn't be working together.

"I know that even if he is a pain in the ass you love him, so I thought why not having a reminder of him all the time."

"I love it, Laura. Thank you," Natasha replied as she put the necklace on, without any help.

The three of them stayed in the kitchen, observing the kids getting bored with their new toys after five minute of playing with them as they drank their coffees. Clint seemed to be happy with the new quiver that Natasha offered him, he had complained so much about his former one being too small that she gave in and got him a better one. Laura was wearing the scarf that Clint got for her. It was nice, shades of red and orange that enlightened her complexion and that would protect her from the cold of the winter.

When Natasha was about to go back upstairs to get dressed, a dull thud made Clint's kids yelped in the living room. Worried, they all ran there to see what was going on, seeing nothing through the windows until someone knocked at the door.

Because she was the closest to it, Natasha walked carefully towards it and opened it suddenly.

"I've got an invite from a Natasha Romanoff, I hope I'm not too late for the party."

Natasha couldn't believe it, it was Carol, in the flesh, standing on the other side of the door with the same bag she always took when she went somewhere, in a ripped pair of blue jeans and a dark hoodie.

Before she knew it, Natasha was outside, her bare feet on the porch, face buried in Carol's neck, holding onto her as if her life depended on it. Carol put her bag down to have both her arms free to hug the redhead, her tight embrace warming up Natasha's heart. Feeling Carol's lips pressing a kiss on the top of her head, Natasha stepped closer – even if she couldn't really be closer – and grasped the front of Carol's hoodie, definitely not ready to let her go anytime soon.

"Hey," whispered the blonde as her hands slid from Natasha's back to her waist. Natasha didn't pulled out, she couldn't, she needed this moment to last forever, so when Carol did it for her, gently cupping her cheek to make her look into her eyes, Natasha whined quietly, "You're here."

Carol was about to answer when an afraid little kid stepped out of the house, "Auntie Nat, who is it?" Cooper asked shyly, his tiny hand reaching Natasha.

"This is Auntie Carol," Natasha told him, stroking her fingers in his hair as Carol squatted down in front of him, "Hey buddy, what's your name?"

"Cooper," the little boy replied, taking a step towards Carol, "Hi Cooper, I'm a friend of your father and your Auntie Nat, it's nice to meet you."

"Hi," he said and rose his fist up in the air. Carol looked up at Natasha with a grin before fist-bumping his small hand.

Carol stood up, taking her bag in the process as Cooper went back inside the house and Clint arrived at the door, "It took you some time to get here, Cap!"

"Yeah, but I made it," Carol replied, glancing at Natasha who couldn't stop smiling.

Mindlessly, she took Carol's hand as they entered the house, gently stroking her thumb on her knuckle. They followed the archer to the living room where they found Laura and Lila sitting on the couch, the young girl on her mother's lap.

"You must be Carol," Laura said, taking Lila in her arms as she got up on her feet, "I'm Laura."

Carol stepped forward to shake her hand, letting go of Natasha's, "Well, this guy hid a wife and two kids from me, impressive," she laughed, looking back at Clint and Natasha.

"It's for their safety, Fury offered it to me when I joined," Clint explained.

Carol nodded, and then an awkward silence fell onto them. Natasha had only one wish, and it was to go back to Carol's side, to just be with her and talk, chat about how was her vacations with her best friend.

Hopefully for her, Cooper and Lila were both hungry and asked their parents if they could eat breakfast. With a nod, Natasha called Carol and led her to her room upstairs, giving them some very needed privacy.

Finally alone, Natasha observed the blonde as she put her bag on the unused desk of the room and opened it. After a minute of research in a bag that wasn't that big, a minute of impatient sighs and groans, Carol gasped with relief as she found what she sought.

Carol walked towards Natasha, smirking as she hid the object behind her back, "So… since I went to your apartment and saw all your pictures I've wanted to give you this, and because it's Christmas it's even more the right time."

Creating a little bit of suspense, Carol showed Natasha her empty hand and it earned her a punch in the biceps and a giggle. With a smile, she finally gave Natasha her gift, that was a Polaroid camera. Natasha carefully took it, analysing the object with her mouth slightly opened with surprise, "It was my brother's, and then mine when he died… he always wanted me to have it because he said I was a better photographer than him."

Natasha tried to thank the blonde but no word came out, it was such a personal object that she just gave her, she knew how much Carol's brother meant to her. She felt really lucky that Carol would trust her with it, "I-… thank you, r-really," she eventually stammered, enable to take her eyes off the camera, "I'm sure we can make dozens more picture for your shelf. But don't let Tony or Clint get a hold of it, they will do some shit with it, I can feel it," Carol joked as she stepped closer, tugging Natasha in her arms.

"Thank you," the redhead repeated in a whispered, very carefully with the object in her hand to not let it fall. After a kiss on Carol's cheek, Natasha stepped out of the embrace and went to her suit case to put the camera safe.

Turning on her heels, Natasha saw Carol leaning against the desk, smiling at her, "Any words from Maria since Thanksgiving?"

Natasha shook her head, "Radio silence. I don't know what is going on but it must be big."

"Surprising that we haven't been filled in, if it's really important we are the next in line to help, right?"

Not even sure about that, Natasha shrugged, "I don't know. And to be honest I don't wanna think about it, I just want to chill and enjoy my day off," she said as she walked towards Carol, "about that," she purred with mischief in her eyes, delicate hands sliding up Carol's forearms, "how long are you staying here?"

Carol looked away, suddenly sad, "I promised Monica I'd be back tomorrow…"

This time, Natasha looked away, at her feet as she took a step back, resting her hands on her hips, "I'm sorry Natasha," Carol apologised, closing the distance between them, "but you could come with me, and finally meet Maria and Monica."

"As much as I want to, I only have two more days off after today and I don't wanna waste them by spending half of the time in air planes. Because unlike you, Carol, I can't fly around."

Carol sighed, "I know… I'm really sorry."

"It's okay," the redhead muttered as she let Carol pull her in her arms. It was a bittersweet hug, not the ones Natasha preferred but it still brought her comfort to know that Carol really cared and was devastated that she hurt her again, "I'm gonna ask Nick for the days off I still haven't taken this year, I don't know if I will grant them to me but it can't hurt to try."

She felt Carol nodding into the embrace, holding her tighter, "I was thinking about staying in Louisiana until I'm needed back here. I wanna make the most of the time I can have with them."

Natasha pulled out of the hug, rubbing her shoulders gently, "I know you will, but in the mean time _I_ would love to make the most of the little time I have with you," she said and stepped backwards in direction of the door, "Wanna go back downstairs and play with the kids, Auntie Carol?"

Carol bit her bottom lip as she laughed, "Lead the way, Auntie Nat."

* * *

_"I feel so guilty for not being here often. But now there's the Avengers and I love spending time with them, and then I want to tell you about them, I need to, but they also need me."_

_"I can't help it, every time I'm not with her I miss her, I miss them all. But when I'm not with you I miss you. It's like I'm in two different universes and they can't coexist, but I want them to do so bad."_

_"_ _She asked me to spend Christmas with her and I said no, and now I can't stop imagining her sad, it's killing me._ _"_


	13. Natasha meets Maria

Natasha was finally going to meet Maria. After more than a year and a half telling her about her best moment with her best friend, Carol was finally introducing her. It wasn't not like Maria didn't want to meet the redhead, quite the contrary, she asked Carol multiple times when she would finally see the great Natasha Romanoff in person, and this day had come.

It was only two days, one night, but Carol was nervous like she rarely had been in her life. For some obscure reasons, she cleaned the house a few hours before Natasha's arrival, as if she wanted to impress her, and spend more time in the bathroom than what she usually took in a whole week.

Maria watched her doing all this, amused by her stressed level and teasing her of course.

The redhead had insisted that she would make it on her own to Maria's house, which made Carol even more nervous and impatient because Natasha could get there any minute. Leaning against the barrier of the house's porch, Carol couldn't stop bouncing her legs, annoying her best friend in the process so that was a great bonus. Standing there arm crossed, Maria sighed every minute, glaring at Carol but it was never enough to make her stop, because she knew her best friend wouldn't say anything about her nervousness, she was too kind when it came to that.

When a taxi finally parked a few meters away on the side of the road, Carol straightened her posture and waited by the stairs. The corner of her lips rising up as she see Natasha exiting the car, Carol shared a glance with Maria and she could imagine all the jokes she would have made in other circumstances, _You are so in love with her_ could also have been one of her statement. Instead, she just chuckled as Carol went down the few stairs to welcome Natasha with a warm hug.

She saw it in an instant, this Natasha was not the happy Natasha she saw a few weeks ago on Christmas day, something was wrong. Of course, she was trying to hide it, but Carol had learnt to read her face and could see behind her mask.

"It's beautiful around here," she said, and again, her tone was different, something was off, "it's good to see you."

Carol kissed her temple into the embrace, "you too," she whispered and stepped aside, letting Natasha go first.

"So you are that woman my best friend can't shut up about, huh?" Maria said as a funny greeting, earning her a little laugh from Natasha, "Am I?" she asked and turned to smirk at Carol, "It's great to finally meet you."

"I agree!" Maria exclaimed and pulled Natasha into a quick hug, "Come inside, I've got hot drinks," she invited and Natasha hesitantly followed her, looking back at Carol who encouraged her with a nod.

The host offered coffee or tea, and to Carol's surprise Natasha didn't pick the latter. Recently, she hadn't been drinking coffee after midday and she most of the time only had one coffee for her breakfast. Another thing that wasn't right, that proved that something must have happened. Carol had been gone for nearly three weeks, and they had talked everyday by texts and calls, how did she missed it?

It became more and more evident for the blonde that her friend wasn't fine. Maria tried to make the conversation, but Natasha's answers were short and evasive, even Carol could give better replies about Natasha's own life. She seemed tired, unlike she had been for months, and didn't laughed to Carol's dumb jokes, or when she did it was obviously forced.

Quickly finishing her tea, Carol went to the kitchen and called Maria to explain the situation. She needed to have a moment alone with Natasha, she needed her best friend to pretend that she had something to do, an excuse to leave so Carol could take care of Natasha, because she knew the redhead wouldn't confide in her if she felt like she could be heard.

Maria said she had forgotten to buy something for dinner and left, Natasha barely reacting to it. She just sat there, hands around her mug, taking an automatic sip every now and then. It was unbearable to watch, it was like they were back to square one, before all the progress they had done with all their talks after the gym.

Carol went to her side, took Natasha's bag and her hand and led her to her bedroom. The redhead didn't say anything, she just walked where her feet took her and stopped where Carol let go of her hand. After closing the door behind them, Carol inhaled deeply and stepped in front of Natasha, hopelessly trying to make her match her gaze.

"Natasha, talk to me, please. I can tell something is wrong," Carol begged, her earlier nervousness replaced by the double amount of worry.

The redhead glanced at her for a second, but looked down right away, "Shits happened, and it looks really bad," she mumbled, and Carol suddenly worried a thousand times more, "What? What did I miss?"

"Loki's spectre has been stolen and Captain America has been found with a stake in his heart, unburied from the ice he crashed into."

These were a lot informations to process.

The weapon that a madman used to control people was out there somewhere, surely in the hands of people with terrible intentions. And Steve Rogers, the guy that S.H.I.E.L.D tried to find for years, spending so much time and resources for nothing, had been found by other people and his corpse had been profaned.

"Do we- Do we know anything about a-any of this?" Carol stuttered, both news seeming so unreal.

"S.H.I.E.L.D has been tracking the guy who stole the sceptre but came back empty handed and we are only making hypothesis for Rogers' case," Natasha recited like the worst noir poem that could ever exist, "his shield was still there though, intact."

Carol frowned, this didn't make any same. Of all the things with value on the planet, Captain America's vibranium-made shield was _the_ object anybody should want. Possessing it and selling it would make someone rich, very rich.

"Who would kill a man already dead and leave his shield? When it's made of vibranium?"

"Russians," Natasha replied, stoic, "they hated his image during the cold war. The stake is just there to remind us of that, or to make sure he was dead…" Natasha let out a heavy sigh, still unable to look up, "and since the shield is indestructible, they rather let it there, having it would betray everything they believe in."

Natasha was saying _they_ like she used to when she talked about her past, about the Red Room. There was fear in her voice when she said this word, a light shaking in her irregular breathing that was giving her away.

"Hey," Carol whispered, cupping Natasha's cheek to force the eye contact, "you think it's _them_?"

No answer was needed, her eyes said it all. From what Carol knew, the Red Room had been taken down by Margaret Carter, first director of S.H.I.E.L.D, but they actually went dormant and came back to be taken down again a few years after Natasha's last moments there, in the late nineties. Maybe it had happened again, maybe they were back. They couldn't be a hundred percent sure, but they couldn't ignore this possibility and considering how it terrified Natasha, it would become Carol priority to make sure they weren't alive again.

Natasha eventually nodded, her bottom lip trembling as she tried to hold a sob that escaped her mouth the second Carol took her in her arms, "It's okay. They won't do anything to you again, I promise," Carol whispered, desperately trying to reassure the redhead, but no word or soft kiss soothed her.

_I_ _'_ _ll kill them myself_ , Carol thought, the rage inside her making her blood boiling.

"I'll protect you, we'll figure it out together. It's gonna be okay," she added as she stoked her fingers in Natasha's red hair. With her other arm wrapped around her waist, Carol made them rock slightly, knowing that it usually calmed Natasha.

Carol didn't know how long they stand there, in the middle of her room, but it was only when Maria came back from her fake errand and knocked on the door that Natasha pulled out, "Yeah," Carol shouted and the owner of the house entered, "I'm gonna start making dinner," she informed.

Looking back at Natasha, who's back was facing the best friends, Carol sighed, "Don't make too much, I don't think she is hungry."

Maria nodded and left after giving Carol an encouraging pat on the shoulder.

Natasha cleared her throat, finally turning around, "You know you don't have to hide from her, she dealt with me and my problems, she would never judge your," Carol told her.

"I'm not sure from who I was hiding to be honest," the redhead said, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. Carol approached, her hands mindlessly reaching Natasha's, "Not from me, right?" she asked quietly and pressed a kiss on Natasha's forehead.

"It's not like I could. We both know you've figured me out for a while now."

Carol chuckled, kissing Natasha's cheek before pulling her out of the room, "What if we try to think about something else?"

Natasha nodded, "That would be great."

And to take their minds off all these things, Carol and Maria were the best duo. They showed Natasha their comedian side, that she knew from Carol but she couldn't have imagined that she could be funnier with her associate of thirty years.

It took a few bad jokes, but Carol could tell that Natasha was enjoying the moment. But there was always this little reminder in Natasha's dark green eyes, that she didn't forget the potential threat that was the Red Room. The atmosphere was still going great during dinner, Natasha offering some jokes of her own to the air force best friends, jokes that worked quite well. Carol thought that Natasha had the best humour out of all the Avengers. Tony and Clint were idiots, Bruce and Thor weren't really good at it when they tried and Maria Hill just liked to annoy Carol. But Natasha was smart, her jokes witty and very original, everything that Carol loved. Or maybe it was just because it was Natasha that she laughed every single time.

As anticipated, Natasha didn't eat a lot, one of the thing she would do when she was anxious. Carol knew she couldn't force her, she had tried once and it didn't do any good for both of them.

Dinner being over, Maria left Carol and Natasha alone while she went to bed early.

Carol considered a few option, but knowing that Natasha must not have slept much since she learnt about the sceptre and Rogers, the choice of going to bed directly was the best. When she told the redhead, she looked at her with surprised, "Is there a room for me?" she asked, her eyes wandering around the house.

The blonde chuckled, "Yes, mine," she shrugged, "come on, it's a miracle that we haven't shared a bed already."

Natasha stared at the floor as she chewed on her lower lip, "I've been having nightmares again," she muttered, glancing up but still not matching Carol's gaze.

Carol joined her, gentle hands caressing her forearms, "Then it's best if I'm with you, I can try and wake you up."

Finally looking into her hazel eyes, Natasha smiled, her typical little smile that meant that she trusted Carol, that she was okay being vulnerable around her. Carol also knew it was the moment for her to take the lead and guide Natasha to her room, or the bathroom this time.

Carol had already showered before Natasha arrived – twice – so she changed in her room and laid down on the bed, waiting for the redhead to join her. When she did, Natasha was a grey tank top and matching shorts despite the outside cold weather and the inside's not that high temperature. Carol mocked herself in her head as she realised she was being a little too much protective with her will to make Natasha feel as comfortable as possible, after all if the redhead chose this outfit to be her pyjamas then it must mean she felt good in it.

The thought left her brain as Natasha joined her and lied on her back, head tilted to see Carol, "Could you like… hold me?" she asked shyly, and Carol even noticed her cheeks turning red.

"I think I'm the master at holding, so I guess I can do that," Carol replied joyfully and Natasha rolled on her side.

Carol moved closer, intertwining her fingers with Natasha's as she wrapped her arm around her waist and kissed her temple, "Good night Natasha."

* * *

_An arm, around her neck, preventing her to breathe._

_She was supposed to escape, she could, but it also became so hard to inhale oxygen that her brain was malfunctioning, she wasn't thinking straight. With the little strength she still had, she tried to pull this arm away from her aching throat, but nothing worked._

_"You can still surrender if you need to," resonated in her ears. It wasn't her style, to give up, she was better than that, but she was so tired of all this training, she just wanted it to stop._

_Closing her eyes, Natasha tapped twice on that guy's forearm, asking him to let her go. After a few seconds, she opened her eyes again and saw the cause of all her nightmares, Madam B, standing there arms crossed and shaking her head._

_The guy didn't let go. He tightened his hold. Natasha felt like she was suffocating._

_It didn't only feet like it, she was really suffocating._

_Her breaths were short and didn't bring the oxygen she needed to defeat him. She started panicking._

_Wriggling her legs all over the mat, Natasha tried to talk, to beg Madam B to let her go, but no sound came out of her mouth._

_She was going to die. That was it, she just proved Madam B that she wasn't strong enough and the older woman decided to take her life._

_Sloppy._

_Weak._

_Worthless._

_Desperately digging her nails in this guy's skin, Natasha whimpered, groaned as she tried to scratch him._

_She felt dizzy, light-headed, but she continued to press her fingers on his thick skin, hoping he would let her go, that it would be over._

_With a final attempt, Natasha gritted her teeth as she dung into his flesh, blood dripping down his arm until he finally released her._

_Finally free, Natasha inhaled deep breaths, hopelessly panting in every molecule of oxygen surrounding her._

_On her hands and knees, she recovered from this nth fight of the day, but unfortunately for her it wasn't the last._

_Someone had their arm around her waist, squeezing until she tried to escape, but the hold was too tight and she was too tired._

Natasha?

_A hand grasped her hair, pulling it so much it felt like they were removing her brain from her skull._

Natasha, I'm here.

_They were biting her, the skin of her cheek and then her forehead, she could even tell there was a mix of blood and tears streaming down her face._

Natasha, you're safe, listen to my voice.

_She had been right earlier, she was going to die, this faceless attacker was better than she ever would be, stronger. It seemed like they knew her every weaknesses and used it at their advantage._

Fight them, Natasha, show them _you_ are the strongest.

_Losing wasn't an option. Losing meant dying, and she wasn't going to die today._

_After taking a deep breath, Natasha grabbed her opponent's shirt in their back and flipped them over her head._

_She had won._

_She was standing on the mat, hands shaking, legs almost failing, but she was on her feet and victorious._

_And then she was not. Madam B hit her belly with her cane. She couldn't breathe._

Natasha wake up!!

* * *

Panting as if she had run a marathon, Natasha woke up with a start in the light of a bedside lamp, her feet where her head was supposed to be in the bed, and Carol looking at her with worry, "It's okay, you had a nightmare, it's over now," the blonde told her but she couldn't understand what happened.

"I don't… I don't remember," Natasha stammered, and only at that moment she realised she was crying, "I just… felt like I was fight someone."

Carol cupped her cheeks, wiping the tears away, "That was me, I guess," Carol said with a laughter, "I tried to hold you, cuddle you and all but you pushed me away."

Natasha gasped, realising that the bites and hair pulling she felt were actually Carol kissing her and stroking her fingers in her hair.

"Did I hurt you?" she panted, eyes widened and filled with woory.

"No, I'm fine," Carol reassured, moving closer to the redhead, "You didn't hurt me, everything's okay," she added before pulling Natasha into her arms.

Nothing ever felt more right for Natasha than being in Carol's arms. It was like they were meant to hold each other, like Carol was born to soothe Natasha's pain whenever she needed her to. Natasha knew she just had to tuck her face in the crook of Carol's neck and let her do the rest. The rocking, gentle fingers stroked in her hair that lulled her, made her forget about all the things that terrified her everyday. The best thing in these hugs were Carol's soft kisses on her forehead, her temple and cheeks, _damn_ how Natasha loved them.

But these kisses often meant that Carol would break the embrace, and once again she did, Natasha whining to complain, "Let's go back to sleep, okay?"

"What if I have another nightmare," Natasha pouted.

"If you do, I'll take care of you again."

If taking care of her meant another hug, Natasha was fine with that, though she rather not have another nightmare, she needed the sleep.

Laying down in the right direction, her head on the pillow, Natasha faced Carol this time and buried her face in her warm chest. She felt so safe at that moment, Carol's arms holding her, her fingertips lightly caressing her skin. Carol holding her like this worked as a sleeping pill, Natasha so relaxed that she fell asleep within minutes.

When she woke up again, a weak beam of sunshine was enlightening the room and she was alone in bed. It didn't surprise her, Carol didn't sleep much and the sun was rising in the sky, meaning she had to get up.

Natasha learnt Carol's routine when she told her more about her past life, the air force with Maria, Monica's birth, the Kree. Natasha could see herself in Carol, in some of the things she lived. They had a lot in common, but were so different at the same time. Carol had more experiences, she could help Natasha going through her traumas, she had done it herself, after she broke free from the Kree. Carol was to Natasha what Maria was to Carol, but the redhead didn't want to keep it platonic.

At first, when she joined S.H.I.E.L.D, Natasha thought she wasn't made for relationships, that dating wasn't her thing, but Carol helped her realise that she wanted it, with her.

Yawning, Natasha got out of bed and let her feet wander where they wanted. In the living room, she saw a blonde head sticking out of a window and went out to join her.

Carol was sitting on the swing seat, on the patio under the porch. She had a blanket around her shoulders and a mug in her hands.

The redhead wordlessly sat beside her, Carol sharing the blanket with her. After she took a sip of her hot drink, Natasha seized the mug and drank the liquid, her eyes widening at the taste, "This tea is amazing," she said, her voice huskier than its usual.

"You would have known if you had tried it yesterday afternoon instead of taking a coffee," Carol scolded, attempting to take her drink back but Natasha drank another sip, smirking into the mug, "I needed the caffeine, I haven't been sleeping well since I got the news."

"I know… and I intend to change that," Carol stood up, "I'm gonna get you a cup."

Natasha grabbed Carol's hand, "No wait!" she exclaimed and Carol sat back on the swing, "stay here with me," Natasha purred, resting her head on Carol's shoulder.

Their hands still linked, Natasha gave Carol the mug back, the latter putting it down on the wooden floor before pushing the seat with her feet to make them swing lightly. Natasha suddenly felt sleepy and rubbed her eyes to try to make it go away, but it was so good to be there with Carol that she couldn't fight it.

Looking up at the blonde, Natasha saw that she was the only one of them feeling happy. Carol was clenching her jaw, Natasha could see it, and the way she stared at the woods in front of them said it all, "You wanna stay, don't you?"

Carol didn't glance away, but her cheeks blushed, Natasha had figured her out. Sighing, Carol sat up and squeezed Natasha's hand, "I really missed her but if I don't come back to DC I'll miss you. There is no scenario where I don't miss someone."

"You'd miss me?" Natasha asked, surprised to hear that.

Finally, Carol looked at Natasha, "Come on, Natasha, since we met you are the person I've seen the most. Of course I'd miss you."

Even if she knew it, it somehow shocked Natasha to have the confirmation. She, herself, missed Carol a lot when she was in Louisiana but she couldn't ask her to stay, Maria was her best friend and she must need the blonde as much as Natasha did. But knowing that Carol missed Natasha, that changed something, it meant Natasha was important to the blonde, maybe not as much as Maria, that was hard to beat, but she was still someone that Carol esteemed, respected and loved.

"You are my life now, Natasha. Us and the Avengers, we have to protect Earth. I talked about it with Maria at Christmas, and she said that I had to let her go and fully live my life with you guys," Carol sighed again, "I want to, I really do, but it's hard to just give up on her, to throw away a part of my life, as if she never was my best friend."

"She will always be your best friend, Carol," Natasha assured, "no one will ever change that. And if you want to keep contact with her, you can, we shouldn't be a burden for you."

"You are not," Carol interjected, "you are my present, and my future. It's just gonna be hard to let go of my past, but I know I can do it."

"Take it slowly, you don't have to stop talking to her right away. Take the time to get used to it, and if you ever need to talk you know I'm here for you."

Smiling, Carol nodded before wrapping her arm around Natasha's shoulders, pulling her closer to kiss her temple, "You know you mean the world to me, right?" Carol asked as she nuzzled Natasha's skin and finished her sentence with a peck on her cheek.

"I hoped I meant something to you," Natasha replied, sitting more comfortably, slouched on the seat with her head against Carol's chest.

Carol chuckled, "You are more than _something,_ " she tilted her head, cheek pressed on the top of Natasha's head.

For half an hour, they sat there, slowly swinging and chatting as they watched the sun rising. It was just them, keeping the other warm in their arms, opening up about things they never talked about and others they already had.

It was just them.

But what they didn't know was that Maria was in the kitchen, looking at them from afar and wondering when they would finally kiss, finally admit their feelings and enjoying fully their relationship.


	14. Back to work

It was great to be back.

Carol had missed her routine, she had missed Washington DC and, last but not least, she had missed Natasha.

Unlike she expected, she hadn't seen Natasha since she came back from Louisiana, but just the fact that they were in the same city really helped, she just had to call her and they could meet up. Carol also knew that the redhead was busy, they didn't talk much over the phone after she left because she was on a mission but she could tell that she was better than when she arrived at Maria's. The joy in her voice was back, not like it was pre-Christmas but it was still encouraging and from what she told Carol she didn't have that much nightmares. She could of course be lying but it wasn't something Natasha did with Carol.

It was only her third day back in the capital but she already felt like home. She knew she would soon be called for a mission, considering what Natasha told her a week ago, Nick couldn't not involve her. Whoever did these things, whether it was the sceptre theft or the Captain America case, it was huge enough for the director of S.H.I.E.L.D to keep it as secret as possible, until he would need to fix things.

This day would arrive, Carol knew it, but, in the meantime, she went back to her routine and enjoyed her days.

On this Monday, just as the sun started to rise in the cloudy sky, Carol went out for her morning run on the paths following the waters in the touristic city centre. She loved to run at this time of the day, it was calm, not crowded, only a few other fellow joggers working on their cardio. Carol was usually a loner when it came to running, but that morning, as she overtook someone as they passed by the Jefferson Memorial, Carol noticed their sweater of the Air National Guards.

"Air force, huh?" she began as she ran backwards, slowing her pace, "I know that all too well."

The guy caught up and they jogged side by side, not too fast to be able to talk, "Para-rescue, you?"

Carol didn't reply right away, she couldn't tell the truth to a stranger. She couldn't tell him that she was in the air force in the eighties and that at the time a ban prevented women to fly combats planes and to get deployed.

"Never got the time to go anywhere," she lied, not very convincing but she couldn't find anything better.

"Physical or psychological?"

_Shit_ , he was curious, "I guess both," Carol told, thinking about one of her old colleague, "Fucked up my hand and that fucked up my brain for a while. I just… really missed flying," she still did, she had not flown like she used to since she settled down on Earth, the only few times she went the air lasted only a few minutes.

"I get that. Not that it happened to me, I've just seen a lot of people like you."

"You've been in support groups?"

He chuckled and stopped, "I work at the VA and host some meetings," he replied and walked a few paces to joined Carol who stopped a few metres further, "Sam Wilson," he introduced himself, stretching his hand.

Carol looked down and shook it, "Carol Danvers."

He smiled, "Well, Carol, if you ever need to share some of your experiences, our door is opened."

"I'll remember that," she said and started running again, heading to the United States Capitol. Surprised, Sam sprinted to reach her side, "so, whatcha doin' now?" he panted.

"Work for S.H.I.E.L.D, take care of my girl, among other things."

Did she just called Natasha her girl? Carol shook her head, it sounded very much like they were dating but that she was sure they weren't. _Why the hell did I say that?_

"Sounds exhausting," he breathed.

Carol chuckled, "As much as running is exhausting to you," she teased and stopped.

Sam sat on the grass, "That's low."

"He says, his ass on the ground," Carol laughed and sat beside him, "what about another lap?"

"Nope, I've had enough for today," he replied, wiping the sweat off his forehead with his sleeve.

Carol was about to offer him a coffee when she got a message from Natasha, "Duty calls," she said and stood up, offering her hand to help him stand, "It was a pleasure to meet you, Sam."

"You too. And don't forget to visit sometimes."

Her next words got muffled by the loud throbbing of an engine, that Carol recognised to be Natasha's black corvette, a gift from Nick.

Natasha opened the passenger window, smirking as she looked the ex air force soldier up and down, "Hey, have you seen a gorgeous tall blonde around here? She acts like she's smart and thinks she is but she's actually a dumbass and she is also very very gay.

Carol looked at Sam, faking confusion, "You just missed her!" he shouted and Carol smirked, "I think she went that way," the blonde added, pointing behind her.

"Damn, I was looking forward to spend time with her," Natasha complained.

Sam smirked, "that's your girl?" he asked, probably loud enough for Natasha to hear him. Carol patted his shoulder before taking a step back, "that's the one."

Carol entered the car, finally noticing Natasha's new haircut. Sam bent down and waved at Natasha, "How you doin'?"

"Hey!" the redhead greeted.

"I'll see you around Sam," Carol told him with a sign of the hand and she closed the window after he nodded.

The engine buzzed and the tyres screeched as Natasha drove fast in direction of S.H.I.E.L.D's headquarter.

"You look good, Natasha. And I dig the hair like this," she complimented. Natasha's red hair was straight and freshly cut at shoulder-length.

"It wasn't them," the redhead said with seriousness, ignoring Carol's compliments, "we aren't sure yet of who it is but they are excluded from the list of suspects."

She didn't need to clarify, Carol knew she was talking about Rogers and the Red Room. It was such a relief, the eventuality of them being back really scared Carol and was even worse for Natasha. It explained that she hadn't had nightmares in a few nights and looked happier.

Natasha's right hand being free, Carol took it and gave it a squeeze, "That's great," she said quietly, bringing Natasha's hand to her mouth and kissed her knuckle.

"Who was that guy?" Natasha changed the subject, "Sam Wilson, he was in the air force. I saw his sweater and couldn't resist to go talk to him."

"He seems nice."

Carol scoffed, "For the few minutes I've been talking to him, I'd say he is."

"Can't be nicer than me, though," Natasha teased.

"No one can, you are the nicest," Carol replied with a smile that the redhead reciprocated.

Almost at S.H.I.E.L.D, Carol finally wondered why she had been called in, "What's the mission this time?"

"Strike team will explain, I just know we have to get there fast."

Carol found it weird that Natasha didn't have more informations, she was usually the one doing the briefings pre missions. It was a first for the blonde but shouldn't be for Natasha, she hadn't always been one of the highest rank during a mission.

In S.H.I.E.L.D's building, they went to the armoury to get their gears and suits before joining Strike team in a quinjet. It must be a new version of these planes because they went way faster than the last time Carol embarked in them and arrived close to their point of action in the Indian ocean after a bit more than an hour.

Soon at range of the target, Carol gathered the team for the briefing to begin, "The Lemurian Star, a mobile satellite launch platform, has been taken by pirates ninety three minutes ago," Agent Rumlow stated.

"What do they want?" Carol asked, "billion and a half."

It couldn't be a random ship then, Carol figured, "It's ours, isn't it?"

"Yes, Captain."

Carol sighed, "Why was it here in the first place?" she asked to Rumlow but Natasha was the one to reply, "I'm sure they have a good reason."

"I thought he knew I wanted all the infos before sending me somewhere, I don't like it," Carol groaned, upset that Nick, once again, didn't trust her.

"Relax, it's not that complicated," Natasha said, sounding way to calm for someone who didn't know what was going on, or so she said.

Carol rolled her eyes and shook the feeling off, "How many are they?"

"Twenty five mercenaries led by a Georges Batroc," Rumlow showed his picture on the screen, "ex-DGSE, action division. At the top of Interpol's Red Notice, thirty six kill missions before he was demobilised. He has a rep for maximum casualties."

"Hostages?"

"Mostly techs. One officer, Jasper Sitwell," Carol recognised him from her first mission, he was the one who located Loki, "They are in the galley."

"Alright! I'm gonna sweep the deck for you to get on board. Natasha kill the engine and wait for instructions. You guys take care of the hostages, I want it to be perfect unlike the time I ended up saving y'all's asses. In the meantime I'll find Batroc. Let's go."

They all geared up, Carol taking a parachute that she wouldn't use. She sloppily fastened the straps as Natasha slowly approached her, "We are on channel seven," she told her and stepped closer, tiptoeing to whisper to her ear, "I really missed you last week."

Carol smirked as she put her earpiece on, "Focus on the mission, Natasha. You'll have all the time to flirt with me when we get back," she replied and at the same time, the pilot said that they were on the drop zone.

Opening the rear hatch, Carol saw Natasha's playful eyes and smirked, "Focus, Romanoff," she ordered and jumped out of the quinjet.

And there she was flying. Well, not really, she was actually free falling, but it somehow felt the same.

At first blinded by the clouds and the night sky, Carol finally saw the lights from the ship and dove straight to it. She slowed her fall with her powers, knowing she could do it without being all shining and get spotted by the pirates on board. It was something she learnt to do during her long time in space, not using a hundred percent of her powers all the time, which was very useful for stealth missions like this one. Landing in the water, Carol swam a few metres before reaching the giant chain of the anchor and climbed up to go on the deck.

With her arm around one guys neck, she made him pass out and started running further onto the boat. Knowing that Strike team was still in the quinjet – until she told them otherwise – Carol didn't hesitate to blast a few pirates, only when they were too far from her and that they would see her. The objective, like in any rescue mission, was zero casualties, unless they have to kill to survive. Carol knew how to control the energy inside her and could blast the pirate enough for them to only be knocked out but not dead. A few of them got kicked out of the ship though, and she could only hope that they would be fine.

For once in her life, the stealth techniques the Kree taught her were useful, and so she ran all across the deck with no one hearing her footsteps.

Only remained a few pirates when she told Natasha and the team to jump off the jet. She took the parachute that was still on her back off, it would look suspicious that she didn't use it. After a sharp breath she jumped in the middle of five armed men that she took care of almost too easily considering she wasn't using her powers anymore. She though everything was clear when she heard the sound of a gun and then a pirate shouting at her in French.

Before he could shoot her, or before she could react and neutralise him, he got shot in the back by Natasha who smoothly landed on the ship.

"Thanks," she said and could tell Natasha wasn't going to reply a simple _You're welcomed_ , "Want to get a drink after this?"

Carol rolled her eyes but giggled, "Mission first!"

"I'm multitasking," Natasha replied before going on her own way to the engine room.

Carol headed to the control room, where she supposed Batroc would be and used a bug to confirm he was there. She could hear two people, but she couldn't understand what they said and wished she had a universal translator on this suit.

Now that she was in position, she just had to wait for the whole team to tell her they were ready. A minute later, a few members of Strike team gave her the green light, but it was still radio silent on the side of Natasha.

"You good down there, Natasha?" she asked, but got no answer.

* * *

"Hang on!" Natasha shouted in her comms as she jumped on a pirate's back, electrocuting him with her Widow's bites. After a roll on the floor, she got on her feet disarmed one and then two men, knocking them down before talking into her comms, "Engine room secure," she told Carol as she took a crowbar and hit one of the two that wasn't down with her best swing in his head.

Now that she was done with this mission, she had to accomplish another one, the one Nick gave her and that made her lie to Carol.

She searched and found the closest room with access to the data centre of the ship and got into the system to copy all S.H.I.E.L.D's intel that was there. She heard Carol asking her to go help Rumlow to evacuate the hostages, but she couldn't, she had to stay there and get what Nick asked, as much as she hated to keep Carol in the dark.

There was nothing for Natasha to do than wait for the computer to transfer the files on the USB stick. She was halfway through the transfer when two people smashed down the door, one of them being Carol.

* * *

Carol tackled Batroc with all her strength, throwing them both across a door and she punched him to knock him down the second they landed on the floor.

"Should I be jealous?" a voice asked, a few metres away from Carol.

She looked in its direction and found Natasha on a computer, doing anything but the orders Carol gave her, "I told you to go help Rumlow."

"And I was told to do this," she replied nonchalantly, nodding at the screen in front of her.

"Nick gave you other orders," Carol figured.

Natasha chuckled, "You could say that, yes."

Carol felt the anger growing inside her chest, Nick played her, once again, "You fucking lied to me, Natasha," she shouted as she grabbed the redhead by the arm, "you told me you didn't know anything about this mission when really you had all the infos, isn't that right?"

Natasha took the stick out of the computer, "Basically, yes," she said, absolutely not apologetic, as if she didn't care about lying to Carol, as if she had already done it before.

Carol was about to retort when they both heard noises coming from where she left Batroc. He threw a grenade at them before Carol could go kick his ass. She caught the explosive, tossed it as far as possible and ran away with Natasha to cover. Just before the explosion, Carol pushed the redhead on the floor under a desk and, by instinct, lied down on top of her to protect her. Hopefully for them the grenade was so far that only a few debris were projected on them, Carol taking the most of the impacts.

A few seconds later, Carol rolled on her back beside Natasha, panting, and the redhead leaned over, "You okay?" she breathed, and Carol could see panic in her eyes.

She wanted to get up and leave, she wanted to tell Natasha to go fuck herself because she lied, but the redhead was worried and she couldn't let her feel that way.

Closing her eyes, Carol swallowed and nodded, feeling Natasha's green gaze on her face, studying her smallest motions, "I'm fine," she confirmed but Natasha didn't move away, "You?" she asked and Natasha nodded, "I'm sorry," she whispered before standing up and pulling Carol off the floor.

Now face to face and really close, Carol felt the need to tug Natasha by the arm and take her in her arms, but as she looked at her she saw the face of the person who lied to her, who risked everybody's safety for some hard drive. After a sharp breath, Carol let go of Natasha's forearm and asked the team of the hostages were safe.

The quinjet landed on the ship a few minutes later for the two women to get in and took off, heading back to DC.

Carol felt like she was suffocating with all the people on board, she couldn't go where she wanted and, worst of it all, couldn't sit further away from Natasha.

It made her so mad that the redhead lied, she thought they were passed that, she thought they trusted each other, even with secret infos, but apparently she had been wrong. Bowing her head, Carol leaned forward and looked at her feet, thinking the feeling of Natasha staring at her would disappear but she knew the redhead was still sitting on the seat in front of her and that her emerald iris was fix and pupil on her.

"Can you stop!" she finally let out in an exclamatory groan.

Natasha unbuckled her seatbelt and crouched down before Carol, her hand carefully rubbing the blonde's knee, "He made me swear I wouldn't tell you. He knew that if _you_ knew you would have been against it."

"Of course I would have!" Carol interjected, sitting up, "He used you because he knew I wouldn't say anything, but I'm not letting it go this time."

Natasha stroking her thumb on her thigh made Carol more upset than it soothed her, "He must have a good reason to ask me that. I'm sorry I lied to you, I had to."

This was definitely the worst apology ever and it hurt Carol more than anything. There were so many feelings in her head, banging together and making it impossible for Carol to think that she felt like crying and she knew Natasha would see it. She rubbed her eyes, trying to hide it but it had the opposite effect and Natasha noticed even faster that she didn't feel good.

Natasha sat beside Carol and cupped her cheeks, forcing the blonde to look at her, "Carol… talk to me," she begged but what Carol wanted was for her to fuck the hell off, "I would have told you," she eventually muttered, "if it had been me, I would have trusted you and told you," she clarified and Natasha let her hands fall off Carol's face, "I'm so sorry, Carol. I didn't mean-"

"But you did!" she interrupted, "you didn't mean to hurt me but you did. I thought we didn't lie to each other. Since that day," she meant when she told Natasha and the Avengers who she really was, "I've never lied to you, and I wished you didn't either."

"Carol…" Natasha breathed desperately, looking down at her hands.

"Just leave me alone, please," she requested and, after one last sad glance, Natasha got up and went to sit somewhere, as far as possible from Carol.


	15. Nick

As short as it was, it was one of the longest flights Carol ever experienced. She was angry at Nick, at Natasha, at the entire world, she needed to blow off some steam but couldn't do it in here.

So when they finally landed in S.H.I.E.L.D's hangar, Carol stormed out of the quinjet and walked fast to Nick's office.

She almost kicked down the door as she opened it and went straight to his desk, where he was seated, looking at the outside world through the window, "You had to use her, huh? You had to get that low to get to me. Well, congratulations, you did!"

"It was not personal, Carol. I needed the intel from this ship to be safe," he replied, getting on his feet.

"Then you should have asked me to get them instead of giving Natasha another mission, that she did beautifully by the way."

Fury scoffed, "I know you, Carol, and I know you wouldn't have liked it, that's why I told her to do it."

"Why don't you trust me for a change? If you had explained to me what this infos meant I would have done it. But no, you had to go behind my back and lie as usual."

Nick straightened up his posture, and for a second Carol thought she was getting an apology from him, but of course it wasn't, "Well, let me show you that I do trust you," he said and walked to the exit of his office.

Carol distrustfully followed him to an elevator, and when they got there he asked the AI to get them to the _Insight bay_ , "Captain Danvers does not have clearance for _Project Insight,_ " the computer replied, and just by the name of it, Carol didn't like that "project". It sounded like what Nick wanted to do with the Tesseract, and it was a whole load of crap so if this was in the same style, he would hear of it.

"Director override, Fury, Nicholas J."

"Confirmed," said the AI and the elevator went down.

"I remember a time you said that everybody should call you Fury, yet now at least three people other than me call you Nick."

He tilted his head and frowned, "Who?"

"Hill, Stark, Romanoff," Carol listed, and its the second name that surprised him, "it bother you that Tony does, doesn't it?"

"Unlike you, Hill and Romanoff, I never appreciated him, so yeah, I don't like it."

Carol pressed her lips together, doing her best not to laugh, "Pretty sure he does it to annoy you," she chuckled and saw him gritting his teeth.

She wanted to add more to bother him but they finally reached the level of the _Insight bay_.

Her eyes widened as she saw three helicarriers, that seemed five times bigger than the one they were on during the Loki crisis. There was hundreds of people working in and on them, dozens of quinjets on each of them, giant weapons on the bridge, the side of the helicarrier, everywhere.

"This is _Project Insight_ ," Nick presented, "Three next-generation helicarriers synced to a network of targeting satellite."

Carol sighed, "Launched by the Lemurian Star," she muttered to herself.

"Once we get them in the air, they never need to come down. Continuous sub-orbital flight, courtesy of our new repulsor engines," he pointed at the enormous turbines.

"Tony helped?" Carol wondered, "He had a few suggestions once he got an up-close look at our old turbines."

He proudly showed Carol all the toys on the helicarriers, the weapons, how they would work with the satellites and everything they that could be done with them, "We're gonna neutralise a lot of threats before they even happen," he concluded and that was what made Carol snap at him.

"What's the point of the Avengers if you have this huh?"

"I- you guys are meant to- for bigger threats," he stammered, it was the first time she ever heard him not sure of his words.

As much as it surprised her, it was also funny to her, "If we can handle bigger threats we can handle anything, that's why you asked me to work here. You can send us to fight before it happen instead of sending massive flying arsenals in the sky to menace every single person on Earth."

"Carol, you did a lot yourself when you were asked, killed people that didn't have to die."

Oh no, he didn't just mentioned the Skrulls when she was brainwashed and thought she was Kree, "How dare you use that as an argument!" she yelled, her hands clenched so hard that her skin was losing its colour, "you know damn well it wasn't my choice, and when I got the possibility to choose I did everything I could to make it right, to do better so my past mistakes would be forgiven. With these you are going to create fear, just like the Kree did to the Skrulls. You are no better than them," she finished and didn't even listen to what he still had to say.

Furious, she went to the armoury to get her clothes and belonging, hoping Natasha wouldn't be there waiting for her, changed and left with her motorcycle, that was there since the last time she came here.

She had to take her mind off everything that happened in the day and remembered the offer from Sam. Not sure where the VA was, she took a stop to search the address on her phone and drove there.

At first she wavered, not sure that it was her place to be around veterans since she wasn't one. But as her hand hovered above the knob of the door, she figured that it wouldn't hurt anyone if she just went to talk to Sam.

The inside of the building was simple but welcoming, the doors of the meeting rooms were all opened, which created an atmosphere full of trust, the soldiers knew no one who entered those doors would ever tell their stories to anybody else. There were two meetings at the same times, in opposite rooms, and Carol found Sam presiding the second one, giving each people who wanted to talk the right to speak. Carol listened to them from afar, not feeling like she could enter and sit down but she still paid close attention to the stories and they were all heartbreaking.

Sam was so good at his job, he guided these veterans perfectly on the path to recovery. He reminded Carol of Maria when she helped her after the whole Kree versus Skrulls situation, they were both good with people and gave good advices.

When the meeting was done, Sam said goodbye to every person who was there before going to see Carol, "I didn't think you'd come here so soon."

"Honestly, I wish I didn't feel the need to," Carol admitted, crossing her arms as she leaned against a wall.

Sam pouted, "Trouble in paradise?"

"S.H.I.E.L.D never was paradise."

He laughed, as if he knew that this organisation was built on lies and secrets.

Carol observed him as he tidied pamphlet of different support groups and a question came to her mind, "A friend of mine went through a lot, not army related but this kind of PTSD nonetheless. I've been trying to help her but I don't think I'm enough for her to completely heal, you know anything that could work?"

"Do we ever fully heal?" he joked as he looked for the right papers, but damn he was so right, full recovery from these trauma was almost impossible, "I've got these, not sure if it would match what your friend needs but it's worth the try."

Carol gave him a thanking nod as she skimmed through the pamphlets, "You give very good advice, better than any therapist ever gave me."

"Yeah, well, we all have the same problems, guilt, regrets. That's why these meetings were created, so the ones who are in better shape can help those who are at the bottom."

Carol smiled sadly, "You lose someone?" she asked but just by his last sentence she knew he did.

Sam sighed, "My wingman, Riley. Flying a night mission. Standard PJ rescue op, nothing we hadn't done a thousand times before until a RPG knocked Riley's dumbass out of the sky. Nothing I could do," Sam looked away, "it's like I was up there just to watch…"

Carol swallowed to humidify her torn throat, "I'm sorry," she said and the emotion was still visible through her mask.

"After that, I had a really hard time finding a reason for being over there, you know?"

This felt like Thor just hit her with his hammer, that was exactly what Maria told her one night after a frustrating day of talking. Maria felt guilty for six years, when Carol was with the Kree, she thought her best friend was dead and took it on her. That night, she let it all out, all the things she held back because she had to be strong for Carol, because she had to help her getting better before she could take care of her own self. That night, they realised they both felt guilty, Maria for Carol's crash and the blonde for letting her best friend down for half a decade. In the end, this conversation had helped them to move on more than all those before, but it was the yelling and sobbing that made it extremely painful and exhausting.

Sam was like Maria, he was the one who survived and wished he didn't. But now, Sam was helping other people and seemed to like it, "You found you're place now, though."

He looked around at the rooms and the people, "Yeah, I think I'm happy now," his grin was so genuine that it couldn't be fake, and it hit Carol even more, she still hadn't found what he had, this happiness.

"Thinking about getting out?" he asked, very fast at reading Carol's face.

Carol scoffed, "I can whenever I want actually, but let's say I'm still here because of some people," Natasha, Nick, even Maria Hill and Clint, that was why she hadn't quit yet, she wanted to help them.

"And if you had to leave, what would you do? What makes you happy?"

"She does," escaped her mouth before she could think of it.

Sam chuckled, "The woman who picked you up?"

Carol licked her lips to hide her smile, "That obvious, huh?" she laughed realising she wasn't fooling anyone anymore.

"Even if I barely know you I could tell that you don't look at people like that very often."

Carol tapped his shoulder, "Let's change that, then. I'm buying you a drink."

"Just like that, eh? Careful, she might be jealous!" he warned as they walked out of the building.

They went on foot to the closest café and sat at the terrace.

It was so easy to talk to Sam, he was a good listener and always had another question to keep the conversation going. Carol told him about Natasha lying to her for the first time – that she knew of – without mentioning the whole point of the mission. It was really hard for her to process it, she felt like the redhead betrayed her, when she never meant to. Sam told Carol that she should let Natasha explain herself, which she didn't really do. He thought she had to put herself in her shoes to understand why she lied, and that it would help Carol to forgive her.

The truth was that Carol couldn't hold anything against Natasha, she couldn't be mad at her for more than a few hours and she already wanted to go see her and forget that it happened.

What was stuck in her throat was that Nick deliberately chose Natasha for this mission, when Clint or any other level 6 or higher could have done it, just because he knew Carol wouldn't stop her because of her feelings. And he lied again and kept informations for himself, like this new stupid project that she knew would fail somehow.

But that she couldn't tell Sam, and instead of rumbling about Natasha and how much she was in love with her, Carol asked questions about Riley.

Sam and Riley were a masculine version of Carol and Maria. Sam was the grounded of the two but knew how to have fun and how to bother his best friend, especially in front of women he liked, just like Maria did to Carol. Riley was a risk-taker, reckless and absent-minded, but when it can to work, he wanted to be the best, to be better than his best friend.

Sam told Carol that, the night Riley died, he wasn't supposed to be out there, Sam should have. Just like Carol volunteered to fly Lawson's plane, Riley said he would go on that op, leaving Sam to watch him die just like Maria heard Carol's through the radio as they crashed.

The discussion getting sad, Sam came back to the Natasha subject and asked for how long she and Carol had been dating. He almost choked on his beer when Carol told him they weren't, and at first he thought she was joking. The blonde tried to explain the situation with the little things she could tell him – no way she would speak about Natasha's traumas or their job – but unfortunately it wasn't enough and he called her a coward for not making the first move on her. Perhaps she was a coward but Carol still thought it was better to let the redhead come to her, to let her lead this relationship at her own speed, to not force things between them so it would work and last.

It was very nice to talk to someone who understood her, to someone like Maria, so nice that Carol didn't noticed it was late until the street lamps lit the city.

Before getting on her motorcycle, Carol took her phone and found out she received three texts from Natasha, which was really unlike her.

_Hey, maybe I'm overstepping again but I thought we should talk, about the mission and all that._

_I'm really sorry I lied to you, I didn't want to and it was fucking hard for me to do. I wish Nick hadn't ask me that but he did and I should have said no, I should have told you but I didn't and I feel stupid and so guilty for hurting you._

_I usually don't care about hurting people but you are different. Please, when you get this, come to my place. I want to properly apologise to you, this is what you deserve, this is what you mean to me._

Carol didn't think she would ever read such a sentence from Natasha. This last part, _"_ _this is what you mean to me,_ _"_ that was a big deal. Natasha said it herself, she wasn't the kind of person to apologise, but she wanted to, for Carol, she wanted to fix everything.

But she didn't know that Carol had already forgave her.

Carol was tempted to go to Natasha's place to talk with her, to tell her that they were okay, to, herself, apologise for how she acted in the quinjet but it wasn't the moment, it could wait. It was almost midnight and the day had been long so Carol went back to her apartment, in need of a shower and a full night of sleep.

As she climbed up the stairs to her apartment, Carol ran into her next-door neighbour and almost made her fall on the ground. She suddenly stopped and realised she had two laundry baskets and offered her help, "Need a hand with this?"

The other woman shook her head, "I'm fine, thanks."

Carol nodded and took a step away, "Okay, good night then."

"You too, Carol. Oh and," Carol looked back at her, "I think you forgot to turn your stereo off."

Carol frowned, she rarely used it and she most certainly didn't use it the last time she was in her apartment, that was before she went on that morning run where she met Sam.

This was suspicious enough for her to clench her fist, ready to blast whoever was inside as she unlocked the door, as quietly as possible. There was no reason to be discreet because her first sight of the inside of her place was Nick, slouched on the armchair beside the stereo.

With a heavy sigh of relief, Carol lowered her fist and closed the door, "You know, people usually knock and wait at the door instead of breaking and entering," she said ironically.

"My wife kicked me out," he replied, and there Carol knew something was wrong.

Nick didn't have a wife, nor kids. He was single and had been since she met him. The only relatives he still had were cousins he barely ever talked to. This was a distress signal, Carol was sure of it, and Nick knew she would understand.

After a painful grunt, Nick sat up and took his phone to write something on it as he kept talking, "I deserved it honestly."

_Ears everywhere._

"And I didn't know where to crash."

_SHIELD compromised_

Carol managed not to gasp. This was bad. Thousands of thoughts invaded her brain, she suddenly thought of her friends, were they safe? Her file, could she get compromised? In what way S.H.I.E.L.D was compromised, by whom? Why Nick came to her when he showed her before that he didn't trust her? That was the main question.

"Who knows about it?" she asked, for the people that could be listened talking about his wife but for him talking about S.H.I.E.L.D.

He stood on his feet and stepped towards her, "My friends."

She chuckled, it felt like they weren't friends anymore.

_You and me,_ was written on the phone.

Before she could say anything, three gun shots rang out and passed through Nick's body, the man falling on the ground and groaning loudly in pain. Carol's first instinct was to look around as she pulled him to safety and she saw the shooter through a window. She didn't have the time to see them perfectly but they were still in position as she got covered in another room.

Now that Nick wasn't in shooting target, Carol wanted to go after the shooter, but her injured friend caught her wrist before she could leave. She looked back at him, suddenly realising the gravity of his injuries, the pain in his eyes, the veins of his neck popping out as he tried to breathe and it made it very hard for Carol to stay focus. She squeezed his forearm to give both of them comfort, and when she let go of his limb, she saw what he had in his hand.

The USB stick from the ship, the USB stick Natasha used to copy the data.

Carol hesitantly took it as Nick coughed a few words, "Don't… trust anyone," was his last sentence before passing out.

Putting the flash drive in her pocket, Carol put her head back in the game with a sharp breath. Her heart was beating at double its usual rhythm, all her senses were at their maximum, and when someone kicked down her door Carol almost photon blast them.

"Captain Danvers?" a feminine voice asked, and as she appeared in Carol's sight, the blonde recognised her. It was her neighbour, the one she ran into a few minutes ago, with a gun in her hands, a gunmade by S.H.I.E.L.D.

Carol frowned, "What the fuck?"

"I'm agent 13 of S.H.I.E.L.D, special service," special what? Carol thought, she didn't know there was such a thing at S.H.I.E.L.D, "I'm assigned to protect you," she added as she walked towards Nick.

Carol wanted to laugh, "As if I needed protection."

The woman, that was named Kate if Carol remembered correctly, gasped as she saw Nick on the floor, "He thought you did," she muttered as she bent down to his side and took his pulse.

Using a radio, she called for an ambulance and the person on the other side asked if she had any info on the shooter. She couldn't respond before Carol made her decision as she saw the shooter leaving through a window, "I'm going after them."

Carol took a step back and started running in direction of the building the shooter was. At that moment, she didn't care about being seen, what she wanted was to get this asshole who just shot her friend and flew across the street to land in the building. She ran as fast as she could, looking up at the glass celling and seeing the shooter running away. Knocking down all the doors on her way, she finally reached the other side of the building and jumped out of it, landing on a rooftop.

The shooter was there, at the other edge of the roof, their back being the easiest target Carol had ever had. She raised her fist and shot the most powerful blast she had shot in years, fast and strong, but the shooter dodged it somehow, as if they knew it was coming. They looked back at her and with a swift motion threw a knife that Carol caught when it was two centimetres away from her face. She squinted at the point of the knife before looking back at the shooter, but they were gone. Carol looked around, but there was no sign of them, and she went back to her apartment instantly, she wanted to be there for Nick.

In front of her building was an EMT that was ready to get Nick to the closest hospital and Kate – agent 13 – on the phone, "I'm going with him," Carol said, it wasn't a question.

"I'm not sure you can, Cap-"

"I don't give a damn, I'm going," Carol stated and climbed in the EMT.

A minute later, the paramedics arrived with Nick on a stretcher and Carol felt her throat tightening. Nobody asked about why she was there, they just got in and drove.

Her throat hurt so much as Carol choked every sob that was trying to escape her mouth but she couldn't prevent the tears from falling off her eyes. It looked bad, he already seemed dead but the monitor in the ambulance proved otherwise. Carol didn't know if numbers were good but she figured that the fact that they were all red and flickering was not a good point.

Halfway through the ride, Carol thought about Natasha and immediately called her. The beeps of the ringing were deafening, and it felt like it took Natasha decades to answer, "Carol, hey-"

"Nick has been shot. I'm in the ambulance with him right now, join us at the hospital," she enunciated as fast as a rapper, not noticing that she didn't tell Natasha in which hospital they were going until she had hung up the call. But Natasha was resourceful, she would find it.

In the hospital, Carol followed Nick until she couldn't and had to let the surgeons do their jobs. In the middle of a corridor, Carol didn't know where to go or what to do and her breathing started to accelerate. She took in deep breaths, looking around for help when someone wrapped their arms around her shoulders, "Carol! There you are," they said and it took the blonde five long seconds to realise it was Maria Hill, "Come with me," she added and pulled Carol by the arm, crossing the door she had been told she couldn't go through.

They walked for a minute until Maria opened another door that was a kind of observatory where they could see Nick's surgery. He was already there but the surgeons were getting ready, and at that moment Carol hated the hygiene protocol, her friend needed help and now, there was no time to waste.

As she waited, Carol found out she had a lot of questions for Maria, like what she had been doing all this time in New York but the woman was on a phone call before she could talk to her.

The surgeons were there, _finally._ Carol stared at them, unsure if she could look down at what they were doing to Nick without wanting to cry. She leaned on the ledge of the window, trying to find a comfortable position but nothing could make her feel a bit better.

Or maybe someone could.

Pushing the door with both her hands, Natasha stormed inside the observatory and stood between Carol and Maria. Gasping, she took a step back and Carol thought she would have fainted if she hadn't catch her hand. Natasha glanced at Carol, mouth slightly opened, eyes watering, "You okay?" she asked, her trembling voice bringing back Carol's need to cry. She nodded in response, she could only do that, talking would mean sobbing.

Having her there helped, but it wasn't enough. Not concerned for a second about Maria seeing them, Carol pulled Natasha closer and kissed her temple, closing her eyes to take in everything of that short moment. Natasha squeezed her hand and lingered, she needed the comfort as much as Carol. Natasha stayed close, her fingers and Carol's laced together.

The atmosphere in the room was so heavy, the air unbreathable, it was like inhaling fire and exhaling smoke. They were Nick's family, Natasha, Maria and Carol, they were his angels, the three women he recruited and trusted the most, until he didn't trust anybody anymore. He created his own family, at different period of time, Carol first, then Maria and finally Natasha, and then he made them meet, and they all became the most chaotic family the world has ever seen. They were all friends, or would be more one day, and met through that man who was dying on the other side of the one-way mirror.

His last words echoed in Carol's ears, _Don_ _'_ _t trust anyone,_ but she couldn't not trust one person, she would always trust Natasha, even if she lied to her not twenty four hours ago. We her free hand, Carol checked that the USB stick was still in her pocket and quietly sighed with relief when she found it.

Waiting was awful, Carol couldn't bare it, she hated it when she wasn't in control. Natasha squeezing her hand didn't soothe her anymore and, when she thought the atmosphere couldn't get any worse, the redhead spoke up, "Tell me about the shooter."

At this moment, Carol wanted to run away, roll into a ball and cry for the rest of her life. The images of the bullets ripping Nick's flesh and muscles came all at once in her brain and his screams of fear and pain haunted her. Closing her eyes, Carol took a deep breath and tried to remember what she noticed when she ran after him.

"Fast, agile, strong," were the word that first came out of her mouth, but then a precise picture popped up in her mind, as if she was back on that roof with them throwing a knife, "they had a metal arm…" how did it not hit her when she saw it the first time, how did she not notice this detail, that was surely the most important thing to identify this person.

Natasha didn't say anything about these informations and continued looking for more when Maria hang up her call, "Ballistics?"

"Three slugs, no rifling. Completely untraceable."

"Soviet-made," Natasha muttered. It wasn't a question, Carol knew it by the tone of her voice, she had heard of this MO before.

Maria slowly turned her head and looked at the redhead, "Yeah," she said quietly, surprised that Natasha figured it out.

Suddenly, the whole OR started moving faster, the numbers on the monitor dropping, the main surgeon asking for the defibrillator.

It couldn't be happening, it had to be a dream, Nick couldn't be dying. Carol had to be in her bed, before she woke up and went on that run, before she met Sam, before Natasha picked her up to take her on that stupid mission, before Natasha lied to her because Nick told her to. But all of this was very real, all of this happened and now Nick's heart wasn't working anymore, wasn't beating, and the surgeon defibrillation didn't change it.

Carol tears were there, threatening to fall as the surgeon tried to reanimate Nick another time. Natasha was murmuring something, that Carol didn't understand the first time, but when she repeated herself she wished she hadn't heard her, _Don_ _'_ _t do this to me, Nick._

Looking at the other woman on her left, Carol saw Maria swallowing, her lips trembling. They all knew what was happening, but none of them wanted to believe it.

After a third defibrillation, the surgeon stopped, the nurse telling him that there was still no pulse, and he didn't keep on trying. He put the defibrillator down and sighed before asking the time.

1.03.

Nick had died.

Clenching her jaw, Carol pulled Natasha in her arms, the smaller woman sobbing the second her face was against Carol's chest. The blonde closed her eyes and breathed in deeply, the scent of Natasha's shampoo not enough to calm her this time but she had to try and be strong. Maria joined them, one hand finding Natasha's shoulder and the other on Carol's. She was choking her sobs too, Carol could hear it, but only one of them could be broken at the time and it was Natasha's moment.

They stood there for a long time as the surgeon left the OR and the nurses took Nick away, Carol's t-shirt wet because of Natasha's tears, her shaking hands slowly stroking the redhead's back, Maria's squeezes on her shoulder making it harder to breathe when the opposite effect was sought.

After what felt like a century, Maria's hands slid down Carol's and Natasha's arms and stopped at their wrists, "Come with me," she whispered. Carol wanted to go, but Natasha stood still, impossible to move her. With a nod, Carol told Maria that they needed privacy and the dark haired woman stepped out of the room.

Natasha was hugging herself, staring into space as Carol stood before her and cupped her cheeks, "I'm with you," she told her as she pressed her forehead against Natasha's, the smaller woman still not looking at her, "let me be with you," Carol demanded and it earned her a quick glance from the emerald eyes, followed but a nod.

Carol kissed Natasha's forehead before taking a step back, her hand mindlessly reaching Natasha's as they joined Maria on the other side of the door. Nick's right-hand woman lead them to a room where he was.

Nick.

His body covered with one sheet up to his chest. His bruised face.

Nick was dead.

He had died in front of who were probably his favourite people on Earth, and now they were alone.

Carol couldn't do it. She wanted to be strong for Natasha but it shredded her heart to see this, to see _him._ She needed to let go, she needed her moment to be sad about her friend's passing, she needed it now.

Maria had barely left the room when a first muffled sob resonated in the room, and the next second Natasha had pulled Carol in her arms and made them rock slightly. She held on Natasha as if someone was taking her away, she couldn't lose anyone else, not today, not ever. Her body shuddered as her sobs were the only sound in the room, and when Natasha whispered to her ear that it was going to be okay, they became louder.

Nick had been shot. In her apartment.

Nick died.

_Don't trust anyone._

After a long time of tight hugging and back stroking, Natasha pulled out and did just like Carol had done to her earlier, she cupped her cheeks and pressed their foreheads together, the blonde matching her gaze instantly.

She didn't need to talk, Natasha's eyes said it all.

_I'm with you. We are in this together. Be strong for him. We are okay._

Carol slowly breathed, the oxygen reaching her lungs hurting less than it did before, and she silently nodded to confirm to Natasha that she was okay.

Natasha turned around and looked at Nick, something Carol couldn't do. The blonde still wanted to be there for her and stood behind her, her arms wrapped around her waist as she rested her forehead on her shoulder, staring at her feet.

A few minutes later, Maria came back in the room, "I need to take him," she said and swallowed.

She wasn't a hundred percent sure, but Carol thought she went somewhere to cry on her own, residue of tears on her cheeks giving it away.

Letting her hands fall back against her body, Carol observed Natasha as she took a step forward and pressed her hand on Nick's forehead before walking away. Carol wavered but took a last look at her friend, and followed the redhead.

She was waiting for her in the corridor, "Why was he in your apartment?" Natasha asked.

_Don't trust anyone._

_Fuck it._

Carol sighed, but before she could answer agent Rumlow spoke up, "Captain, they want you back at S.H.I.E.L.D."

It wasn't the moment, she really wasn't in shape for whatever _they_ wanted to talk about. Carol was tired, she hadn't sleep in a day and just wanted to tell the whole world to go fuck itself.

"Give me a second," she eventually told him, her words close to an annoyed groan, "They want you now."

She clenched her fist, and her jaw, _it_ _'_ _s really not the moment to piss me off,_ "I need _One. Minute._ " This time it was a groan and Rumlow didn't bother her more.

Carol took a step forward, her hand in her pocket before she reached Natasha's hands, "What have you done Carol?"

"Do you trust me?" she asked as she gave Natasha the memory drive. The redhead looked down, recognising the device and gazed back at Carol, "I need you to stick around here, and when I'm back I'll tell you, okay?"

Natasha nodded, discreetly hiding the USB stick in the sleeve of her jacket, "I trust you."

Carol pulled Natasha closer and pressed a lingering kiss on her forehead, "And I trust you."


	16. Runaways

_They want you now_.

It was just a way to keep an eye on Carol while this _they_ would show up. It was three in the morning, the city was a wilderness, and so was S.H.I.E.L.D's HQ.

Carol didn't bothered and asked if she could go somewhere to sleep, considering that the person that wanted to see her wouldn't show up before eight, she would have enough time to have a good night of sleep. Three members of Strike team escorted her to a room and two of them stayed outside to watch her while she slept.

She was awakened a few hours later, as predicted, by a loud knock on the door and, for some reasons, was asked to put on her suit. Carol didn't ask why and just put it on, but hoped she wouldn't have another mission.

Led by agent Rumlow, Carol entered an elevator she had never seen before and it closed before anyone could come with her. It was the longest time she had been in an elevator in her life, and when the doors opened she realised she had never been to that floor either.

Hearing voices, Carol followed their sound until she saw her neighbour and a man talking. She had never seen him but she figured it was the only person that had a higher rank than Nick, a United States Government and World Security Council member, the man that knew it all.

Kate – if it was actually her name – greeted Carol as she walked away, but the Captain looked straight forward, totally ignoring the woman that had been living at her floor for almost two years and lying for this whole time.

Now standing before this man, Carol straightened her posture, just like she learnt to do in the military.

"Captain. I'm Alexander Pierce," he said and shook Carol's hand. She stared at him, jaw clenched and remembered her good manners, "It's an honour," she told him but actually didn't give a damn about who he was.

He replied with a nod before guiding her into his office, that was the same Fury's but a floor higher. He told her the usual things you say to someone who lost a friend, nothing that helped Carol feel better, before giving her a file, Nick's file. There were pictures of him before Carol even met him, some more recent, but all felt like a dagger in the heart.

Nick died in front of her and she couldn't have done anything to stop it.

Pierce told Carol how he met Nick, how they became friends and why he made him director of S.H.I.E.L.D. He promoted him because he did what Nick always did, lie and act behind people's backs, but that time it saved dozens of innocent lives. These were all great stories but Carol knew she wasn't there to tell her best memories.

"Captain, why was Nick in your apartment last night?" he suddenly asked.

Carol slightly shook her head as she looked away, _Don't trust anyone,_ "I don't know," she replied and, in all honesty, she didn't know why Nick went to her when he showed multiple times that he didn't trust her anymore.

"Did you know it was bugged?"

"He told me it was."

"Did he tell you he was the one who bugged it?"

Carol's mask stayed in place, but at that moment she wanted to scream. He really didn't trust her then. Did he bugged other places? Like Natasha's, or Clint's house? Was there anybody that he trusted or was he just a paranoid maniac and control freak?

Pierce interrupted her thought, showing something on the giant screen that was behind Carol.

It was a video of Batroc in an interrogation room, two agents pacing around him and asking questions but the pirate remained silent, "When did you find him?" Carol asked, wondering why he was being questioned when S.H.I.E.L.D had witnesses of him high-jacking the Lemurian Star.

"They picked him up last night in a not-so-safe house in Algiers."

Carol didn't understand the questions that was asked to him, "Do you think he did it? It's not his style."

"It's more complicated than that," Pierce clarified, "Batroc was hired anonymously to attack the Lemurian Star? And he was contacted by email and paid by wire transfer, and then the money was run through seventeen fictitious accounts, the last one going to a holding company that was register to a Jacob Veech."

Great speech, Carol thought as the World Security Council member gave her another file, "This man died six years ago and used to live at the 1435 Elmhurst Drive, when I first met Nick, his mother lived at 1437," Carol looked at him, what was he suggesting, "You are saying he hired them, why would he do that?"

"The prevailing theory… was that the high-jacking was a cover for the acquisition and sale of classified intelligence," the data Natasha backed up on the ship, the USB stick that she gave her before coming here, "the sale went sour and that led Nick to his death."

Carol couldn't believe what Pierce was implying, Nick never was and would never be a traitor. Even if she was mad at him for not trusting her – and dying – Carol couldn't let Pierce tarnish his name, "If you really knew Nick Fury, you'd know that's not true," she said, her anger somehow staying inside her.

"Why do you think we are talking?" _Sure_ , Carol thought, _we are talking because you want to know why Nick would do something like that, but the answer is simple, he wouldn't._

Pierce stood up as he spoke, "See, I took a seat on the Council not because I wanted to, but because Nick asked me to, because we were both realists," as he looked through a window, Carol got on her feet and approached him, "We knew that, despite all the diplomacy and the handshaking and the rhetoric, to build a really better world sometimes means having to tear the old one down. And that makes enemies. Those people that call you dirty because you got the guts to stick your hands in the mud and try to build something better. And the idea that those people could be happy today makes me really, really angry."

_A wonderful speech again, made by someone who wants to control everything so his image would be perfect apparently. Maybe it wasn't Nick the control freak, maybe it was Pierce. Maybe he hired the pirates and Nick asking Natasha to back up the data fucked up one of his plans._

"Captain, you were the last one to see Nick alive. I don't think that's an accident and I don't think you do, either. So, I'm gonna ask again. Why was he there?"

Carol scoffed quietly, _to give me the thing you think he wanted to sell, the thing that would prove that he was a traitor,_ "He told me not to trust anyone."

"But do you… not trust anyone?"

That was too much, Carol needed to leave or she would punch him. After dragging Nick's name down, he was doubting Carol and her trust to Natasha, because of course he knew they were close.

"I don't know," she finally replied are voice lightly shaking, "but I believe he didn't say that for no reason," she added with a threatening tone and walked towards the door.

On her way out, he stopped her, "Captain! Somebody murdered my friend and I'm gonna find out why," _so will I_ , Carol said he her head, "Anyone gets in my way, they're gonna regret it. Anyone."

Carol nodded and left without a word. If he though he was threatening her with his words than maybe he didn't know who she really was, unlike what Carol had supposed all this time.

Now that she was out, Carol just wanted to go back to the hospital and tell Natasha what happened. She went down the stairs to take the elevator she was allowed to take – Pierce's one not coming when she pushed the button – and asked the AI to take her to the operation control level, where she last was, where she took off her clothes and put that damn suit on.

The doors of the elevator were closing when Carol heard Rumlow and other members of Strike team coming her way and one of them blocked the doors. Agent Rumlow politely greeted her, as if he hadn't seen her a few hours earlier and told the AI where he was going.

The elevator went down and Rumlow turned around to talk to Carol again, "Evidence Response found some fibres on the roof they want us to see. You want me to get the tac team ready?"

That was quite premature, who knew if this would lead somewhere but it was Strike team's style to run into conflict head on and think about the consequences after their acts, "When we know what it is, I'll tell you what to do."

Rumlow nodded and went back to speak with his team, one of the man with his hand hovering over his taser. Carol slightly frowned, why was he on his guard like that.

A few floor lower, the elevator stopped and four agents entered, two of them weaving in and out to stand behind her.

That was weird, they could have stand at the doors of the elevator, there was more space, but they went behind her, to push her in the centre of the elevator.

Rumlow talked again, giving his condolences to Carol. It felt fake and forced, but she thanked him politely before looking around her. On her left, Carol saw an agent sweating, a few drops rolling down his temple, yet it wasn't hot nor too cold in the elevator so she added this to the list of odd behaviours. Again, after a few floors, the lift stopped and three agents entered, including agent Rollins, that Carol didn't like very much. He glared at her before stepping in, the Strike team she usually work with now completed.

Something bad was going to happen, Carol could feel it. There was enough men in this elevator to neutralise her – if she didn't use her powers – and she really didn't want to take her chances and see if she could beat them.

The air was heavy as Carol analysed the elevator and the little choices she had. One thing was sure, if she wanted to escape, she would have to use her powers. But if she wanted to do that, Carol would have to disable the camera that was in the top right corner on the side of the doors. She had to be fast, they were all type of men, some more muscular than others, some more agile, and she knew she would have to dodge as much of their attacks as possible to reach to camera and break it before being able to blow them up.

Getting herself ready to fight, Carol felt the need to tease her opponents, "Gentlemen! Shall we?"

Suddenly, one of the guy behind her grabbed her shoulders while Rollins took his taser but she kicked him in the knee and he smashed his face on the floor. One of them stopped the elevator while three of the strongest men there pulled Carol against the wall opposite to the camera, immobilising her arms. With her feet, she pushed the others away, kicking one in his chest and another in his crotch.

Three down, seven to go.

It was now Rumlow that was armed with a taser but he, helped by the guys pressing Carol against the wall, succeeded at hitting her. What he didn't know what that it didn't hurt her and that it made her even more powerful. As she kicked his arm, Carol managed to escape for one of the men's grip and punched another with her free hand.

Back on her feet with still one guy trying to strangle her, Carol moved with difficultly to the other side of the elevator, stepping on Rollins to destroy the camera. Firmly gripping her suit, the man behind Carol prevented her to reach the camera. With a loud groan, she used the wall to boost herself, as if she could run on it and got a rid of him.

There were still three agent bothering her, but Carol managed to get to the camera and punched it down. Now sure that she wouldn't be seen – or at least not recorded – Carol channelled the energy that was living within her as Rumlow, Rollins and another man got up. They were eight men conscious, and they were all going to test the power of Captain Marvel.

Carol closed her eyes, dodging a punch even if she couldn't see and when she opened them again, her eyes were shining. The whole elevator went silent as Strike team exchanged glances and, before one could say something, Carol hit her knuckle in the palm of her hand and all the glasses and windows around got ruined by a blast of golden and blue energy.

All the men around Carol were on the ground and unconscious, the elevator was just a platform now and it took a lot of willpower for Carol not to fly away. She could try the doors of the elevator but she was sure agents would be behind it, aiming at her.

Instead, Carol chose to use the cables of the elevator to go down, and then she would have to improvise.

Arriving it the main lobby, some people looked at her like she was some kind of monster while others just kept walking. With no time to figure out the why they had this behaviour, Carol went to the exit even if she knew it was a risky play. Oddly, nobody was there to block her but outside were dozens of heavily armed agents waiting for her.

The option of just turning bulletproof in her binary form was tempting, but Carol decided not to expose herself. When they were about to shoot her, Carol jumped off the bridge and into the water. Hopefully, just like her old Kree suit, this one had a system that allowed her to breathe under water, which made her escape ten times easier. Reaching the other side of the water, Carol understood why she had been asked to put on her suit, there was a tracer in it.

Now that she knew that, Carol had to find somewhere to change before going back to the hospital. She studied her surrounding and remembered that there was a high-school not far, meaning a sport field and lockers were she could 'borrow' some clothes.

She broke into the high school from the back, where a class was having PE and went to the locker room. Inside she undressed and took the first pieces of clothing that seemed comfortable, a white tee, grey sweatpants and a dark blue jacket. The shoes were all not something you want to wear when running away from an organisation like S.H.I.E.L.D so Carol left the girls' room for the boys'. There she found a pair of Vans, not the best but it would do the trick.

Her suit hidden under the bleachers, Carol exited the high school by using the way she entered.

As she walked, Carol put her hood on, hiding her face as much as possible in case S.H.I.E.L.D was using CCTV and phones to locate her. Getting into the hospital would actually be harder than expected because there was still cars of the police and S.H.I.E.L.D parked at the main entry. Knowing the surroundings, Carol used the ER entry to get in and climbed up the stairs to get to the floor she left Natasha at a few hours ago.

Looking around, Carol couldn't see the redhead and, for a short second, she thought that she left and went on her own. With some struggle, Carol entered the room where Nick had been, where she cried her eyes out because of the sadness that was overwhelming her, and just when she was about to leave because she couldn't see anyone, a well known hand grabbed her collar and pushed her against the wall.

"What the fuck were you doing?" gasped a totally panicked Natasha, her eyes narrowed and tired.

"S.H.I.E.L.D is compromised, that's what Nick told me last night before he got shot and I'm pretty sure I know who's behind it."

She could have kept on talking but Natasha pulled her into her arms and it became the only thing that felt right at the moment, "I know who the shooter is," Natasha whispered and Carol suddenly pulled away, intrigued, "Most of the intelligence community doesn't believe he exists. The ones that do call him the Winter Soldier. He's credited with over two dozen assassinations in the last fifty years."

Carol raised an eyebrow, "Fifty?" the number seemed weird, how could a man with fifty years of career still be so fast and strong?

With a smirk, Natasha nodded, "Five years ago, I was escorting a nuclear engineer out of Iran. Somebody shot out my tires near Odessa. We lost control, went straight over a cliff. I pulled us out," Carol chuckled, of course Natasha saved the day, "but the Winter Soldier was there. I was covering my engineer so he shot him straight through me," she lifted her shirt, showing Carol a scar that she had already glimpsed in the past, "Soviet slug. No rifling. Bye-bye, bikinis."

Carol smirked, "I know for a fact that this isn't true."

"Anything I tried to get him was a dead end," Natasha added as she gave Carol the memory drive back, ignoring Carol's comment.

"Well, let's see if we can change that! So… where do we start?"

Natasha looked around quickly before taking Carol's hand, "If we are going against S.H.I.E.L.D, I need to change. I've got clothes in my car."

"Car that doesn't have a tracer, right?"

Natasha glanced back at Carol with a mocking face, "Carol, you are talking to me, of course I removed it the second S.H.I.E.L.D gave it to me."

Right, logical Natasha play.

"We need to find out what is in this thing," Carol said as she watched their back, in case an agent was there to get her.

"We have to go somewhere crowded, like the mall. It will be harder for them to find us in the middle of thousands of people. We can go to one of those stores where you can try laptops and see if we can get infos."

Finally at Natasha's car in the parking lot of the hospital, the redhead changed her shoes and jacket, added a coat to her outfit and gave Carol a cap that she put on her head, "You look cute with that," she complimented, making Carol's cheek heat up, "Alright, I guess we are going shopping."

In Natasha's corvette as they headed to the mall, Carol couldn't stop adjusting the cap on her head, her nervousness not going down, even when Natasha tried to calm her, "Wherever we are going next we will have to drop this car, even without the tracer it's easy to find."

"Yeah, not everybody get to buy a car like this one," Carol joked, "I don't even know how much it cost," Natasha replied with a snort as she parked.

Carol followed Natasha as they entered the mall, her eyes wandering around to check if anyone was following them.

"Never been on the run before," Natasha asked, grabbing Carol's wrist to make her look forward, "I usually fly away and hide."

"Okay then, first rule of going on the run is don't run, walk. And second," she stopped walking and took Carol's hand, "Don't. Look around like that. It's even more suspicious."

Carol took a deep breath and closed her eyes as Natasha stroked her thumb on the back of her hand, "For a superhero you are extremely nervous, Cap!"

The blonde scoffed at the nickname that she hadn't heard from Natasha for almost two years, "There is enough on the line for me to be nervous."

"That's true but we don't have the time for that," Natasha replied as she pulled Carol by the hand, "Come on, the store's up there."

Just like Natasha had predicted, the whole mall and the stores were full of people, making it easier for them hide in the crowd.

Natasha went to a laptop, doing things Carol didn't try to understand as she stood behind her, watching for any sign of an enemy. She knew she shouldn't be but Carol couldn't help herself, S.H.I.E.L.D was menacing her and trying to drag down Nick's reputation and she couldn't just let them do it.

"The drive has a Level Six homing program, so as soon as we boot up S.H.I.E.L.D will know exactly where we are," Natasha explained, ready to put the drive in the computer.

"How long do we have?"

"About nine minutes from… " Natasha plugged the drive in the laptop, "now."

Mindlessly, Carol's hand found Natasha's waist as she observed what was happening on the screen, glancing away every now and then to be sure S.H.I.E.L.D wasn't getting here faster than what Natasha expected. It didn't seem to go anywhere, and Natasha's sighs every ten seconds conformed it, "Nick was right about that ship, somebody's trying to hide something. This drive is protected by some sort of AI, it keeps rewriting itself to counter my commands."

"You can override it, right?"

Natasha tilted her head, which was a bad sign, "The person who developed this is slightly smarter than me," _yep, that sucked_ , "Slightly."

In other circumstances, Carol would have laughed for this clarification, but it had been six minutes and they still had nothing to work on, "Come on, Natasha. I know you can find something," she encouraged, her eyes now more on the laptop than watching their six.

"I'm gonna try running a tracer. This is a program that S.H.I.E.L.D. developed so if we can't read the file, maybe we can find out where it came from."

_Yes!_ Carol screamed in her head, _Natasha, you are a fucking genius._

The program was triangulating the position of where the malware came from, now they just had to wait.

"Can I help you guys with anything?" a guy that worked in the store interrupted.

Natasha pulled Carol between him and the computer thus he wouldn't see what they were doing, "No. My fiancée was just helping me with some honeymoon destinations."

_Fiancée huh? I wish._

"Oh! Congrats!" the man cheered, trying to look at the screen, "Where are you guys thinking about going?"

Carol looked at the screen and pouted as she saw the location written on it, "New Jersey, I guess."

"Oh!" he exclaimed as he stared at Carol with his eyebrows raised, "I love your cap!"

Carol released a sharp breath, "Thanks! It was a gift from this wonderful woman," she explained as she pointed at Natasha.

"Well, if you guys need anything, I've been Aaron."

Carol politely thanked him, not looking away until she was sure he left, "Tell me you have it."

Natasha didn't reply for a few seconds, still typing on the keyboard, "Yep! Got it!"

As the location appeared on the screen, Carol's eyes widened and she leaned forward to make sure she was seeing it right.

"You know it?" Natasha asked, concern in her voice.

Carol thanked Nick for forcing her to read Captain Rogers' file, "I heard about it, I'll explain on the way there," she said and unplugged the drive.

They walked back to the parking lot, because even if they weren't taking Natasha's car again they still needed one, and on the way there Carol's caught sight of two men she fought earlier in the elevator. She glanced at Natasha before nodding at them, "I'm listening, tell me what we do."

"Put your arm around me, laugh at something I said," Natasha ordered.

Without asking question, Carol did what she was asked, giggling loudly like an idiot teen, the mercenaries not seeing them. They accelerated their paces, it became urgent for them to leave this place.

They were one floor above the parking and their only way out was an escalator. They had to stay still, going down it to go faster would look suspicious. Natasha went first, and as Carol observed the alleys for potential S.H.I.E.L.D agents, the redhead asked her something she would never have seen coming.

"Kiss me," Carol jaw dropped and then she saw Rumlow on the other side of the escalator, going up as the went down, "Public displays of affection make people very uncomfortable."

"Do they?" Carol asked and before she could say anything more, Natasha's lips were on hers.

At first, the blonde had a hard time believing this was happening. She had wanted it so much, to feel Natasha's lips on hers, that she was sort of sad that the reason why they were kissing wasn't because Natasha wanted to.

But there was something in the way Natasha kissed her, like she wasn't trying to make it believable for the people around them, but only for Carol. It was like she wasn't actually faking it, but kissed Carol to make her think she was, to make her think it was just because of the situation they were in, when really she wanted to kiss her as much as the blonde did. So Carol decided to make it believable, for the crowd and first and foremost for Natasha, she had wanted it for such a long time that she couldn't pretend the opposite.

It only took her a second to pull herself together, kissing back slowly as she tugged Natasha's coat to pull her on the same step as Carol was. Natasha's hand on the back of Carol's neck was pulling her closer while Carol's hands were gently resting on the redhead's waist. Suddenly, Carol felt a shift in the way Natasha was kissing her, she wasn't pretending anymore, which made the blonde smile into the kiss.

They probably had passed Rumlow for a long moment when Natasha slowly pulled away, her hand caressing Carol's cheek as she smirking, "Shall we," she said against her lips as they reached to bottom of the escalator.

Carol felt like she was flying as they walked to the parking lot and searched for a car to still.

"This one," Natasha pointed at a blue pickup not far from the exit of the mall, "just let me o-"

Before she could try and pick the lock of the car, Carol was already inside and starting the engine. Natasha went to the passenger side and just stared at Carol as she played with wires, "What?" the blonde asked.

"How did you get in?"

Carol chuckled as she glanced at the handle, "I have shiny hands, remember?"

Natasha shook her head as she fastened her belt when Carol finally succeeded at turning on the engine, "Wheaton, you know where it is?"

"Nope."

"I thought you did," Natasha exclaimed as she took her phone.

"I said I heard about it! It's where Steve Rogers was trained and picked to be the test subject for the super soldier serum thing."

"Oh! Okay," Natasha gasped as she showed Carol the GPS on her phone, "Well, for now just take the fiftieth avenue, I'll tell you where to go."

It was hard for Carol not to look at in her rear view mirror every ten seconds. She had a bad feeling that Rumlow and his men were following them but couldn't see any vehicle that looked like S.H.I.E.L.D's ones. When they were on a high road, Natasha told Carol the way they to take before relaxing a bit with a loud sigh as she put her feet on the dashboard.

Smirking, Natasha tilted her head and stared at Carol who noticed it right away but didn't say anything.

"You are a very good kisser, you know" Natasha eventually told Carol and it was impossible for her to hide her blushing cheeks, "Thanks… you too," she replied shyly, keeping her eyes on the road to act like it didn't make her happy that Natasha said that.

"Are we ever gonna talk about it or do you wanna to act like I didn't know you perfectly?"

Carol opened her mouth a couple times to speak but nothing came out. Was Natasha implying what she thought, that she had feelings for her, that she was in love with her-

"Nick told you something that made you ask me if I trusted you and I want to know why."

Carol blinked, it wasn't that, she was saved, or at least for now.

She exhaled a sharp breath of relief before glancing at Natasha, "He told me not to trust anyone."

Natasha grimaced, "Yet you trusted me, why?"

Carol shrugged, "Because it's you, and me. I just know we trust each other, that's just a thing we do."

The redhead looked away. She seemed touched by what Carol just said, as if she didn't already know she would follow her everywhere for any reason. It made Carol's heart ache to know that Natasha didn't think, after all this time, after all they went through together, that Carol cared about her more than anyone in the world, "I told you you mean the world to me, Natasha. How could I not trust you after saying that."

"I don't know," Natasha replied with an emotional tone, "I'm just glad that you do," she added as she reached Carol's right hand and pulled it to her mouth to kiss her knuckle.

"If you don't mind I'm gonna try to sleep a little. You'll be good?"

Carol glanced at Natasha and smiled, "Of course. It's only two hours," she told her and squeezed her hand gently, "I'll wake you up when we get there."


	17. HYDRA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a choice concerning Carol's powers that you will read in this chapter and that I will explain in the notes after the chapter.

Staring at someone sleeping was creepy, Carol knew it was but she couldn't help it, Natasha was there, weirdly seated and fast asleep and Carol couldn't get her eyes away. Well, she was still driving and had to watch the road, but she was looking at Natasha half of the time, mesmerised by her adorable face and natural beauty. The rise and fall of her chest was her only motion, except when some times they took a turn, Natasha would slightly move her head.

It seemed that Natasha was sleeping peacefully, no whine or sudden movement that would indicate that she was having a nightmare, which was amazing considering all that happened in the last twenty four hours. Their argument – that they still hadn't talked about, Nick's death and now knowing that something wrong was going on at S.H.I.E.L.D, all of these could trigger Natasha's anxiety, but it looked like she was fine.

After a bit more than an hour and a half of driving, Carol gently woke up Natasha, knowing that they were close to the camp where Steve Rogers had been trained.

"Hey beautiful, we are almost there," she said quietly as she stroked her thumb on Natasha's thigh.

With a light groan, Natasha took her feet off the dashboard and turned, her side against the backrest so she was facing Carol, "I was dreaming for once, why did you wake me up," the redhead whined, giving Carol's arm a little tap, nothing that would ever harm her.

"We are like ten minutes away from the camp. Get your head out of your ass," Carol giggled as she took a turn tighter than necessary just to bother Natasha, "What were you dreaming about?" she asked more seriously as Natasha rubbed her eyes.

"That's none of your business," she muttered, finally letting appear a glimpse of her bright green eyes.

Carol glanced at her and pouted, "Tell me, please."

"No!" Natasha exclaimed, "It's personal!"

"So it's about me, isn't it?"

Natasha scoffed, "Not everything is about you, Danvers."

Carol smirked, "Yet I know you, Romanoff, and I know that, when you hide something from me, it's because it _is_ about me."

Natasha rolled her eyes as she sat up, "Yeah, whatever. I'm still not telling you."

After a short laugh, Carol muttered, "Liar."

They stayed silent after that, Carol driving, Natasha looking at her phone to know where they were. A few minutes later, they passed a 'Do not cross' sign before being stopped by a metal gate with barbed wires.

As Carol parked, she shared a glance with Natasha who still had her phone in hands to make sure they were at the right place. The both stepped out of the car and carefully advanced towards the railings.

The night started to fall as they went through the camp, Natasha still with her phone searching for heat signature or signals that would indicate them that somebody had been there recently, but they found nothing.

"Whoever wrote the file must have used a router to throw people off," Natasha supposed, putting the phone in her pocket.

Carol looked back at her and a building behind the redhead bothered her, "This shouldn't be here," she pointed at the building, "whether it's a bunker or a place to storage munitions it's too close from the barracks."

With a self-assured gait, Carol went to the door of the building, closely followed by Natasha, and blasted the padlock that was blocking the access.

The heavy armoured door led to a staircase and the stairs to an open space full of desks and old machines, dial phones and typewriters. The lights turned on as Natasha found the switch and enlightened a wall on the other side of the room on which was drawn the logo of S.H.I.E.L.D.

"This is S.H.I.E.L.D…" Natasha said under her breath.

They inspected the floor, opening all the doors until they found a few portraits of people, "This is Stark's father," Natasha told Carol, who remembered him from Tony's file, "who's the girl?"

This woman was more than just a girl _,_ she created the biggest organisation of Earth when it came to security and intelligence. It surprised Carol that Natasha didn't know who she was and made her laugh that she called her a _girl,_ "She is the founder of S.H.I.E.L.D, Margaret Carter," her history with Captain America wasn't important, he got stuck in the ice while she was becoming the most powerful woman of the world. Carol wondered if she had learnt that he had been found. It was probably better that she didn't, she was getting very old and didn't need a news like that to mess up with her brain.

Natasha didn't say anything and walked further into the room. Carol followed her after one last glance at the pictures and quickly something struck her, "What's that?" she wondered out loud as she approached a shelf, spider's cobweb on it fluttering in a draught.

Carol observed the shelves around, all of them looking quite suspicious and then pulled the one with the web. With no struggle, she pushed it away and it revealed a secret elevator.

"Good catch, Cap," Natasha said with a discreet smile as she walked to the entry code, decrypting the combination with her phone.

After a green light showed that Natasha's attempt had been successful, the elevator door dinged before it opened. Carol let Natasha go first, entered and pressed one of the two buttons, the one with an arrow down on it.

Fifteen seconds after the door closed, it opened again on a dark floor. Carol and Natasha both hovered inside, the obscurity not welcoming and a little scary if the blonde was being honest. She had lived so much in her life, fighting Kree and other extraterrestrial species, running into ambushes and traps, but this, when it was too calm, it was the worst.

Gathering her courage, Carol took a first step and the sound of Natasha following her forced her to keep walking. The elevator's door closed behind them and when they reached the middle of the room, the lights turned on.

Now that they could see, they realised the room was huge and filled with old machines that Carol didn't remember seeing in her life, they were probably older than her.

"This can't be the data point, this technology is ancient," Natasha muttered, confirming what Carol thought.

Natasha seemed amused, as if she didn't believe they were at the right place, but for Carol it was clear that this was from where the files in the drive came from.

Stepping closer to what must be the main computer of all these obsolete machines, a seemingly recent device with USB ports on it was placed there, everywhere else on Earth it was at the right spot but not in this secret out of time cave. Natasha took the flash drive and plugged it into the device, more lights and machines suddenly turning on. The place was definitely huge, hundreds of square metres full of sort of recording machines.

Nervousness was filling the air and Carol couldn't hide it from her features. Natasha didn't seem that much confident either but it was still Natasha, she was a pro to hide what she felt.

An old camera lightly moved, Carol almost missed it, before a screen switched on, with 'Initiate system?' written on it as an electronic voice said it as well. Natasha took a step forward and spelled the word 'Yes' on the dusty keyboard. When they heard the machines powering up, Natasha looked back at Carol and smirked, "Shall we play a game?" she joked to de-stress Carol who slightly smiled – she remembered seeing this movie with Maria back in the days – before getting her focus back in the present.

The camera moved again, turning to record Carol and a face appeared on the screen, "Danvers, Carol," the computer said, "born 1960."

Then, the camera turned to Natasha, "Romanova, Natalia Alianovna, born 1984."

The redhead seemed as surprised as Carol, first that it knew her real name, and that it knew Carol at all.

"It's some kind of recording," Natasha assumed as she frowned.

"I am not a recording, Fraulein," the computer said aggressively, "I may not be the man I was when the Captain took me prisoner in 1945. But I am."

Natasha gazed at Carol, "You know this thing?" she asked as the computer showed a picture on another screen that Carol recognised, "No, I think it's talking about Captain America. I've seen this man in his file."

Carol started pacing around the computer, analysing what they were up against, "Arnim Zola was a German scientist who worked for the Red Skull. I read he died a long time ago."

"First correction, I am Swiss," the computer exclaimed, "Second, look around you. I have never been more alive. In 1972, I received a terminal diagnosis. Science could not save my body, my mind, however, that was worth saving, on two hundred thousand feet of databanks. You are standing in my brain."

For some reasons it sounded disgusting to Carol that she was in someone's brain, even though it was just a bunch of machines and she also had been in worse, more slimy situations.

Something wasn't adding up. Zola was an enemy of the United States in the second world war, how did he end up in a secret S.H.I.E.L.D facility, "How did you get here?" Carol asked.

"Invited," it – he? – told them.

"It was Operation Paperclip after World War II. S.H.I.E.L.D. recruited German scientists with strategic value," Natasha explained.

"They thought I could help their cause, I also helped my own."

HYDRA, that was his cause. From what Carol had read, this organisation disappeared with the Red Skull but it wouldn't be the first time a dead organisation came back from the ashes, "Your leader died, how did HYDRA survived?" Carol asked confirmations of her doubts.

"Cut off one head, two more shall take its place."

Carol frowned, "What does that mean?"

"Accessing archives," the computer started as a first image appeared on a screen, "HYDRA was founded on the belief that humanity could not be trusted with its own freedom," dictators, not something Carol had never encountered before, "What we did not realize was that if you try to take that freedom, they resist. The war taught us much," now, the screen showed footages of Captain America fighting against the German army, "Humanity needed to surrender its freedom willingly. After the war, S.H.I.E.L.D. was founded, and I was recruited. The new HYDRA grew, a beautiful parasite inside S.H.I.E.L.D."

Carol glanced at Natasha and saw that she was tensed, more than earlier, "For seventy years, HYDRA has been secretly feeding crisis, reaping war, and when history did not cooperate, history was changed."

"That's impossible. S.H.I.E.L.D. would have stopped you," Natasha affirmed, her faith in the organisation she had been working in for almost ten years unshakeable.

"Accidents will happen… " Carol's breath was cut short when she saw Howard Stark's and then Nick's death reports on the screen, HYDRA was behind their deaths, "HYDRA created a world so chaotic that humanity is finally ready to sacrifice its freedom to gain its security," Project insight! Carol saw it on an image that Zola was showing them, and then there was more of it. Of course HYDRA would use this to spread fear and try to control the world, it was already what it was going to do if S.H.I.E.L.D used it.

"Once a purification process is complete, HYDRA's new world order will arise."

"What's on the drive?" Carol asked.

"Project Insight requires insight. So, I wrote an algorithm."

"What kind of algorithm? What does it do?" Natasha suddenly asked, her words fast and nervous.

"The answer to your question is fascinating. Unfortunately, you shall be too dead to hear it."

A mechanical sound drew Carol's attention. She looked behind and saw an armoured door closing, blocking the passage to the elevator. She could blast it but it would take time, and she hadn't enough momentum to fly through it.

She looked back at Natasha who's phone beeped, "We got a bogey. Short range ballistic. 30 seconds tops."

"I can't fly up there and destroy it, Natasha," Carol informed as her eyes wandered around, looking for somewhere to cover.

Natasha gritted her teeth, "It's from S.H.I.E.L.D," in other circumstances, Carol would have been in shock, but after what they just learnt, nothing was surprising anymore.

"I'm afraid I have been stalling, _Damen_ ," Zola said as Natasha unplugged the drive, which didn't shut down the computer, "It was a pleasure to share my last moment with two out of time women."

There was no way out for both of them and the only hiding place was under a metal plate. Carol lifted it up, Natasha running in the one-metre-deep hole first and then the blonde joined her as the missile ripped all the pillars and walls around.

The plate wouldn't be enough to protect them, Carol knew it and channelled her energy. She covered Natasha with her own body as she started to glow, the first rocks and pieces of destroyed walls falling onto the plate. Natasha was bending down, her hands on her head to protect it while the rest of her body was safe under Carol, who started to groan as the plate broke above them and big rocks crashed on her back. It didn't hurt, it was the amount of energy that Carol was draining from her own body that was exhausting her.

It became very hard for her to see, it was dark and full of dust around her when she managed to open her eyes. She knew Natasha was safe though, and that was what gave her the strength to keep going, to continue her effort, she had to protect the redhead. The rocks didn't hit her back anymore, it was like they were destroyed before reaching her but it was so intense to use that much energy in so little time that Carol eventually passed out.

* * *

Natasha woke up coughing, both her left hand and forehead bleeding. She didn't remember a lot of the moment she passed out, but she would for sure keep this memory in her mind forever; a golden light protecting both her and Carol. It had to come from the blonde, the colour was the same as when she was shining but she had never told her she could do this.

From what Natasha could see, they were trapped under rocks but one of them seemed to lead to the outside because there was light coming from underneath it. With a loud grunt, Natasha moved closer to Carol, who was sitting on the ground, her face grazed, bruised and dirty.

She seemed exhausted, that was what hit Natasha immediately. The redhead didn't know how Carol's powers worked exactly, but from her earlier screams that still echoed in her ears, it wasn't something she could do everyday.

Natasha stumbled on a rock as she tried to shift her position to be in front of Carol, "Shit," she cursed under her breath but finally stood before her.

"Carol," she said, gently lifting her face with her bleeding hand, "Carol, wake up, we have to go."

S.H.I.E.L.D – or rather HYDRA – was coming to verify if the two women were dead, it was standard procedure. They didn't have much time and Natasha couldn't move this rock, she needed Carol and now.

"Come on, Cap, you can't let me down now," she complained desperately as she fixed the other woman's hair.

After a few strokes in her messy hair, Carol slightly moved her head and grimaced as she whimpered, "Carol, look at me, we have to go now," Carol hummed, her eyeballs moving under her eyelids, "Come on, Carol, get up," Natasha said as she wrapped her arm around Carol's waist and pulled her against her side, the blonde somehow managing to stand.

"I need you to blast this," Natasha said as she pointed at the block of cement.

Carol slightly opened her eyes, the fatigue and weakness they were filled with making Natasha's heart ache but the blonde still rose her trembling clenched hand and a small blast blew up the stone.

After the dust faded away, Natasha gently pressed her lips on Carol's forehead before pulling them both out of this hole, "You did good," she whispered to Carol's ear, doing her best to carry her, the majority of the Captain's weight supported by Natasha's arm.

The world looked like it had ended, all the building surrounding the bucker had been blown out by the missile. Natasha had no landmark to know where to go and the sound of an engine coming their way forced her to choose a direction and never change it.

Hopefully, she took the right course and found the car they stole at the mall, somehow not affected by the explosion except for a window on the back that had become cracked. The noises of quinjets were getting closer so Natasha sped up her pace to reach the car and leave.

She opened the passenger's door, her hope that Carol could get in on her own crushed after one second. She helped her to sit, put her legs one by one inside before closing the door and running to the other side.

"We have to find Sam Wilson," Carol whispered as Natasha climbed on the driver seat, leaning forward to turn on the engine with the wires.

"You know where he lives?" Natasha asked as she fastened Carol's seat belt before her own.

Carol groaned, "No… Sorry."

"It's okay, I'll find him," Natasha assured as she shifted up the gear, "get some rest now."

* * *

Her whole body bouncing woke up Carol with a start. She suddenly opened her eyes and got blinded by the sun. One hand protecting her retina from burning, she searched her surrounding with the other and found a forearm, "Hey, slow down, we will be there soon."

She was fine, she was with Natasha. Relaxing in her seat, Carol exhaled sharply. Her sight becoming clearer, she looked at Natasha, who was glancing between her phone and the road, and suddenly wondered, "Where are we going?"

The redhead seemed confused when her eyes found Carol's, "You told me to find Sam Wilson. Well, I found him."

She didn't remember that, she had no memory of herself saying these words, she didn't even know how she got in this car in the first place.

"You don't remember anything after the explosion, do you?" Carol shook her head, "It's okay, I can tell you."

For the next and last minutes of the ride, Natasha told Carol about the how she blasted a wall while being half unconscious, how they almost got caught and that she did a kind of bubble of protection with her powers.

Carol didn't say it, but she had never done that before, she didn't know she was capable of such thing. Usually, when she was protecting people, the debris were breaking as they touched her, but back there it expanded and protected her as well as Natasha. She might have to get to the bottom of this one day but now was not the time, they just arrived at Sam's place.

Carol's first few steps resonated in her ears and she felt like someone was trying to open up her skull with a pneumatic drill.

"You okay?" Natasha asked as Carol pinched the bridge of her nose.

She was about to nod when she thought it might make her head hurt more, "Yeah, just tired," she replied, following Natasha up a staircase.

The redhead knocked as Carol climbed the last stairs and the blind opened just when she got there, "Hey," Sam greeted as he opened the French window.

"Sorry to barge in," Carol apologised, seeing Sam's worry on his features, "We need a place to hide for a bit."

"Everyone we know is trying to kill us," Natasha unnecessarily added, putting on more weight to their shoulders.

"Not everyone," Sam assured as he moved away to let the two women enter. He led the to his en-suite bathroom, giving them clean towels and left them alone.

Carol gestured towards the bathroom to tell Natasha to go first. Meanwhile, she sat on the armchair beside the door and rest her eyes. She must have dozed off because she didn't hear the water running in the shower nor Natasha exiting the bathroom, "Your turn, Cap," the redhead said and lightly punched Carol's arm.

With a yawn, Carol got up and went to the bathroom. Usually a fan of cold showers, she adjusted the water to a hot temperature before stepping under the spurt. The sensation was divine, the liquid was just hot enough to make Carol feel like she was in a tight hug with Natasha or Maria, but not too hot thus it didn't burn her skin. She washed her hair that was full of dust before her cleaning her body, discovering a few healing bruises on her ribs and hip.

As she stepped out of the shower and looked at herself in the mirror, Carol saw more wounds, scratches and cuts on the back of her neck and shoulders. They didn't hurt, her body wasn't sore, but she was still very tired. She didn't have to take care of these, her body was already healing up and the marks would disappear in a few hours but the exhaustion could be a problem really fast if she didn't take some actual rest.

But now wasn't the time for a long nap, as much as she wanted it.

After drying herself, Carol took her dirty clothes and put them on. She instantly felt like she hadn't showered, like all the dust on her tank top and jeans was penetrating her skin.

Finally dressed, Carol opened the door and found Natasha sitting on Sam's bed, staring into space.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," Natasha replied but it was the less convincing affirmation she had ever said to Carol.

The Captain sat in front of Natasha on the armchair, her hands mindlessly reaching for Natasha's, "Talk to me."

Natasha inhaled a long breath before matching Carol's worrying gaze, "When I first joined S.H.I.E.L.D I thought I was going straight but I guess I just traded in the KGB for HYDRA. I thought I knew whose lies I was telling, but I guess I can't tell the difference anymore."

Carol sat on the bed beside Natasha and pulled her closer, "You did the right thing when you joined. You couldn't have known HYDRA was still there, nobody did."

"But I still feel like shit about it."

"I know," Carol whispered before kissing Natasha's cheek.

Carol herself felt bad for working for an organisation that was corrupted but she nor Natasha had been recruited by a HYDRA member. The image of Nick's death as an 'accident' orchestrated by HYDRA to achieve their aim was a proof of that, and hopefully all the other people in S.H.I.E.L.D that Carol trusted were on the right side too.

"I can hear you thinking, Carol," The blonde shook her head, her thought fading away, "what's going on with you?"

Maybe it was the time to think about it, especially when Sam gave them all the time they needed to get better, it meant physically and mentally, "The bubble of power you talked about…" Natasha slowly nodded as she took Carol's hand, "I had never done that before."

The redhead didn't seem surprised, quite the contrary actually, "Can you think of any reason why you did this back there?"

Carol scoffed as she looked at Natasha's emerald eyes, of course _she_ was the reason, "Yes…" she whispered as she slipped some red hair behind Natasha's ear, "I'm pretty sure I know why…"

Her hand now on Natasha's shoulder, Carol leaned forwards as her eyes looked down at Natasha's lips. She was waiting for a sign, whether to go for it or stop and Natasha squeezing her hand made her pick the former.

Before she could close the gap between them, Sam entered the room and spoke up, "I made breakfast," he began as Carol freed her hand from Natasha's, "if you guys eat that sort of thing."

He must have seen the tension between the two woman because he left directly after his sentence, which left Carol and Natasha in an awkward silence. After a few seconds that felt like an eternity, Natasha rested her head on Carol's shoulder, taking her hand back in hers, "We should go. I can't remember when was the last time I ate."

Carol lightly chuckled before kissing the top of Natasha's head, "Okay."

They joined Sam in the kitchen and sat around the table, the host serving them pancakes and pouring coffee in mugs, "So, what happened to you guys?" he asked as he leaned against the counter and buttered a toast.

Carol glanced at Natasha and nodded, telling her to talk first, "We were looking for answers, we found them and our enemy who send a missile in our faces."

"Answers about Nick Fury's death?" Sam asked, though it seemed clear that he knew it was about him, "he was all over the news and I know where you guys work," he added with a shrug before Natasha continued, "So, the question is, who at S.H.I.E.L.D. could launch a domestic missile strike?"

Carol gritted her teeth as she figured out the only possible answer, "Pierce…"

"Who happens to be sitting on top of the most secure building in the world."

"He must have allies, Zola's algorithm didn't find its way to the Lemurian Star on its own."

Natasha gasped lightly, "Jasper Sitwell."

"Then I guess the most wanted people of Washington have to kidnap a S.H.I.E.L.D officer."

"Or not," Sam interject, tossing a file on the table.

Carol looked at him as she took the file, "What's this?"

"Call it a résumé."

Natasha stood beside Carol and observed the picture, "Is this Bakhmala? The Khalid Khandil mission, that was you?" Sam nodded, "You didn't say he was a para-rescue," Natasha told Carol as she gave her the picture.

With Sam, there was a brown haired man, fitting exactly the description of his late best friend, "Riley?" Carol asked him and he nodded again.

"I heard they couldn't bring in the choppers because of the RPGs," Natasha told, same RPGs that killed Riley, Carol supposed, "What did you use? A stealth chute?"

"No," Sam said has he opened the file that was in Carol's hands, "these."

Carol's eyes widened when she saw the plans of wings drawn in the file, "I didn't know air force could make you actually fly," she laughed, "but you know, we are up against people with power, this could go to shit."

"Carol, if you need my help, I'm in."

If she was being honest, they did need the help and it made Carol emotional that Sam would take such a risk for them. She gave him a thanking smile, "Where can we find one of these?"

"The last one is at Fort Meade. Behind three guarded gates and a 12-inch steel wall."

With a shrug, Natasha confirmed that they could get them, "Shouldn't be a problem."

They all sat around the table to elaborate a plan as they ate breakfast. Natasha still had access to informations regarding S.H.I.E.L.D with her phone. It was encrypted so nobody could see her in the servers, looking for intel, a gift from Nick that was very useful at the moment. Sitwell had a lunch was the senator Stern at 1 PM so they decided to kidnap him after it, that way Natasha would have the time to go get Sam's suit.

Carol offered to come with Natasha to help but the redhead assured that she could do it alone, and she was adamant on the fact that Carol needed to rest, which was true.

The plan was simple: while Natasha was at Fort Meade to get the wings, Carol and Sam would get ready and later join her at the restaurant Sitwell would be. There, they would isolate him and threaten his life against informations, classic procedure.

Sam went to shower while Natasha got ready to leave, "You sure you can get in there and get out with this stuff?" Carol asked as she fixed the collar of Natasha's jacket.

"Doubting me, Danvers?"

Carol shook her head, "No! I know you can do it. I just… want you to be safe."

Natasha smiled as she took a step closer, "Carol, with the job we do, are we ever safe," she murmured before wrapping her arms around her neck.

"This is supposed to reassure me?"

After a soft kiss on her cheek, Natasha pulled out of the hug, "I'll be fine, now go get some rest."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Carol is a vulnerable individual when she is not in her binary form, she bleeds, she gets hurt and she can die if her injuries are too severe. Also, she can't just turn full binary and destroy everything – that might be canon I'm not sure – she needs momentum, she has to fly a little before she can pass through things, that's why she couldn't fly through the bunker and destroy the incoming missile.
> 
> My take on Carol and her powers for this fiction is that she think she has figured it all out but actually didn't, and she discovers it with this new thing that she did to protect Natasha. There will be a part of the fic where she tries to understand this new thing and does tests to see what else she can do, and there she will reach her full power.


	18. Truth

Carol was on the rooftop of a building, waiting for Sam to bring her Jasper Sitwell. After Natasha joined them both at a café close to the restaurant Sitwell was having lunch with senator Stern, she sophisticated their initial plan.

To bait Sitwell and isolate him, they needed him to go willingly where they wanted him to be, and for that they were going to threaten him through a phone call. With her phone, Natasha could fake the ID of the person calling and that way Sitwell would answer to them thinking he would talk to someone he knew. Sam was the one who would call because Sitwell knew Carol and Natasha, he would recognise their voices and not be cooperative. Then, Sam would take him to the two women and they would find a way to make him talk.

It had been half an hour since Carol got on that roof and her patience had reach its limit. She was on her own there while Sam was waiting for Sitwell to exit the restaurant and Natasha waiting in the elevator to make sure he wouldn't try to escape. There was no way for her to communicate with them, and that was the worst part of it, she needed to know what was going on.

"Come _fucking_ on, why is it taking so long," she groaned to herself as she paced back and forth. It was not supposed to take that much time, they should be there already, but all of this really depended on when Sitwell would finish his lunch and they couldn't have an effect on this variable.

Carol was very close to take the stairs and go check on Sam when the elevator's door rang and Natasha exited it as she pushed Sitwell out. The man fell on his knees and elbows but Carol pulled him back on his feet and pushed him towards the edge of the roof, Natasha closely following them.

"What's Zola's algorithm?" she asked as they got closer to the end of the roof.

"Never heard of it."

Carol gritted her teeth, "Why were you on the Lemurian Star?"

"I was throwing up, I get seasick," he lied but karma is a bitch as one said and he stumbled on the edge of the roof but Carol caught him in time.

She kept staring daggers at him, hoping that the possibility of her throwing him of the roof would be enough for him to talk but his smirk said otherwise, "Is this little display meant to insinuate that you're gonna throw me off the roof?"

Carol tilted her head with hesitation as she looked at Natasha, "Huh… I mean not just me," she said and took a step back before both her and Natasha kicked him off the roof.

They shared a congratulatory glance as Sitwell fell and his screams faded away. He would be soon back on the roof though, Sam was bringing him back up there, but the plan was that he would be scared enough after his free falling to tell them what they wanted to know.

The screaming came back ten seconds later as Sam flew over them, dropped Sitwell on the roof and landed a few metres away. Carol had to say that he really looked good in this suit and she envied him for the flying, she really missed it.

As they stepped closer to Sitwell, he raised a hand up in defeat and answered their questions without them having to ask again, "Zola's algorithm is a program," he said, catching his breath, "for choosing… Insight's targets."

"Who are the targets?"

"You!" he exclaimed, fear in his eyes, "A TV anchor in Cairo, the Under Secretary of Defence, a high school Valedictorian in Iowa City, Bruce Banner, Stephen Strange, anyone who's a threat to HYDRA. Now, or in the future."

Carol frowned, "The future… How?"

To her surprise, Sitwell got back on his feet and laughed at her, "The 21st century is a digital book," he panted, "Zola taught HYDRA how to read it. Your bank records, medical histories, voting patterns, emails, phone calls, your damn SAT scores! Zola's algorithm evaluates people's past to predict their future."

"What happens to the targets?" Carol asked calmly, hoping that what she thought wasn't right.

"Oh, my God. Pierce is gonna kill me," Sitwell gasped, realising what secret he just told to three very determined people.

"What happens then?!" Carol asked more aggressively this time.

As Sitwell took a step back, Sam grabbed his jacket to hold him still, "Then the Insight helicarriers scratch people off the list… A few million at a time."

Punching him in the face was very tempting and would also help Carol to relax a bit but they didn't have time to fix him after shed break his cheekbone with all her strength. Instead, she grabbed his tie and dragged him to the elevator, "We have to go," she muttered and pressed the button to go down.

Every time the doors opened, the people that were waiting for the elevator would go away, Carol's infuriated face scared them and they didn't enter.

Both in the back of the elevator, Natasha shyly reached Carol's hand and laced her pointing and middle fingers with Carol's ring finger and pinkie. The blonde was touched by the attention and squeezed Natasha's fingers to tell her. She wanted to pull her closer, to take her in her arms and kiss her temple to thank her for caring. She needed to tell Natasha that she loved her, that she wanted her in her life, everyday, every minute, every second, that she would always be there for her for any reason that exist.

Now wasn't the moment for that, but whenever all this would be over, Carol would finally take her courage in both hands and have _the_ talk with Natasha.

Getting to the car, Sam took off his suit while Carol pushed Sitwell inside and locked the door. Natasha sat on the back seat to keep an eye on the HYDRA member. Carol could see him in the corner of her eye from the passenger seat and Sam with the rear mirror as he would drive.

They were heading to S.H.I.E.L.D, Carol didn't even have to tell Sam, he knew that it was the only play they had. For the sake of millions of lives, they must stop the launch of Project Insight, but it wasn't going to be easy.

If she could, Carol would just fly inside and destroy the helicarriers, but not only she had to hide her powers but she also didn't feel like she could do that. Since the explosion the day before, since she did that protective shield or whatever was the term that Natasha used, she felt exhausted and weak. The two times she slept barely helped her feel better but she had to forget the fatigue and get her head in the game, a lot of people's survival depended on them succeeding.

As the three of them discussed the plan, completely ignoring their prisoner, he spoke up, which extremely annoyed Sam. He seemed to be as angry about the situation as Carol, even though he didn't know everything, which confirmed that he was a good and smart guy and that Carol was lucky to have him as an ally.

The best – but not safest – plan for Carol was to use Sitwell to get to the helicarriers. Since he had a clearance level 7 and was a friend of Pierce, he had access to the helicarriers unlike Natasha and her level 6 and Carol and her unfriendly relationship with the World Council member.

Her idea being told to the group, it didn't please Jasper Sitwell, "What? Are you crazy?" he shouted through the car, his voice irritating Carol's sensible eardrums, "This is a terrible, terrible idea."

The next thing Carol knew was that Sitwell had been grasped by the collar and pulled out of the car by someone who had landed on the roof of the car. He was thrown away and got hit by a truck on the other side of the road, their free pass to S.H.I.E.L.D and witness of HYDRA's action had just been killed.

Carol looked up at the roof as she heard a loud footstep to try and locate where the person was.

But before she succeeded, Natasha jumped from her seat onto Carol's lap, a first gun shot passing through the metal of the bodywork as the redhead wrapped her arms around Carol's shoulders, forcing her to lean forward as a second bullet shredded the headrest of Carol's seat and then Sam's who somehow dodged it. Sitting back, Carol saw the handbrake and instinctively pulled it, the tires screeching as the car slowed and threw the person off the roof.

It was him. The guy who killed Nick. The guy Carol chased and who escaped. He was there, sliding along the road, his metal arm digging into the tarmac until the frictions stop him.

He stood on his feet and stared at the car, only his hair was floating in the wind. Natasha took her gun, aimed at him but before she could pull the trigger, a car hit them from behind and she dropped the weapon.

The car pushed them towards him, the Winter Soldier as Natasha called him, and they couldn't do anything else than watch him jumping over their car and landing on the roof. Sam was trying to keep control of the car, steering the wheel and applying the brake but it didn't work, and the Winter Soldier breaking the windscreen and removing the wheel off of the car didn't help.

Natasha managed to get her gun back but her bullets didn't find their target. The Winter Soldier jumped off the car a second before they hit a civilian vehicle with the side of their Chevrolet. They had no more control over their vehicle, and one last push from the car behind them threw them off route. The driver's side of the car hit the wall that separated the road in two, then the tires bumped into it which sent the car flying in the air.

Knowing that the car would soon roll over, Carol seized the handle of her door with one hand and Sam's shirt with the other, Natasha firmly holding Carol's jacket when she understood what her plan was. With a strong kick on the dashboard, Carol broke the door that was now underneath her and they fell on the road, the metal of the door scraping the cement as the car rolled and got even more destroyed in front of them.

Sam eventually lost his grip and rolled on the road as the door finally stopped sliding. The car with the Winter Soldier and his men was a dozen of metres ahead and as Carol got up she saw him taking a heavy weapon. It wasn't a simple rifle, that was sure, and unfortunately for her, Carol discovered its true nature in the worst way. The Winter Soldier pulled the trigger that shot a large calibre bullet. Barely up, Carol didn't have any other solution than pushing Natasha away, as far as possible, before throwing a punch in direction of the bullet, hoping that she had enough strength remaining in her to destroy in with a photon blast.

The bullet met her knuckle and started to melt but when the inside charge touched Carol's glowing fist, it exploded and threw her away. Her moment in the air was a blur, but the scream of pain she cried out when her back hit the road under the bridge they were on; that she could not forget.

People were yelling around her, they were afraid, terrified even of what was happening but Carol couldn't get up, couldn't open her eyes, her back was hurting too hard. Grunting, she could hear fire shots from afar and hoped that Natasha and Sam were safe.

Rolling on her belly, Carol felt a metal surface on her side and found out she was covered by an upside down bus. People were running not far from her, probably the people from the bus that were fleeing this fight. Clenching her fists as hard as she could, Carol groaned and pulled herself on her elbows, breathing in deep pants as she rubbed her face and finally got her eyes open.

She had no way to see the bridge, and just when she wanted to stick out her head and watch, someone shot in her direction with an automatic rifle. Staying flat on her stomach, Carol did her best to gather her strengths and recover from her fall, slowing her breathing while the person shooting at her was out of ammo.

If it was the weapon Carol thought – it had to be considering how fast it fired and how many bullets had already been shot – it would take a moment for the blonde to be able to move form her hiding place. And even then, there must be other people waiting for her. Beginning to feel better, Carol tried to figure out a plan of action but men screaming in pain stopped her thinking. After two people got shot, the one with the automatic weapon stopped shooting as well and that's when Carol decided to get up and shot the last man standing.

Sam was up on the bridge, smirking as the rays of energy around Carol's hand faded, "He went that way," he shouted, pointing in direction of the city centre, "he went after Natasha."

It was like Sam knew this detail would make Carol run faster. If the Winter Soldier was after Natasha, she had to get there fast, because they would encounter civilians and Carol knew damn well that the redhead would do everything in her power to prevent any casualties, even if it meant getting herself hurt in the process.

Hearing an explosion, Carol ran even faster, as if she was flying with her powers yet it was her feet that were propelling her towards the sound. Passing by people running away, Carol went were they came from and finally saw the Winter Soldier, standing on a car and aiming another on.

Sure that Natasha was behind that car, Carol didn't think twice and blasted him. He fell on his back and his rifle got thrown away as Carol ran towards him. She used her opened hands as protection when he took a gun out of its holster and fired, the bullets melting as they touched her skin. Carol climbed on the car but got instantly pushed away by a kick in her stomach.

Landing on her butt, Carol used the momentum of the fall to roll back on her feet. With her clenched hands up, she prepared herself for a hand to hand combat as the Winter Soldier took a knife and walked straight to her.

They exchanged punches that they easily blocked or dodged, Carol keeping an eye on his knife each time he struck. She was amazed by how fast he was and even more by her capacity to avoid every one of his attacks considering her state of fatigue. His punches from his left metal arm were stronger than the one form his right human arm, which really helped Carol since her ambidextrous side got reinforced by hours of sparing against a left-handed redhead. The Winter Soldier still had the advantage in the fight, throwing the most punches as Carol walked backwards.

But, after a strike that she easily dodged, Carol saw an opening and punched him in his mask. It didn't unsettle him though and he replied with a strong left hook that Carol had to block with both her hands. With all the muscles of her arms flexed, Carol gritted her teeth and groaned as she pushed him away, only for him to jump back on her and sink her shoulders and back into a van.

Completely stuck in the bodywork of the van, Carol could only withstand the Winter Soldier's punches in her face as she struggled to try and get out. Strangling her with his left hand, the Winter Soldier punched with his right hand and every hit was harder than the one before. Carol started to feel the taste of blood in her mouth when she managed to grip the sleeve of his right arm and stop him from beating the shit out of her.

She didn't know from where she was getting these last bits of resources but she held on to them and kept his fist away from her face as he pressed her even more in the metal of the van. As he pushed her more inside the bodywork, she passed through it, giving her more space to move and attack him. With her right foot, she kicked him as hard as she could in the chin, which made him lose his grip on her neck as he fell on the ground.

With her last strengths, Carol extracted herself from the van and landed on her knee, her forehead sweating and nose bleeding as she saw who was standing in front of her. She laughed internally.

James Barnes. It was him. She recognised him from the pictures in Steve Rogers' file.

He had a gun pointed right in direction of her head, but before he could shoot her, Sam flew in and kicked him away.

Carol still couldn't believe it, she had read in the file that someone had experimented on him. Not just someone, she remembered, it was Zola, the same person that was in the basement of the S.H.I.E.L.D facility she visited with Natasha a day ago.

So much was going on, in her head and around her, that Carol didn't feel that she was passing out until she fell forward and hit her head in the cement, the last thing she saw being Natasha, leaning against a car with the same weapon the Winter Soldier used on the bridge to shoot at her in her hands.

* * *

The car exploded beside the Winter Soldier, but as the smoke and dust faded away in the wind Natasha couldn't see him anywhere, he was gone.

Then she saw Carol laying on the ground, unconscious, but before she could go and see her, she heard sirens coming their way. Soon, half a dozen S.H.I.E.L.D cars parked, surrounding them to make sure they wouldn't try to escape – Sam with his wings could but both Carol and Natasha were too tired or unconscious to run away. Agent Rumlow and his Strike team got out of the vehicles, all heavily armed and highly alert. At least six agents walked with their rifles pointed at Sam while Rumlow and Rollins took care of Carol, picking her up as if she was common rug that you want to throw in the trash.

Natasha kept her eyes on the blonde as agents handcuffed her, the hole in her shoulder hurting like Hell but she didn't give these HYDRA's people the pleasure to hear her suffering. They pushed her in a van where were two mercenaries with helmets and masks and Sam and Carol, both handcuffed, Carol with some large restrains on her wrists, ankles and around her stomach despite the fact that she was unconscious.

Since she used her powers to get out of S.H.I.E.L.D a couple of days ago, it didn't surprise Natasha that they took so many extreme measures to make sure Carol would be neutralised, even if Natasha knew that it took more than some Earth's technology to hold her back.

They made her sit beside Sam, Carol right in front of her. Natasha grunted when the vehicle started moving, the sudden motion making her body hit the cold thick metal that was her back rest.

It became hard for her to keep her eyes opened, but she had to fight the exhaustion, she had to focus on Carol who was completely vulnerable and at HYDRA's mercy. Natasha was feeling her own blood running down her chest and back, soaking her tank top, but it wasn't what pained her the most.

Carol was bleeding too, from her nose and her mouth, droplets were leaking and falling on the floor of the van. Blue blood, running down her cheek because of a cut. The left side of her face was bruised and Natasha couldn't do anything about it. Even if she wasn't wounded, Natasha knew that the second she would move, one of the agent would neutralise her, therefore she couldn't take the risk.

But _damn,_ she wanted to.

At every jolt of the car, Carol's body was shaken, her head bouncing against the wall on her left and behind her. Natasha couldn't witness this anymore, seeing Carol getting even more hurt made her sick, and the pain from the bullet hole in her body was getting worse.

When she finally let herself rest for a few seconds, Sam noticed her pain and spoke up, "We need to get a doctor here. We don't put pressure on that wound she's gonna bleed out-"

The agent he talked to didn't let him finish and threatened him with an electrified baton. Natasha closed her eyes again, thinking both her and Carol were going to die in this truck. Suddenly, she heard the baton getting switched on, a hit and a grunt and the next thing she knew, Maria was one of the agents and the other was lying on the floor.

"That thing was squeezing my brain," the dark haired woman complained before looking at Sam, then Natasha, "who is this guy?" she asked, and Natasha didn't even bother to answer.

"Can you get us out of here?"

* * *

Chaos. That was what Carol first felt.

Her head was like a ticking bomb ready to explode, her mouth and nose were waterfalls and there was so many noises around her that she couldn't recognise any one of them. Until her favourite melodious voice whispered her name.

"Carol…" the blonde tilted her head in direction of the sound, "hey, can you look at me?"

She slightly nodded, but it actually took her at least ten second to open her eyes. When she did, she saw that Natasha's eyes were barely opened too and they both had a hard time keeping their gazes straight.

"We have to escape at the next stop or we won't escape at all," a voice Carol knew said.

Searching for informations, Carol's eyes wandered around and she gasped when she saw Maria digging a hole in the van's floor with a sort of laser. Her gaze back on Natasha's, the other woman shook her head, "I don't know what is going on either."

"Time to go," Maria ordered as the vehicle stopped.

She went first, followed by Natasha. Then, Sam offered his hand to help Carol and she went down the hole and crawled as fast as she could, Sam getting out last.

She had no time to analyse where they were before Maria called her name, "We have a truck that way."

Carol was confused, she didn't know what had happened between the moment she passed out and now, but it seemed like they escaped whoever had taken them.

They walked for five minutes until they found the vehicle Maria talked about, "Get in, there's medical stuff back there."

The blonde thought Maria was talking about her, but then she climbed into the back of the truck and noticed the blood on Natasha's jacket.

"What happened?" she suddenly asked as she sat beside the redhead, "he shot me," she weakly replied, her eyes barely opened.

"Let me see," Carol said as she slightly lifted the jacket to have a better look at the wound. Sam had the first aid kit and gave Carol gauzes for her to apply pressure on the wound to stop the bleeding, Natasha whimpering in response, "Sorry," Carol whispered to her ear.

"You too have some serious wounds, Carol," Sam told her but since she realised Natasha was hurt, she didn't feel weak anymore, "I'm fine," she replied dryly, not even looking at him.

Natasha was loosing too much blood and the gauzes quickly became useless, so Sam took an old t-shirt that was in the van and ripped it in half. With one part of the cloth absorbing the majority of the blood that was flowing from the entry wound the bleeding would start to slow in the next minutes.

Carol remained close to the redhead, even after she told her that she could keep the pressure on her wound on her own. Natasha was holding the cloth and Carol had her hand on hers, tracing small circles on her skin to soothe her. Natasha quickly relaxed, pressing her head against Carol's shoulder while the other woman rubbed her back slowly.

After about half an hour, Maria stopped the van and opened the sliding door. Carol got out first to see that they were at a dam, surrounded by woods. Then, she helped Natasha stepping out of the van, the redhead lightly whimpering as she put her weight on Carol's shoulder with her left arm.

Maria led them inside where a person, that Carol recognised to be Nick's surgeon in the hospital, ran towards them, "GSW, she's lost at least a pint," Maria shouted.

"Maybe two," Sam added.

"Let me take her."

"They'll want to see him first."

Carol and Natasha shared a confused gaze. This couldn't be happening, Maria did meant Nick when she said _hi_ _m_. They hadn't been lied to again. As they walked down the long corridor towards this _him_ , the atmosphere got heavier, the air hard to breathe and Carol could only think about the possibility that Nick faked his death and played her once again to get what he wanted by lying in the process.

They reached the end of the corridor and Nick was there, holding his stomach as he lied in a medical bed. He was alive, maybe not well but he was breathing, his heart beat on the screen of the monitor and an IV in his arm.

He didn't die. Carol cried for his death, but he actually didn't die.

She felt her blood boiling, rage overwhelming her. One second she was holding Natasha with both her arms, the next she had shot a blast in direction of Nick, that went above his head and created a large hole in the wall behind him.

They all looked at her in shock, and even Carol wasn't a hundred percent sure of what she just did, but she knew why she did it, "Just making sure it wasn't another lie," she said casually yet she wanted to scream, to express how sad and disappointed she was because Nick still didn't trust her.

If she could, she would have left, anywhere would be better than to be in this gloomy cave with Nick, but she stayed for Natasha. The doctor's stuff was there and he had to close this bullet hole as soon as possible.

There wasn't enough seats for Carol to sit beside Natasha so she stood behind her instead, a hand on her none wounded shoulder and listened to whatever Nick had to say as the doctor took the bullet out of Natasha's body. She was more attentive to Natasha's small whimper of pain and grimaces than to him reciting the list of his wounds, but it somehow made her feel good that he really suffered.

Bored by all the chitchats, Carol sighed and asked the question that both her and Natasha wondered, "Why didn't you tell us? We mourned you Nick."

"Any attempt on the Director's life had to look successful," Maria replied, but it was the opposite of what Carol wanted to hear, "so you made us believe you actually died so it would look more real? Just stop lying and say that you don't trust us."

He didn't reply but his eyes said it all, she was right.

After New York, and all the missions Carol and Natasha worked on together, the blonde innocently thought that she was trusted by her friend, but she had been a fool all along. She knew it after his behaviour with the mission on the Lemurian Star, but when he came to her apartment and gave her the drive, she thought she had been overthinking. Nick was actually exactly like Tony described him, _the_ spy, and the list of his lies was longer than the infinity of planets Carol visited in her life as Captain Marvel.

Carol then looked down and squeezed Natasha's shoulder, the latter quickly glancing back at her. She wasn't even trying to hide her disappointment, which was really unlike her. Even if she was tired because of the blood loss, usually fatigue didn't prevent her from hiding her feelings, but now, she was showing them to a man she had always looked up to, who was more than just her boss. Natasha would never admit it, but Nick was like a father to her, and since she joined S.H.I.E.L.D she did everything he asked, even lied to Carol just to please him, but it never was enough.

Seeing Natasha's pain added more weight on Carol's shoulders and she could not handle it anymore. She needed to get out and as much as she wanted to stay with Natasha, the doctor was far from being done with her shoulder so Carol left, trusting her feet to take them somewhere where Nick wouldn't disappoint her again.

She went up a staircase and found a room with only a table filling it and a single bulb enlightening it. Carol walked to the table's level, letting her fingers slowly sliding on the wood it was made of as she walked around it. She circled around the table, looking down at her feet, her brain completely off, and admired her own shadow on the ground.

Not even five minutes after she got there, she heard footsteps in the stairs before the person declared themselves, "It's me," it was Sam, "Natasha said that, even if you were you, you still needed medical care for your wounds."

Carol stopped pacing, "Of course she did," she said under her breath and sat on the table, her arms crossed.

"Can I?" Sam asked as he showed Carol the first aid kit he had in his hand and she nodded to let him treat her.

"So… the whole blue blood thing and shiny hands…" he began as he poured disinfectant on a gauze. Seeing that Carol didn't reply, he continued, "It's fine if you don't wanna tell me, we met four days ago after all."

"It's not that I don't want to tell you. I believe you would keep the secret if I tell you, I'm just too tired to explain everything right now."

"Okay. I'll be happy to listen when you'll want to tell me."

This man was too good to be true, Carol thought, unlike so many men in the world.

Most of the men Carol knew – beside Nick until he betrayed her – were nice but had this one little flaw that made them annoying. Whether it was Tony, Clint, Thor, her father or her brother, they were all not bad people but also weren't good because of at least one of their personality traits. Bruce was a good man too, but because he still terrified Natasha, Carol forced herself not to talk to him much when they went to New York a couple of times, knowing that she would also be scared of her getting hurt by him.

Sam and Carol were alike on many things and completed each other on the rest. He was understanding and a good listener, as she discovered when she bought them drinks, and he really cared about all the people he worked with, Carol not being an exception.

She was glad she met him and was looking forward to discover more about this man and how he became who he was now.

He meticulously patched her up, his motions precise and hands gentle. Thinking about the time Natasha stitched her forehead, Carol remembered how she whined back then and realised she only did it because it was the redhead taking care of her. Right now, she felt as much pain as she did on that first mission with S.H.I.E.L.D, but the fact that it was Sam cleaning her cuts and not Natasha made her change the way she acted.

When he was done, Sam tidied all the stuff he used and spoke up, "What are we going to do?"

Carol wasn't sure to understand what he meant, but right now she wasn't sure of anything – except her feelings for Natasha, "I don't know, but I think he has some ideas," thinking about Nick hurt her heart, but she quickly pulled herself together and forgot her emotions, "Thank you for that, Sam."

"You're welcome, Cap!" he said as he took a step back.

Carol watched him going away and as he entered the stairs someone else arrived on the floor.

"Let me see if he did a good job," Natasha said as she reached Carol's level and carefully observed her healing wounds, her fingertips slightly brushing her sensible skin, "your perfect face should still be perfect after you fully heal."

"Why do you care so much about my face?" Carol asked, looking up at Natasha as she was still sitting on the table.

The redhead took a step forward, standing in between Carol's spread legs, "I think you know," she whispered and cupped Carol's cheeks. Carol closed her eyes and let the redhead pull her into her arms, her gentle fingers running up and down her neck and Carol wrapped her arms around her waist. She buried her face in the crook of Natasha's neck, careful not to hurt her by inadvertently touching her gun shot wound.

Of course she knew, just like Natasha knew why Carol did this thing she had never done before with her powers. There were so many unspoken things between them, feelings that needed to be out for them to move forward in their relationship, for their relationship to evolve into something new, something that would be as beautiful as it'd be scary, but together they could do it, they would do it, but now was not the time.

For now, all these things remained unsaid.

"You know you are cute when you are grumpy," Natasha told her with a sarcastic undertone.

Carol pulled away slowly, but kept her hands on Natasha's hips, "I'm not grumpy, I'm pissed… and I know you are too."

Natasha clenched her jaw as she sighed, Carol glimpsed it, she was used to these micro expressions now. She also noticed the little tension of the muscles of her neck, telling her that Natasha was emotional about the matter.

"I thought he trusted me…" she began with another sigh, "when he gave me that mission, I thought that lying to you would prove that I was trustworthy but it didn't and it hurt you and I don't think I can ever forgive myself for that."

"I'm not mad at you for that, you know," Carol instantly replied, seeing that Natasha was really affected by her actions and their consequences, "If you had been anybody else we wouldn't be talking right now, but it's us," she stopped and stood up, her hands reaching Natasha's jaw, "it's you and I can't be mad at you. I forgave you already… I forgive you, Natasha."

After a soft kiss on her forehead, Carol pulled Natasha into a hug, just tightly enough not to hurt her still sore shoulder.

"I'm really sorry, Carol," Natasha murmured to her ear and Carol kissed her temple in response, "You don't have to be … It's okay."

"I feel like I betrayed you."

Carol pulled out and pressed her forehead against Natasha's, "You didn't," she assured, "it was all him. He played with us, used us and that's what hurt us. You didn't do anything to me, okay?"

Natasha nodded before Carol pulled her closer and kissed the corner of her mouth. She lingered a bit, enjoying the little contact she had with Natasha's lips until a sudden sound surprised them both.

Natasha grabbed her hand as they both looked in direction of the stairs, from where the sound came from, and the person that appeared made their bubble of comfort burst.

Nick. He somehow got out of bed, despite all his injuries, and went upstairs.

Carol glared at him as he struggled to joined them and didn't even try to act like she cared that he did all this just to talk to them, "I don't want to hear your bullshit today," she told him and left without a last glance at Natasha.

* * *

"You know I should follow her and ignore whatever you are going to tell me, right?" Natasha said as she watched him leaning against the table. She had so many questions, wanted so many answered, but at the same time she knew she would be even more disappointed and couldn't asked them, "We thought you were dead, Nick," she told him instead, just to remind him that he hurt them again with his lie.

"I had to keep the circle small," he replied, unable to look at Natasha in the eyes, "you would have done the same thing."

He was right, she would have, but he would have been a part of it. Him, Carol and Clint were the three people she trusted in her life and knowing that he didn't feel the same way made her sick in the stomach.

"I know," she eventually mumbled, "that's the problem," she added to put the burden of her sadness on his shoulders, although she wasn't sure it would affect him.

After one last glance, she walked to the stairs and didn't look back, leaving him alone with his guilt.

On the lower floor, she found Carol lying on a couch, dozing, while Sam and Maria were sitting around the table in an awkward silence. She was stepping in Carol's direction when Maria called her, "We have some things to discuss to stop the launch of project Insight."

Natasha barely looked at her, the idea of a briefing not appealing at the moment, "We still have twelve hours before the launch, so if the plan is already made and you just have to explain it to us, I rather rest first."

Maria didn't reply, which told Natasha that she was right. It was the least they could have done, Maria and Nick while Carol and Natasha were figuring out on their own what was happening, they at least thought about a plan.

And even if they had not, Natasha hadn't slept in two days and needed to rest, and what best for that than sharing an old couch with Carol. The blonde was deep in it, as if she knew Natasha would join and therefore need space to lay down.

First, Natasha sat beside her and stroked her thumb on Carol's cheek, just to let her know that she was there. Then, she laid down, pressing her back against Carol's chest and the latter wrapped her arms around her waist, pulling her closer as she buried her face in Natasha's red hair.

Natasha's younger self would be ashamed of her for showing affection to someone with witnesses around, but at that moment, she didn't care. Carol was her safe place, the one person that made her feel good, appreciated and alive and she would never be ashamed of that. She gave herself to Carol a long time ago, that night when they went to the ballet, she shared things she had never told anyone, not even Clint, and by the way Carol reacted she knew she could trust her, she could be herself with her. Yet, there were still things that she didn't tell her, but she would at some point, when the moment would be right. Now, on this couch and in Carol's arms was what was right, and Natasha wasn't going to stop herself from enjoying every second of it.

* * *

Carol got awakened by Maria and Nick talking, which really didn't put her in a good mood to start a new day. Opening her eyes, she first checked that Natasha was still asleep, which she was considering how she slightly scrunched her nose – something she never did when she was awake – and then she looked at the other people in the room, who were getting ready to stop HYDRA.

Maria was on a computer talking logistic with Sam while Nick was staring at a picture in his hand. Not that she really cared but he seemed affected, upset by whatever was on the picture and piqued her curiosity.

"Time to get ready," Maria said as she noticed that Carol was awake.

With a roll of her eyes, the blonde looked down at the still-asleep woman she was holding in her arms and kissed her cheek, "Hey beautiful, it's time to kick some ass," she whispered and Natasha replied with a groan, "come on, Maria is staring at us, it's actually scary."

Natasha slightly chuckled as she sat up, Carol doing the same before getting up and joined Sam, Maria and Nick around the table.

"This man declined the Nobel Peace Prize," Nick began as he tossed a picture of Alexander Pierce on the table, "He said peace wasn't an achievement, it was a responsibility."

Valid point, Carol thought, even though the way he wanted to get peace was the worst one.

"See, it's stuff like this that gives me trust issues," Nick added, glancing between Carol and Natasha, but this was the opposite of what they wanted to hear. What they were waiting for was an apology, for all the lies and the manipulations, but deep down they knew it was very unlikely that he would ever apologise to them.

"How do we stop the launch?" Natasha asked, looking at Maria but the answer came from Nick, "With these," he said and opened a briefcase with electronic devices in it.

"What's that?" asked Sam.

Maria turned the screen of her computer, showing them how the launch of Project Insight would work, "Once the helicarriers reach three thousand feet, they'll triangulate with Insight satellites, becoming fully weaponized."

Nick continued, "We need to breach those carriers and replace their targeting blades with our own."

"One or two won't cut it. We need to link all three carriers for this to work, because if even one of those ships remains operational… a whole lot of people are gonna die," Maria concluded, her last word grave, reminding them all the importance of this mission.

"We have to assume everyone aboard those carriers is HYDRA. We have to get past them, insert these server blades. And maybe, just maybe we can salvage what's left-"

"I'm sorry Nick, but there is nothing to save," Carol interrupted, "S.H.I.E.L.D is corrupted, it has been since its very first days. We can't just fire the bad guys and keep the good ones."

"S.H.I.E.L.D had nothing to do with this!" Nick interjected, not ready to let go of the organisation he worked for the majority of his life.

"We can't take the risk. S.H.I.E.L.D has to go if we want to be sure that HYDRA won't interfere in governmental matters again."

"She is right," Maria told him.

Nick glanced at Natasha who just stared back at him, and then he looked at Sam and he delivered the best answer Carol could have dreamt of, "She came to me and trusted me, do you think I'll ever go against her?"

After a light chuckle, Nick finally matched Carol's gaze, "Well… It looks like you're giving the orders now, Captain."

"Right… then I need to know everything you planned."

Maria showed them a plan of the helicarriers and where they should put the targeting blades. They were set so all three carriers would open fire on the other two after Maria would take control of them. She had to get inside S.H.I.E.L.D, which wouldn't be too hard considering her level of clearance, and then she would orchestrate everything from a control room.

Carol and Sam were the ones in charge of the blades, Carol would have to change two of them in the helicarrier one and three while Sam would do it in the second one. Natasha still injured, she couldn't be in any fight and would infiltrate the World Security Council thanks to a new technology that only Nick had had access to in S.H.I.E.L.D and that he kept until it'd be useful. Hers and Nick's mission was to get into S.H.I.E.L.D's data base and to leak it all over the internet to expose all HYDRA's doing and get proofs of Pierce implications in all of them.

Of course, all of S.H.I.E.L.D's secrets would also be revealed to the world. Natasha's past, Carol's true identity, every single mission report would be out for the world to see it.

Carol was fine about it, she hated to hide her powers and with her story being out, she could finally be who she was. Her worries were about Natasha, she didn't know if the redhead could handle all the world knowing about who she was and what she had done, but they had to do it for the greater good and Natasha would sacrifice her own well being for it.

There was one last detail that Carol kept to herself all along the planning of this mission, but she had to tell the one person she trusted before getting ready.

As Maria and Fury left with Sam to give him his suit that they somehow got back from Strike team, Carol took Natasha aside and told her the truth, "The Winter Soldier, I know who he is."

Natasha seemed confused but didn't say anything, "I saw him in Rogers' file, he was his best friend, James Barnes."

"Keep going."

"It was said that Barnes died during a mission, but before that, his unit had been captured and the Red Skull's best scientist, Zola, experimented on them."

"So you are saying that he actually didn't die back then and that HYDRA turned him into a killing bot… sounds plausible."

"The problem is that he is probably not himself anymore."

"One more reason to kill him if you see him," Natasha replied but Carol was not think the same and she noticed it, "… or not? What do you have in mind?"

Carol sighed, her idea was a utopia in which she would be able to talk to him, but he seemed more like a punch-first-talk-later kind of guy, "What if I could get him to remember his past? Maybe he would realise he had been… used," she explained.

Natasha slowly stepped closer, taking Carol's hand as she did, "If you have the possibility, you can try. But please don't put yourself in danger to save him, there are people who still need you."

By people she meant her but it was the cutest way she could tell Carol to be careful. After a gentle squeeze, Carol released Natasha's hand and headed to the exit of the dam.

"Where are you going?" Natasha shouted as Carol walked away.

"I can't fight like that! I need a suit!" she replied and started running in the corridor she arrived from a few hours earlier.

Outside, she took a few more steps before taking off the ground, the wind in her hair and the sensation of floating so familiar yet they felt so unknown. Carol didn't even remember when was the last time she used her powers to fly but it for sure hadn't felt so great at that time.

She glowed in the night sky like a shooting star, going to the south of the country were her original Captain Marvel suit was, in the closet of her room in her best friend's house.

After less than an hour, Carol landed in Maria's front yard and used the key that was under one of the flower pots on the patio to enter. As discreetly as possible, she went to her room, took her suit and put it on.

It had been so long since the last time she wore this suit, more than two years, and she really missed it. The suits S.H.I.E.L.D made for her were great, but as well as having a tracker in them they weren't as comfortable as this one. She got it on Hala and it was made from a fibre that only the Kree knew how to manipulate to make clothes. This fibre was adapting itself to Carol's morphology, whether she gained or lost muscles or weight she would perfectly fit in her suit.

Admiring herself in the mirror, she didn't hear the door of her room opening, "Carol?!" Maria exclaimed as she entered, "Whatcha doin' here?" she asked as she pulled Carol in her arms.

The blonde giggled, she hadn't plan to see her best friend and certainly didn't expect such a nice welcoming after their last conversation and the decision she took because of it, "It's kinda hard to explain but what I can tell you is that I need my suit to save a lot of people."

Maria stepped out of the embrace and smirked, "Of course you do."

"It's good to see you Maria."

"You too, Carol," she replied before giving a tap on the shoulder, "I wish we could talk but I heard you have to save people so go, fly Captain Marvel!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might wonder why Carol suddenly got her power back? Well, it’s something that will be discovered later on the fic, when Carol will try to have a better understanding of her powers.
> 
> Also, I have to inform you that there won't be a new chapter of What If next friday but I will still post something.  
> So I'll see you again with this fic the 25th for my Christmas present to you all, I'm sure you'll love it.


	19. The Winter Soldier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas to everybody celebrating it, I hope you are having a great time. This is kind of my present for you all, you will understand why ;)  
> Reminder that next week, there won't be a new chapter of What If again but another surprise, and then it will be one chapter a week again.
> 
> TW blood

Carol, Maria and Sam stood in front of the door of the control room, where Maria needed to be while the other two would be on the helicarriers. The three of them were needed there in order to throw out the people that were inside and then Carol would have to tell the entirety of S.H.I.E.L.D's building that HYDRA was infiltrated to warn the agents that were good.

Meanwhile, Natasha was already undercover inside the building as councilwoman Hawley with the rest of the World Security Council members, including Alexander Pierce, and Nick was on his way for his big come back when the helicarriers would be down.

To enter the control room, Maria used a program that turned off S.H.I.E.L.D intern communication system, knowing that one of the man inside would have to go out of the room to fix the problem. When one did, Sam and Maria took aim at him so he would let them pass. This room was filled with tech agents therefore none of them was armed, which made it a lot more easier for Carol to throw them out and take control.

Maria sat at the desk of the main computer, getting everything ready for Carol's big speech while the blonde was starting to think about what she was going to say. She wasn't used to be the one doing the pep talk, yes she did it a few times when she worked at S.H.I.E.L.D because she was in charge of the operation but she usually didn't have to talk to anyone because she was working on her own.

Nothing seemed appropriate for the situation as she kept imagining her whole intervention in her head so she completely stopped thinking, closed her eyes and breathed deeply until Maria called her and told her that it was time.

Carol stepped toward the microphone and lean against the desk. She closed her eyes again, thought about Natasha who would hear her talking and started, "To all S.H.I.E.L.D agents, this is Captain Danvers. You all have heard about me, some of you only recently over rumours and orders to track me down, but I think now is the time for you to know the truth. S.H.I.E.L.D had been compromised, it had been for a long time, by an organisation you all know, HYDRA. Alexander Pierce is their leader, the Strike team and Insight crew are HYDRA as well and there are others that I don't know about, they could be standing right beside you."

Carol paused, opened her eyes and saw Maria giving her a supporting nod, "They almost have what they want, absolute control. They shot Nick Fury because he was in their way of succeeding and it won't end there. If you launch those helicarriers today, HYDRA will be able to kill anyone that is against them, anyone that wouldn't choose their side if they were given the choice, unless we stop them. But now, I am giving you a choice. You can do the easy thing that is to not do anything at all and let them win, or you can choose to fight, for your family, your friends, colleagues, but first and foremost for your own freedom. I know what I'm asking is difficult, but I'm sure I'm not the only one willing to fight in order to be free."

Maria turned off the microphone as Carol moved away from it with a sigh and looked outside at the water that surrounded the building.

"What now?" Sam asked as he joined.

"Now we wait," Carol replied, knowing that HYDRA would soon get to Project Insight control room and lunch the helicarriers two hours before it was planned.

And just like expected, the water Carol was looking at started to tremble, whirlpool forming where the giant traps were opening to let the helicarriers fly.

"That's our moment," Carol stated and rushed out of the room so fast that she almost didn't hear Maria wishing them good luck.

The control room being close to where the carriers were launched, Carol and Sam quickly got there, but one of the ships, that one that Sam had to get on, was already in the sky.

"Hey Cap! How do we know who are the bad guys?" Sam asked as they ran.

"By dodging their bullets," Carol replied before jumping off the edge of the bay and landed on the third ship while Sam flew away in direction of the second one.

Barely landed, half a dozen agents in Strike team's gears started shooting at Carol, their bullets melting on her suits as she used her powers to protect herself. She was still not allowed to do that, but she figured that these agents would soon die or finish their lives in prison therefore them seeing her being bulletproof was not a problem. It wasn't like she was glowing like she could do some times, the rays that hovered over her body were hardly visible.

Covering behind boxes of munitions, Carol bypassed this group and photon blasted one of the boxes that exploded and sent them all in the air.

Running in direction of the targeting system of the helicarrier, Carol heard Sam via their communication frequency, "Hey Cap! I found those bad guys you were talking about."

As he said that, Carol looked up and saw him in the air, dodging every attacks of the three canons aiming at him, "You okay?" she asked as he disappeared from her sight, "Not dead yet," he told her as she entered the helicarrier.

They had studied the plans of the new carriers since Nick had been the one ordering their construction, therefore Carol knew where she had to go. But even with this advantage, making her way there was difficult because of all the HYDRA agents inside slowing her. Carol was amazed by the numbers of corrupted people that worked at S.H.I.E.L.D, if there were as much of them in the other two helicarriers, HYDRA must have at least half of S.H.I.E.L.D's officers under their command.

"Falcon, status?" Maria asked from the control room.

Carol was almost there and she hoped it was the same for him, "Engaging," he replied, which in reality meant that he was far from the objective.

Carol kicked, punched and blasted her way towards her goal, stopping this whole HYDRA shit once and for all.

"Eight minutes, Cap," Maria told her when she entered the room where the targeting system was, "I'm in."

Looking around in search for the Winter Soldier, Carol walked to the control panel and changed the targeting blade, "Alpha lock," she told the other.

"Falcon, where are you now?"

"I had to take a detour," Sam yelled in the comms.

Time was running fast and Carol would need Sam to get to the last ship without exposing herself to the eyes of the world so him taking more time than anticipated could become a problem. But Sam was a resourceful guy, he would find a way to get in in time, Carol knew it and trusted him to do it.

As she got back on the tarmac of the carrier, Sam said that he was in and a few seconds later followed his success, "Bravo lock."

"Two down, one to go."

And it was not the easiest. Since Carol didn't encounter the Winter Soldier in the first helicarrier and Sam didn't seem to have seen him as well, he must be waiting for her in the third, and his mission must be the same, killing her.

Her stomach started to twist, she had to try and bring him to his sense, but she couldn't risk everybody's safety for it.

Stepping onto the runaway, Carol got immediately shot by a multitude of different rifles but all their bullets didn't reach her flesh, "Sam, I'm going to need you to get to the last one," she said as she ran towards to edge of the carrier, looking for him.

"But I thought you could fly."

Carol laughed, "Yep, but I'm not supposed to," she told him before jumping into the void as she localised him, flying in her direction.

Sam caught her hand, and to help him Carol used a bit of her powers to glide in the air, her body lighter than it should be.

They landed on the tarmac and headed to the control room, but after only a few feet they got jumped by the Winter Soldier. He pushed Carol, who almost fell off the ship before throwing a grappling iron to Sam as he had deployed his wings. The Winter Soldier pulled him down, breaking his suit before Carol could fight back. She blasted him before running in his direction and hit him with a heavy punched, but he was barely moved by it.

After a headbutt, he kicked Carol in the chest, and this time she was thrown off the ship but managed to catch hold of a sheet of metal and remained on the helicarrier. A few seconds later, she saw Sam falling with his broken suit but didn't worry about him, knowing he had a parachute.

Looking up, she saw the Winter Soldier staring at her, and he left before she could attack him again.

He knew where she was heading, but she couldn't not go there, they had to take control of the helicarriers and it was the only way.

This time, as she walked to the control room, she didn't run into any hostile agent, but she knew the reason, it was because he told them.

And there he was, the Winter Soldier, standing on the platform between Carol's objective and her. She still had time, five minutes was her guess, six at best, and Maria confirmed her on the former.

"Listen, I know you were given an order to kill me, but the real you is not a murderer."

He didn't move, didn't answer. The Winter Soldier just stood there, his chest rising up as he breathed and his eyes glaring daggers.

He didn't seem aggressive, therefore Carol decided to try and talk him down, "Your name is James Buchanan Barnes, you were born the 10th of March 1917 in Shelbyville, India-"

Carol was stopped by a bullet ripping the fabric of her suit and scratching the skin her shoulder. She looked down at the small drops of blood that run down the wound and back at him, still aiming at her.

It became clear that he wasn't there to talk, but only to accomplish his mission and therefore kill her. Since he seemed to like his gun, Carol turned into her binary form to protect herself from the bullets he shot at her while walking towards him to fight in hand to hand combat.

"You were born in Shelbyville, Indiana and quickly moved to Brooklyn," Carol panted as they fought, blocking each other's strikes in a more keenly contested fight than the one they had in the middle of Washington's streets, "Your mother's name was Winniefred and your father's Georges. They die in 1935, your mother before you got into the military and then your dad in a car accident-"

"Shut up!" he shouted as he hit a powerful left hook in her jaw, throwing her flat on her back besides the control panel were she had to change the blade.

Carol sat up and took a second to catch her breath, Maria reminding her of the time she had left, "Three minutes, Cap."

She could do this.

With a grunt, Carol got back on her feet and waited for him to come to her and started to recite what she read in Rogers' file again, "You have a little sister, her name is Rebecca, and she is still alive."

"STOP!" he screamed and groaned at every punches he threw, only a couple of them reaching their target, but when they did, they hurt.

Carol wasn't using all her strength on him, afraid that she would kill him by mistake, but by doing this she exposed herself to more pain when she didn't block his attack, or when he discreetly took a knife and stabbed her in the leg.

He had noticed that she was not glowing anymore, that she stopped using her powers to protect herself from his bullets because he was not using his guns. He outsmarted her and while she realised that, he pulled his knife out of her quadriceps and stabbed her in her midsection, almost exactly where he shot Natasha in Iran.

Carol clenched her jaw to contain the pain inside her but a gasp escape her mouth when he pulled it out. She was bleeding, a lot, she could feel it but had to ignore it and fight him, to talk to him and bring him back to reason.

Still close to the control panel, Carol decided to take care of the main issue that were the helicarriers that would still be operational to kill millions of people. With no remorse, Carol rose her fist and blasted him away to give herself time. She entered the code to unlock the panel, took HYDRA's targeting blade out and plugged hers in.

"Charlie lock," Carol breathed but instantly had to get back into the fight as the Winter Soldier rushed in her direction.

"I've got the control, now get out of there, Cap."

He tackled Carol down onto the platform, his shoulder hitting her hard in her wound. She grunted as the landed and the noise that come out of her mouth then sounded like she was the Hulk. With a roar, she pushed him off of her and off the platform before she rolled on her belly, quickly breathing as she gave her order to Maria, "Fire now… I'll be fine."

"Carol-"

"Fire!"

Maria must have been quick, because it felt to Carol like missiles hit the helicarrier before she had the time to finish her word, or maybe the blood loss was more important than she thought. Either way, she still had a personal mission and she was not going to fail.

As the ship started to tremble as the three helicarriers fired at one another, Carol struggled to move from the platform to the glass dome on which the Winter Soldier was, whimpering as he struggled to get back on his feet after his fall. She joined him, stumbled on her own feet as she walked until she was close to him.

"Your best friend's name was Steven Grant Rogers, you considered him like a brother and always made sure he was okay," she panted as she put pressure on her wound with her right hand, "you followed him after he became Captain America and you were even ready to die to protect him, I get that, I'd do it too."

"Shut up!" Barnes screamed, and Carol could swear she saw tears in his blue eyes.

He got back up and jumped onto her, landing on top of her as he tried to strangle her. Carol fought back, painting his face with her blue blood as she pushed him away but she wasn't strong enough anymore. If she wanted to survive, she had to kill him, because talking him down didn't work.

With her last resources, Carol blasted the glass underneath her and they both fell off the helicarrier. They kept struggling in the air, the Winter Soldier not letting go of her as he pulled her hair and her left arm. Somehow, Carol managed to make them rotate just before they dove into the water, Barnes' back hitting the liquid as if it was marble. He didn't lose his grip though and pulled Carol with him at the bottom of the water.

Carol's suit had a mask to make her breathe in water, but when she tried to put it on, it didn't work. They were going deep in the water and the oxygen started to lack, her throat was on fire and her vision was getting blurry. Looking up, she could barely see the light of the sun, and the only thing she could think about was that she would die without having told Natasha that she was in love with her.

The image of the redhead appeared in her brain, and she closed her eyes as she thought about her as she attempted one last move. With her fist slightly clenched, she fired a blast and hoped it would get them out of the water, but she wasn't conscious to find out if it did.

* * *

Natasha looked at S.H.I.E.L.D's building collapsing, dumbstruck as an helicarrier collided it. Maybe Carol was in this one, she didn't know, didn't heard of her at all since they left the dam and it terrified her that she ordered to fire before she was out and safe.

Carol could be hurt, because of course she tried to talk to the Winter Soldier, like she planned, but maybe it didn't go well. She couldn't die, not now, not before Natasha told her she loved her, not before she kissed her lips, for real this time. They had so much first to have together, so many things they hadn't done yet and that Natasha dreamt to do when they would finally be girlfriends, officially.

She had to be close, Natasha felt it, but she couldn't see any trace of the blonde, "Maria, anything on Carol's location?" she asked desperately as Nick flew them away to land somewhere safe.

"Nothing yet, I'm running a scan for her energy signature."

"Natasha!" shouted Sam as he pointed towards the water, "There!"

It was her, Carol flying out of the water with the Winter Soldier holding onto her. Natasha gasped, feeling tears at the edge of her eyes, "Nick, we can't let her alone there, we have to get to her," she said with a pleading voice, but he was already changing the trajectory before she could continue.

"Hill, we have her, now get the hell out of there," Nick told his right hand woman.

Ten minutes later, Natasha got out of the helicopter before they were even on the ground and run towards Carol's last known location, by the side of the water.

She called her, shouted her name in case the woman was looking for them too. After running for two minutes, she saw her unanimated body on the shingle and rushed to her side.

"Carol, please…" she muttered as she put her finger on her carotid and gasped when she felt a weak pulse. Sniffling, Natasha sat beside the blonde and pulled her head onto her lap as she slowly stroked her hair, "You're gonna be okay," she told her, knowing that Sam would soon be there with a med kit.

Mindlessly, she put her free hand on Carol's wound on her belly, noticing that it was exactly where she had been shot by the Winter Solider in Iran.

"Did you see him?" Sam asked as he bent down and took some band aid out of the med kit.

Natasha could only shake her head, seeing Carol like this made her heart ache so much that she knew she would throw up if she talked.

"We need to get her to a hospital, stat!"

Natasha nodded before slowly pulling Carol's body against her own. As if she hadn't been shot the day before, Natasha got on her feet and carried the blonde in her arms, bridal style, adrenaline making her forget that her shoulder was still hurting like hell.

They were barely in the helicopter that Nick was taking off to the hospital he had been treated a few days ago.

During the whole flight, Natasha didn't take her eyes off of Carol, gently stroking her cheek and whispering a few words to her ear as she kissed her cheek from time to time. Meanwhile, Sam was making sure that Carol would be fine, putting pressure on her wounds the whole time even after the bleedings slowed.

When they landed on the roof of the hospital, a team of surgeon took Carol down to the OR, leaving Natasha and Sam alone as only Nick was allowed to watch.

Natasha stood on the roof, staring at the closed door of the elevator and realised that everything they did would have consequences, and that she would have to pay for some of them. She wanted to stay and wait for Carol to wake up, but she couldn't wait too long before answering for her past actions and left without saying anything to Sam, knowing the man would stay and be there for Carol.

* * *

There was a buzzing in Carol's ears like she never experienced before, yet she had had her loads of fights where she ended up in bad shape. Then she felt a sharp pain in her belly, but that must be the knife the Winter Soldier put in her body, she figured.

As her hearing started to get better, Carol listened closely to the few sounds that reached her eardrums, frowning until she recognised something, Natasha's voice. It didn't sound like the usual, thus Carol opened her aching eyes to find out what was happening.

The first thing she saw was a vague dark stain, but as she blinked it appeared to be a TV screen, and on it was the one person she wished was by her side at that moment, Natasha.

_"_ _Why haven't we yet heard from Captain_ _Danvers_ _?_ _"_ a man with several honour medals on his military uniform asked her.

Natasha clicked her tongue, _"I think the wreck in the_ _middle of the Potomac made her point fairly eloquently, and I'm not even sure she_ _'_ _d be in a state to answer you right now._ _"_

_"Well then, could you explain how this country is expected to maintain its national security now that you both have laid waste to our intelligence apparatus."_

Carol could tell that Natasha was genuinely annoyed by his question but she was a professional and answered anyway, _"_ _HYDRA was selling you_ _lies, not intelligence._ _"_

_"Many of which you seemed to have had a personal hand in telling."_

_"_ _Agent,_ _"_ interrupted another man, _"you should know that there are some_ _on this committee who feel, given your service record, both for this country and against it, that you belong in a penitentiary,_ _n_ _ot mouthing off on Capitol Hill._ _"_

This man really didn't know who he was talking to and was not ready for what was coming. And considering the micro expressions Carol saw on Natasha's face, her answer was going to be iconic.

_"You're not going to put me in a prison. You're not going to put any of us in a prison. You know why?"_

_"Do enlighten us."_

_"Because you need us. Yes, the world is a vulnerable place, and yes, we help make it that way. But we're also the ones best qualified to defend it. So, if you want to arrest me, arrest me. You'll know where to find me."_

After one last look at all the people around the table, Natasha left, and Carol couldn't keep her comment for herself as she watched her walk away, "That's my girl," she whispered, her throat tight like a knot.

Then she heard a chuckle on her right and slightly tilted her head to see Sam standing beside her, "Oh! So she is your girl now?"

"She always has been, we just hadn't kissed yet."

He crossed his arms as he smiled from hear to hear, "You kissed and I'm not aware of it?"

"It was in the mall, when we were trying to escape HYDRA."

"It's not a real kiss then."

Carol chuckled, sort of agreeing with him, "Yeah but I will change that, I'm not leaving until my lips touch hers."

Suddenly, Sam's joy disappeared from his face and was replaced by confusion, "Leaving? Where?"

Carol took a deep breath and exhaled heavily before answering, "I want to go after James Barnes. I want to find him and bring him back to reason."

"Is that even possible?"

Carol blinked and it was like she was back on the helicarrier, fighting the Winter Soldier. After a dozen of seconds, she shook her head and looked back at Sam, "When we fought…" she began in a murmur, "I told him things about his life and it definitely triggered something in him. I think he remembered his old life."

"Do you have any lead?"

"Not yet but I'm sure Natasha has enough contacts to find me somewhere to start."

"Then I guess we are going after the Winter Soldier!"

"We?" Carol exclaimed.

"After this I'm not letting you go alone and I'm pretty sure Natasha will want to come too," he said with a smirk, yet Carol knew he was wrong, "I'm not taking her, she has already a lot to do with the government after her, it's not the moment for her to run away."

"You call the shots, Captain," Sam concluded and sat back on the armchair he must have been on in the last hours, maybe days, "One thing I know though is that she wants you to get better, and for that you have to reset."

Carol didn't need to be told to rest to actually do it, her eyelids were so heavy that she was fighting with herself to keep them open and since she wasn't going to see Natasha any time soon, she only had one thing to do and that was sleeping.

* * *

After hours of running all over the city, answering to interviews, government questioning and signing confidentiality contracts that were not even useful, Natasha found a half hour free of any obligations in her schedule. She was in need of a shower, a real meal and a long nap but the only thing that really mattered to her at that moment was to see Carol.

Sam was at the hospital with her most of the time, and when he had to leave, Maria took his place and kept an eye on her. They sent the redhead updates about Carol's state, she knew she had waken up and that she was okay, she was aware of every thing she ate and even knew what curse word she used when she first tried the hospital's food.

Walking fast in the corridors of the hospital, Natasha entered the room she knew was Carol's without knocking and her sight fell on the sleeping blonde.

Barely acknowledging Sam's presence, Natasha sat on the edge of the mattress, giving the blonde's hand a light squeeze as she leaned forward to kiss her forehead. Her lips brushed her skin and in the blink of an eye she was back in a correct sitting position, but nothing ever felt more right than this short touch, "That was what I meant by don't put yourself in danger, Danvers," she muttered as she analysed the state of fatigue too easy to spot on Carol's face.

"She was very proud of you telling the government people to go fuck themselves," Sam began with a smirk.

Natasha scoffed, "Of course she was," she said quietly, her gaze analysing Carol's bruised face as her careful fingers traced her features.

"She wants to go after him."

Natasha clenched her jaw, her smile slowly turning into a saddened pout, "Of course she does."

"And she said you could get us leads."

Natasha sighed sharply, trying so hard not to think about Carol leaving her again, "I'll see what I can do but I'm really not thrilled about this," she admitted, finally giving Sam a glance.

"I know, that's why I'm going with her."

"Thank you," she told him with a forced smile.

"That's what friends are for."

Natasha seemed almost surprised that Sam would consider them friends, and then she supposed he was talking about Carol. Either way, she was very grateful that he would put a pause on his own life to go with Carol on a man hunt that would probably lead nowhere.

She took one more minute to contemplate Carol's tired yet gorgeous face before standing up and calling Sam for a short discussion with a nod, "Nick wants to meet up, as soon as she's back on her feet," she told him as she walked to the door, putting her hand on the handle.

Sam looked down and rose an eyebrow, "You are not staying?"

Natasha sighed, glancing at Carol, "Trust me, I wish I could stare at her sleepy face for the rest of my life but I have so many people on my back, trying to drag me down that I have to deal with it now or it will get ugly, and not only for me."

"Right, I'll tell her you came."

"Tell her she's cute when she's asleep," Natasha joked, but knowing Sam, Carol would hear of it.

Because things couldn't get any more strange and abnormal, Nick asked Carol, Sam and Natasha to meet him at his grave, in the Washington cemetery were he was supposed to be buried.

And as usual Natasha was there first, being late wasn't something she liked plus she wanted to have a moment with Nick to discuss about a sensible matter.

"Already there, Romanoff!" Nick said from behind her to get her attention.

She turned around, discovering Nick with a brand new style, his eye patch gone, replaced by sun glasses, "I just wanted to be sure that everything you kept on me and my past has been destroyed."

"It has been."

Natasha sighed with relief, "Good."

"Telling her the truth anytime soon?"

"I feel like she already knows, or at least she has doubts."

Passing by her, Nick patted Natasha's shoulder, "Tell her, sooner than later, she doesn't like secrets."

Natasha couldn't fight the urge to chuckle, "Yeah, you would know that, right?"

"It's something important, and from what I've heard you finally made a move so you have no reason to keep it for yourself. You met the person that makes you happy, with whom you can share life experience, not everybody does so just take it and enjoy it."

"Do you really think Carol and I can live that long without getting killed?" Natasha joked.

"We don't really know how long you guys can live, but I'm pretty sure you will do anything in your power to keep her safe, and vice versa."

Natasha released a long sigh, thinking about how she could broach the subject with the blonde, "Well, I don't think I can tell her now, I heard she has some plans and has to leave," she looked up at Nick and recognised his half warning half worried glare, "but the second she is back we'll talk, we have to anyway."

"Good. I knew you two would get along."

"Yep! That we did."

"Did what?" interrupted Carol from behind them.

"Um… K-kick… some ass," Natasha stuttered as she scratched her skull, her gaze unable to meet Carol's, "I mean it was you guys mainly but I did my part too."

"Yeah, you did great," Carol said quietly as pulled Natasha against her side and kissed her forehead.

Natasha closed her eyes as the contact between them lingered. After these crazy days, she only had one wish, and it was to see Carol again, to hug her, to just be with her, and she finally was. It seemed like Carol had missed her too, considering how she kissed her, so much love and longing in one single touch.

Their moment didn't last long and was cut short by Nick intentionally coughing before he spoke up, "Now that Pierce is dead, every HYDRA agents that haven't been arrested are on the run. I'm planning on stopping them and I was wondering if one of you would join?"

Carol gave a look at Sam, before glancing at Natasha who took the floor, "Well, you are not my boss anymore, Nick, so I'm going to respectfully decline. There are things I want to do here before going back after them."

At these words, Carol bit her bottom lip as she tried to hide her proud grin but Natasha noticed it. Then, she observed Nick as he gazed at Sam and her, but neither one of them gave him a positive answer.

They were going after James Barnes, Sam told Natasha when she visited Carol – the blonde was deeply asleep at the time and she couldn't stay long enough to see her awake. They were going after a ghost and they weren't telling Nick, knowing that he wouldn't like it, HYDRA being his one and only priority.

Natasha wasn't thrilled about it either, she'd rather have Carol with her for the next few months to help with all the personal issues she had to deal with but she couldn't ask her to stay, not when she knew that James Barnes was still there, deep down in the Winter Soldier's brain. Only a few people could understand how it felt to be unmade and remade and unmade again and finally realising it. Carol and Natasha were two of these people and they could not pretend that he was just a mass murderer, a deadly assassin. James Barnes had been controlled by HYDRA for far too long and now he was in the wind, maybe still in their hands, or maybe he escaped, but either way Carol chose to go after him and save him, and Natasha understood her choice and supported it.

"Right, well… I guess I'm on my own then."

Carol scoffed, "Let's be honest, Nick, you chose to be on your own a long time ago."

"I can't say you are wrong, but I still took care of things for you and you didn't noticed…" he said mysteriously, Carol suddenly straightening her posture to listen attentively, "I suppose you didn't have time to go through everything that we leaked about S.H.I.E.L.D, but even if you had you wouldn't have found anything about you."

"What do you mean?"

"Back when we met, I knew you'd be the most important asset S.H.I.E.L.D would have, but not everybody could be trusted, so I never registered you in the data base."

Natasha tilted her head, not aware of what Nick was talking about, and considering the way Carol was frowning, she didn't either, "So this cover, the _Captain Danvers_ thing, it's not out?"

"Nope,for our world you are nobody, except the woman in New York that saved a lot of people."

This changed everything, if her cover as Captain Danvers never existed, if there was no proof of this identity being linked to Carol, she could actually be anybody, and therefore she didn't have to hide her powers anymore.

"So I think it's time for you to lighten up, Captain! Be the Kree that all the galaxy think you are, fly around and shoot bad guys, there's nobody to stop you now."

Natasha expected Carol to be overjoyed by the news, to jump all over the place and schedule a race against Sam but she took it very seriously, "I mean, I rather not have to use my powers anytime soon but it's good to know that I can finally be me."

"And, before I go," Nick said as he took something that he had put behind his grave, "I kept this from S.H.I.E.L.D, thought it was safer to have it in my possession in case somebody tried to steal it," he added and gave Carol the shield that had been left with Captain America's body, his shield, "I think it can still be a great symbol for the nation, and my last mission for you is to find someone that would fit the description of Captain America."

Natasha already had an idea of who could be perfect for this title, and when she saw Carol's smirk she knew she thought the same thing, "I might know a guy," she began as she handed the shield to Sam, "but I'm not sure he'll say yes."

"Then convince him," Nick told her before shaking Sam's hand. He continued with a quick hug with Natasha before it was Carol's turn, "I trust you for this," he said and pulled her in a tight embrace.

Natasha couldn't stop herself from smiling as she watched the scene, it was a really beautiful moment to see Nick finally trusting Carol again. It was not an apology for everything that he did, but it was not his style and Carol, just like Natasha, didn't expect one from him.

"All right then… anybody ask for me, tell 'em they can find me right here," Nick concluded the conversation looking at his grave one last time before he walked away, Natasha observing his self-assured paces until he disappeared behind a tree.

The three of them remained silent for a bit, Natasha enjoying the soft touch of Carol in her back while Sam was analysing Captain America's shield from every angle.

Knowing that it was time, Natasha gave Carol's cheek a peck before speaking up, "I've got this for you from Kiev," she said as she handed a file to Carol, "I don't know if it will lead anywhere but it's a start."

"Thank you."

Natasha smiled before glancing at Sam, "Can you give us a minute?"

"Of course," Sam smirked as he nodded and took the file off of Carol's hand before walking away.

When he was far enough for her, Natasha took a step forward, her hands slowly reaching Carol's still bruised cheeks as she tiptoed to capture her lips. Feeling a light gasp against her mouth, Natasha smiled into the kiss, amused that Carol didn't see it coming after all that happened in the past week. Stroking her thumbs on Carol's sensitive skin, Natasha savoured the feeling of the taller woman's lips on hers, passionate but gentle, her hands that had slipped under Natasha's jacket nicely pulling her against her warm body.

It wasn't like their kiss at the mall, this one was real, meant to express all the things Natasha felt for Carol. Back then she kissed her shyly, because she didn't want to give out all that she felt, but Carol got it anyway, she knew the moment Natasha's lips touched hers that behind this escape strategy was a whole lot of feelings that Natasha had never dealt with before.

It was magical, perfect, surreal. Like a moment in your life where every single thing feels right, Natasha knew at that instant that this was what their relationship was supposed to be, a relationship based on their trust in each other and their feelings that were so strong, so powerful that nothing would ever separate them.

The world around them long forgotten, Natasha decreased the minuscule gap that remained between them, wrapping her arms around Carol's neck as she pulled away and pressed their foreheads together, "You come back to me, huh?" she whispered as she stared at the blonde, who's eyes were still closed.

Carol slightly nodded in response, nuzzling Natasha's nose as she did, "Always," she eventually replied and opened her eyes, their light hazelnut shade shining in the rays of the sun, "and you stay safe."

"Mmh-mm."

"Great," Carol said against Natasha's lips before kissing them again, a soft peck that felt like feather's touch, "I don't wanna leave anymore," she added in a giggle, her childish grin softening Natasha's heart.

"Go get this done and then we will have all the time we want, okay?"

The blonde nodded before tightening her hold, pulling Natasha into a loving hug, "I'm gonna miss you."

"Me too," Natasha choked, the reality of what the next few months were going to be hitting her like a train.

It had been so long since the last time Natasha spent more than a couple of weeks without Carol or any news of her, but for this mission she wouldn't be able to keep in touch and that was what Natasha dreaded, the absence of the blonde.

The Natasha that joined S.H.I.E.L.D would never have thought that, this Natasha never cared about people, never needed people, or maybe she just didn't know she needed them. Natasha had changed, she couldn't deny it, and somehow this change didn't scare her, only what it brought and what it could take back terrified her to her bones.

Carol and her life were intertwined now, so much that Natasha didn't know if she still had her own life anymore, but the thought of sharing it everyday was as appealing as the blonde herself, magnetic.

With her face tucked in the hollow of Carol's neck, her hands gripped at her jacket, Natasha took in the last moment she had with the blonde before she would leave, inhaling her overwhelming scent as if it was her oxygen.

Slowly, Carol stepped out of the embrace, Natasha discreetly whining as the comfortable arms that were holding her slid down her back until they didn't touch her anymore. Not ready for the goodbyes, Natasha stepped forward and rested the side of her head on Carol's chest as her hands found hers. After a gentle squeeze, Carol freed one of her hand to lift Natasha's chin, her watering emerald eyes meeting the perfect brown gaze.

"I have to go," Carol whispered before kissing Natasha's forehead.

The redhead closed her eyes again, knowing that after that Carol would leave and she'd be alone in a mess that she didn't know how to clean.

Carol didn't know because she hadn't been to her apartment since Nick got shot there, but HYDRA had searched it, from top to bottom, and probably at taken some of her belongings. But worst than that, just as Nick told them earlier, they weren't all gone, a big part of Strike team had run away, HYDRA was still the main suspect for the theft of Loki's sceptre and Captain America's profanation. HYDRA was far from being dismantled and Natasha would have to take care of the issue, as well as creating herself a new cover since all her fake identities had been exposed.

She had to start doing this on her own but hoped Carol would quickly come back to help her out, because that was what they were to each other, a mental support, _the_ reason they were still standing, the person they were fighting for during every battle.

Natasha was so lost in the sensation of Carol's lips on her skin that she almost didn't notice when she pulled away, the link of their hands breaking as she took a step back.

Releasing a long sigh, Natasha watched Carol and Sam as they walked away together, already missing the blonde like she used to miss her freedom in the Red Room.

* * *

Nothing in Carol's life had been harder than this moment, when she had to go, to leave Natasha alone.

It was her decision, to go after James Barnes, and therefore her choice to leave the redhead, but she stood by it, because this man deserved a life just like Carol's had been given back to her once.

But, _damn,_ it was so hard, especially after this week. There had been lies, distrust and trust again, a kiss that wasn't supposed to mean anything, but actually was it all. Maybe the moment wasn't the best, it was even the worst you could think of, but in hindsight, the whole situation was just the little nudge they both needed to get their heads out of their asses and finally take this last step.

Being with Natasha was where Carol was meant to be, kissing her what she was supposed to do everyday, and she would make up for these missed kisses when she'd be back, but right now she had to go, she had to take a step back and break the contact between them.

Never a step felt so heavy, but when she took it, feeling of emptiness on her lips and the lack of something in her hands, she knew that she couldn't go back for one more second or she would never leave.

She waited and waited, taking small steps back until the redhead finally looked at her, and when she did, Carol gave her one last smile and turned around, this image engraved in her mind for the next few weeks at least, an image of Natasha showing her happiness, even through the sadness of the moment.

Sam joined her and walked beside her, a smirk on his lips, "Don't even start," Carol warned him with an aggressive finger pointed at him.

"I didn't say shit," he replied with a laughter, "but I'm happy for you, Carol."

Thanking him was tempting, but the thought of Natasha a few metres away twisted her throat, stopping the words before she could say them.

Carol walked in direction of Sam's car and didn't look back, as much as she wanted to have one more glimpse of the redhead, the woman she loved. She kept her gaze straight, towards her goal and focused on her mission, finding James Barnes and giving him a future that had been stolen from him.


	20. Back home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everybody for the 200 kudos <3

Life after S.H.I.E.L.D collapsed was hard, and life without Carol was even worse. Natasha missed her so much, she missed her melodious voice, her light brown eyes, her soft kisses on her forehead and her hugs, damn, she missed to be in Carol's arms so much.

The things with the government calmed down after a couple of weeks, as she had said, they weren't going to put her in prison because they needed her, she was an Avenger and would have the protection of Tony if they ever tried to do anything against her. He had quickly reached out to her and told her he had an army of lawyers ready, as well as a bunch of bedrooms in the Avengers tower that needed to be filled with people.

Natasha had to consider it, and to discuss the matter with Carol, but going to live in New York was appealing, and being around Tony and Pepper would be nice.

Now that all her aliases were out, Natasha couldn't live in her apartment in Washington DC and had temporarily moved in Clint's spare room. The little belongings she had was stored there too, as well as Carol's. Natasha went to her place after she left to take care of the mess that HYDRA caused. After a long inspection, it seemed that they didn't find anything interesting, or maybe they didn't searched correctly enough. Natasha had found things that they didn't, which made her question their capacities and training as field agents, but the lack of it was actually a good thing in their case.

Still in need of a new alias, Natasha figured she could just be herself for a bit, especially now that everybody on Earth knew that she was Black Widow. She never liked that nickname, it reminded her of all the little girls that died, some of them that she killed, in order to survive and become that person. Worse than that, it gave her flashes of her past, of the days she spent training, the nights where she was chained to her bed so she wouldn't try to escape. These were what she feared the most, the motionless nights, the paralysis that some times happened in her sleep, that hadn't happen recently, but might come back given the news.

The Captain America case, it wasn't HYDRA's doing. Natasha found out three weeks after Carol left, Maria told her. Since she was unemployed, Maria quickly applied for many job and, not that surprisingly, Tony was the one who hired her. With all his equipment, she did researches, dissected every single questioning report of the HYDRA agents that had been arrested and figured out that they weren't behind the profanation of his body.

The problem was that they still had no clue of who it could be, thus the hypothesis of the Red Room being behind it came back. Maria told Natasha not to worry about it, that it was her first priority and that she, as well as Tony, would look into it until they found who did it. Natasha was grateful that they were trying to reassure her, but she could feel it in her, it was them, they were still there.

She wished even more that Carol was there, she needed to talk to her about it, she needed to hear the blonde telling her that everything would be okay, that they would go through it together. But she was away, somewhere in eastern Europe and Natasha didn't get any news in two months.

Deep down, she was terrified that something would happen to the blonde, that she would get in trouble like she always did and that she would get hurt. The only thing that made Natasha a tiny bit less worried was knowing that Sam was with her, he was an experienced soldier and he cared about Carol enough to look out for her and have her back.

When everything Natasha had to take care of was done, she didn't know what to do and stayed at Clint's all day, hung out with him, Laura and the kids and just enjoyed the time she had with them.

But at night, she would struggle to fall asleep as her mind was full of memories of herself and Carol, like the moment they had on the swing seat at Maria Rambeau's house, or in this very house when Carol surprised Natasha on Christmas day. She couldn't stop herself from redoing these moments in her head and realised that they were so close to kiss so many times, but every time, neither one of them dared to make the first move and the feelings remained unspoken.

They were still unspoken, in a way, even though they kissed. Natasha didn't know if she would ever be able to say it out loud one day, but she was certain that she loved Carol unconditionally and that she wanted to spend every day of her life with her.

That day would arrive, but when she didn't know. To make sure she wouldn't miss Carol's come back, Natasha asked the concierge of hers and Carol's building to call her of they ever saw her around, and was going to check the now uninhabited places from time to time.

Three months after the blonde's departure, Natasha got a call from the concierge of her building, an old man she always appreciated and respected, who told her a tall blonde woman that fitted Carol's description asked for her before going to her former apartment.

Natasha didn't lose a minutes and borrowed Clint's car to join Carol at her place.

She quickly greeted the concierge before rushing to the third floor, where her apartment was. As she walked down the corridor, she slowed her pace and found the door ajar, no noise coming from the inside. Carefully, she pushed the door and finally saw her.

"Carol!"

* * *

Going after the Winter Soldier had been a huge waste of time.

The file Natasha gave them was promising, they followed various leads in the first few weeks, but as all of them ended up being dead ends, Carol and Sam quickly lost their motivation, and after almost three months and one last unproductive research, they both agreed that it was better for them to give up.

The flight back had been hard on Carol's mindset, she felt like she lost, like she failed at a mission and that someone was going to suffer because of her.

But, coming back meant seeing Natasha again, and that was what she really needed. The redhead was her first thought every morning when she woke up and her last every time she fell asleep. Natasha was her motivation, Carol couldn't come back empty handed, she had to find something, anything that would prove she had been right to leave Natasha on her own, but they didn't and she had nothing that would make Natasha proud.

When they landed, Carol didn't hesitate and went straight to Natasha's place. She didn't even tell Sam, but she figured he would understand and just called a taxi to drive her to Natasha's apartment. She entered the building at a quick pace and asked the concierge if Natasha was there or not, he told her she wasn't.

It was not a problem, Carol thought, she would just go upstairs and wait for the redhead to come back, no need to be impatient.

Reaching her door, Carol sat down onto the mat and leaned against the door. She lost her balance and hit her head against the wooden floor as her weight on the door opened it. With a grunt, Carol got back on her feet and, intrigued, entered the apartment as she rubbed her aching skull.

It was almost empty, only a few furniture remained and they were covered in sheets, as if Natasha had moved out. Carol stood in the middle of the room, confused, and tried to figure out what might have happened.

Before she could start thinking, she was interrupted by a voice she knew perfectly and loved with her all heart.

"Carol!" Natasha said from behind her with relief in her voice.

Barely turned over, Natasha was already in her arms, her hands gripped at her jacket and her face tucked in the crook of her neck.

"What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to surprise you," Carol replied as she hugged Natasha, pulling her closer than ever.

Carol heard an amused gasp coming from Natasha before she held her tighter, the tip of her nose nuzzling Carol's neck. Closing her eyes, Carol took a long inhalation, the scent of Natasha's hair overwhelming her. She had missed it so much, she had missed everything about Natasha and now she was there, in her arms, she was hers.

The redhead didn't seem to want to let go of Carol, her hands were firmly attached to her clothes and even the tiniest motion was held back by her strong arms.

"Let me see you," Carol eventually demanded, her hands sliding down Natasha's back and stopped on her waist.

Natasha pulled out of the hug after a few more seconds and when her eyes met Carol's, the blonde felt like she was finally home, where she was meant to be.

"Hey," Natasha whispered, stroking Carol's cheeks with her thumbs.

"Hey," Carol said back with a smile, her eyes analysing Natasha's features, "you're so beautiful," she told her as she brought her hand up to Natasha's face and delicately traced the line of her jaw with the back of her pointing finger, gently lifting her chin at the right angle to press her lips against Natasha's.

Their lips barely touched, but the little contact was still magical. When Carol pulled away, she was pulled back by Natasha who crashed her her lips on hers for a more passionate kiss. Carol kissed back with eager, wrapping her arms around Natasha to press their bodies together, their closeness never being enough. Natasha was all over her, her soft hands on her cheeks and in the back of her neck, stroking her skin, her warm chest against Carol's, her lips slowly sending her to Heaven.

Only after a long minute, Natasha pulled away, leaning back in for a peck before she pressed her forehead against Carol's, "How did it go?" Natasha asked with her usual husky cracked voice.

Carol sighed and Natasha responded with a gentle nudge, "We've got nothing… every lead we followed were dead ends. If I had known I would have stayed with you."

"We both know that if you'd stayed you'd be full of remorse and mad at yourself. At least you tried, Carol."

"I still want to find him," Carol admitted, finally opening her eyes to find Natasha staring at her, "I could see back there that he knew I was talking about him… but he couldn't remember it, like-"

"You when you came back on Earth, me when I realised I never was a ballerina?" Natasha wondered.

"Exactly… he should have a life, just like we do. He deserves it despite everything he's done."

"You are right," Natasha agreed, "and we will look for him, I promise."

Carol thanked Natasha for understanding with a kiss on her forehead before pulling away to look around at the apartment, "What happened here?"

"Long story short, I can't live here anymore because my covers are blown. My things are at Clint's as well as yours, because your apartment isn't S.H.I.E.L.D's property anymore."

"So basically, we are both homeless."

"Yep! But Tony wants us to move to the tower and I was waiting for your return to make a decision."

"New York, huh! Sounds fun!" Carol said before realising what it would mean, "Wait! Would you be fine to be around him everyday?"

Natasha looked away as she took her time to think, mindlessly tracing circles on Carol's neck, "I can manage, and you won't be far so it should be okay."

Carol found Natasha's turn of phrase weird and needed confirmation, "Why does it sound like you don't want us to live in the same room there?"

"Because I don't want them to know for now. I want this to be just an _us_ thing."

"Maria, Nick and Sam already know."

"Which Maria?" Natasha asked with a laughter.

"Both!"

"Right, well… I know Tony and I know Clint even better; if we tell them now they will be _the_ worst. I really want to enjoy this for a while longer before we decide to tell them."

Carol didn't like secrets, and especially when _she_ had to keep them, but Natasha was right, Tony and Clint would be awful to them 24/7, joking and teasing them and asking uncomfortable questions, "Okay."

"Thank you," Natasha whispered before leaning in for a quick kiss, "can we sit for a minute?" she then asked and nodded at the couch that was covered with a dirty white cloth.

Carol nodded and let Natasha lead her to the couch, the later pulling her by her hand as she sat down and waited for the blonde to do the same. Carol took one more step and sat on Natasha's right, wrapping her arm around her shoulders to pull her closer, "Hey, I wanted to ask you something."

Natasha moved closer, resting her head on Carol's shoulder, "Tell me."

"When we first met, after we captured Loki, I heard you say something in our comms and-"

"Love is for children," Natasha cut off, changing position to look at Carol.

"Yes… Now, I'm wondering what this is," Carol waved at them, "because I know what it is for me."

To her surprise, Natasha smiled, "I didn't know you back then," she told her with a gentle tone, "I didn't think I could feel that way for anyone."

"So you are saying that you were just a baby and now you've grown… now you are a child," Carol joked, her giggle making Natasha's smile even bigger.

"Maybe… or maybe I'm like Benjamin Button and I'm getting younger."

"That would be great considering that I don't age a lot."

"Yeah, about that…" Natasha began, and Carol's grin suddenly disappeared as she felt the shift in the conversation, "There is something I didn't tell you about me, the only thing that wasn't in my file because it was too valuable in Nick's opinion to be known by anybody."

Carol frowned, she didn't know where Natasha was going with this, but the way the redhead was talking intrigued her.

"You read in my file about the ceremony," in the Red Room, when they sterilised her, "well, for me, they added something… They had been experimenting on some of the girls in my year, but we never knew what it was, until it was just me…" Natasha swallowed, trying to hold back her emotions.

To support her, Carol moved closer, took her hands and brought them to her mouth for a soft kiss on each knuckle.

"They made their own version of the super soldier serum, and they gave it to me."

Carol was stunned, she didn't expect to hear that, but after a bit of reflection it made sense. Natasha was strong, extremely strong for a woman like her, and she was very resistant, she could take hits and not flinch, jump from high heights and not get hurts, it was under her nose the whole time and Carol didn't notice. And Zola, he had said something about it, he talked about them as _"_ _two out of time women_ _"_ , it must mean something about Natasha's ageing.

"Unlike what happened to Captain America, it didn't boost everything about me, it was meant not to. They made it to create an army of super soldiers, they wanted strong, agile, unkillable people. It didn't work the way they expected for that last part, and it turns out that it's a good thing for me, because it appears I don't age like a normal human anymore."

"Did you do tests or something?"

"When I joined S.H.I.E.L.D, yes. I told Nick about it and they ran tests. They couldn't tell exactly, but my cells are unlike any human normal cells, they live longer, which means I will too… if I don't get killed first."

"I'm gonna make sure you don't, I promise."

Carefully, Carol freed one of Natasha's hands to slip a strand of her behind her ear and pulled her into a kiss, "Thank you for telling me," she said against her lips as they pulled way and then kissed the tip of her nose, "So we are in this for a long while, huh?"

"Well, your powers will probably keep you alive longer than mine, but yeah, this is gonna be a long ride."

"To be honest, I'm not sure I understand every aspect of my powers anymore. I mean, before that day, I had never done that protecting bubble, I didn't know I could use so much energy at the same time to protect both myself and you."

Natasha seemed confuse, "But I thought the energy was within you and that you controlled it," she asked, putting her hand on Carol's chest, the gesture warming up Carol to her heart.

"It is, that's why I don't understand this power. I shouldn't have be exhausted like this because I used my power."

"Maybe it was a one time thing. We were in danger, you wanted to protect me and you did this thing because it was the only way we could survive," It was a very beautiful way to think about how Carol's powers worked, but the blonde knew it didn't work with feelings, otherwise she would be overpowered all the time, to protect anybody. But, when she thought about it, Carol realised she completely overcame her exhaustion when she saw Natasha bleeding out in Strike's van, "Yeah but when I saw you were injured it was like I suddenly gained all the energy that was out of me in a second, it doesn't make any sense. Why would I be able to do that for you but not for anybody else."

"We'll figure it out, Carol," Natasha assured, her hand slowly reaching Carol's cheek.

Now that Carol was on the subject, she needed to figure it out and continued, "And it can't be a one time thing, that's not how it works. If we ever are in the same situation I should be able to redo it."

"Yeah."

"Do you think I can?" Carol genuinely asked, hoping Natasha would believe in her enough to trust her with her life.

"I don't know, Captain, you tell me," the redhead replied with a smirk before pulling Carol towards her, crashing their lips together.

This could be an expression of trust, but Carol didn't care anymore, she was too busy kissing the most incredible woman of the world, the cutest girl she had ever seen, her girl.

Natasha eventually pulled away with a soft smile on her lips, "You know, I'm glad that you didn't try and undress me the second you saw me."

"Why?" Asked Carol, surprised by such a comment.

"Well, I don't think sex has ever been my thing… because of several reasons… " Natasha said weakly, and Carol finally remembered, how did she even forget this.

Natasha had been taught that sex was a way to get informations out of people, and she was forced to use it that way. They did even worse to her when she was still an innocent child. Carol had read all of it in Natasha's file, and even if at the time she didn't know her, it made her cry her heart out to know that they could be capable of doing that to such a young girl, to so many young girls that they took away from their families.

Natasha had her head down, she was closing herself like she often did when she was sad, "Hey…" Carol whispered, cupping Natasha's cheeks to make her look into her eyes, "It's okay, Natasha, you don't have to talk about it, I understand," she told her before pulling her into her arms.

As much as Carol hated to admit it, Natasha had still so many untreated traumas that they had to take care of, but for this particular one, Carol didn't think she would ever be enough to help her. She could still ask Sam for other support groups that could help for this situation, but she would rather ask Natasha if she would be okay with it first. The redhead didn't like talking about her problems to people she didn't know, therefore she could hate the idea, but Carol felt like she had to at least ask her and see how it'd go, but not now.

What Natasha needed was Carol's support, and the blonde gave it all to her, "I'm here for you. If you ever want to talk about it, or if you don't ever want to, I'll respect your choice and support you," she told her and pulled out of the hug.

Natasha nodded before Carol pressed her lips on her temple, then her cheek and finally sat up.

"So you'd be okay if we… never have sex."

"Yeah…" Carol whispered as she slowly ran her fingertips down Natasha's neck,"you know, in space, I didn't have time for this, the only few times were on Earth, it hasn't happen for a long time and I don't need it."

Natasha leaned in and kissed her, "Thank you."

Carol smiled and pecked her lips as she continued to stroke her fingers on Natasha's skin. She went up, her pointing finger hovering over her chin, then down to collar bone until she noticed a chain she had never seen on the redhead.

It wasn't the arrow necklace she had from Laura last Christmas, Carol was sure of it, and it almost looked familiar to her. She was too curious not to tug the chain and see what it was. When she did, Carol gasped because she hadn't seen this item in over a decade, "That's my dog tag," she mumbled as she looked at the damaged piece of metal, the last syllable not there anymore, "where did you find it?"

Natasha took the hand that was holding the tag in hers, "It was stashed in one of your pillows, I don't know how you slept on it without noticing it was here," she explained before kissing the back of her hand.

Carol chuckled, she knew which pillow Natasha was talking about, "It was Monica's, she used to go everywhere with this pillow as a kid and when she got older she gave it to me for the times I came back. I guess Maria put it there because she knew it'd be safe."

"Well, I still found it," Natasha said proudly, opening Carol's hand and passed her thumb over the letters.

Then, the redhead took the chain with both her hands and was about to take it off when Carol stopped her, "Keep it…" she murmured, taking Natasha's hands off the chain, "It looks good on you, and that way, if I ever have to go somewhere without you, you'll have a part of me."

Natasha silently laugh, and Carol could swear there was a bit of mocking in it, "That's very cheesy but I like it."

After a giggle, Carol leaned in and kissed Natasha, the other woman still laughing against her lips, "You know Maria asked me if we were still good."

"About what?" Carol asked, confused.

"The fact that she knew Nick was alive and didn't tell us," Natasha explained.

"Oh!"

"Apparently she didn't know until after she led us to the room he was, when she left the room, that's when she was told."

Carol let out a sigh by her nose, "I wasn't mad at her anyway."

"Me neither, that's what I told her," Natasha whispered before giving Carol's lips a soft kiss, "We should go to Clint's, tell Tony that we are moving in and pack."

Carol stood up and offered her hand to Natasha, "After you, Miss Romanoff."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of things have been said in this chapter, things important for what's coming. Tell me your thoughts about them in the comments


	21. The tower

Natasha and Carol settled in Clint's house for a few weeks as they organised their move to the Avengers Tower with Tony. He had a quinjet at his disposal, which made it easier for the two women to get their belongings there but it was choosing what would go and what would stay stored in Clint's garage that took some time.

The clothes were basically all coming with them, except a few that they didn't like anymore and gave to a charity, but for the rest, they had to ask Tony how their rooms would be, if they'd have enough space to fit what they wanted to bring.

Maria was the one piloting the jet from New York to Maryland, because she was one of the four people to know about Clint's family and the marksman didn't want anyone else to be aware of it, especially not Tony.

The ex S.H.I.E.L.D agent was now only an Avenger, just like Clint and Natasha who were unemployed and not looking for another job, not that any agency would trust them anyway. But, unlike them, Maria was an employee of Tony, she was paid by him and had specific tasks, when all the others were just coming and going when they wanted and worked on their own things. Maria was the one orchestrating everything for what Carol heard since she came back, and Tony was paying for it.

Carol already knew for what she would use the Avengers' equipment, and that was to find James Barnes, as well as looking for Loki's sceptre and the remaining HYDRA agents like Rumlow and Rollins, but that was everybody's priority. Sam was ready to meet up whenever she'd have infos and would go after him alone this time, he and Carol both knowing that the blonde would be very occupied in New York.

She also knew that Natasha had fears about the Red Room being back again, the redhead had unconsciously told her when she talked in her sleep. Carol didn't mention it though, she was waiting for Natasha to come to her and share her thoughts, knowing that if she did Natasha wouldwithdraw into herself and not talk about the problem at all.

When they arrived at the tower, Carol and Natasha took their belongings to their own room, since they agreed that they would keep their relationship secret for the time being.

Carol went to her room expecting that it would be just like she left it the last time she was there a few months ago but Tony managed to surprise her. Instead of the desk that wasn't of any use for the blonde was a piano with a note on it.

_Pepper told me you could play so I thought you'd like to have one here._

_I might judge you though! My mother was the best pianist ever and I doubt you are half as good as her._

Carol laughed, Tony was probably right, but she would make sure to show him that she quite good herself.

After putting all her clothes in the dressing room, the few pictures and other objects that she brought all around the room, Carol changed into her gym clothes since they had agreed with Natasha that they would go and try the equipment.

Now that she was dressed, Carol went to her bed and let herself fall on it, relaxing as she waited for the redhead to join her in her room.

Not a minute later, she heard the door of her room opening without her permitting it.

"So he did the same for your room," said Natasha as she walked in Carol's direction, wearing a sport bra and yoga pants.

"Did what?" the blonde asked, leaning on her elbows to watch the other woman as she reached her level.

Natasha sat on the bed beside Carol and smiled, "I'm allowed to enter your room whenever I want and you can do the same in mine. I suppose he knows we are close."

"But he doesn't know how close," Carol smirked as she grasped Natasha's waist and pulled her closer to capture her lips.

The redhead giggled as she kissed back and straddled Carol's hips, pushing the woman under her flat on the mattress. Both laughing and smiling, they kissed sloppily, Carol quickly going from Natasha's mouth to her jaw and neck.

Leaving a trail of kisses on her collarbone, Carol noticed the scar Natasha had on her shoulder from the Winter Soldier's bullet, "He really wanted to leave marks on you, didn't he?" she said as she moved the strap of Natasha's sport bra to the side to have an access to it. With her soft lips, she kissed the mark that remained from the wound before Natasha gently cupped her cheeks at make the blonde look at her.

"He also really wanted us to be symmetrical," she whispered as she sat up and one of her hands reached the hem of Carol's tank top and pulled it up, "but yours looks better than mine," she added as she caressed the scar with her pointing finger. With a smirk, Natasha got off of Carol's body in order to have a better access to her belly and leaned over her scar before pressing a gentle kiss on it as she traced the lines of Carol's abs with her fingers.

"You know these are really sexy, right?" she asked and slowly moved, her mouth hovering over Carol's ripped abdominal muscles.

The blonde giggled, watching Natasha kissing each of her abs as she stroked her hand in her red hair, "Your abs are great too," she complimented as she sat up, coming face to face with her lover, "and I'd love to see them in action. Come on, let's go to the gym."

"Wait! I wanted to talk to you about something first."

Carol was intrigued but didn't show it, she just leaned on her hands and observed Natasha as she straddled her lap again. The atmosphere suddenly changed, Natasha was focused, her face emotionless, yet Carol could see in her eyes that a lot was going on inside her head.

"I thought about what you suggested the other time and I think we should try… to help Bruce with the Hulk thing."

Hearing his name, Carol instantly sat up, her hands finding Natasha's to give her some comfort, "Are you sure?" she asked, an ounce of worry hidden in her tone. The redhead simply nodded at first, but it didn't convince Carol, thus she added, "I have to at least try. As you said, he _was_ triggered by something back then when he saw me, so we can try and see if it was just a one time thing or if it can become our way to get him back," with her thumb, Natasha brushed Carol's lips and smiled, "and I know you'll be there the whole time to take care of me if I need you."

It was Carol's turn to smile, it was so brave of Natasha to want to do that, and it could really help the team in case the Hulk would get out of their control. Before, even thinking about it was triggering to her, but now that she was doing better and took the initiative to propose the idea to Carol, "I'm so proud of you," the blonde told her and brought the hand she was holding up to her mouth, softly kissing Natasha's knuckle.

The redhead then freed her hand and pulled Carol into a lingering kiss before pressing their foreheads together, "I couldn't do any of this without you, not like this. If you weren't there I'd be another person, just like I was when we met, but worse. I'd just be a shadow wandering around, doing what I'd be asked to do… You gave me my life back."

"And you gave me a real life. Before you I had never wanted to settle in with someone, but that changed, because I met you, and I want to be where you are."

At these words, Natasha chuckled, "What is happening to us?"

Carol joined her in her amusement, "I don't know," she laughed, "we should go, Tony must be waiting for us to do his tour thing."

With a quick kiss, Natasha agreed and stood up, waiting for Carol to show her the way since she was the one who knew where the gym was.

In the hallway and the elevator, Natasha and Carol were holding hands, but before the doors of the elevator opened Natasha let go of Carol's hand, knowing that Tony was there.

"Ah! Finally!" he exclaimed as they stepped inside, Natasha discovering with wide eyes the gym Tony built for them, "I don't think I need to show you around, you both know how to use these but I wanted to give you this, Cap," Tony said as he handed Carol a couple of keys, "It's for the thing you asked. Since I'm sure only _you_ will use it I thought that only you needed access," he shrugged as he passed by them and entered the elevator, "you two have fun. And welcome home!" he finished as the door closed.

Observing the keys in her hand, Carol could feel Natasha's eyes on her, "What's that _thing_ you asked for?" she demanded, slowly approaching the blonde.

"I think it's better if I show you," Carol replied mysteriously before taking Natasha's hand and pulling her in direction of the room.

She was very nervous about it, she didn't know how it looked like, she just told Tony to make this room a dance studio but he didn't keep her updated about the work in progress.

With her hands lightly shaking, Carol put the keys in the lock and opened the door. She let Natasha go first without taking a glimpse at the inside.

When she did enter, Carol found Natasha dumbstruck, standing still in the middle of the room with her jaw dropped. Carol joined her and wrapped her arms around Natasha's waist from behind, "You like it?" she asked shyly, looking around and discovering herself how great it was.

Natasha opened her mouth to talk but it seems like she couldn't, like the words were dying on her tongue. Her reaction didn't scared Carol, she could tell Natasha wasn't upset by this, she even seemed to like the surprise, that was why she was speechless.

"I… don't even know if I can still dance," she eventually mumbled.

"I'm sure you can," Carol told her as she moved to stand in front of her, "and you can still learn."

"Thank you," Natasha said before stepping into Carol's arms for a quick hug.

Looking around again, Carol noticed something she hadn't seem when she entered, "He put a piano there too!" she exclaimed as she saw it and sat on the stool.

She played a few chords, looking back at Natasha who was walking towards her and sat beside her, "I guess I'll dance on classic music played by you."

"It'd be an honour," Carol replied and leaned in to kiss Natasha's temple.

Natasha moved closer, Carol wrapping her arm around Natasha's waist as Natasha rested her head on her shoulder. Carol continued to play with one hand, chords a thousand times happier than the last she played on that day when she upset Natasha. She knew Natasha was watching her and couldn't fight a small smile as the redhead put her hand on her thigh, mindlessly tracing circles on her skin.

Carol didn't remember the last time she felt so free and happy, she wasn't sure she had ever felt like that at all, but anyway it was something she wanted more in her life, and she also wanted Natasha to experience it.

But deep down, Carol knew that was the hardest part, she knew Natasha was still haunted by so many things that happened in her past and that she couldn't be free until she was healed from everything it brought to her.

When she came back to the US with Sam, he reminded her of the talk they had had about support groups, smartly suggesting that he had figured out that Carol had asked for Natasha and now was the time for her to propose it to the redhead.

"Hey," she began as she stopped playing the piano, "I know you might hate the idea but I think it could help you. I've been talking with Sam about support groups and he said that it was the best way to heal from mental traumas and I agree with him."

Natasha didn't say anything for a moment, she just kept staring at Carol's hand that was now on her lap and drew random lines on her clothed thigh, "Maybe you're right," she finally said, sitting up to look at Carol, "but you know I can't talk to strangers, I just can't."

"I've been thinking about that actually. I thought that we could do something here, just between us, since we've all been through some shit," it was actually Sam's idea, he told Carol that it was easier for people to open up when they trusted the others in the room with them, "Even if we all lived different things, we were still hurt and I think it can be good for all of us to share it."

Natasha sighed, "Who then?"

"Us, Maria, Tony. Maybe Thor and Sam when they can come to New York.

Carol observed Natasha as she thought, her jaw clenched and eyes wandering around. She had high hopes for this because she thought it through. Bruce could've been included, he had a difficult childhood that definitely left its mark on him, but Carol knew that Natasha would immediately say no if she had heard his name.

"I guess we can give it a try," Natasha eventually said, looking at Carol with a half smile, "but I can't promise I will feel comfortable enough to speak."

The fact that she wanted to try was satisfying enough for Carol, "It's okay," she whispered before kissing her temple, "you go at your own pace, just like we did together."

Natasha nodded as she slightly spun on the stool, one of her leg now resting on Carol's lap. The blonde looked down and snicker, knowing exactly what Natasha intended to do. Thus, she let her go for it, at her own pace, always, even if she could have made things go fast by just kissing her.

Her arm still around Natasha's waist, Carol just kept holding Natasha against her body as the other woman stared at her lips, her mouth parted and lips curved into a smile. It amused Carol to see Natasha taking her time, as if she was waiting for something that would prevent them from kissing, as if they were back four months ago and hadn't already kiss. But it was also charming to have Natasha there, being so attracted to Carol and at the same time resisting, trying to escape this magnetic field that was the blonde to her, that Carol didn't mind waiting.

Finally moving, Natasha put her open hand on Carol's chest and pressed their lips together. It was always so soft when Natasha kissed her, she could feel all of her feelings, how much she loved Carol even though she never said it out loud, how anxious she was deep down at the idea of losing her, although Carol would never leave her, she promised herself that they would spend all their days together.

When she broke the kiss, Natasha looked up at Carol's eyes, the latter still smiling, "We should hit the gym now."

Carol locked the door of the dance studio behind them and joined Natasha on the mat. She had not sparred since before she left for the east of Europe and definitely needed to get back to her previous shape. But what she didn't anticipated was that sparring with Natasha now that they were dating would turn them into two young girls bickering more than professional fighters training.

It began with Natasha strapping up Carol's hands. She purposely messed it up, Carol not even reacting to the teasing and letting her redoing it.

During their fight, they ended up in each other's arms most of the time, rolling all over the mat and giggling as one of them intentionally fell and pulled the other with her. Only a few of their exchange of punches were successful and looked like something skilled fighters like them would do.

After this not so exhausting sparring session, Natasha went back to her room to shower, since she didn't want to use the common bathroom Tony had built on this floor, and Carol stayed to lift weight.

She was drained when she went back to her room and for a second she thought she was in Natasha's because she was there, laying on her bed, just relaxing. But she was in fact in the right bedroom, the piano was there.

"Hey there," Natasha greeted, standing up to give a peck to Carol's lips, "damn, you lifted the whole building or what?" she asked, seeing Carol's exhaustion with a closer look.

"You know I can push planets, right?" Carol replied with an amused tone.

"But you have to be all glowing to do that."

Carol nodded, and even this little motion hurt the muscles of her back. Quietly groaning, she rubbed the back of her neck as she sat on her bed.

"You should take a shower."

"I smell _that_ bad, huh?"

Natasha giggled as she sat beside the blonde, "That's not what I said but while you are showering I can get us food and then we'll watch a movie and go to bed. What do you think?"

This idea sounded like perfection to Carol, she would easily get used to this life if her days were always just her and Natasha cuddling in bed, eating or training.

With another nod, she agreed with Natasha's proposition and went to the bathroom, finding the bathtub already filled with bubbly fuming water, low lightening and soft music in the background.

Carol had a hard time believing that Natasha did all this for her, she didn't think it was the kind of attention she would get by dating her, but it was for sure a pleasant surprise.

She didn't waste time and undressed before entering the hot bath, her sore body quickly soothed by the perfect temperature of the water and the chill atmosphere created by the lights and music.

Carol completely lost track of time as she relaxed in the bath. She was **imperturbable,** **even her phone that rang in the other room didn't bother her the slightest.** Only when Natasha came back from the kitchen and put her hand on Carol's shoulder, the blonde opened her eyes and noticed she had been in there for half an hour.

"Food's ready," Natasha told her before leaving her alone in the bathroom.

Carol took her time to exit the bath, put on her robe and dried herself. After putting on her pyjamas, a tank top and shorts, she joined Natasha on the couch of the living area of her room and found various options of snacks on the coffee table, "Didn't know what to take so I robbed the kitchen," Natasha said with a chuckle as she tapped the couch beside her, inviting Carol to lie down.

"Thanks," the blonde replied as she obliged, putting her head on Natasha's chest, "for that and the bath, it's really sweet of you."

Natasha hummed and turned on the television, zapping from channel to channel until she found a movie that seemed decent enough to be watched.

Carol barely paid attention to the movie, nor did she eat enough to be sustained, but she was already very tired and being there with Natasha brought her so much comfort that she fell asleep not twenty minutes after the movie started.

* * *

She should turn the TV off, it was not like she was watching it anyway, but she was too busy staring at Carol fast asleep against her side to even think about finding the remote and switching it off.

Natasha never expressly said it, but Carol was the most attractive woman she had ever seen. Everything about her was perfect, from her long blonde hair to her sharp jaw, from her soft lips to her hazelnut eyes, she was definitely the prettiest person in this world. Natasha felt so lucky to have her, not only because of her beauty, of course, but also and mostly because she was such a nice and caring person, who was doing her best everyday to be what Natasha needed her to be.

Gently caressing the blonde's hair, Natasha just stared at her for the whole duration of the movie after she had fallen asleep and would have kept on doing it if nobody had knocked on the door.

"Jarvis?" demanded Natasha, she needed to know if she could be seen with Carol like they were by the person on the other side of the door.

"It is Maria Hill, Ms. Romanoff," quietly said the AI with its British accent.

"Let her in."

Maria slowly walked in, smirking as she saw the two women cuddled up on the couch and the blonde asleep, "I knew I'd find you here."

Natasha was going to say that it was her room when she remembered they were in Carol's, "So I presume by the two separated room that you guys are keeping it quiet for now."

"You know the boys, Maria. I don't want them to be around us all the time."

"Oh, trust me, I get that," she said a bit too loudly, making Carol stir in her sleep. Natasha glanced at her with a warning look as she kept on stroking her fingers in Carol's hair and Maria mouthed a quick apology before speaking up, "You remember that time when I was dating that medic woman," Natasha nodded, "do you also remember how quickly Clint started to tease me about it?'

That, Natasha remembered perfectly, and at that time she even thanked whoever people believed in for making her like she was, not willing to date anyone, therefore she would never be teased about it by Clint, but she had been very wrong.

"Just tell me when you guys are official, in the meantime I'll just pretend that I'm blind," Maria said as she walked to the door.

Natasha almost threw a cushion at her for implying that they were not discreet but she was actually quite right and the guys of the team were very blind to not see it.

"You didn't come all the way here just to make sure Carol and I were together?" she asked before Maria could leave.

"It can wait, don't worry about it," the dark haired woman told her before stepping out of the room.

With a sigh, Natasha looked down at the sleepy woman laying beside her, "I don't like it when she says that," she mumbled to herself, "last time she did everything went to shit."

Everything being all the things they had to deal with now, searching for Loki's sceptre, the Captain America case, HYDRA, and more.

It was meant to reassure her, but Maria's words did the opposite and now Natasha was seriously anxious, wondering what was the thing Maria would want to talk about to her and Carol.

Of course, Natasha thought it was about the Red Room, she had shared her concerns about them being back to Maria when Carol was gone and still had not told her about it.

It was probably nothing, just her anxiety getting the best of her, but she had been driven by it, by them, since she escaped them. She was sure they were still out there somewhere and wasn't saying it to Carol because there was nothing she could do about it more than just using the resources Maria was already using to try and find them.

And Carol was already dealing with so much of Natasha's traumas, adding this would only add one more burden on her, and Natasha really wanted to be something else than a dead weight for the woman she loved. She was trying, desperately, not to think about the possibility of the Red Room still existing, but there was always something to remind her of it, something to tell her that they left their mark on her and that she would always be haunted by them.

Accepting her broken state, Natasha lied more comfortably on the couch and pulled her girlfriend closer to her. Carol lightly whined in her sleep as the redhead wrapped her arms around her but then sighed satisfyingly against the skin of her chest when she covered their bodies with a blanket.

This was the least Natasha could do, bring a tiny bit of comfort to Carol's everyday life, to thank her for everthing she did for her. It would never match all she already did, but it was something, and Natasha felt like she must thank her, like she must be grateful every minute of every day for all the things Carol had done and would do to make her life slightly less miserable.


	22. Date

Carol woke up with a knot in her stomach. After a couple of weeks of planning, she was finally going to take Natasha out for a date. Their first date.

They never went out before, too busy working on HYDRA, Loki's sceptre, James Barnes… They worked on these cases for a whole month and still had nothing for any of them, except a few HYDRA agents that they arrested.

Seeing that they had nothing to work on for a while, Carol planned a nice evening for her and Natasha, nothing out of the extraordinary, they were just going at a restaurant, but the fact that it was their first date put some pressure on the blonde's shoulders.

As usual, she was the first to wake up, thus she stared at Natasha, who had had quite a calm night. Since they moved to the tower, her nights had been agitated. At first, Natasha pretended it was the change, the new bed, but she was talking in her sleep, and it was always the same, _them._

Carol could barely understand anything of the few words Natasha was saying when she had nightmares, and it was not because she wasn't enunciating them clearly enough. She was talking in Russian. Carol's few Russian lessons were way too far in her life for her to remember a lot of it, but she recognised it.

In a conscious state, Natasha had never spoke Russian in front of Carol, she might have spoken Russian a few times since she ran away from them, but considering her screams of terror that went along with the foreign language, it had to mean her nightmares were about her past, when she did use it.

But, just like when they were at Clint's, Natasha wasn't talking about it to Carol, as hard as the blonde tried to make her, so she didn't know how to help except by always being there in case she needed her.

Unfortunately, it started to affect the way she was during the day too, three weeks after they moved in. They had been trying to organise one of those support group meeting with Tony, Maria and Sam when Natasha totally cancelled the whole thing, saying she didn't need it. Same for the idea of working with Bruce, Carol had proposed the idea to the scientist and Tony – who were both very excited about it considering that what they had set up was expansive and could be as destructive as the Hulk himself – but Natasha said that she was not ready for it in the end.

After a lot of time thinking about the date idea, Carol had asked Maria, and the brunette really helped, encouraged her to take her out, away from all the stress Natasha was facing everyday at the tower. She also gave Carol one of her dress, that she didn't remember buying apparently, for her to look gorgeous for the redhead. Carol wasn't usually the type of woman thatwore dresses, but this one fitted her perfectly. It was simple, black, form-hugging but not too vulgar, and the only pair of heels she owned matched it as if it had been made for it.

Today was finally the day she was taking Natasha out and as she watched the smaller woman slowly waking up, Carol prepared her words in her head.

"Hey baby," she began with a kiss on Natasha's cheek.

Giggling, Natasha rolled on her back, "hey," she said with her most genuine smile before cupping Carol's cheek to pull her into a kiss.

Carol felt Natasha's smile against her lips, and she knew exactly why she was so happy.

The pet name, _baby_ , she loved it, even thought she would never admit it. The first time Carol called her that way, it was an accident, she had not think of it and it just escaped her mouth, but the redhead didn't say anything about it. Then, she called her that way a few other times, testing the terrain, and Natasha still didn't seem to be bothered, so she kept it. Of course, when they were with the other Avengers – even if it was just Maria who knew about them – she didn't call her _baby_ , but in private it happened a lot.

"Slept well?" Natasha asked as she stroked her thumb on Carol's cheek.

"Always when I'm with you."

It was true, Carol didn't have nightmares when she and Natasha were in the same bed. Some times, when they each slept in their own rooms, it could happen that she had dreams of her time back on Hala, but it was pretty rare.

Leaning in to kiss Carol, Natasha pushed her flat on the mattress before getting out of bed, "I have no time for your need of attention, I have things to do with Maria and I believe you have some bad guys to catch."

Carol watched Natasha as she took her – Carol's – T-shirt off and put on another one, "They don't need me, I could stay in bed all day but it's no fun if there's nobody to cuddle with."

"Don't know who's that person you cuddle with is but they are lucky," Natasha said as she walked towards the exit of the room, smirking like she usually did when she was teasing Carol, "You'll join me in my room tonight?" she asked as she stopped at the door.

"Actually I have something planned for tonight."

Natasha was surprised, "Oh?"

Carol smirked, her plan worked perfectly, "Yeah," she began as she got out of bed and joined Natasha at the door, "see, there's this girl I really like at work and I thought I could take her out for dinner. If she is interested, of course."

Biting her bottom lip, Natasha leaned against the door frame and took Carol's hands, "Dinner huh? She is a lucky girl."

"It's nothing much, but yeah, she is."

Natasha tugged Carol by the hands and brought their lips together, "I'll meet you in the lobby then," she whispered before finally leaving Carol's bedroom.

For the rest of the morning, Carol couldn't stop grinning. She went upstairs to eat breakfast and smiled at her cup of tea the whole time, not even caring that both Bruce and Maria saw her being a happy idiot alone. Later, when she, Tony and Clint ran after HYDRA thugs, she chased them with a smile on her lips, as if she was enjoying it, when really she wished she was with Natasha at the tower.

Back there then, she went to the gym for her daily training and ran into the redhead who had just finished her dance session. They didn't talk, only shared a glance as Carol entered the gym and Natasha got in the elevator, but their eyes were enough to show their excitement for the date scheduled later on the day.

Her session at the gym done, it was time for Carol to go to her room and get ready for dinner.

She started to feel very nervous as she passed her door, as if it was an actual first date with someone she barely knew. But it wasn't the case, she knew Natasha by heart and knew she would love the place, therefore she forced herself to relax as she showered and thought about something else.

Putting make up on and doing her hair took more time than anticipated, and Carol realised as she dressed that she was running late. She didn't tell Natasha when they should meet up, but since they moved in New York they often ate at eight and the redhead surely guessed that Carol reserved the restaurant at that time.

Finally dressed, Carol took one last look at herself in the mirror, concluding that she looked handsome, and walked fast to the elevator.

She didn't even try to knock at Natasha's door, she could feel that the other woman was already waiting for her, and she was right.

Saying that Natasha was gorgeous would be an understatement, she was the most beautiful woman Carol had seen in the entire universe. Dumbstruck by Natasha and her red dress, the door of the elevator closed before Carol could step out of it to join her. She laughed at herself as she pressed the button to get the door open again and finally walked in direction of her girlfriend.

"Natasha, I can't even find words to express how good you look right now."

The smaller woman lightly chuckled, as if she didn't believe what Carol said, "When I see you like that I'm really glad I made an effort to look acceptable."

Carol shook her head as she approached Natasha, "No, you are not acceptable," she said as she put her hands on Natasha's waist, "you are perfect," she added before kissing her lips.

"Well! You both look lovely tonight."

They shared a glance as they broke apart, and then realised who had just entered the lobby.

"I have to admit, I didn't know you were together but I definitely could feel the attraction," Pepper told them as she walked at there level, "glad to see you changed your mind about the whole dating thing, Natasha."

Pepper knew about Natasha's feelings, Carol noted. She thought the redhead only talked to Maria about them before their first kiss, but it seemed that she had been wrong. It was a good thing though, because Carol knew that Natasha didn't feel like sharing her life to others, even the ones she trusted, even more when it came to things so personal, and the fact that she told Pepper meant to she was doing better, or at least back then she was.

A silence filled the room as both Carol and Natasha didn't know what to say.

Hopefully for them, Pepper was busy and had to leave, "Well, I have to meet my own man for dinner. You two have fun," Pepper said with a wink before heading to the elevator.

They thanked her quickly before Carol turned to Natasha, "Shall we?" she asked as she offered her arm to the redhead.

A car was already waiting for them, compliment of Maria and the fact that she controlled basically everything at the tower. Natasha didn't seem so surprise by it, as if Carol organising a date meant she would obviously make it extraordinary and perfect. It was her goal, but achieving it would be a difficult task.

The ride to the restaurant was fast, ten minutes at best, Carol even recognised the surrounding yet she had not explore New York a lot despite for the block around the tower.

Stepping inside, they were both in shock by the beauty of the place. It was surely the most romantic place Maria could have suggested, chandeliers at the ceiling, candles and bouquets of roses on the table, white tablecloth, making it all look pure and light.

"Wow, Carol!" Natasha exclaimed as a waitress led them to their table, "how did you know this place?"

Carol thanked the waitress before answering mysteriously, "I know people, and they know great places."

Natasha smirked, "Well, you'll thank them for me."

Carol ordered champagne with the first course for them to drink to their relationship and their love, even if she didn't say it like that. It was simpler, "to the first of our numerous dates to come."

As the waited for their plates to arrive, Carol felt like she had to mention something she noted earlier, "So, Pepper knew?"

Natasha didn't see the question coming, her eyes avoiding Carol's as she cleared her throat, "Um, yeah…" she began and took another sip of champagne, "the first time we came here we talked and she asked if we were dating."

That was at the time of the beginning of her crush for Natasha, and at the time Carol didn't think the redhead reciprocated it, "She thought we were dating back then? It was more than a year ago, I didn't think you had feelings for me at the time."

"Well, I did…" Natasha said as her cheeks blushed but she finally gazed into Carol's hazelnut one. The blonde smiled childishly, realising that they had both been clueless about the other's feelings.

"So she knows we are together now…"

"She won't tell Tony, if that's what you're worried about," immediately clarified, it sounded like she was more trying to convince herself than Carol, "I'm not, I trust Pepper to keep it for herself."

The dinner continued with the main course and Carol talking about work, the people she arrested during the day with Clint and Tony. When she asked was Natasha did during her day, the redhead was evasive, she said she looked for more vanished HYDRA agents when earlier in the morning she had told Carol she would work with Maria on some "things". As the dinner went, Carol noticed that Natasha wasn't really there anymore, she was barely talking, half listening and didn't even finish her meal.

Worried, Carol couldn't wait until they would get back at the tower to ask, "Baby, tell me what's going on, please. I can see something is wrong."

Natasha shook her head, as if she was amused that Carol saw so quickly that she wasn't all right, "I've been working with Maria for a few weeks, while y'all were catching bad guys. I'm not sure yet but um…" she looked up at Carol, and at this instant she understood what it was about, "I think they are back… or they were always there, I'm not sure about that yet. But anyway, it's kinda on my mind all the time."

Carol couldn't believe her girlfriend didn't share it with her. It explained a lot, the nightmares, the changes of mood, "Natasha-" she cried, wanting to say more but the redhead already knew what to tell her, "And I didn't tell you because you had already a lot on your side, all the arrests and Barnes, I didn't want to add my thing."

"Baby, you have to tell me things like this," Carol said as she leaned on the table and took Natasha's hand, "I saw you were not doing fine, but you were not talking to me about anything that was bothering you so I thought I was misreading you."

"You shouldn't have to deal with my shit all the time, Carol."

"But I promised you I would. I promised I'd be the person who would help you with your problems, let me help you," Carol begged, tears in her eyes as she brought Natasha's hand to her mouth.

Natasha was as emotional as Carol, but also touched that she would devote so much time of her life for her, "Okay," she eventually whispered and cupped Carol's cheek, the latter kissing the inside of her hand before letting it go.

The rest of the dinner was quieter, filled with soft staring, hand holding and little talks about anything but work.

They went back to the tower on foot, enjoying the streets slightly calmer of New York at this moment of the day. Their stroll ended in front of Natasha's bedroom door, where Carol always waited for the smaller woman to invite her in.

But, to her surprise, she didn't, "I feel like sleeping alone tonight, Carol."

Carol was taken aback, she didn't know what to say, "O-okay…" she stammered, not understanding what happened between their walk and now.

"I don't know," the redhead sighed, stepping closer to Carol, "you didn't do anything wrong if that's what you're thinking. I just wanna be alone."

"Can I at least sleep in your room, on the couch?" she didn't think before asking, it just felt right. It was a weird impression, but Carol knew it in her gut that she had to be in Natasha's room for the night.

Natasha didn't reply, instead she tugged Carol inside as she softly smiled.

"Wait! I'm gonna take this off in my room and then I'll join you."

* * *

It was late, Natasha wasn't in a happy mood, she wanted to be alone, but she didn't feel like telling Carol to fuck off either. And her poor girlfriend didn't deserve a harsh _no,_ she had been the nicest all night, so Natasha accepted to let her sleep on her couch.

She was glad the blonde had to go to her room first, though, it gave her a bit of time on her own to get ready to bed.

Natasha wasn't sick of Carol, she absolutely wasn't, but some times she just wanted to be alone. Usually, Carol respected it, but it seemed that tonight was an exception. The redhead couldn't be mad at her for that, she also had needs, and being with Natasha was one of them. She knew Carol slept well with her, better than when she was alone, and that was why she let her stay, maybe being in the same room as her would be enough for Carol to have a restful sleep.

In her bathroom, Natasha took her dress off as well as her heels and jewellery, but kept the metal chain with Carol's dog tag. She never took it off, since the day she found it in the pillow, it was always hanging on her neck, often hidden under her shirt so the others didn't notice it.

Staring at the engraved letters, Natasha wonder how it must have felt to find this tag and nothing else of Carol on that lake side. A nightmare, was her first guess, like dying was her second. Just thinking about losing Carol made Natasha sick in her stomach, it wasn't something she would allow, never. She loved her so much, she couldn't see her die. It was very selfish, but Natasha hoped she would be the first one to die, she probably would anyway, she wasn't ageing fast but it was still faster than Carol.

"You okay in there?" asked Carol, leaning against the door frame in her pyjamas.

Natasha looked at her in the mirror, letting the dog tag fall on her chest, "Yeah, just got lost in my thoughts," she said with a forced chuckle that didn't dupe Carol at all.

"What's going on, Natasha?" she asked as she approached the redhead, gently pulling her against her chest as she wrapped her arms around her waist.

"Do you think we will ever have a normal life?"

Carol was surprised by the question, Natasha could tell she was by the way she tried to hide it, giving her temple a lingering kiss, "do you want to?" she eventually asked, looking right at Natasha while the smaller woman kept staring at the mirror, "I do…" she whispered and looked down at her hands on Carol's, "I want a family, a house, like Clint has."

"Then we will," Carol instantly replied, "whenever you are done being a hero, we stop it all and settle down. I promise."

Natasha wanted to argue, to remind Carol that she couldn't have kids, but she was too tired.

Another kiss, this time on her cheek, interrupted her trail of thoughts, "Let's go to bed, okay?" Carol said in a soft tone.

Natasha turned in her arms as she held a laughter, "You remember you are sleeping on the couch tonight, right?"

"Mh-mm," she nodded, "but we still have to go."

Natasha pecked her lips before leaving the bathroom, Carol closely following her until they reached the bed.

With both her hands, Carol gently cupped Natasha's cheeks, "Goodnight," she whispered before kissing her tenderly, "goodnight Carol," Natasha said as they pulled away.

She watched her girlfriend going to the living area, three stairs down in her room, before lying down in her bed. Carol laid so she could see the redhead from the other side of the room, and waved at her when she realised the other woman was still staring at her.

She giggled, of course she did, it was Carol after all. This sound was one of Natasha's favourite, it always made her smile, made her forget all the bad for a couple of seconds.

Natasha forced herself to think about the good as she tried to fall asleep, but it was hard, the bad was there, waiting for the good moment to remind her of its presence but she wanted to fight it, she wanted to have a good night of sleep for once, in the comfort of her bed in the tower with her girlfriend not far.

She was a fool.

_She was tied at her bed, chains around her wrists and ankles, preventing her to move, to lay comfortably. They were all like that, sleeping horribly with these heavy chains, and none of them said a word, knowing what the consequences would be._

_They all fell asleep at some point, the fatigue helping to forget the discomfort. And, as usual, in the end it was only Natasha and the girl on the bunk above her who were still awake, incapable of finding Morpheus._

_Yelena, she was a few years younger than Natasha. They weren't training together, which was good because Natasha really didn't want to kill her. Since they had been put in the same dormitory, they had been chatting together using Morse code, tapping their fingertips on the metal of the beds. It wasn't simple, it was a long process, but they got to know each other quite well._

_She knew Yelena was funny, she had a witty humour despite her young age and it often cost them to be punished because Natasha couldn't hold her laughters. She was also a very skilled fighter, maybe better than Natasha would ever be, but she hid it or they would make her fight more to try and break her, they would break her._

_That was the mistake Natasha made, she showed too quickly that she was good, and now she was paying the price of it. She was fighting almost everyday, they were draining her from all her strengths before throwing her in a one versus two fight but she was still better and won them._

_But this afternoon she lost, on purpose, and Madam B realised it. Of course she realised it, how could Natasha be so stupid, it was impossible to play this woman._

_So this evening, as a punishment for her attempt at cheating, Natasha had been whipped, and she didn't get to eat. Her stomach was aching and grumbling and Yelena noticed. In Morse code, she asked if Natasha was okay, but the redhead didn't feel to tell her everything that happened in the day, it would take too long, thus she lied, said it was nothing._

_But Yelena wasn't an idiot, she knew Natasha well and tried to look at her. Of course, with the chains, she couldn't, and because she was stubborn and wanted to know, she asked. Out loud. "What happened?", she said, and ten seconds later a guard was at her level and punched her in the face before uncuffing her and took her out of the dormitory._

_Natasha wanted to scream, to go after them but she was stuck, and she couldn't endure torture and brainwashing tonight. She was so tired, she wished she could get killed in her next fight, but at the same time there was this voice in her head telling her to hold on, that one day she would get away and be free._

_She would never be free, she would never be safe. How could she escape? She was tied at her bed, it was impossible for her to take the chains off and even if she could there were dozens of armed men watching her, watching them all._

_She wouldn't make it alive, she would die here. Maybe in a fight, or maybe in this bed._

But she was in her room, in the tower, she just had a nightmare. She was safe. Carol was not far away, still asleep on the couch, apparently Natasha's stirs and whimpers in her sleep not loud enough to awake her.

She was safe.

But they were still there, in the corner of her mind, taunting her, controlling her entire life.

Natasha could feel her breathing speeding up, the droplets of sweat on her temples and in the back of her neck, but she could not move. She was so tired of all this, the nightmares, the anxiety that accompanied her everyday. Even in her best moments, when she thought she was okay, there was always something, just a little thing, that reminded her of the Red Room, and that she was not safe, that she would never be safe.

Desperately, she called out for Carol, but between her twisted throat and her short breathing, the name of the woman she loved sounded like a choking sound.

She was alone, even with the blonde not far.

Trying to relax, Natasha threw her head back in her pillow and did the breathing exercise Carol told her about.

Inhale for eight seconds, hold her breath for four and exhale for six. It worked every time, and it was working again.

It was hard, but Natasha managed to think about something else than her persecutors. And what better memories than some moments she spent with Carol, back before they were even dating.

She remembered Thanksgiving, how good the blonde looked that night, how much fun they had. Then, she thought about Carol surprise visit for Christmas and the amazing afternoon they spent with Clint's kids, playing with them while the Bartons were taking some time for themselves. She could recall very distinctively the morning at Carol's best friend's house, and how many opportunities she had had to kiss her, but didn't, because none of them felt right.

And their first kiss, that she would always remember.

Even if it happened in public, while they were running away from HYDRA, there was nothing Natasha wanted to change about it. The way Carol reacted, how she pulled her closer and kissed back, it confirmed her that the blonde had wanted the same for so long, but never dare to do the first step.

If she was being honest, Natasha was glad that Carol didn't kiss her before, that she let her go at her own pace. She suspected that the Captain did it on purpose, she was well aware of Natasha's psychological state, and therefore that adding a romantic relationship in her life could be a burden too heavy to carry. But since that moment in the mall, Natasha realised she was ready, she had always been but was scared of what being in a relationship would mean. She didn't expect it to be so wholesome all the time, she didn't think Carol could be perfect every time they were together, but she was. She knew Natasha so well, knew when to push her and when to stop, when to take her in her arms and when to leave her alone.

It had been five months since their first kiss and every moment they spent together were good, not perfect because there were outside factors affecting their relationship, but the blonde herself never did anything wrong since this kiss.

Just a few hours earlier, she insisted to sleep in Natasha's room, even if the redhead had asked to be alone, she felt that she had to stay close and had been right.

Her breathing back to normal, Natasha was very grateful that she didn't have to exit her bedroom to join her girlfriend. She got out of her bed and walked to the couch, Jarvis turning on a light-night as it detected Natasha walking.

Bending down beside the couch, Natasha couldn't stop herself from grinning as her eyes fell on Carol's features. She was so adorable when she was asleep, Natasha wanted to kiss every ounce of her cheeks and forehead. And she didn't resist the urge to do so. Lightly stroking her hair, Natasha leaned in and pressed her lips on Carol's forehead, the touch gentle but enough to wake her up.

Carol frowned before rubbing her eyes, the redhead still crouching next to her with her fingers in her blonde hair, "Hey," she whispered as Carol sat up.

"You okay, baby?"

This nickname, so common yet so appreciated by the spy. Carol started to call her like that a few weeks ago, at first shyly, but as she saw that Natasha didn't mind, she kept on calling her that way, and it softened Natasha's heart even more every time.

Natasha sat on the couch, facing Carol, "I had a nightmare," she muttered, looking down at her hands fidgeting with Carol's top, "Kinda had a panic attack, too," she confessed, even if she knew it would make Carol feel bad about not having been there to help her.

To her surprise, Carol didn't say anything about it, but she could read it in her eyes, she felt guilty and sorry and worried. She just pulled her into her arms and held her like Natasha loved to be held, not too tight so she didn't feel oppressed and could breathe correctly but they were still so close that Natasha felt Carol all over her body.

"How you feelin' now?" Carol asked before giving Natasha's temple a long kiss.

The spy didn't answer right away, she didn't really know how she was feeling and she didn't want to lie. They didn't lie to each other, not anymore, not since that mission.

"I don't know…" she eventually said, "I'm just very tired, you know…"

"I know, baby," Carol whispered as she pulled Natasha in her arms again.

If she could, Natasha would stay there with Carol forever. It was just them, loving and taking care of each other, or rather Carol taking care of Natasha and the redhead doing her best to be half as good to Carol as she was to her.

"Come with me," Carol suddenly said and stood up, pulling Natasha by the hand.

Natasha quickly let go of Carol's hand and watched the other woman running inside the bathroom. She followed her from afar before sitting at the edge of the bed, wondering what she was going to take and bring to her.

A minute later, Carol's head stuck out of the door, "Take these off," she ordered, pointing at Natasha's clothes.

At first, Natasha thought she misheard her, but the blonde kept glaring at her clothes. Sceptically, Natasha stood up and licked her lips, "You know, if you want to see me naked you'll-"

"You wanna be dressed in a bath?" Carol cut her off, "that's your choice, but it's kinda weird," she added with a shrug.

"Carol, it's 4.30 and I'm very tired," Natasha pointed out.

Carol walked out of the bathroom and joined Natasha at the bed. As she reached her level, she took her hands and gently pulled her forward, "Do you trust me?" she asked softly, the corner of her lips curved into a smile.

Natasha stopped but kept Carol's hands in hers, "You know I do," she whispered as she took a step forward to kiss Carol's lips.

As they pulled away, Natasha caught the smirk on Carol's face but she couldn't talk before the blonde did, "Then take your clothes off and get your ass in the bathroom."

Again, Carol ran inside the bathroom, giggling like a little girl, and Natasha could tell that she would already be in the bathtub when she'd make it inside.

And she was very much right. Carol was in the water, her bare body partially concealed by bubbles.

Natasha didn't understand how someone could be so happy about taking a bath at this time of the night but it was Carol, this woman was like no one else, and that was why Natasha loved her.

But even if she saw Carol's happiness radiating, Natasha was still not very enthusiastic by the idea, and Carol knew it, "Come on, it'll make you feel better," she told her as she tied her hair in a messy bun.

"Don't know about that," Natasha muttered to herself as she took her tank top off.

It was hard to miss Carol's gaze on her as she undressed, the other woman wasn't trying to hide, and for some reason it didn't make her feel uncomfortable to know that a pair of eyes was looking at her. Usually, Natasha hated when someone could see a part of her body that she didn't want to show, whether it was a man or a woman, a stranger or a friend. She wanted to be in control of who could see her and what they could see, but she didn't mind Carol seeing her naked at four in the morning.

All her clothes finally taken off, Natasha entered the bath and sat in between Carol's legs, the other woman wrapping an arm around her shoulders to pull her against her chest.

The bathtub was so big that they fitted easily in it. After a few second of adjusting, Natasha found the right position and let herself relax against Carol's body, the latter now holding her with both her arms. It was actually really nice to be there, just her and Carol, being in the blonde's arms with nothing but the few noises of water filling the air.

After a soft kiss on Natasha's temple, Carol broke the silence, "Wanna talk about your nightmare?"

Natasha sighed, she didn't want to think about it. She had the same dreams, a pattern that repeated itself every few weeks. It was already there for half of her day, she didn't want to give it more importance when she was awake, "It's the same old shit, you've heard about it more than you could count."

Carol kissed Natasha's shoulder, "Okay."

"But talk to me please…" Natasha said suddenly, trying to look behind her to see her lover's face, "about anything, really. I wanna get them out of my mind."

Carol nodded before slightly sitting up. Talking was something she could do, they both knew it, but she needed to be in the right conditions to do so, and she had to find the right story.

It took her a couple of minutes until she finally began a story telling about how she and her friend Soren loved to prank Soren's husband Talos. Natasha had heard of them a few times, they were the only people from space that Carol liked, the Skrulls. They were one of the reasons she discovered she was actually human after spending six years with the Kree, they were one of the reasons Carol was now here in this very bathtub with Natasha.

Carol's stories all felt like they were taken from sci-fi movies, but there was always one detail that she could not make up, one detail that reminded Natasha that all of this was real, that Carol could fly around the galaxies, meet extra-terrestrial civilisations, see other unimaginable landscapes on foreign planets. But every time, Carol said that Earth was her favourite place, that despite the people that were quite intolerant, some were decent, and other, well, a few people were worth the effort.

Natasha loved how she said it, it was a smart way to tell her that she would do anything for her, even if Natasha knew wasn't the only person worth Carol's time.

Maria and Monica were too, but she had not heard of them for a while. Carol didn't talk about them, since that day in Louisiana when she told Natasha that Maria said she should let them go and live her life with the Avengers. The redhead didn't know if Carol was still talking to her best friend, she hadn't heard her call Maria nor saw her sending any text and didn't feel like asking. If, like she supposed, they were not talking, it would just hurt the blonde to think about her best friend, and if they were, she would tell Natasha one day.

Between her thoughts and Carol's stories, Natasha didn't notice how fast the time passed until Carol stepped out of the bathtub, "We should go back to bed," she said as she put on a bath robe.

Natasha stayed in the now-tepid water, thinking about their options as she looked at the time, "Carol, it's almost 6 AM, we might as well get up and work," she concluded.

Carol laughed quietly, she didn't seem to agree, "Everything we are working on is at a standstill, which means we can go back to bed and get more rest, and then breakfast in bed maybe?" she finished her sentence with a smirk, well aware that breakfast in bed was Natasha's weak point.

Natasha shook her head as she chuckled, Carol really knew her perfectly, she knew what to say to please her, "When you say it like that I really wanna get back there."

"Then come with me," Carol told her as she took Natasha's dressing gown and waited for her to put it on.

Hair still wet, Natasha went back to bed, Carol with her this time, and, soothed by the presence of the blonde, fell asleep so quickly that she barely remembered getting to bed when she woke up later in the morning. She got her breakfast in bed as promised, scrambled egg, bacon, yoghurt and tea, and they spent most of the rest of the morning in bed, getting up only because they had to make an appearance to show their friends they were alive.

Then, they went to work, even if they didn't have a lot to do, but staying busy was really helping Natasha forgetting about the Red Room still recruiting girls and chasing her.


	23. A low

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw mention of suicide and self harm, drinking  
> There is no way to skip it, it’s just mentions of it, not descriptions but I rather put the warning in case one needs it
> 
> I listened to Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift while writing this chapter and I think it's the right song for the whole atmosphere of it so you might want to listen to it too while reading:  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/0z9UVN8VBHJ9HdfYsOuuNf?si=mPiFqltsTzGCNhtcyuHOiw

Today was going to be an amazing day that Carol would spend, for the majority of it, with Tony.

The previous day, while she was eating dinner with Natasha and Maria, the Iron Man came to her and said that he would need her for a _thing_. She didn't get any more informations from him, nor from the other women around the table who had no idea what it was about.

It couldn't be a birthday present, Carol's had been a few months ago, therefore she really didn't know what to expect from it but she was excited by the unknown that this day was keeping.

And, oh could she have been more right about it, and wrong at the same time.

This morning when she woke up in Natasha's room, she did her best not to awake her, but it was like the redhead could feel even the smallest movement and she opened her sleepy eyes the second Carol got out of bed. Carol apologised for disturbing her sleep with a kiss on her forehead and told her to go back to sleep before getting out of the room.

Since Tony didn't tell her where they would meet but only when, Carol went to the kitchen to make herself some tea and was surprised by the man she was waiting for, "Is that for you or for Romanoff?"

Carol looked back at him, misunderstanding filling her eyes. And then she thought, did Pepper told him about her and Natasha? Did he know they were dating?

"What?" she eventually muttered.

"I mean, you guys are like besties, right," he began as he walked in her direction, stopping at her level, "so I thought you would bring her tea before coming with me, since she loves tea."

Right, _besties_ , was what Carol thought first, _besties_ was definitely not it, "It's for me actually. We talked late last night, she is probably still in bed."

The truth was that she _knew_ Natasha was still in bed but saying that would basically be like telling him they were dating.

"Okay then, if you have nobody to supply in tea, we can go."

Carol nodded and followed him as he walked to the elevator. She expected them to go down, but Tony surprised her by pressing the up button, to the last floor, that led to the roof. She had never been there, not that there was anything to see from what she heard of it, but she supposed the view was nice.

As they reached the end of their ride, Tony put his sunglasses on, odd considering that the sun had barely rose yet. But when he spoke up and it wasn't to Carol, she remembered that he could control his suit via his sunglasses, that were a more complicated device than normal ones.

"So, Captain. We've been working together for a few months, right? And during those months I couldn't stop but notice this old suit of yours," he enunciated and Carol's suit on a mannequin appeared from the floor behind him.

"How did you-"

"It's a nice suit, I'll be honest, but I think you deserve better."

If she wasn't so intrigued by how he got a hold of her suit that was in her bedroom, Carol would have figured out what was about to happen.

"So I thought, 'Tony, you _have_ to help your Captain out and make something better. Use all those sleepless nights not only for yourself, but also for others', and I made this."

It was surely Carols most embarrassing scream of joy that came out of her mouth, but they were alone on the roof so she didn't care. Tony made her a brand new suit, with colours similar as the ones she chose so many years ago with Monica, with a slightly different shaped star, but the differences didn't matter, it was the coolest thing Carol had seen. On the shoulders were small 'A's, for the Avengers and the helmet seemed lighter. She inspected it from every angles, discovering more and more details that made her grin bigger each time.

"There are a few things I still have to work on, like your system to breathe under water but for that I needed your suit to work from it and Pepper only got it from your room yesterday."

Carol rolled her eyes, "You had your girlfriend stealing my suit from my room, I'm impressed."

"I figured you'd rather have Pepper sneaking in your room than me," he argued.

"Well, true."

"Right, so now do you want to get out there and try it?"

Carol didn't even bother to reply, she just took the suit off the mannequin and put it on above her yoga pants and tank top. Meanwhile, Tony discussed with Jarvis to get his own suit so they would go fly together, but somehow the conversation lasted so long that Carol was done before them.

"A problem with your bot?"

Tony shook his head, "Nope, it's fine."

"Man, it seemed like you were fighting with it."

"Well, you'll soon understand why because I equipped _your_ suit of Jarvis."

_"_ _Hello, Miss Danvers!_ " said the AI in her earpiece.

"Morning Jarvis," she greeted as she walked to the edge of the building, "I feel like this day is gonna be good, what do you think?" she asked and jumped into the void.

" _The weather isn't saying otherwise._ "

They spent most of the day flying around New York together, only taking a quick break to eat lunch and even that they did on the roof to be closer to go back in the air. Carol tried all the options of her new suit, the one that were already in her old Kree one, and others that Tony added, like the AI Jarvis or a system that would detect her injuries. For that one, Tony had to blast her while she was not in her binary form for it to hurt her, and she barely felt it, as the program detected she wouldn't even have a bruise for it.

Only late after dinner time, they went back inside and took their suits off, Tony taking Carol's back to work on the last few functionalities that he hadn't added yet. Before she left, he also told her that he had been working on a suit for Natasha but she had to keep it a secret because it would be her birthday present.

Carol went back down stairs, super excited to tell Natasha about this day – except the birthday present thing – and was also dying to know what her girlfriend did during her day since she hadn't heard of her.

She entered Natasha's room with the biggest smile on her face and glimpsed the body of the redhead on her bed, "Hey! What have you been doing all day?" she asked joyfully as she stepped further into the room.

But her smile quickly disappeared, and she didn't need an answer, the three empty bottles of wine and the fourth that was started on in Natasha's hand were saying plenty. Natasha barely acknowledge her presence, she didn't look alive at all, the only thing she was doing was taking an automatically sip straight from the bottle every few seconds, and even for that she was struggling.

"Okay. I think you've had enough for today," Carol told her as she took the bottle from Natasha's hand, the latter too drunk to catch her and get the bottle back.

Natasha groaned but Carol ignored it, she wasn't going to let her girlfriend get wasted, whatever was the reason why she decided to stay in her room and drink for the entire day. She put the bottle away before going back to Natasha to see how bad it was.

The redhead was sitting on her bed, arm crossed and pouting like a child. She seemed okay at first but when Carol asked her to get up to take a shower Natasha almost fell off the bed as she sat on the edge of the mattress and she didn't manage to stand up.

"Christ, the state of you," Carol mumbled as she helped Natasha on her feet, almost supporting her whole weight for them to get to the bathroom, "I can't spend a day on my own I guess," she said to herself but the redhead was still listening and took it badly.

"I never asked you to take care of me, you can just go."

Carol wanted to snap at her, but it was Natasha, she couldn't, she didn't deserve that, "Next time you feel so bad that you wanna get drunk, tell me and I'll cancel my thing."

Natasha was in the bathtub, fully clothed but at least she made it without an incident. She rubbed her forehead as Carol tried to take her clothes off, but she didn't let her, "I didn't want to get drunk I wanted to die…" she muttered, and Carol thought that she misheard her, "but I'm pretty sure you wouldn't let me do that either."

"Say-say that again," Carol stammered, this time hoping she heard her wrong.

Natasha clenched her jaw before glaring at Carol's saddened eyes, "You've heard what I said," she affirmed, crossing her arms again to prevent Carol from taking her t-shirt off.

"And since when is that a thing?" she asked and opened the tap, knowing that Natasha would get her clothes off by herself if the water was threatening to wet them.

And she did, not without an annoyed sigh but at least she was naked and Carol could wash her. She was upset, Carol could tell, but it wasn't only because she was forced to shower, there was something else. As Natasha tucked her knees under her chin, Carol decided that the talk could wait until the end of the shower, especially because the redhead would be more relaxed after it.

With the shower head, Carol poured hot water on Natasha's red hair to wash it first. Natasha didn't move, she was staring at the water running from the tap and had probably forgotten the question Carol asked her.

When her hair was clean, Carol thought her girlfriend might enjoy a massage. She sat on the ledge of the bathtub and, from that weird angle, rubbed Natasha's hairline, temple and scalp. Natasha quickly expressed how she liked it, by a satisfied long hum first that turned into discreet moans. After five minutes and a groan from Natasha when she stopped, Carol started rubbing her shoulders and it earned her the same noises of pleasure. She finished the massage with a kiss on top of Natasha's head and even got a whispered _thank you._

The water had reached Natasha's lower back so Carol cut the flow from the tap and took the shower gel. There was now just Natasha's body that was left to be washed, but she didn't seem to want to move a bit to make it easier to Carol, so she washed the part of her girlfriend's body she had access to. After taking the hairband Natasha had on her right wrist, Carol tied her hair up and proceeded to wash her back and arms.

When she was done, she looked at Natasha with an eyebrow raised, wordlessly asking her to help her out. But the redhead really wasn't in the mood and didn't move a slight bit, therefore Carol just gave her the shower gel and groaned, "Do it yourself then."

She left the bathroom out of frustration after a few more seconds of Natasha acting like she was lifeless. There was nothing Carol could think of that would help. It was the first time she saw Natasha drunk like this, sad drunk. She had seen her drunk a few times back in Washington, but she was happy and perky, not depressed and… well, suicidal.

Since they met, Natasha had always been in a bad place, some times she was doing better but it never lasted long. But that, tonight, it was the lowest she had been in the two and a half years they've known each other. Natasha never thought about taking her life, or she never told Carol, but either way the fact that she did tell her had it mean she was really suffering inside and the blonde had a hard time thinking about her girlfriend in such a bad psychological state without feeling a sharp pain in her heart.

She didn't get more time to think about it as she heard the water running again in the bathroom. They would talk about all this soon, but for now Carol had to check on Natasha's drunken ass.

Expecting to see Natasha standing in the bathtub, Carol laughed when she saw her laying on her back with the shower head in her hand to clean herself from the soap, "Can't get up, huh?"

Natasha pouted as Carol laughed more and turned off the water. When the bathtub was emptied, Natasha sat up and Carol took her bath robe, "Can you sit up there?" Carol asked as she tapped the ledge of the tub and Natasha proceeded and succeeded, with some struggle, to sit there. Carol helped her to put the robe before taking a towel for her hair, "You're hair is so long, Natasha, I love it."

"Well, don't get too attached because I'm thinking about cutting it short again."

"Love it short too," Carol said before blowing a raspberry at Natasha's face, who gently pushed her away with annoyance.

Laughing a little more, Carol sat beside Natasha and leaned in to kiss her cheek. She thought Natasha would try – and fail – to avoid the gesture, but she didn't and even returned it.

"Let's get you to bed, yeah?"

Natasha barely nodded, but Carol knew that if she did, her head would spin and she would surely throw up considering how much wine she drank. Carrying her in her arms wasn't a good idea either, the change of altitude and centre of gravity would have the same effect and fucked up Natasha's brain. Therefore Carol helped her to stand up and wrapped her arm around her waist to support her as she slowly exited the bathroom and walked to her bed.

The redhead sat down the second they reached the bed and took the first pieces of clothing that had been thrown there and put them on. Carol went to her side of the bed and observed her girlfriend as she whimpered and grunted while getting into her pyjamas. She had already done enough and knew that helping Natasha more would make her grumpier, which was not good considering what they still had to talk about.

After a few minutes, Natasha managed to get dressed and joined Carol on the bed, crawling like a baby. Finally at reach, Carol pulled her closer and held her against her side, Natasha quickly relaxing and closing her eyes. As much trying to reassure herself than the redhead, Carol left a trail of kisses on her forehead and cheek until she looked up at her.

It was the moment to ask, but it was hard, and Carol attempted three times to speak before words finally came out of her mouth, "Baby, tell me what happened, please. I need to understand."

Natasha instantly broke the eye contact, as if she felt guilty for the way she acted during the afternoon and evening, "After you left this morning I went back to bed and I had the worst nightmare I ever had. They…" she cleared her throat but her voice still got hoarser, "they found me and-and you, and all the people I care about and just-"

She didn't manage to finish her sentence, but Carol understood what happened next, and it hurt, "So when I woke up I had no strength at all. I just went to the kitchen, took all the bottles of wine I could find and got back here."

It explained her down, but Carol still had the 'I wanted to die' part echoing in her head and couldn't understand when her girlfriend got _that_ low, "But… you-you said you wanted to die, Natasha."

The guilt in the dark green eyes grew bigger, and her sadness was highlighted in the corner of her lips, that Carol had never seen being so down, "I know," she began in a whisper and sat up, "I didn't really mean it, I'm just so fucking tired and I want it to stop…"

"But you did think about it?" Carol said, her throat so twisted by the idea that it sounded like she chocked.

"For an hour or so… I did, yes."

It was not what Carol wanted to hear, who would want to hear that their girlfriend had suicidal thoughts? Her heart ached more, it had never hurt that much before, even when she had been heartbroken by someone she loved. She _was_ heartbroken, in a way. Not because Natasha hurt her, but because she was thinking about hurting herself.

Eyes closed, jaw clenched, Carol sucked in deep breaths, but it was getting harder and harder to breathe. She had to open her eyes again, to look at the woman she loved and focus on her, on her beautiful eyes and her soft as silk skin.

When she did, she found Natasha gasping, and as she ran her thumbs on her cheeks, Carol noticed that tears were falling from her eyes.

"Carol, why are you crying?" The redhead asked, tears forming in her own eyes as she pressed her forehead against Carol.

"Sorry. I just don't want you to be sad to the point that you want to… kill yourself," she cried, the end of her sentence mixed with a sob.

"Aw, baby, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said it like that."

In any other circumstances, Carol would have commented on Natasha's use of the 'baby' pet name, but she was too emotional to talk. Now she just fell into Natasha's arms and cried a bit more, the smaller woman rocking her, stroking her back and whispering apologies in her ear. Carol never knew that the idea of losing Natasha would pain her so much, but her love for her was so deep and strong that it wasn't a surprise.

Pulling back, Carol pressed their forehead together, her eyes still closed as Natasha traced the line of her jaw with her thumb, gesture that she knew calmed the blonde. When she decided to look at the love of her life again, she saw her lips and couldn't resist the urge to lean in and kissed her.

Tongues quickly made their ways into the kiss but before Natasha could make her usual move and straddle Carol's lap, the latter pulled away. With her hand on the back of Natasha's neck, Carol pulled them closer again, the tip of their noses crashing with one another.

"I need you, you know," she said in a soft whisper, "I need you in my life, in every goddamn second of it. And if you are not with me then I need to know that you are okay."

Natasha nodded before kissing Carol's nose, her lips brushing her skin so lightly that she barely felt it.

"I'm gonna ask Sam to come to New York and we'll try this support group thing, okay? And we'll make it a regular thing."

"Okay."

It wasn't the idea Natasha like the most, but it helped so many people that they had to try it out. And they were doing it with people she trusted, people who had issues similar as hers and who could share their experiences on how they dealt with it.

With what happened in the evening, Carol realised she needed it too. She had always been scared of losing the people she loved because of her absence, she couldn't stop that, but she could learn how to deal with the guilt.

They held onto each other for long minutes, in a mere silence very needed, nothing but the sound of their still breaths in the air. The only thought in Carol's head was Natasha. She pictured her smiling, laughing, _living._

She remembered that one time when they were alone in the tower and went to the living area to dance, the music so loud that they couldn't hear their own voices when they sang the lyrics. They listened to every style of music, tried different type of dances and finished slow dancing on Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift. For them, it was as much of a love song as it was a war song. It was their relationship, the way they wanted, had, to protect each other from all the bad outside, to prevent the other from getting hurt. They loved each other so much that it was their mission to make their lover feel safe, it should always be the case in a relationship. But it was a war song, the war they were leading against all these things they feared, all the things that made them suffer. But when they were together, they were stronger than those things, they had to or the bad would win.

Tonight, Carol thought she was going to lose, she thought the bad took the love of her life away and would not give her back. But Natasha was still holding on, she gave in the bad for a moment and came back, and now Carol's only goal was to never see Natasha going back to this awful, twisted place that was trying to take her away for good.

"You saved me, you know."

Carol slowly pulled out of the hug, tucking Natasha's hair behind her ear as the other woman sat up.

"This morning, I was… drinking and-and trying to find a way to…" she stopped for a moment, the next word stuck in her throat. Carol took her hand and brought it to her mouth, a silent way to tell her that she understood what she wanted to say, as much as she hated getting it so easily, "and- I don't know, I just happened to touch my neck and I-I felt it," with her free hand, she pulled the chain from under her shirt, "I saw it and thought that I couldn't… _shit._ "

Carol put her hand on Natasha's, supporting her as her shaking limb took the half destroyed dog tag. She looked at her girlfriend with a soft smile and kissed her forehead as she closed her eyes and inhaled deep breaths.

"I couldn't- I can't leave you. I want to be with you, I want to get better for you."

"You will. I'll make sure of that."

Natasha pressed her lips together, trying to hold back her emotions but when Carol hugged her again, she let everything go, the sadness, the exhaustion, the pressure. Carol could feel Natasha's tears soaking her shirt but she couldn't care less about that, all that mattered was Natasha and she needed to cry, she needed Carol to be there with her while she was vulnerable, she needed her to protect her until she would get better.

"I'm so tired, Carol," Natasha cried against her chest, as if it was one of her powers to make people sleep by snapping her fingers.

"I know. We gonna go to bed," she told her, laying further on the bed until realising something, "did you eat anything today?"

The redhead weakly shook her head and gripped Carol's shirt, "I'm not hungry."

"But you gotta eat something baby," Carol said gently as she lifted Natasha's chin, the redhead pleading her with her eyes full of tears to stay with her, "Tell me, what do you want?"

Natasha snorted, if there was one way to make her accept to eat it was by cooking her what she wanted, "Pasta?"

Carol smiled, "Spaghetti bolognese?"

Nodding her head in agreement, Natasha tightened her hold around Carol's waist, "But be quick."

Carol smirked, "Why don't you come with me and we'll get back here to eat?"

Natasha getting out of bed told the blonde that she was coming. Her first steps were hesitant, she was still very drunk and the help of Carol was definitely not too much. In the elevator, she pulled the redhead against her chest for a quick hug, and when she saw that the floor was empty – which was not surprising since it was almost eleven – Carol pulled Natasha by the hand and entered the kitchen.

As Carol took all the utensil and ingredient she needed, Natasha sat on the counter opposite to where she was cooking and observed her. Carol was amused by it, it was as if Natasha was judging her when she was the worst cook ever, the only food she ever got to Carol being take-outs and snacks. But Carol didn't care, it wasn't Natasha's cooking skills that would change the way she felt about her.

Every now and then, she looked back at her and smiled, until she was done and just had to wait for the spaghetti and bolognese to cook. She joined Natasha and stood in front of her, "it'll be ready soon," she told her sleepy girlfriend who weakly smiled back at her as she rubbed her eyes.

Carol couldn't believe this adorable human being was her girlfriend, she was cuter than all those puppies and kittens she saw on the internet when she was bored that one afternoon. Natasha was Carol's soft spot, they both knew it, and Natasha some times used it at her advantage, but Carol never really mind, it was just little things.

And right now, drunk and tired Natasha was cute and she was using it to get a hug, extending her hands towards Carol and whining, "You are _such_ a baby," the blonde said as she took a step forward, but still not giving in, "I know," Natasha complained as she pouted, "please."

Carol rolled her eyes but gave Natasha what she wanted, her head against Carol's chest and her arms gently holding her. Natasha expressed her satisfaction with a long hum and closed her eyes, fully enjoying Carol's fingertips tracing lines on the back of her neck. The way Natasha instantly relaxed, her features softening when Carol put her arms around her body, these were proof enough that she was making her feel better. 

"I need to go back stirring or the whole thing will burn."

With a sigh, Natasha sat up and sighed again as Carol walked back to the gas stove. The blonde had done the right thing by checking on the food because a minute later the bolognese would have been uneatable. With a wooden spoon, she stirred the bolognese, thinking about nothing until a shy hand found hers.

Tilting her head to the side, she saw the redhead beside her, her other hand taking a hold of Carol's, "You don't need two hands to stir," she said with a teasing smirk before resting her chin on Carol's shoulder. Carol let out a scoff before getting her attention back to the food she was cooking.

The bolognese was ready and the spaghetti needed only a few more minutes, minutes that Natasha spent at Carol's side, her two hands holding her free one, stroking her thumb on her knuckle.

When it was all done, Carol mixed both preparations together in a large bowl and they went back to Natasha's room, their hands still intertwined.

They settled on the bed, Natasha laying on her belly, her head right in front of the bowl while Carol was sitting cross-legged opposite to her. Carol realised as she handed a fork to Natasha that she only took one, and she was too lazy to go back upstairs and get another one for herself, therefore they were going to share.

Better than that, Natasha was feeding her, giving her mouthfuls of spaghetti way too big for her to swallow, but the way it made her laugh was all worth it.

"We are like the Lady and the Tramp," Natasha said before giving Carol some more food.

Carol almost spat out the spaghetti as she burst into laughters, imagining them in the same situation, eating on the same pasta, "Yeah, but I don't need that to kiss you, I can just do it."

"Yeah?" Natasha smirked as she leaned a little closer.

Carol nodded as she did the same, "Yeah," she whispered against Natasha's lips before capturing them.

"Seems like you can," Natasha concluded as they parted but went back for another quick kiss.

The feeling of Natasha's smile on her lips made Carol chuckled, she loved it, knowing that she could make Natasha smile like this.

"Alright, let's get ready for bed."

Getting the bowl and fork back to the kitchen could wait until morning, so Carol just put it on the coffee table and joined Natasha in the bathroom to brush her teeth.

They both had two toothbrushes, one in their bathroom and another in the other's, that way they didn't have to go get it every time they changed the room where they slept. Natasha was already brushing her teeth and had Carol's toothbrush ready. The blonde thanked her with a smile as she took it and wrapped her free arm around Natasha's shoulders.

She already seemed better, not good yet, but she was okay, which was a win considering everything that happened within a few hours.

Making their way to the bed, Natasha shared her concerns with her girlfriend, "I hope I'm gonna be able to sleep properly."

Carol sat on her side of the bed, "We should get you to a doctor," she suggested as Natasha sat beside her, seemingly not against the idea so she continued, "Maybe they could give you something that'd help."

"Okay but I don't want anything too strong that I could get addicted to."

"Noted. You can only be addicted to me."

They both chuckled as Carol laid down, Natasha not denying her addiction for the blonde. Adjusting her position as she rested her head on Carol's shoulder, Natasha whispered, "Sorry for all the trouble."

It wasn't the trouble that Carol cared about, she could handle trouble, it was her thing, "Maria always say I bring trouble," she chuckled as she ran her finger in the red locks, feeling the smaller woman relaxing against her body.

"Actually I think _you_ are the trouble," Natasha mumbled as she fought with herself to keep her eyes opened, and their greenness disappeared before she could finish her sentence, "but I love it."

Carol slightly frowned as she realised what words Natasha just said. She basically told her that she loved her, in her own complex way, but she did. At that instant, it occurred to Carol that _she_ never said it, she never told Natasha that she loved her, that she was in love with her and that nothing could ever change it.

She must tell her. But Natasha fell asleep.

She would tell her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanna know what you thought of this chapter, on both Natasha and Carol's reaction.
> 
> It was a really hard one to write but it had to happen, Natasha reaching her limits and wanting to end everything.


	24. Support group

Finding the motivation to wake up on this Saturday morning was harder than it should be for Natasha. Yes, this day was going to be challenging, but she had known worse, _really_ worse, so she forced herself to roll on her back to notify Carol that she was awake.

As usual, the Captain was already awake, reading the news of the night on her phone, "Mornin' beautiful," she greeted when Natasha's eyes fell on her.

A first groan came out of her throat, she didn't like to be called _beautiful._ Carol telling her she _was_ beautiful was fine, but using it as a nickname not appreciated at all.

Then she loudly whimpered when Carol's screen turned completely white, which hurt Natasha's still sleepy and sore eyes. She rolled on her belly, bumping against Carol's side, and buried her face in her pillow. Carol giggled beside her, the mornings were often hard for Natasha, especially when they didn't have anything to work on, and the blonde knew that very well. She continued mocking her girlfriend as she groaned more before gently stroking her fingers in her hair.

"Sam's flight is late, he won't make it for lunch."

That was probably one of the best news Natasha could get, the best being that Sam's flight was cancelled and that he wouldn't make it at all. But he was late, meaning she could linger in bed for a little while.

Carol's fingers still in her hair, Natasha allowed herself to relax, which was very much needed considering what was ahead.

They were finally doing the support group thing, as Natasha called it. Since that day, that Natasha remembered only partly – she only remembered that her girlfriend had been the best to her, but not the specific moment or talks – Carol had done everything in her power to make it happen. Sam was coming from Washington just for that, and Tony had to reschedule a thing because it was the day he had the least things to do. Maria, Carol and Natasha were pretty much available everyday, they still had bad guys to catch and a Red Room that was or was not back, but they had not much to no intel on these cases.

Natasha was still not very enthusiastic about it, she wasn't sure she would feel comfortable to share her past, and didn't even know where to start. But Carol was convinced it would help her therefore they were doing it, because hearing the hell they went through and how they came back strong from it was the best motivation, she said.

"Would you like breakfast in bed," Carol offered when Natasha was slowly dozing back to sleep.

She groaned, again, which was not an answer at all but Carol took it as a _no_ and got out of bed.

"No wait!" Natasha exclaimed, too loud for her recently awakened ears, "stay please."

Natasha heard a scoff, but Carol was coming back to bed so she didn't mind the mocking and teasing.

"You know you are the babiest almost-thirty years old of the entire universe, right?"

"A fifty-five years old who looks thirty told me that once, but I ain't sure I can believe her, she might be in love with me," Natasha replied to the compliment as she leaned on her elbow, looking at Carol laying flat on her back beside her.

"Should I be jealous?" the blonde asked as she closed the gap between them, their lips only centimetres away, "because I'd fight to have you."

As tempting as it was to just give in and kiss Carol, Natasha continued this little flirtatious game, "Please, fight for me, baby," she whispered as she pushed Carol on the mattress and straddled her lap, "send them to space and then come back to get your price."

Before she could do it herself, Carol captured her lips for a deep kiss. Their tongue quickly met, and with them soft moans came from both women, Natasha dominated despite her position advantage. But it wasn't only Carol's lips and tongue that she craved, it was also her hands running all over her back and hips and _ass_ that she enjoyed so much. The redhead wasn't into sex that much, but Carol had a way to touch her body that always made her flush, and a few times turned her on.

This morning though, she didn't let her lead, she wanted to be the one in control and broke the kiss. Their gazes met, and for a second Carol was confused, but Natasha quickly dove in her neck and made her understand that everything was good. She kissed her throat and went down to her chest, then back to the side, leaving open-mouthed kisses on her collarbone. When she climbed up Carol's jugular, the woman under her tightened her grip on Natasha's hips before rocking her own against nothing.

"Natasha-" she moaned as her torturer reached her final point, her ear. There was nothing Natasha enjoyed more than teasing Carol by nibbling her ear and kissing that spot under it, on her jaw.

"It's not fair," Carol complained, her hands slowly reaching the middle of Natasha's back, "you know it turns me on."

She did know, that was why it was always her final destination when she was on top and in control, it was the end of their making out session, or at least in marked a break.

For her own pleasure, she stole one last kiss before laying down beside Carol, head on her chest as usual.

"That was revenge for you calling me _beautiful._ "

Carol gasped, "But you are!"

"And you are easy to turn on."

" What can I say," Carol shrugged, "you are also sexy."

Natasha was glad they were in the dark, because every time Carol called her sexy she would blush. She knew how to deal with the _gorgeous_ and _stunning_ and the casual _beautiful_ , but _sexy_ was still one compliment she didn't know how to take. She didn't want to be seen as sexy, she was a lot of things but she didn't want the world that she was exposed to by her avenging job to think she was sexy. Badass was more than fine, beautiful could pass, depending on who said it, but sexy was something she wanted to keep for her girlfriend, and even coming from her she was still not a hundred percent comfortable.

"You know what Tony said the other day?" Carol suddenly spoke up. Natasha shook her head no thus she continued, "he said we were ' _besties_ ' _,_ " she added and air quoted the owner of the tower.

Natasha looked back at her girlfriend, confused, and then snorted when she realised she was serious, Tony _did_ call them that, "I was like, do besties kiss?"

"Do besties fuck?" Natasha added with a smirk as she leaned over Carol who chuckled, "yeah, that too."

It happened one time after Natasha had this breakdown, and it was all Carol's fault. She had been out with Tony again, testing her suit that was now fully functional, and went to the gym for her daily session. She went back to her room and found Natasha on her bed, nothing out of the ordinary, but as she got closer the redhead noticed her sweaty state and sharp abs and that was enough for her to stop Carol from going to the shower. She didn't see the sex coming though, at first she just wanted a heated making out session, but the build up of it led to Natasha letting down her metal block. Carol was attentive and patient, Natasha trusting, and it just happened, slowly, gently, lovingly. They didn't know if it would be a one time thing or not, but it really didn't matter; it was more an expression of how much the trust and love each other than something they had to do to be happy and blooming in their relationship.

"We should go get breakfast," Natasha told Carol and kissed her lips.

The kitchen was empty, the few people living in the tower had already eaten and were attending to their businesses, which gave the couple the opportunity to _be_ a couple outside of their rooms. They got used to hide, it became easy and some times fun to steal glances and hold hands while the others were not looking, but it was always nicer when they could be themselves entirely and hug each other or kiss in the common areas of the tower.

As always, Carol made breakfast and Natasha was her assistant, giving her what she asked for from the fridge and cup board and the rest of the time she was hugging Carol from behind, slowly rocking from side to side.

"You two are my favourite couple," a masculine voice said.

Both Carol and Natasha jumped in surprise before turning their heads in direction of the voice.

"You don't look glad to see me. Should I go back?"

"Sam!" Carol exclaimed as she walked to greet him with a warm embrace, "I thought you wouldn't make it before lunch!"

They broke apart and he shrugged, "You know me, I found a way."

"Wow! It's so good to see you, man. How have you been?"

Sam gave Natasha a quick hug before answering, "Well, busy I guess. My Captain ordered me to find a ghost."

They all lightly laughed even though they knew the importance of the subject, "And how is that going?" Natasha asked before taking a sip of tea.

"Nowhere… like you considering your last update."

Carol pinched the bridge of her nose as she groaned, "Let's not talk about that. You want tea?"

"If there's enough for me, then yes!"

They all sat at the table, Carol and Natasha side by side while Sam was at the end of it.

"So, how _you_ guys have been doing?"

"Well…" Natasha began in a stoic tone, looking down at her mug, "you know why you're here, so not very good."

Carol pulled Natasha against her side before rubbing her back to comfort her, "But we are willing to work on it so that's a good start."

Natasha glanced at Carol for a second, eyes filled with gratefulness and joy. It touched her so much that Carol talked about _Natasha's_ problem as theirs, saying that _they_ were working on it, not just Natasha. It meant everything to her that Carol was there for her, _all_ the time, and she could only wish she gave her a quarter of what she received, because she knew it was not the case.

"I know you are reluctant about it Natasha, so was I on the first few times I went to the VA for a meeting, but I promise you it helps, a lot."

Natasha lightly nodded, it was not enough to convince her but at least she had people who supported her and she was thankful for that, "I'll try. But can we stop talking about it until we have to?" Carol and Sam both laughed and agreed to change the subject.

It quickly became loud in the kitchen as Carol and Sam told each other jokes and anecdotes they had not shared yet.

It was the first time Natasha was seeing these two together since they came back from East Europe and she was happy to see that they were even closer friends now. She knew the blonde was trying to let go of her best friend but it was a complicated task and to succeed she had to find people to fill the void that Maria Rambeau would leave on her. Sam was one of those people, he was a new person in Carol's life that she got along with easily and who understood her, two things that Maria was for her, but Natasha doubted he would be enough.

Even if they had known each other for a short time, Sam was the person – apart from Natasha – closer to Carol. The blonde had spent numerous evening with Clint and Maria but they didn't know her like Sam did. Maria was definitely closer to her than Clint, but the archer was already Natasha's best friend, he couldn't be the Captain's too. As for the other Avengers, Thor was barely there, Bruce was but always in his lab and Tony and Carol had such a weird relationship that Natasha couldn't tell if they were close, but they were good friends.

They stayed in the kitchen for the rest of the morning and were surprised by Maria joining for lunch. Carol and Natasha quickly put some distance between them, in case someone who didn't know about them entered the kitchen. Maria and Sam discussed like old friends as if they had been talking everyday since S.H.I.E.L.D collapsed when, in reality, Maria had asked Carol who was this Sam when she proposed her the support group idea.

And the moment of the support group was approaching, which stressed out the redhead, but she was able to hide it from Carol, who was too occupied with Sam and Maria to notice.

"I prefer gatherings when I'm included!" Tony made his entrance in the kitchen a box that surely contained doughnuts or some other way-too-sugary pastries.

"We were waiting for you, boss!" Maria told him as she stood up and walked with him in direction of the living area, Sam quickly following to introduce himself to the great Tony Stark.

Natasha remained seated at the table, glaring at her empty mug. She was not ready, really not ready, and the fact that she didn't know anything about what they would have to say or do didn't help. But Carol was there and _she_ helped, a lot. Natasha felt a gentle hand reaching her back and pulling her towards the girl on her right.

"Let's get this done, okay? The sooner we start the sooner it's over."

Those weren't Carol's best reassuring words, but they somehow worked. With a sharp sigh, she got up and followed Carol who looked back at her with a smile that comforted Natasha more, that reminded her that Carol would always be by her side.

The other three members of the support group were already slouching on the couches when Carol and Natasha made it there, Sam with icing all around his lips and a second uneaten-yet doughnut in his hand.

Seeing Natasha and Carol arriving, he put the second sweet back in its box and took a napkin to clean his mouth as he stoop on his feet, "Right! Now that everybody's here, we can start."

They all went silent, waiting for Sam to say something more, especially Natasha who needed to know how the whole thing would go, she hated being in the dark. After the couple sat more comfortably on the same couch as Tony, Sam sat down and continued, "Before we get into it I just want to remind everybody here that what we say in this room stays between us. If you want to discuss something that was said here, you must do it with the people that _were_ there, no one else outside of this circle can hear of it, are we clear?"

Natasha and Maria nodded while Carol and Tony replied with loud and clear _yes_.

"Great! Also, if someone asks to speak, we let them talk until they say they are finished, and we never, _ever_ , mock someone's experience. We are there to support one another, to sympathise with what we've been through and help each other heal."

Again, they agreed with the conditions and let Sam speak, "Usually, when I start with a new group of people, we often go round the table and everybody introduce themselves, but since you all know each other, I'll be the only one doing."

Releasing a breath she didn't know she was holding, Natasha slightly relaxed on the back of the couch, she had a few minutes ahead of her where she knew she wouldn't have to talk.

"So, my name is Samuel Wilson, you can call me Sam. I'm thirty six years old, ex-air force para-rescue and now working at the VA in Washington." he paused as he leaned on his elbow and pressed his fingertips together, "I quit the military when my best friend died in combat."

Natasha was taken aback, she didn't expect it to go so quickly into the traumas, but there they were, "I couldn't keep fighting when the same fight that had taken the one person I cared about the most, so I left and now I help my fellow soldiers who've been through the same shit."

"If I may?" Tony said as he raised his pointing finger to get to speak and received a nod from Sam, "This is very honourable of you."

"Thank you. Now, I would like to hear from you," he pointed at Tony, "Tell us something about why you are here, why you accepted to take part of this group."

Tony sat up as he unbuttoned on spot of his shirt, seemingly surprised by the question, "Well, two years ago I save the whole planet but I almost… died… and I guess it kind of messed up my brain."

Natasha didn't know about this, she thought Tony had been doing great since New York, but evidently she was wrong. When Carol proposed Tony as one of the members of the support group, she didn't understand, she didn't think Tony Stark was one who lived traumatic experiences, apart from his difficult relationship with his father when he was young. But knowing that he was a normal human being like all of them, that he suffered his own type of trauma since New York was somehow comforting, she wasn't the only one who was hurting since that day.

"Thank you for sharing this. Ladies, want to share something with us?" Sam asked and locked his gaze with Natasha's, who clenched her jaw at the eventuality of having to speak, "you don't _have_ to, of course. Tell us we you are willing to."

Natasha crossed her legs and arms as she looked away, hoping that she would be forgotten by the rest of the group.

"I would like to," Maria spoke up, "I- my childhood was shit. My mother died giving birth to me and my dad hated me for it."

"Wow-"

"Tony, shut up," Carol warned.

"Sorry."

Maria cleared her throat as she gave Carol a thanking glance, "It made me… cold, for some people, bland for other, and growing up I didn't have many friends… Actually I didn't have any friend at all when I was doing my best to be accepted," she chuckled nervously and Natasha noticed a tear in the corner of her eye, "It's funny how kids judge each other when they don't know anything, don't you think? But the worst is to come back home and find a man who doesn't give a single fuck about you, and knowing that if you tell him some kids in school bully you he will say that you deserve it."

Maria took her head in her hands, and then there was a silence, so heavy that Natasha wished someone would do something, any sound to fill it would do it, but it lingered until Maria spoke again a minute later, "Anyway. My childhood was shit and it has an impact on who I am every day. Thank you for listening."

Tony reached Maria's knee and gave it a squeeze, empathising with the dark haired woman and her difficult youth, something he knew on another level. It was very surprising for Natasha to see Tony caring for other people's feeling, he was usually so self-centred and making fun of anyone he ran into that witnessing him being soft and caring was actually nice and comforting, maybe this support group idea was not so bad.

"Thank you Maria. Anyone else?"

Carol gave Natasha a glance, telling her that she was going to start before starting, "I was once abducted by an alien civilization who tried to shape me into there beliefs. I was brainwashed, they tried to take my emotions away and almost succeeded…" she looked at Natasha again and smiled, "After that, when I escaped, I had to rediscover who I was, who I _am_ , and it was the most difficult part. Sometimes I wished they had done it, brainwash me completely… because I couldn't tell which memory was real and which had been created, twisted into what they wanted."

"Kinda hard to relate to someone who's been abducted by aliens," Tony commented as Carol finished her story.

Natasha groaned, "But people can relate to someone being brainwashed."

"Hey," Carol whispered to Natasha as she took her hand, "It's okay," she assured and leaned closer, "Tell them something about you."

Something? Which one? That she had been taken in by a bunch of assassin when she was still a kid, that she saw her home burning with her parents in it. Or maybe she should tell them how they broke her, how many times she had been beaten, whipped, raped, tortured, brainwashed. There was so much to say, but she didn't feel like telling any of this, not yet, maybe never.

"Tell them about Bruce," Carol added.

It was definitely the only option that Natasha ever thought of talking about in this support group, but she didn't think she would have to talk so soon. Taking a deep breath, Natasha closed her eyes and when she opened them again she saw Carol's, soft and encouraging. The redhead rolled her eyes, annoyed that her girlfriend had so much power over her, but it was for her own good and she knew it.

"Okay," she breathed and felt a squeeze on her hand, "I think I have PTSD… because of the Hulk."

"Excuse me?" Tony exclaimed as he looked straight at Natasha, "What do you mean?"

He didn't mean to be rude, Natasha knew it, but it felt like it, she felt like he was invalidating her trauma. Clenching her hands, Natasha tried to find the best way to explain but her brain froze.

"Remember the explosion in the helicarrier?" Carol said and Tony hummed. Then, the blonde turned back to her girlfriend, wordlessly asking Natasha permission to continue to explain and she gave her a nod in agreement, "Bruce and Natasha ended one floor under us and, well, Bruce turned and chased Natasha."

"He tried to kill me," Natasha clarified, "and I only survived because Thor got his attention."

"I didn't know Natasha, I'm sorry," Maria said with a concerned tone.

Tony remained speechless, which was unlike him. Natasha didn't know what more to say, this was one of the reasons she was there and she wanted people to tell her they understood, all of them, but Tony didn't speak.

"You should've told me," Tony finally blurted out, glaring at Natasha.

"Why?"

"I thought I was the only one traumatised by New York. I tried to talk to someone but they didn't get it because they weren't there and when I talked to Bruce he kinda ignored me. I wish I had known about you, and we would've talked together about it."

"Well, I didn't know _you_ weren't doing good since New York. You aren't an open book Stark," Natasha replied, more aggressively than she meant to.

"Okay, I think that's enough for a first session," Sam intervened as he stood up.

"No, it's fine. She is right, I could have told her as well," the Iron Man said before turning to Natasha, "I'm sorry it happened to you Natasha."

Natasha watched Tony as he got on his feet and stood before her, offering his hands, "Peace?"

Shaking her head with amusement, Natasha took his hands and ended up held in his arms. It was a different type of hugs than those she was used to, Carol's, but it still felt good. And knowing that she could go to Tony and talk with him, instead of bothering Carol with it. The blonde already had a lot to handle with all the Red Room thing, if Natasha could spare her one of her problems she would without hesitation.

"Thank you Tony," Natasha eventually mumbled and they stepped out of the embrace, "And thank _you_ , Natasha."

They both sat back on their seats for Sam to conclude this first session, "Well, I didn't think it would go that way, but I think it was actually a good start. I suppose now we all trust one another, and all our exchanges proved that we can sympathise with others' experiences and feelings, which is very important."

"I have to be honest, I thought this would be a waste of time, but I might have been wrong," Tony admitted.

"Oh, my God, Stark just said he was wrong! Unprecedented!" Maria joked, provoking all the group but Tony to burst into laughters.

"I thought we didn't mock the other?" he complained.

Carol shook her head, "We said the others' experience! It's not the same."

"Right! Anyway, I have to go. You kids have fun," Tony said as he walked to the elevator and waved at them to say good bye.

The second he was gone, Carol moved closer to Natasha and the redhead sat comfortably against her girlfriend's body, "You did great today," Carol whispered before kissing her temple, "I'm proud of you."

Suddenly, Natasha felt butterflies in her stomach and her cheeks warming up. This was how Carol affected her in the best way, when she was telling her she was proud of her. Natasha was rarely proud of herself, but she wanted to get there, for her own good but also for Carol, and the fact that she was succeeding really motivated her to continue her efforts.

Natasha curled up more with Carol, changing position to hold the blonde's side and tuck her face in the crook of her neck.

"What do you guys think of a drink," Maria asked, "or are you too busy cuddling to join us."

With a roll of her eyes, Natasha stood up, waited for Carol to get out of the couch too, intertwined their fingers together and they followed Maria and Sam in the elevator.

The couple hadn't been out with their friends for a while, the last time was with Clint instead of Sam and in the capital, but the afternoon went as well as it could. And it was the first time they hung out with friends as girlfriends, and that was something big. Natasha stood by her choice to keep their relationship a secret for now, even if she knew Carol some times hated it, but she preferred it that way for the beginning of their love story.

If you don't count the three months Carol spent away looking for James Barnes, they had been dating for only four months, which was still a very short amount of time for a relationship. They had been close for a year now, Natasha had realised her feelings for Carol around the same time, in august after their night at the ballet, but they had not been a couple of long. Yes, they knew each other by heart, could read the tiniest micro-expression on their faces and complete the other's sentences, but it didn't mean the relationship wasn't new. Natasha wanted to keep it under the radar of her fellow Avenger friends for a few more months, to be able to develop and enjoy it in private before being exposed to these men and their humour some times not funny at all.

But on this late afternoon, on the terrace of this Manhattan bar, they were a couple in the eyes of those they trusted to keep it secret and who weren't too annoying with them. They were holding hands and sharing loving gazes, they were free and it really suited Natasha who couldn't get a rid of the smile on her face.

As the sun began to set, it enlightened the street where they were and was straight in Natasha's face. The redhead enjoyed it, closing her eyes and tilting her head back to relax.

"Happiness suits you well, Romanoff," Maria told her as she rose her bottle of beer.

The redhead chuckled and drank a sip of her own drink, even though she didn't consider herself happy. She might have been last Thanksgiving and Christmas, when work was great and her relationship with Carol was slowly evolving, but this year she never thought herself happy. Of course she and Carol were finally together and that was great, it brought a lot of joy in her life, but there were still so much pain inside her, so much suffering that had to be dealt with. She would get there, Natasha was sure of it, because Carol was doing her best for that, but it was a long process, and it couldn't be sped up so she had to be patient.

The four friends left the bar when it was time for dinner, and decided to go to a restaurant since Sam was there. Being the guest, he chose what type of food he wanted to eat, Thai, and they went to a place not far from the tower that Maria knew.

As they walked past a family, one of the kids bumped into Carol and almost fell.

"Will, watch your step!" a woman scolded, surely his mother. The kid looked up at Carol, "Sorry," he apologised shyly before gasping, "You are Captain Marvel!" he shouted with excitement.

Carol let go of Natasha's hand, bent down in front of him and clenched her hand into a fist, "Yes, I am," she confirmed and the kid fist bumped her knuckle, like Cooper did back when he met the blonde.

"You are Black Widow," a little girl said from behind the boy. He looked up and gasped again, "It's her, she closed the portal, she saved us all!!"

Natasha took a step forward and stood beside Carol, her hand on her shoulder, "That would be me, yes."

"She is the true hero," Carol told them, "I just punched a bunch of aliens, but she saved the world."

"You're so cool," exclaimed the boy to Natasha and ran to her side to hug her.

After a few seconds, the kids' mother pulled them back and thanked both Carol and Natasha for saving New York before they left, the boy Will shouting that he loved them while the girl waved at them.

Carol got back on her feet with a grin on her face and was about to take a step forward when Natasha gripped her hand and stopped her, "Thank you," she whispered and the blonde tilted her head in confusion, "you didn't have to tell them I was the true hero, we all were."

Carol moved closer and cupped Natasha's cheek with one hand, "Considering how happy you are right now, telling them the truth was worth it," she smirked before giving Natasha's lips a soft kiss, "I think Sam and Maria are waiting for us, let's go."

After this nice encounter, they made their way to the restaurant. It was a self-serve buffet, meaning that Carol and Sam went back to it respectively four and five times, while Maria and Natasha only had to get food twice. Natasha watched her girlfriend guzzling all her food like it was candies and couldn't stop laughing when she had sauce all over her mouth.

At the end of this fabulous meal, the two trenchermen felt like they were going to explode but they assured it was the best food they had ever eaten and Carol even told Natasha they would go back to this place on a weekly basis. They took a moment to digest before going back to the tower and settled in Carol's room, for a late night talk.

* * *

Maria went to the kitchen to make herbal tea for everybody and returned to Carol's room with cups and the teapot on a tray. When she entered, she found the blonde and her girlfriend snuggled up on the couch, Carol and Sam quietly chatting while Natasha seemed to have dozed off.

After nodding at her, Carol wordlessly confirmed that Natasha had fallen asleep thus Maria was extra careful not to make too much noise. She poured the teas for Carol and Sam before serving one for herself and sat on the coffee table, the other armchair opposite to Sam too far away.

They discussed for a little while, mostly about the session they had earlier this afternoon and how they all hoped it would help Natasha. Maria, just like Sam and Carol, was partially healed from the traumatic experiences of her past, even if thinking about them often made her emotional, but just like the two other conscious people in the room she was doing it for the redhead, and Tony to some extend. Carol told them that Natasha had had quite the difficulty to sleep lately, and the fact that she fell asleep on the couch tonight was a good sign, it meant the support group was working, better than they could have imagined.

It was almost midnight when Maria offered Sam to show him the room where he would pass the night. It was also an excuse to leave Carol and Natasha alone, especially since what Carol said about Natasha's sleep, it would be even better if she was in an actual bed.

As they cleaned the cups, Carol carried her girlfriend to her bed, and Maria couldn't get her eyes off of them during the whole thing.

"They are annoying, aren't they?" she asked Sam as Natasha got awakened by Carol sloppy motion, the blonde apologising with a kiss on Natasha's temple.

Sam chuckled as he too watched the scene, "Annoyingly cute, yeah."

"Don't tell them," Maria began as she took the tray, "but I'm really glad they found each other."

"Me too. They deserve to be happy and, as we can see, they are."

Maria didn't commented any further and led Sam to his room. Then, she went to the kitchen to put the cups in the dishwasher and saw a piece of clothing that she knew was Carol's. She walked back to the blonde's room and this time when she entered she saw her staring at her sleeping girlfriend, in awe. She gave her the sweater back and left, a comment blurting out of her, "Annoyingly happy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I partially made up Maria's childhood I guess. I did a bit a research and the only thing I found was that her mother died giving birth to her and that her father blamed her for it, the rest is from me.
> 
> Also, little clarification, in this fic Natasha is demisexual, that’s why they had sex, she isn’t ace like one could have assumed after chapter 20.


	25. I love you

Carol woke up to a casual Tuesday ahead of her. It was the last day of September, autumn was slowly getting there and she still had nothing to do of her days. It was actually quite frustrating, the last few HYDRA agents they had to throw in prison were impossible to catch, Loki's sceptre, that was surely in their hands, was nowhere to be found too and the lead on James Barnes Sam followed a week ago had been a dead end. Worst than all that, now that Carol was allowed by Natasha to work on the Red Room, the case had gone cold and they couldn't find anything more. They had nothing to do.

So, a few days prior, Carol and Natasha decided to really chill for a change. They were going to bed later than their usual bedtime, watching TV shows until they'd fall asleep, they got up at almost noon everyday and ate brunches.

But this morning Carol got up with the sun, around eight, and couldn't get back to sleep. For a moment, she stared at her girlfriend, using her hand to slightly enlighten her face, but even if Natasha was the cutest woman in the universe, she eventually got bored and stopped. It was twenty past ten when she finally left the bed and went to the bathroom for a morning shower.

Knowing that Natasha would eventually wake up because of the sound of the water running, Carol went fast and just washed her body before getting out. As she put a towel around her torso, she realised that she forgot to take her clothes and that she'd have to cross the entire room to go to the dressing room and then go back to the bathroom to do her hair after she'd be dressed. Carol cursed under her breath, why did she have to be so absent-minded when she wasn't at work?

As discreetly as possible, she opened the door of the bathroom a few inches and stuck her head out of it to see if Natasha was still asleep. There was no movement from the redhead so Carol got out and hurried up to make her way to the dressing room. It was hers therefore almost all her clothes were there, if they had been in Natasha's room she would have had to go back here because Natasha's clothes were too small for her. She picked the first sport bra, tank top and yoga pants she found and went back to the bathroom to get dressed.

On the way, she thought she heard Natasha whimpering but ignored it and hoped the redhead would go back to a deeper sleep soon. Since her session at the gym the day before had been cut short by Natasha being a needy girlfriend, Carol had to do extra hours this afternoon. A long gym session meant hair that was going to be a mess so Carol tied it in a tight bun.

Getting out of the bathroom again, she was surprised to see the lights of the room all turned on and jumped when she saw Natasha leaning beside the door, "Hi stranger!"

"Oh! Fuck, Natasha!"

The redhead lightly chuckled, "Not my fault you still don't know that I feel it every time you leave our bed."

"I wish I could never leave our bed," Carol whined as she loosely wrapped her arms around Natasha's waist and gave her a good morning kiss that lingered as Natasha put her hands in the back of Carol's neck and didn't let her go, "Wait for me please," she breathed between kiss, "I wanna work out with you today."

"Like you did yesterday," Carol replied with a shit-eating grin before capturing her lips again. The feeling of Natasha smiling against her lips oh so satisfying, Carol enthusiastically pushed Natasha against the wall of the bathroom as this good morning kiss turned into a making out session.

"What can I say, I love your abs."

Carol chuckled against Natasha's neck and left a trail of kisses on her skin up to her ear, "Yeah but making out in the gym isn't really safe for our little secret," she whispered as she nibbled the lobule of her pierced ear.

"I promise I'll behave today," Natasha purred as she took control of the situation and gently pushed Carol away, "I'm gonna shower, and then we'll go train, yeah?"

Natasha was gone in the shower before she could answer and Carol even hesitated to join her and extend the making out but they did have to work out and this would just slow them if not stop them completely.

Carol sat on her side of the bed and took her phone as a distraction while waiting for the redhead to be ready. But it never worked for long these days, not since Natasha's breakdown. It would be hard to see for any other person on this planet, but Carol could distinguish so easily the fear that remained in Natasha's eyes all day long. Some times it was shadowed by a real lighter mood, but most of the time the redhead was faking it and fooling all the people in the tower. She wasn't fooling Carol, but it was something she didn't try to do anymore, knowing that it didn't work.

What Carol was the most scared of was that Natasha got lost in her fake good mood and start forgetting about her problems, that would come back and hit her all at once like a wrecking ball. But when she once mentioned it, Natasha swore that she wasn't ignoring her problems, she was actually talking to Tony about one of them, the Hulk.

It was nice to know that Natasha was opening up to someone else since the first and only support group session they've had yet, but Carol felt useless because Natasha wasn't talking to her about anything anymore. Maybe she didn't need to, she didn't have much nightmares lately and when she did it was again about the Hulk so this thing with Tony could be working. Carol was also glad the Iron Man found someone to confide in, she had noticed he wasn't doing great and had not checked on him since, now he had Natasha.

Thinking would have to wait for another time, because Natasha was done with her shower and was already dressed when she exited the bathroom.

"I'm just doing my hair and we are good to go," she said as she walked towards Carol, both her arms up and her hands in her hair.

"Braids?" Natasha hummed in response, "Let me do it."

Giving Carol a thanking smile, Natasha let go of her hair, undoing all she had already done and sat on the floor, her back against the bed. Carol ran her fingers into Natasha's long hair, she really loved it like this and dreaded the moment she would decide to cut them. But the redhead was gorgeous whether her hair was short, at shoulder-length or longer, so there was no need to worry, Carol just wished she could have _this_ Natasha a little bit longer.

Carol had not done braids in a while, the last time must have been a decade ago to Monica and she had a different type of hair than the redhead. But it was not a hard process and Carol had observed Natasha doing it herself more than once, she knew how she liked it, curving to the right side of her face and did it exactly like it. Braids suited Natasha perfectly, it just did, there was no explanation to it but Carol also loved when she had access to Natasha's neck so that might be a reason.

When she was about to be done, Natasha scratched the back of her neck, as if she knew that Carol would need the elastic she had around her wrist to tie her hair. When she did, a little _oh_ escaped Natasha's lips as their hands brushed together. The redhead looked behind her and smiled as Carol finished to do her hair and whispered the softest _thank you_ Carol had ever heard.

Now that Natasha was ready, they could go to the gym, but Carol didn't want this moment of intimacy to stop. When Natasha got up on her feet, Carol caught her hand and pulled her towards her, the redhead quickly giving in and sitting on the edge of the bed. Her back resting against Carol's chest, Natasha hummed as she relaxed, she shut her eyes, entwined her fingers with Carol's and let her strong arms holding her. Natasha's left side being fully exposed, Carol leaned in and pressed gentle kisses here and there, down to her shoulder and back up to her jaw. Natasha's hums of pleasure only motivating the blonde, she continued by holding her tighter as she kissed her cheek and temple.

At this instant, Carol had just one wish, and it was to finally tell Natasha that she loved her, but as hard as she thought of the words, they died on her tongue. She could see the small smile on Natasha's lips, all the satisfaction on her features and she knew that saying it would ruin the moment, because Natasha wasn't ready to hear it norwas she ready to say it back.

After on last deep inhalation of Natasha's scent and a long kiss on her temple, Carol released her girlfriend from her hold, "We should get going," she told her in a whisper and Natasha nodded in agreement, but still remained seated with Carol for one more minute before getting up.

Their gym session had not been planned, but as always they ended up sparring. Carol did a little weight-lifting first while Natasha worked on her cardio, but when they were both in the gym it couldn't go another way then them teasing each other on the mat.

With time, Natasha learnt some Kree fighting techniques that Carol hadn't realised she was using while training with her. Carol didn't even have to teach her, the redhead just watched, endured some of them and now it was just part of her skills. The problem with that was that Natasha was officially a better fighter than Carol, she already was in Earth fighting styles and became better than her at Kree's.

But, truth be told, Carol liked to get her ass kicked by the redhead, especially when she danced in victory after throwing Carol down on the mat, it was adorable. The best was when they ended up face to face, both panting, Natasha on top of Carol, just like the day before. But today, Tony had joined the gym in the middle of their sparring and was spending more time staring at them than pumping iron, so making out in the middle of the room wasn't an option.

It was time for lunch when they decided to stop, both saying they wouldn't shower now because they would get back to the gym later on the day and that was when Carol remembered that Natasha was doing her ballet routine on Tuesday.

She had not been able to see her yet, because Natasha didn't want anyone in the room with her when she was training, but she was telling Carol how it was going and it sounded beautiful. Carol couldn't wait to see her dance, to accompany her with the piano. They would create something rare, elegant and personal when their arts would finally meet but this _when_ was Natasha's decision alone.

So this afternoon, while Natasha was in the dance studio, Carol did her extra training. The redhead was usually locked up in the room for two to three hours, which was exactly how long Carol's session would be considering the sequence she planned. After the three hour mark, Carol was done training, all her muscles sore, drops of sweat running down her temple and abs, but Natasha was still not out.

Figuring her girlfriend would soon get out, Carol went to the locker room to wipe her face and drink so water, but when she came back to the gym there was still not sign of Natasha. There was music playing from the dance studio, so Natasha was still in there, but Carol wondered how long it would take.

It took are an entire minute to decide to knock. She knocked a second time but the music was too loud, Natasha would never hear her. Out of frustration, Carol tried the knob and gasped when she realised the door was opened, unlike all the other times she tried to get in, Natasha had not locked the door.

Shyly, Carol stepped inside and found her girlfriend in the air, doing a movement that Carol couldn't name but whatever it was, it was divine. Closing the door behind her, the blonde discreetly walked to the piano and leaned on it while watching Natasha finishing her routine. Pirouettes and pliés were the only movements Carol could identify, but she made a mental note to ask Natasha what were all these other graceful dance step she perfectly executed.

Carol only noticed that the music stopped when Natasha glanced at her and smiled. The redhead approached her and Carol met her midway. Her hands gripped at Natasha's hips, Carol pulled her into a passionate kiss that Natasha returned with as much eager, "It was so beautiful," she whispered as there eyes met again.

Natasha's eyes, her goddamn eyes, with their colour so magical, emerald green on the outside and light blue on the inside, they were mesmerising. And the way Natasha looked at her, the love that shined through them, the happiness in her little crow's-feet were enough to make all the butterflies in Carol's stomach flutter their wings all at once, "I'm so in love with you."

Surprisingly enough, Carol didn't panic after saying it, and neither did Natasha, but her reaction wasn't quite what the blonde had expected. After a second she laughed, "Shut up."

Carol frowned, "Why? You don't believe me?"

"N-no I do, it's just that-"

Carol let go of Natasha and shrugged, "What? Am I not showing it enough? Don't you realise how much you mean to me?" she was getting angry, she couldn't understand why Natasha making fun of it or questioning it.

"I…" Natasha breathed. She seemed like she was panicking now, and Carol instantly regretted her reaction. She wasn't taking it lightly, it was the contrary, it meant so much to her that she had to joke about it or the weight of the words would crush her.

Carefully, she took a step forward and held Natasha's hands, "Baby, I'm sorry… I'm an idiot, talk to me, please," she murmured as she rested her forehead against Natasha's, and the latter took a few more second before matching her gaze and answering,"It's just that I feel like I'm in a dream and that one day I'll wake up and you and all the good you bring to me will be gone. I'm so scared of losing you that I don't take anything for granted, in case you leave one day."

"I would never leave you," Carol assured before Natasha stepped back.

"But what if you do, and I'm alone, without you to remind me that I'm worth something…" Carol closed the gap between them and cupped Natasha's cheek, making her look at her. After a deep breath, Natasha spoke,"I feel special to have you for myself. I feel beautiful every time you lay eyes on me, I feel desired every time you touch me, safe when you're here to help me... I feel so loved every second of every day thanks to you Carol, I'm happy because you are there, because you are doing everything in your power to make me happy, even if I'm broken and incapable of doing the same for you…" Natasha told her, her last words filled with sadness.

Carol shook her head, "You are making me happy Natasha," she swore before giving the smaller woman's forehead soft reassuring kisses.

"I don't think I do…"

The blonde sighed, of course Natasha didn't think she was good enough, it was one of her ways to belittle herself. But _damn_ how happy Carol was since she and Natasha met, she needed to prove it to her, "Since I got my power and before I met you, do you know what was the longest time I stayed on Earth?" she asked her as she wiped a tear that had fallen off the corner of her eye.

"I don't know."

"Twenty days. And I did it once because I had promised Monica I would be there eighteen days for her eightieth birthday. Otherwise it was a few days, maximum two weeks a few times a year."

"Carol, I don't understand your point," Natasha cried, attempting to get away but Carol gently held her and kept on explaining, "I never left since we've met Natasha. It's almost been three years now, and I'm still here and it's not because Nick asked me to lead the Avengers, or because Maria and Monica wanted to see me, no. I've been here for three years because I met you, because I started to care about you until I fell in love with you."

"Carol…" Natasha sobbed as she heard it again.

But Carol wanted to say it, she needed to say it. Natasha was the love of her life and she had to know it, "I'm in love with you, Natasha," she began as she nuzzled her nose to make her stop sobbing, and she eventually did and looked up,"I love you with my whole body and soul and I know it's not something you are used to deal with, being loved like that, but I want you and I'm going to stay with you and help you accept that… Let me love you, Natasha…" she said and felt tears of her own rolling down her cheeks,"and please believe that you make me happy because you do, you really do…" she assured,"I love you…" she whispered and kissed her, the taste of their tears mixing with the one of their lips,"I love you…" she kissed her temple, "I love you."

Natasha was silently sobbing in the crook of Carol's neck as they rocked in the middle of the dance studio. Fingers tracing circles in her neck, her other hand stroking her back, Carol did all she knew to calm the redhead and told her that everything was okay, that she could take the time she needed. She had all the rights to feel, after their conversation or any other time, she was allowed to feel and Carol would always remind her of that, feeling was okay, it was a good thing even. Natasha just heard things that made her feel like she had never in her life and whether she needed one minute or sixteen hours to stop crying after it, Carol would give her and be with her at every second.

Carol was silently crying too, and she hoped Natasha didn't notice or it would weight down her already-heavy burden. What Natasha said echoed in her head like this song you can't forget, a song she never want to forget. It was so much more than an _I love you,_ it was better and Carol would remember it forever, the sentences, the emotion in Natasha's voice when she told her that she was making her happy, it was her ultimate goal and she was succeeding.

Long minutes passed before Natasha stopped sobbing, and even after that she stayed in Carol's arms and hugged her, "You don't have to say it, okay? I know you do."

Natasha nodded and finally looked into Carol's eyes, "Just… kiss me if you love-"

Before she could finish this sentence, Natasha's lips were on hers, showing her that she loved her. She kissed her tenderly, desperately, each kiss more meaningful than the one before, until she was breathless and pulled away.

"That much?" Carol chuckled.

"That much," Natasha panted and kissed her again.

But this time when she stopped, Carol pulled her back in and put her hands on her thighs. With a smooth motion, she lifted Natasha off the floor and held her, chests pressed together as they breathed the same intoxicating air. They stopped at the piano for Natasha to adjust her legs around Carol's waist before the blonde picked her up again, "I'm gonna show you how much I love you," she murmured against her lips before walking them to the locker room.

At that moment, neither one of them cared if someone was in the gym to see them, but hopefully it was empty. They entered the locker room and Carol pinned the redhead at the door as she locked it before taking her to the shower. On the way, she put her down and they ripped off each other's clothes until they were both naked in the shower.

The hot water ran on their heads and faces as they kissed deeply, the fight for dominance as a metaphor to who loved who the most, but it was fifty fifty. Steam started filling the whole locker room as their bodies' temperature increased, the water from the shower not helping them. But they couldn't care less to be flushed and breathless, they were together and could be as vulnerable as they wanted. Carol was so turned on that nothing made sense in her brain anymore, but she knew Natasha didn't give her a signal to go any further, so she kept it for herself and kept it chaste.

When Natasha could barely breathe anymore, she broke the kiss and tilted her head back, giving Carol a free access the her neck. Quickly, Natasha was pressed against the wall and it was even faster for Carol to get her off the ground again. She literally devoured her neck with open mouthed kisses and left a love bite that would for sure be visible for a few days at least. The tight bun Carol did this morning was just a big mess as Natasha grasped her hair while she kissed her neck, and soon after the redhead gently stopped her by cupping her cheeks, "That much, huh?" she joked before Carol released her with a grin.

They eventually took a real shower, that was meant to wash them, not make them sweatier, and had probably used all the hot water of the tower at the end of it. It wasn't late enough to go to the kitchen for dinner, so they decided to get back to Carol's room.

Of all the choices they had, the couple chose to lay down on the bed and watch TV. Natasha instantly put the remote down when she found a channel that broadcast Friends, show that Carol had never seen because she was in space during its first release, whether she was with the Kree or on her own as Captain Marvel. Natasha had been forced to watch it entirely by Clint when they became friends and she loved it so she wanted to share it with the person she loved the most.

After an episode though, Carol fell asleep, clutch at the giant hoodie Natasha was wearing. As she saw the time getting late, Natasha figured that Carol wouldn't wake up early enough to make dinner therefore she ordered food from the Thai they went to a few weeks ago with Maria and Sam.

Carol woke up just in time for Natasha to go to the entry of the tower and get the delivery. She smelt it the second Natasha entered the room and jumped out of bed to thank her for the nice attention. They ate on the bed, some times feeding the other, some times stealing from their boxes, laughters and giggles filling the air the whole time.

Because she had been the lazy one who fell asleep, Carol went to the kitchen to throw the boxes to the bin and, when she came back, she found Natasha laying flat on her back in the middle of the bed, "You okay baby?"

Natasha tilted her head a smiled, "Yeah, just waiting for you to get back."

Carol climbed on the bed and straddled Natasha's hips, "Aw! You didn't know what to do without me."

"I _do_ know what to do without you, it's just less fun."

With a little giggle, Carol leaned in and pecked Natasha's lips. Looking down at the hoodie Natasha was wearing, Carol wondered something, "I swear I can get in this thing with you."

Before Natasha could protest, Carol had already dove into the piece of clothing and was kissing her belly. The redhead couldn't stop laughing as her girlfriend childishly nibbled and licked her skin until she decided to get out by the hole for the head, "Hey! Didn't see you there," she said and kissed Natasha's nose, "Yeah, sure," the smaller woman replied and she wrapped her arms around her lover

Carol knew at that moment that she would be stuck as long as Natasha wanted her to be there, so instead of trying to escape she rolled them until she was laying on her back with the redhead on top of her. It was her favourite position to make out, and since they would be there for a long time, Carol figured they might start right away. Covered by the love of her life, wrapped in her clothes and scent, Carol felt sleepy quicker than she'd want and stopped kissing Natasha to let her know she wanted to go to bed.

The redhead immediately got the hint and they rolled again so Carol was on top and could get out of Natasha's sweater. Then, they went to the bathroom to brush their teeth and back to the bed, "Damn, I'm so tired," Carol groaned as she rubbed her eyes.

"You trained for basically five hours, no wonder you are tired."

Carol looked at the woman on her left and kissed her cheek, "What about you? You trained just like me today, aren't _you_ tired?"

Natasha shook her head, "Oddly I'm good."

After another kiss, on her temple this time, Carol lied on her side and pulled the covers up. She was about to turn the lights off and wish Natasha a good night when the latter stopped her, "I think I'm ready…" she began with a serious tone, "I'm ready to dance in front of someone, and by that I mean you."

Carol grinned, "Okay," she simply said, thinking about the glimpse she had this afternoon and she was really excited to see more.

"So if you ever want to play for me, I'd love it," Natasha blurted out before covering her face with the blanket.

Carefully, Carol pulled the cover away from Natasha's face, "I would love to," she told her and captured her lips for a good night kiss, "I'm so proud of you."

Natasha replied with another kiss, and Carol knew exactly what she meant by it. This time, Carol switched off the lights and spooned Natasha, "Good night," she whispered to her ear.


	26. Birthday

Out of all the things they could be doing for Natasha's thirtieth birthday, Carol never imagined babysitting would be the one. But it was for Clint and Laura, they had something 'utterly important' to do and the 22th of November was the only available date for it. Also, Cooper and Lila were great kids, it wouldn't be a hard task to babysit them, and considering the smile Natasha had on her lips when Clint called and asked for the favour, she really didn't mind. They were her niece and nephew after all, of course she wanted to see them for her birthday, so Carol was happy for her, even if she'd rather have the redhead for herself for this special day.

The couple went to Washington the day before with a private plane, courtesy of Stark Industries, and spent the day in the capital before joining the Bartons for dinner in their house. They met up with Sam for a drink and then strolled around the city that used to be theirs. Washington would always mean something for Carol and Natasha, it was where they got to know each other, where they became friends and then more, where they had their first kiss.

Finally arriving at Clint's, Carol was surprised to feel Natasha's hand slipping into hers as they walked to the front door. She expected her to let go when she'd have knock, but when she didn't Carol had to notify her, "Hey," she murmured as she glanced down at their linked hands. Natasha looked down too, smilingas she released her hand and shrugged, "Old habits."

Carol laughed breathlessly as Natasha smirked at her, her lips slightly parted and her eyes playfully staring at her, Natasha was in a good mood.

They didn't get to flirt more when Clint opened the door and greeted them both with tight embraces.

"Our life savers!" Laura exclaimed and hugged them both at the same time, "dinner is ready and the kids are _thrilled_ to see you."

Thrilled was the right word, the second Carol and Natasha stepped into the kitchen, they were welcomed by Cooper and Lila jumping on them, the little girl finding the redhead's arms while her older brother went to the Captain, "Auntie Nat! Auntie Carol!" shouted Lila through the whole house.

They had grown so much since last Christmas, Carol could barely recognise Lila, and Cooper was so tall now, "Well Coop! You'll soon be taller than Auntie Nat," she said to tease her girlfriend, who looked back at her and sneakily stuck her tongue out at her.

"We really wanted to thank you for coming here so fast," Clint told them as he took his daughter from Natasha's arms and put her on her seat around the table, "we know you guys are busy back in New York."

"No worries, we needed the time off," Natasha replied.

The beginning of the evening was for the kids who wanted to enjoy the time they had with Natasha and Carol before going to bed. Lila had so many questions for the both of them, how many bad guys they fought since the last time she saw them and how many good people they saved. Carol let Natasha reply to these, she knew it had a great affect on her mental health when kids praised her, and the blonde also had a lot of these kind of nice words after all her years in space.

After dinner, while Clint went to tuck his children in, Carol and Natasha prepared herbal tea for them and brought it to the living room. They chatted as they drank, Clint wondering what the Avengers had been up to since he left a couple of months ago to be with his family. His leave wasn't justified like that for Tony and Bruce who didn't know about Laura and the kids, and he apparently didn't want to tell them any time soon.

As the hosts were starting to say they were going to bed in a few minutes, Natasha suddenly felt like tell _her_ truth, or rather hers and Carol's. They were about to leave when she spoke up, "Guys, there's something we need to tell you."

Carol glanced at her as she came to sit on the arm rest of her chair and pursed her lips, "There is?"

"Yeah."

Clint and Laura sat back on the couch and looked attentively at the red haired woman as she gathered her thoughts. Natasha saw their intertwined fingers and it confirmed her that she had to do it.

"I feel like you should know it and also I don't wanna have to hide, especially for my birthday," she looked up at Carol who understood what she was going to tell them. They shared a smile before Carol took her hand and gave her the squeeze she needed, "So um… Carol and I are dating."

"You are?" Clint asked, glancing at the both of them.

"We are."

"Yes," confirmed the blonde.

He shared a gaze with Laura before looking back at his best friend, "Well that's great, I'm happy for you guys," he told them joyfully before getting on his feet.

"Can't say I hadn't notice though," Laura chuckled.

"You knew?" exclaimed both Natasha and Clint, who almost dropped the tray he was bringing to the kitchen, while Carol just laughed.

"I mean, I had doubts. Let's be honest, Natasha, you are not a very cuddly person, but you and Carol are always snuggled up together so it had to be _it._ "

And back then they weren't dating, Carol thought, but there was no need to clarify it. She was just glad the truth was out for some more people, it was the beginning of it being out to everybody else. The most important for now was that they would be able to be themselves for Natasha's birthday, it meant Carol would be allowed to _kiss_ her girlfriend whenever she'd want.

Carol wasn't going to wait until Natasha's birthday to kiss her, she was too happy and proud of the redhead's decision for that. A wide smile on her face, Carol leaned forward and captured her girlfriend's lips the moment she turned her head to look at her. Natasha shouldn't be surprised that Carol did that, she wasn't someone who liked to waste time, but she expected to have the night before being seen by Clint and Laura. They didn't say anything about it though, they definitely saw them, but if they commented it was later in the privacy of their room.

After the hosts left, it wasn't late enough for Carol and Natasha to go to bed, therefore they stayed in the living room to watch TV.

Natasha sat on the couch, her legs going all the way to the other side and Carol laid down beside her, her face pressed against Natasha's hip. Natasha quickly slouching, Carol changed position and rested the side of her head on the other woman's belly as she started to feel sleepy. She fell asleep without Natasha noticing, and when she did, she just quietly laughed and stroked her fingers in her hair while watching the end of the movie.

The credits were about to roll when Laura walked down the stairs and saw the couple snuggled up together, "You stuck there?" she joked as she walked into the kitchen and came back with a glass of water.

"I'm usually the one falling asleep on top of her if I'm being honest."

Laura chuckled as she stood beside the armchair, "I'm really happy for you, you know," she began before sitting down, "I've known you for a long time now and I always felt this kind of love in you, even if you said that you would never date anybody. I knew you would find the one and I'm glad it is Carol, she seems to make you really happy."

Natasha looked down at the woman asleep in her arms and smiled, "She really does," she muttered, her throat tightening as her eyes filled with tears, "Thank you Laura."

"Of course," she said as she got up, "Good night, Natasha."

The redhead hummed in response while still mesmerized by her girlfriend. She was so adorable in her sleep, her hand gripped at Natasha's t-shirt, that she didn't want to wake her up and go to their bedroom. But the kids would be up early the next day and they didn't have to babysit them until the afternoon, meaning they could sleep in, only if they slept in the room upstairs.

A whole debate happened in Natasha's brain until she finally took her courage and disturbed Carol's sleep, the blonde slightly stirring before she opened her eyes, "I fell asleep, didn't I?"

Natasha scoffed as she tilted her head, admiring Carol who loudly yawned and got up, "Time for bed?"

"Time for bed."

The whole house was asleep, they had to be quiet as they climbed the stairs to go to the bathroom and then the bedroom, but they could fight to urge to tease one another, Carol trying to tickle Natasha's belly and Natasha running to escape her. They made it to the bathroom giggling like the little kids they would babysit the next day, smiles not leaving their faces as they brushed their teeth.

Slightly less noisy this time, they went to the Bartons' guest room and straight to bed. Carol was barely laying when she felt Natasha slipping her arms around her waist, "I'm the little spoon tonight, I guess."

With a long satisfied hum, Natasha let her know that she was right, or rather that she was so comfortable like this that she wouldn't move. When Carol found the right position, Natasha pressed a kiss on the back of her neck before burying her face in her golden hair. As a _good night,_ Carol intertwined her fingers with Natasha's and squeezed her hands, but considering the steady breathing that she felt on her back, the redhead had already dozed off.

A few hours later, Natasha woke up with a start after a nightmare. She was in the helicarrier, the Hulk was running after her, she was going to die. It felt like she had actually ran to save her life, she was panting and sweating, but not agitated enough to awake the woman she was holding. Her breathing not slowing down, Natasha pressed her forehead against Carol's back and focused on hers, trying to follow its rhythm. It was so slow and calm that you could wonder if she was breathing at all, but that was what Natasha needed, something to soothe her.

A single tear ran down her temple as she sighed with relief, glad that she didn't have to wake up her lover to avoid a panic attack. It was getting better, the waking up after a nightmare panicking, she had less panic attacks but it usually was because Carol was there to prevent that. Tonight though, she didn't need Carol, or she did but it was still mostly her achievement, unlike all the other times, which made Natasha proud of herself, for the first time in many years.

Hoping she wouldn't have another of these nightmares, Natasha closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep.

When she woke up later in the morning, she knew she was alone in bed. Passing her arms over the mattress confirmed it, but the fact that Carol's side of the bed was still a bit warm told her that she had not been gone for long.

Natasha thought it was kinda rude of Carol to abandon her in bed on her birthday, and she was not going to spend one more second without her. Taking the first hoodie that she saw, which happened to be Carol's of course, Natasha got out of the guest room and went downstairs, feeling that she would find her girlfriend there.

Carol was, in fact, on the first floor, in the kitchen making tea. Natasha, leaning against the door frame, silently chuckled when she saw that Carol was wearing her jacket, they had unintentionally swapped clothes.

Only after a long minute, Carol noticed her girlfriend's presence and her jaw dropped, "No! I wanted to make you breakfast in bed!" she exclaimed as Natasha joined her, "We can still get back when it's done," she purred as her arms came around Carol's neck.

"Happy birthday, baby," Carol giggled as she pulled Natasha into a tender kiss. With her hands on the small of Natasha's back, Carol pulled her closer as she deepened the kiss, her tongue slipping its way into Natasha's mouth as her hands slid down to her ass. Feeling a light squeeze on her butt, Natasha couldn't stop herself from grinning, Carol's tongue getting caught between her teeth causing her to moan, "Ouch" she said as broke the kiss. Natasha replied with a non-apologetic _whoops_ before capturing her lover's lips again.

Making out in the middle of the Bartons' kitchen really wasn't the best idea, the kids could get up at any time and see them. Natasha and Carol still had to tell Lila and Cooper about their relationship, it would be better if they found out with words than by seeing them kissing but at the moment they really didn't care. Right now all they wanted was to be together and show how much they loved each other through their kisses.

Natasha felt like she was melting, like she and Carol were only one body in perfect symbiosis and nothing would ever feel better than that. They knew how the other liked to be kissed and touched and did it all so perfectly that it felt unreal, but it was actually happening and nothing else was important.

Nothing else but the water that was boiling in the kettle, making it whistle to signal the couple that it was ready for the tea. Carol cursed against Natasha's lips as she heard it and gave her a few more pecks before getting her attention back to making breakfast.

As usual when Carol was cooking, Natasha stayed with her and annoyed her, slowing her motions by hugging her from behind and kissing her neck to distract her. The truth was that Carol didn't really mind, it was cuter than it was bothering, and at least she could keep an eye on Natasha. When Clint joined them in the kitchen a few minutes later, Natasha let go of Carol for a couple of seconds before remembering that her best friend knew they were together and that she didn't have to hide from him anymore.

"We are gonna get back upstairs. You won't be leaving for another two hours, right?" Natasha asked him as he made his way to the living room.

He looked back at them, looking through the window he made between the kitchen and the living area – a way for him and Laura to check on the kids while they were busy cooking – and smiled, "Yep! You guys can go enjoy yourselves for a little while longer, I'll come knock at your door when we leave."

Carol was finishing to set everything on a tray when Natasha released her and went to a cupboard to add a sugar in one of the cups, "I don't want your little head in the clouds to have to come back here when you notice you forgot the sugar," Natasha said with a wink before they started making their way back to their room.

"Hey Nat!" exclaimed Clint as she set foot on the first stair. Natasha leaned back and watched her best friend smirking, "Happy birthday!" She smiled back at him and gave a thanking nod before heading to the bedroom.

Everything was settled on the bed when she got inside, the blinds letting just enough light entering the room for them to be comfortable, the tray in the middle of the bed, Carol on her side and a little something waiting for Natasha on hers, "W-when did you get that?" she stuttered as she took in her hands a bouquet of red roses.

"Before you found me in the kitchen."

Natasha frowned, she couldn't connect the dots, "Did you fly there?"

Carol chuckled, "Only to get to the flower shop. I came back with a cab, put the bouquet in the bathroom where I encountered Clint and asked him to slow you down when we'd come back here so I'd have enough time to get it in here."

After a short laughter, Natasha climbed onto the bed, carefully leaned over the tray to be at Carol's level and pulled her into a soft kiss with her free hand. They both knew what this kiss meant, since that day in the dance studio, Natasha would some times kiss Carol differently, a delicate kiss that meant _I love you_ and that Carol would return every time.

"It looks amazing, thank you," Natasha whispered and gave her lips a peck.

Carol smiled before leaning to the other side of the bed and took something from her bag that had been tossed there, "Wanna immortalise it?" she asked as she showed her Polaroid, the one she offered to Natasha last Christmas.

"That's what you were going to get from your room when we left," Natasha noted with an amused smirk.

" _Your_ room actually," Carol corrected as she put the tray away so Natasha could sit beside her, "Come on."

Their legs naturally intertwining together, Carol's hand finding Natasha's thigh, they tried different position until Natasha couldn't resist the urge to smell the flower. She closed her eyes and took one breath, a second one, and before the third she felt Carol's lips pressed on her temple and heard the click of the Polaroid's flash. As she opened her eyes she saw Carol taking the photo from the device and when she turned her head, Natasha captured her lips and another sound of flash hit her eardrums.

Carol shook the pictures for them to dry faster and they were clear a minute later, "They'll be perfect with all the others of us," Carol told her before putting down the Polaroid and took the tray.

By the others, she meant the other pictures of herself and Natasha that they took since they moved in the tower. Those pictures were hidden in a drawer, unlike others that had been taken with Maria, Clint, Bruce and Tony, that were on one of Natasha's shelves, with the ones she already had in Washington. They even took one when Sam came for the support group, their number was starting to grow to an uncountable amount, which Natasha liked the most. The pictures of her and Carol were as numerous than the others, but only the two of them knew where they were, and as long as they were still hiding their relationship, the Polaroids would stay hidden too.

Natasha thanked Carol three times more as they ate breakfast, the bouquet resting at their feet on the bed, a reminder of what she did to get it without Natasha noticing. After laying eyes on it for ten minutes, Natasha noted that there were thirty roses, which not only was her age but also must have cost an arm and a leg. She didn't say that though, her brain overthinking everything wasn't going to ruin such a wonderful attention.

"Also, when Clint and Laura will be back from whatever the thing they are doing this afternoon, I'll have another thing for you," Carol told her as she tidied the tray to be ready to get it back to the kitchen.

Natasha shook her head, "I'm not a materialistic person, you know?"

"Oh, it's not an object, don't worry," Carol clarified with a smirk before getting on her feet, "We should get this in water."

Intrigued by what Carol could have for her, Natasha took the bouquet and followed her downstairs, where Clint was now eating breakfast with his wife. Wide eyed when she saw the bloomed flowers, Laura gave Natasha a hug and wished her a happy birthday before turning to her husband and told him that was what a _real_ bouquet looked like. She went back to her tea after showing Carol where to find a vase and the couple headed to the living room.

Seated on the couch, Natasha cuddled up with Carol as they looked at the window, a thin rain falling on the countryside of the capital. Gazing at the clock, Natasha noticed that they had to get dressed before Clint and Laura would have to go, "The kids are still asleep?"

"Yep. You guys still have- I'd say half an hour of chilling before this room become a war zone," Laura joked as she walked in direction of the stairs.

"You didn't tell them?" Natasha shouted before she was too far away. Laura looked back at her with a raised eyebrow, "The kids, they don't know about us?"

"If they know it means they eavesdropped yesterday because we didn't tell them."

"Okay. I wanna tell them myself," Natasha explained before relaxing in Carol's hold.

It was a quarter past ten when Cooper and Lila arrived in the living room and literally attacked Natasha with hugs and kisses for her birthday. Carol quickly got herself out of it and went to the kitchen to prepare their breakfasts, Clint had joined Laura to get dressed a few minutes earlier. She could see Natasha enjoying every second of her moment with these two young humans and couldn't stop herself from imagining how nice it would be if they were _their_ children.

They barely discussed it that one time, when Natasha asked if they would ever have normal lives, but that was something Carol wanted too, kids. She would be totally fine if her family was just her and Natasha, but they both wanted it to be bigger, so when the time would come the blonde was sure they would have children. Her dream was two, a boy and a girl, just like the Bartons, but Carol would prefer if the girl was the oldest, or they could be twins, that would be great too. It wouldn't be an easy process, they would have to adopt them, but Carol was confident that she would have kids of her own one day, with Natasha.

She had had a taste of parenthood with Monica and just the small part she played in her life was amazing, she loved it and would do everything in her power to have it with the redhead.

After five long minutes of kisses on cheeks and snuggles, Natasha was rescued by Carol calling the kids for breakfast. At the same time came their parents and they told Carol and Natasha to go get dressed while they would handle the morning feeding. The married couple had to leave when they got back to the living room, meaning it was babysitting time.

They started with a game of Scrabble, Carol teaming up with Lila while Cooper insisted to be alone, which meant Natasha was too. It was a fair game between the team of two and Natasha, the young boy quickly regretting his choice as he was losing by far. Carol tried to cheat with words that weren't from Earth, that referred to plants or objects she encounter in space, but Natasha didn't let her. At the end, Natasha won by seven points, and she suspected that Carol purposefully didn't put hers and Lila's last word on a double letter square so she would win.

It was time for the blonde to go cook lunch when they finished the game, and Natasha decided that it was also the moment for her to tell the kids about their relationship. It wasn't something they talked about but Carol felt like she had nothing to say about it anyway, the Bartons were _Natasha's_ family and if she wanted to sit down and explain to them that being two women in love was normal, Carol would be there to support her.

So she was there in the kitchen, chopping vegetables as she listened to Natasha, "Guys, come and sit with me," the redhead began as she lifted Lila off the ground to make her sit on the window – that way they were closer to Carol – and Cooper sat on the armchair under the window.

"You guys remember once, you asked me if I'd ever have someone I love like your mom loves your dad?" the kids nodded, "and sweetie, you remember last Christmas when you asked me why I was so happy to see Auntie Carol?" the little girl nodded again.

Carol didn't know about this, whether she was already gone when Lila asked or she was not with them. But whatever the answer was she thought it was extremely adorable that she would notice how much Natasha liked Carol back then, especially at her age.

"Well, the reason why I was so happy to see Auntie Carol is because she is this someone I love like your mom loves your dad," Natasha stopped herself and looked at Carol, who smiled before getting her attention back to the aubergines she was peeling, trying not to take so seriously the fact that Natasha just said that she loved her.

Natasha had more to say, but she didn't know how to tell them so she waited for the kids' reactions and it came from Lila, "So do you… kiss and stuff?"

Carol snorted and almost cut herself with the knife, it was maybe the best question she could have expected from them, "Yes, that can happen," Natasha replied with a chuckle before taking Lila in her arms and sat with Cooper in the armchair, "But, you know, some people in the world don't like it when a woman and another woman are in love, or when a man and another man are in love. But I want you to know that it's totally okay and normal, and if you ever are in this situation like me and Auntie Carol, your parents and us would be okay with it."

"But why these people don't like it?" asked Cooper, "It's none of their business who we love."

"That's right, Coop," Carol intervened, "it's none of their business, but they still think it is and some of them can be really awful and cruel, that's why Auntie Nat is telling you that it's okay with us."

"And also, if one day you have a friend in this situation, you can help them. If their family isn't okay with it, you can help them, you can be their new family."

The kids nodded again before hugging Natasha tight, the latter giving them kisses on the top of their heads as she enjoyed the embrace.

"Alright!" Carol shouted as she clapped her hands, "Lunch is ready!"

Cooper and Lila kissed Natasha's cheeks before running to the table that wasn't set. Natasha watched the scene in front of her, Carol handing the kids the plates, glasses, forks and knifes and they set the table on their own. She walked in the kitchen and leaned against the counter, smiling as Carol verified if they did a good job, giving them high fives to congratulate them. She hoped that one day it would be their kids around a table like this, enthusiastically doing the task they were asked to do and getting hugs from their mother because they did great.

"Baby?" Carol said from the table and walked over her, "you coming?" she asked as her hands found Natasha's hips, "Yeah, sorry… I was just-"

"Daydreaming?" Carol finished her sentence with a smirk, "Did that too earlier," she admitted before kissing Natasha's lips, which earned them a scream for Lila.

"I said it could happen, lil girl!" Natasha laughed as she sat down beside her and gently squeezed her shoulder.

Oddly, the kids didn't complain about eating vegetables, they even said it was delicious, when really Carol just chopped them and tossed them in a pan with butter and olive oil. But they were happy and gulped down their whole plates, Cooper even asked for more.

After dessert, Natasha told them that they would decide what would be their next activity, and they both agreed that they wanted to go play outside. Although it was still raining, the two women accepted, but they had to put on their raincoats, clothes that they hated wearing. Lila grumbled as Natasha helped her to put it on, but in the end she was so happy to be outside that she didn't mind.

They ran around the house for a while and Natasha and Carol remained dry under the porch, but they were quickly called out by the kids who asked if they could play with them. Carol sacrificed herself and went with them to play soccer for a long hour. Natasha watched them, observed that both Cooper and Lila were very skilled and ten times better than Carol who didn't know what she was doing with her feet. Natasha felt like she had to go take her Polaroid and take some pictures, and just when she came back she found Carol laying down on the lawn and the two kids on top her, hugging her. The redhead captured the moment before calling them back inside, Carol's jacket and her hair were completely soaked wet and she was shivering.

The blonde went to change into clean clothes while Natasha put the kids in front of the TV and then joined her girlfriend upstairs. She found her in the bathroom with only her underwear on and cursed just when she entered, "Fuck!"

"Okay," Natasha joked before asking seriously, "You forgot to take clothes from the bedroom, didn't you?"

Carol pouted, "Yeah…"

"I'll get them."

She heard a shy _thanks_ as she stepped out of the room and went to get her some clothes. They didn't take much, they were there for three days so the only clothes that were kinda clean were the sweatpants Carol used as her pyjamas, the T-shirt she wore the day before and the sweater Natasha took from her bag earlier in the morning. It was better than going back in her underwear to take care of the kids do Natasha picked them and gave them to Carol before going downstairs.

Lila and Cooper were so absorbed in the cartoon on the television that they didn't notice that Natasha was back and neither did they move a bit when Carol joined.

They were allowed an hour and a half of TV per day, that was a rule their parents established and the two Avengers were going to respect that. Considering that they would have a long dinner for Natasha's birthday, they would go straight to bed and not watch TV in the evening so Natasha figured that they could have their hour and a half all at once now.

It gave her and Carol time for themselves, which was really appreciated, only a few hours with these two little monsters was already exhausting.

"Can you imagine having to handle them everyday? It must be draining all your energy," Carol said as they stood in the kitchen, her fingertips running up and down the back of Natasha's forearms.

"Yeah, especially for Laura when Clint is away," Natasha noted.

Carol pulled Natasha close to her, "But he is often home now."

Natasha slowly nodded as she looked over to the kids, "You're right," she whispered before tiptoeing to capture Carol's lips. The blonde smiled as she felt Natasha's delicate hands reaching the back of her neck, gently adjusting the angle to slip her tongue in her mouth. As the redhead wrapped her arms around Carol's neck, the latter turned them over so her body – taller than Natasha's – was hiding them from the kids' sight.

They kept kissing until Carol felt the urge to carry Natasha upstairs to be in the privacy of their room for a more heated making out session. After a long sigh, she opened her eyes and her gaze met the emerald one, happiness and gratefulness shining through it. Carol kissed Natasha's nose before pulling her in her arms and whispered a soft _I love you_ that Natasha didn't respond to.

They stood there for a long while, Natasha so comfortable in the warmth of Carol's body that she felt like she could fall asleep. But they were disturbed by Lila asking them for snacks, "We gotta wait for your mom and dad for that, sweetheart," Natasha told her before taking her in her arms, "but you know what? We could get it all ready now, they should come back soon."

Lila hysterically nodded in agreement and called her brother who joined right away and helped her with the cups. Meanwhile Natasha prepared the drinks and Carol tidied up the living room. The blonde also helped the kids choosing which snacks they would eat with their hot chocolates and they were all done just when their parents came back home.

The little girl ran to go greet her parents while Carol and Cooper brought the trays with the snacks and drinks to the living room. They all sat around the coffee table, Clint and his wife on a couch, Cooper close to them on the armchair while Lila insisted to sit on Natasha's lap on the other couch. After serving everybody, Carol sat with her girlfriend and pulled Lila onto her lap so she could see the other people around the table.

Both Carol and Natasha were curious about where Clint and Laura went, but asking them didn't feel right, if they wanted to talk about it they would. The parents asked how was their day, to the kids and the couple, but they never mentioned what _they_ did during theirs, not until the kids left to go play in their rooms.

Carol was cleaning the dishes when Clint asked her to come back so they could talk together. His tone was grave, which made Natasha anxious, even more considering that they didn't want the kids to be around for this conversation.

Laura was the one to speak up first after she cleared her throat, "Okay, so I guess you two wonder what we were doing today?" she rhetorically asked, knowing that it was the case, while Carol was coming back to the living room and sat beside Natasha, their hands mindlessly finding one another, "Well, we were at the hospital, for an appointment, for an ultrasound."

Natasha and Carol shared a gaze, they were both confused, and of course Natasha imagined the worst.

But it was the opposite of that, "And turns out I'm three months pregnant!"

Before she knew it, Natasha was on her feet and hugging Laura, "Oh, my God, that's so great," she exclaimed joyfully, her eyes filling with tears of happiness.

"Congratulations," said Carol to Clint then Laura before they all sat back on their seats.

"It wasn't planned," Laura admitted, "we weren't thinking about having a third child considering that Coop will soon be eleven but it can only be good, right!"

"But three months already?" Carol asked.

"I started to have doubts a few weeks ago and I thought that we might as well go check directly with a doctor, that way we would be sure it's it and that everything is okay, and it is!"

Natasha's grin had never been this big, this news was the best of her life, and that fact that it was on her birthday made it even better, "I'm so happy for you two."

"And the best part is that because it was the three months ultrasound, the doc is almost sure of the sex," Clint told, "she said it's most likely a girl so we thought we would give her her godmother's name."

Natasha's jaw dropped but she wasn't sure she understood that right, "Happy birthday, Natasha." Laura said, confirming her hypothesis, but she somehow had a hard time believing it, "You- Really? You want to give my name to your daughter?"

For Natasha, her name would be a burden for this little girl, considering what she went through during her childhood. But they were going to call her Natasha, not Natalia, that was the name that haunted her, the name that lived hell and worse. Natasha was the woman who got away, who escaped hell with thousands of traumas but who was doing everything she could to get better, to survive them in order to live again, and Natasha was also the woman who found love, true unconditional love.

She could only wish this baby wouldn't have that much difficult stuff in her life, and if she did, she would have the name of a strong woman, a warrior who fought everyday to get a better life.

Both Clint and Laura nodded to tell her that they wanted to give her name to their child, that they will do it and it was enough for Natasha let her emotions take the best of her. The _thank you_ she whispered was barely audible, and a moment later she was held in Carol's arms, "Aw baby," she cooed as she rubbed Natasha's back.

"We won't tell the kids today, that's the only birthday gift we thought about."

Sniffling, Natasha pulled out of the hug and looked at Laura, "It's the _best_ birthday gift I could've dreamt of."

She stood up to give Laura and Clint another hug and congratulated them again for this amazing news. Then, the hosts told Carol and Natasha that they were handling the dinner and that they could go relax for a bit.

Natasha thought it was the moment Carol would choose for her other present, but they stayed in the living to watch TV, so she figured she would have to wait a little longer. Snuggling with Carol was all she wanted, it was what made her feel safe and loved, two things that she lacked for such a big part of her life that she had forgotten how good it was to feel them.

After ten minutes of watching a boring show, Carol received a call on her phone in which Natasha quickly got involved, "Hey, look who wanna talk to you," Carol told her as she handed her the phone, a FaceTime with Tony was going on.

"Romanoff, happy birthday!"

"Thank you, Tony," she replied, a bit surprised he made the effort to call her for that.

"Right! So you probably heard that Cap over there got a new suit from my generous self."

Natasha shook her head slightly as she laughed, "Yes, I heard."

"Great! Well, since you two are _besties,_ I figured that you should match, thus I made this," he said and showed with his phone a brand new suit with Widow's bites on each wrists, the Avengers logo on the shoulder and the classic Black Widow symbol on her belt.

Natasha barely acknowledged the fact that he said that she and Carol were besties again – even if it made the blonde laugh out loud – and warmly thanked him for it, promising she would try it on when they would be back.

After more chatter and another birthday wishing, Tony excused himself and hang up the call.

Dinner was soon ready after that and with it the kids went back from their rooms. For a moment, Carol and Natasha forgot that it wasn't their task to take care of them anymore, but when Clint replaced them they quickly remembered how great it was to not have to check on them every ten seconds.

Laura and Clint cooked Natasha's favourite food, and even ordered her favourite cake last minute for dessert. The kids offered her drawings that they made earlier, and she promised that she would put them up in her room in the Avengers tower.

Again, the married couple told the other couple in the house to go enjoy themselves while they would wash the dishes, which Carol really appreciated considering she still had this _little something_ for Natasha.

When they entered their room, she didn't waste a minute and went to her bag to get the one thing she needed.

"So…" Natasha began as Carol was searching something in her bag, "you said you had one more thing for me."

She approached her, and just when she was at her level, Carol got up, a smirk on her face as she hid her hands behind her back, "What's in your hands?" Natasha asked as she tried to slid her hands along Carol's arms, but the blonde stopped her, "You gotta take that off first," she ordered as she nodded at Natasha's tank top.

Natasha chuckled, "You always wanna see me naked, don't you?"

"It will just be better if you take it off."

"I'm not taking it off if you don't tell me what's in your hands," Natasha stated.

After a sharp sigh, Carol tuned around, Natasha glimpsing the shape of a bottle in her hands but didn't find out what was inside. Natasha impatient laughters not enough to make her flinch, Carol kept a hand in her back as she tugged Natasha's clothes with the other, "You will love it, just trust me," she whispered as she slipped her hand under the tank top and Natasha bit her bottom lip as Carol's cold hand caressed her abs, sending shivers down her spine.

With a tone so appealing, it was impossible for Natasha to refuse. Smiling, she stared at her girlfriend and took off her tank top, but kept her bra. Carol grinned as she stepped closer, looking up and down her girlfriend with no shame until she was at reach and pulled her by her waist, "You know, you are very, very sexy."

Natasha chuckled against Carol's lips as she pulled her into a kiss, and when they broke apart, both her hands weren't in her back anymore, "Is that massage oil?" Natasha asked as she inspected the bottle in front of her.

Carol nodded, "Uh-huh. You are getting a full body massage. Feet, head and back."

Smirking, Natasha tiptoed to whisper to Carol's ear, "That's not full body," she said with a mischievous tone before looking down at her breasts. Carol followed her eyes and let out a short laughter, "I figured we could… maybe wait until we get back to the tower for that," she flirted back as she took a step forward, pushing Natasha towards the bed.

"Right, I guess I can manage to wait a little bit," Natasha replied before sitting down on the bed, "so… feet first, please."

Carol complied in a second, pouring massage oil on her hand before starting to rub the sole of Natasha's feet. Natasha quickly relaxed and moved further into the bed, resting her back against the headboard, all the muscles in her legs soothed by Carol applying pressure on the right spot of her feet.

When she was done, Carol went to wash her hands and came back for the head massage, just like she did a few months ago when Natasha was in her bath. This time, the redhead laid down on the bed and rested her head on Carol's lap as the latter sat behind her. This massage was her favourite, she had never realised how much her scalp hurt until the last time Carol did this to her. She couldn't think about anything else than the fingers rubbing her head, how perfectly the motions were done to make her feel good, relaxed and at one with her body.

Carol was about to stop and go on to the last part when Natasha asked her for extra-time and the blonde gladly obliged. After five more minutes, she asked Natasha if she could move on to her back and, when she said yes, Carol captured Natasha's lips for an upside down kiss.

Before the last part of the massage, Carol wanted to have her fun and started to kiss Natasha's back. The redhead enjoyed it more than the head massage, her hums of please motivating Carol to keep going. She started by the small of her back and then climbed up her spine, goosebumps forming all over Natasha's skin as she finally reached her neck.

After a kiss on her cheek, Carol unhooked Natasha's bra and poured massage oil onto her back. She began at her shoulders that were still very tensed despite the two previous massages that soothed Natasha entirely. She felt the knots of her muscles disappearing as she keenly rubbed them away, the gentle circles traced by her thumbs quickly effective. Then, she massaged the rest of Natasha's back, her fingers sliding up and down her spine, more delicate on her shoulder blades and ribs but still perfect for the redhead to be sent in Heaven.

The back rub was as long as the other two combined, which made the entire activity last an hour but Carol didn't mind, it was for Natasha's well being, she could do it for days if it was what she needed.

Once again asking the redhead if she should continue or stop, Carol realised that the satisfied moans had stopped a few minutes ago and she wasn't surprised to find out that she had fallen asleep during the massage. Carol softly scoffed as watched her girlfriend steady breathing making her back rise and fall and kissed her temple before laying down beside her.

Because Natasha was in the middle of the bed, Carol struggled to find the right position but she eventually did and stared at her appeased features until her eyelids felt heavy and she drifted into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mixed Natasha's and Carol's POVs for this chapter without the usual limit thing because it felt right. For other chapters where Carol and Natasha are both there I might do it again, tell me if you liked it.


	27. Friendsgiving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter a little bit different than all the others because it is, for the majority of it, not from Carol's PoV nor Natasha's

Another year, another thanksgiving at the tower.

It wasn't going to become a ritual, the persons that were there weren't the same as the year before but it was nice to be around friends again.

This time, only people that knew Carol and Natasha were a couple were there, minus Pepper who was with Tony in their house and Nick who was… well, officially dead but in reality doing who-knows-what somewhere. That meant that Sam, Clint and Laura flew from the capital to New York, the Bartons' kids at their grandparents' house for the weekend, Maria Hill, who had left before Natasha's birthday came back from her secret mission and Maria Rambeau was also there.

Carol was thrilled to see her, the last time she briefly encountered her was ten months ago, when she flew to Louisiana to get her suit, and since then they didn't talk a lot. They weren't supposed to, since what they had decided last Christmas, but Carol wanted to take it slowly, she couldn't just cut her best friend from her life overnight. She had to convince her to come, with an hour long phone call, but Maria eventually said yes, supposedly only because she had won her bet and that she wanted Carol to be at her disposition just like they had agreed on. Carol trusted her to not be too annoying with that, but she knew that she would get teased, and not only by this Maria, Hill was definitely going to give Carol a hard time too.

The trio of Avengers organised everything, tidying the rooms in which the guests would stay, planning and buying all they needed to make dinner and paying for the plane tickets – or rather Stark Industries did since Maria had access to one of the company bank account, the one dedicated to Avengers activities.

Natasha was going to pick up the Bartons, Maria and Sam while Maria and Carol were cooking. The made a very efficient team, they were organised and worked in great sync, nothing overcooked and it was all ready when everybody got there.

* * *

Maria was nervous. For some reasons, she felt like it was not her place to be at this "Friendsgiving" dinner, but Carol insisted so much that she gave in and accepted to come. It was weird for her because she was the only one who was _just_ Carol's friend, the others were all friends with both Carol and Natasha.

Hopefully she had already met Natasha once and knew she was nice, even if the redhead wasn't at her best at the time. In the car while Natasha was driving them to the tower, she got to discover Sam, who she heard briefly about from Carol in the few text they exchanged, and he seemed to be a really nice guy, kind of her but with a penis she thought. Laura was a sweet woman too, her husband a bit annoying but he was Natasha's best friend and Carol liked him therefore he must be a good person too in some ways.

Her stress level increased when they parked and got out of the car. Maria was going to see Carol after ten months and what she told her the penultimate time they saw each other. She didn't know how the blonde would react, if she still wanted to _move on_ like she told her to or if she had changed her mind.

But Carol greeted her like she always did, a warm hug and a grin, and then she introduced her to the other Maria, "This is gonna be complex," she joked as she shook Maria's hand.

"Just call me Hill," she told the whole group, "I'm used to it, it's no problem."

Maria – Hill – led all the guests to the living area where they would have the aperitif. Maria looked back as she started climbing the steps and chuckled as she saw that her best friend had found Natasha and was hugging her from behind and kissing her exposed neck. There would be a lot of little things like that during the evening, Maria knew it and was preparing herself to be disgusted by them and all their adorable behaviours.

When they reached the living room and its couches, there were already seven drinks on table, "Carol said she knew what y'all would want to drink so get your glass and sit where you want," Maria told them as she showed the empty seats, "In the meantime imma go and get the love birds," she added with a tone full of exasperation.

Maria scoffed as she saw Hill rolling her eyes, she too knew how annoying it could be to see people so in love like Carol and Natasha were.

She quickly found a seat on the same couch as Sam and started chatting with him as she fidgeted with her glass of mojito. Carol knew, in fact, what she was doing with their drinks, the two guys of the group seemed to be happy with their beers, Maria couldn't wait to taste the cocktail in her glass, Laura hadn't waited to start her drink and Hill left to the kitchen with hers.

The laughters coming from the stairs told Maria that the couple was on their way. They entered first, followed by Hill and her glass that she emptied on her way to the couches. She really seemed bothered by the happiness that radiated from Natasha and Carol but there was still something on her face, the tiniest smile on the corner of her life that told Maria that she was actually glad her friends were so in love and cheerful.

Carol refilled Hill's glass before they all drank to this Thanksgiving. Maria was slightly surprised that nobody started the tradition of saying what they were grateful for but she liked it that way, there wasn't a lot she was grateful for after the year she had and rather not mention it or think about it.

The conversation was easy, nothing Maria could not be a part to even if she didn't know half the people in the room. But she still didn't feel like she belonged in the middle of all these people, she was older than them and looked older, unlike Carol who one could think was the youngest in the room because of her non-ageing. Maria didn't mind being a bit uncomfortable as long as Carol was happy that she was there, and the blonde definitely was, she kept on including Maria in the conversation when she was stepping aside on purpose.

It was hard to admit, but Maria also accepted to come to show Carol that she didn't need her anymore, so she would finally do as they agreed on earlier in the year and move on. But she was stubborn and now that she had her best friend close, Carol wouldn't stop praising her and reminding them all that they'd known each other since before they were born. It was nice on the moment, Maria couldn't lie, she enjoyed it, but there was this voice in her head that was telling her that it was most likely their last moment together.

She wasn't a fool, she wasn't trying to avoid the inevitable like Carol was. Maria was a human, a normal ageing human who had already lived more than half of her life and she would eventually die one day. She hoped it wouldn't be too soon, but it was coming and Carol was far from ready for that, that was why Maria was trying to put some distance between them. Of course she would still be hurt when Maria would die even if she moved on, but it would be less painful than if they kept being best friends like they used to be in the 80s. At some point in the evening, Maria would have a conversation with Carol about it, but now was not the time.

Now was the moment to be disgusted by the couple, by Natasha's hand shamelessly stroking Carol's thigh as the blonde told her best jokes or by Carol giving Natasha's cheek and forehead a kiss every minute.

Maria supposed it must complicated for them to hide when Stark and others that didn't know about their relationship were there, she knew that Carol hated to, that it took all her strengths not to kiss the redhead whenever she wanted but it was also their own choice to keep it a secret, choice that Maria still didn't understand.

Every now and then, she would glare at her best friend or roll her eyes, the other woman chuckling each time she saw her expressing her annoyance, which made it worse, Maria's attempts to bother Carol didn't work anymore. She was too happy to care, so if she really wanted to be a pain in her ass, Maria must elevate her game.

And she was going to, during dinner. They were all done with their drinks but Clint when Hill invited them to the table before leaving for the kitchen with Carol.

Maria observed the guests as they sat around the lovely set table, and when they all found the right place Maria took the seat opposite to Natasha. The latter didn't object and there was a plate set at the edge of the table were, Maria presumed, Carol would sit. Waiting for the food to come, they chatted together, Natasha asking Maria what she was doing in her days. It wasn't that hard of a question, she was retired from the air force, retired from being a mechanics and she fixed engines from time to time but she couldn't find the right way to put it into words. Before she managed to reply, Carol and Hill were back with the first course.

As anticipated, Carol sat at the edge of the table with Natasha and Maria, giving a kiss on the former's cheek before asking Sam, who was beside Maria, to pass her the wine. She poured some in Maria's glasses without asking before serving herself and handed the bottle to Clint.

"You don't drink, Natasha?" Maria asked.

The redhead chuckled as she shook her head no, "I had my glass for the evening. I'm gonna stick to water," she replied and gazed at Laura who wasn't drinking alcohol either and gave her the water. As she poured herself some water, Maria caught sight of Carol taking Natasha's hand in hers and wondered if there was more behind it but it wasn't her place to ask.

More questions came to her mind as they ate the first course, like since when did Clint and his wife know about Natasha's and Carol's relationship, the last update she had had about it was that Tony Stark's partner Pepper discovered it, and that was a few months back. She also realised very late that Carol was wearing a suit, like full on dressed up outfit with the shirt, the jacket, the bow tie and fancy shoes. It wasn't her type to dress like this, even if Thanksgiving was a special event, but she figured that she had changed since she and Natasha were dating. The blonde still looked great though, she was even gorgeous if Maria was being honest, but she wasn't going to tell her, she would enjoy it too much.

After a well done pumpkin soup that Maria had had the chance to taste in the past – it was Carol's secret recipe – Maria Hill left again with Sam this time to get the main course. Meanwhile, Carol refilled everybody's glasses and stopped Maria from taking a sip, which told her that the moment to toast was coming.

Sam and Hill came back with the stuffed turkey and mashed potatoes and they remained standing after they put it down the table, so Maria followed them and got on her feet.

"Alright!" Hill shouted and the rest of the people got up as well, "So, I don't really enjoy this tradition but I was _asked_ to do it," she explained as she gazed at Natasha, "so… do the thing. Who wants to go first?"

They shared glances, all seeming to want to talk – but the Marias – but none of them did. After about ten second and Hill hiding her cringe of embarrassment in her glass, Sam finally spoke up, "Okay… I am grateful for a few things and people, but I might thank the person that is around the table, right."

Carol, who was standing beside Natasha for the moment, shyly smiled and blushed, a thing she rarely did, "Cap! I didn't think when we first met that you would ever come to the VA to see me, you seemed to have better things to do," he said with a smirk and looked at Natasha, "but you did, and now I've got new wonderful friends that I didn't know I wanted."

"Thanks Sam," Carol replied before they all drank a sip, "My turn then."

Staring at her best friend, Carol smiled before clearing her throat, and Maria felt like the worst would happen, "A lot of shit happened this year, it wasn't easy but it was also a year that gave me what I thought I would never have, love."

Maria had been wrong, and they all expressed their adoration to the couple as Carol turned to Natasha, "This year gave me you, as my girlfriend, which I never thought could be possible. There was crap but we went through it together and I'm ready to live worse if it means that I'm with you."

"So you are grateful for the year 2014?" Sam interrupted when Carol and Natasha were very close from kissing. The blonde scoffed as she gazed at him, "I guess I am, yes," she told him before raising her glass, and they all mimicked her, "To 2014!"

Laughters and glasses clinking filled the air as Carol and Natasha chastely kissed, and when they parted Maria couldn't stop herself from teasing the blonde with raised eyebrows.

"Is it Natasha's turn now?" Asked Hill when the calm was coming back.

The redhead looked down at her glass as with her other hand she was stroking Carol's and muttered, "I won't be original but," she began and looked up, "I'm really grateful for this one over there," she said louder and nodded at Carol.

"None of you guys can't imagine how important she is to me, how she makes my life a million times better everyday, just by being by my side. It's not something I thought I would have, a person that means so much to me, but now that I do, I'm really grateful I had the chance to meet her and I'm looking forward to spend the rest of my days with her."

Laura and Clint simultaneously started clapping as Natasha fell into Carol's arms. Maria's best friend filled with emotion, her eyes were red and when she closed them, a tear rolled down her cheek. Carol whispered something to Natasha's ear, that Maria didn't hear, but by the way her lips moved she guessed she said _I love you_. Natasha didn't reply but kissed Carol tenderly and when they parted, the blonde kissed Natasha's forehead.

After that, the Bartons had the floor and thanked their whole friends and family for all the love they received. Very much simple, less tears and emotion even if Natasha was still recovering from her words to Carol.

Maria Hill had a quick word for her late boss Fury, with a grave look to Natasha and Carol before asking Maria if she had anything to say. When she politely refused, not without a surprised gaze from Carol, Hill offered all the famished people to eat.

Carol and Natasha were even more adorable and annoying during the main course. They were feeding one another, finishing the other's sentences when they told stories and every time they could, they would hold hands. It was definitely cute and Maria was happy for her best friend but it was also something that she never wanted for herself and seeing this kind of little gestures always bothered her, even when it was Carol making them.

They were still annoyingly cute when they left the table to bring dessert and while eating it too but Maria wasn't going to say anything, she would just roll her eyes when Carol was looking at her, the rest of the time she let her enjoy her time with her lover.

One from an outside point of view could think that Maria was jealous of Natasha, but she really wasn't, she was happy for them, she just wasn't very comfortable around couple.

After this wonderful dinner, they all helped to clear the table. Carol offered them teas that they all accepted and they went to the living room while Maria stayed to help her. They prepared everything in a comfortable that was usual between them and found the five other people regrouped on one couch to take a picture with a Polaroid that Maria recognised very well, it used to be in her house.

The best friends served the hot drinks while they were trying to find the right way to sit on the couch to take the best picture. It was certainly the only moment Maria would have alone with Carol, sort of, so had to use it to talk with her, "So, she has your brother's Polaroid."

"You saw me taking it from my room," Carol replied coldly.

Her tone surprised Maria, "Yeah but I didn't think you'd _give_ it to her."

"She is way better at it than I am."

"Sure," Maria chuckled, which caused Carol to frown, "What?"

"She really is the one, huh?" Maria said with a forced amused voice, try to calm the tense atmosphere that surrounded her and the blonde. It was odd to see Carol on the defence, especially when Maria wasn't joking or anything like this.

Carol eventually chuckled dryly, "Because she has Steve's Polaroid?"

"Because of that and all the things I've seen tonight and the other time when you weren't together yet," Maria explained, this time genuinely showing Carol that she was serious and cared about her happiness. Carol seemed to come to realisation after those words and gave Maria a thankful look, "You know you should be at my service, right? I won this bet," Maria added with a teasing smirk.

"But I won't be?"

Maria shook her head, "No, I have better things to do. But I'll remember that I was right forever."

"Of course you will," Carol laughed.

Maria would miss this laugh when she and Carol would finally do as they agreed to and stop seeing each other. She dreaded that moment, but she also believed it was necessary and had to remind Carol of it, "Go take pictures with your girlfriend, she is your future, not me."

"Maria…" Carol sighed, her features suddenly saddening.

"You know what we said. I don't think we should see each other again after this."

"I knew you'd say that," Carol said as she looked down at her hands. Maria didn't like to see her like this and moved closer to her to gently rub her back and comfort her, "That's why you insisted?"

"Yes, I wanted to have one last moment with you, and tell you that I'm grateful to have you and that even if we don't see each other, you will always be my best friend."

"And you, mine, Carol," Maria whispered. Her throat was sore and her eyes were watering, but she held her tears as she pulled Carol in her arms. Carol hugged her tightly like she always did, but this time there was something bittersweet in it, it was one of their last hugs, or perhaps their last.

Pulling out of a hug had never been easy, but tonight it was the most difficult thing Maria had had to do in her life. Even when she tried to, Carol wasn't ready and kept holding her, until Maria tapped her back and she did, not without a loud sigh, "Now go," Maria told Carol with a half smile.

She was both telling her to go take pictures with her friends and to move on with her life and forget her. They both knew these two words meant a lot, and Carol gave them five more seconds to breathe before giving Maria a smile and left the couch to go to the one where her friends were.

Maria watched them shouting and loudly laughing as Carol joined them and laid down on their laps to be on the photo. Natasha was about to take it when she looked back at Maria and called her out, "Whatcha doing back there? Come on, I want a pic of us all for my collection."

Not asking further question, Maria sat on the armrest beside Sam, her hand finding Carol's shoulder as she moved closer and rested her head on Maria's thigh. After two unsuccessful attempts, Natasha took the perfect picture of them all, grins on everybody's faces and peace and rock'n'roll signs made by Carol and Sam while Laura and Natasha stuck their tongues out.

The atmosphere got calmer after that, Laura and Clint quickly drank their teas before going to bed, Hill excused herself soon after, work stuff early the next day, and it was just Maria, Sam and the couple. Natasha snuggled up to Carol after finishing her drink, her hand slid under Carol's suit jacket as she rested her head on her chest. Meanwhile Carol was talking to Sam, both her arms extended on the top of the couch's back rest.

They were so comfortable together, it reassured Maria. She wouldn't have been thrilled to let Carol move on if she didn't have Natasha, but these two were meant to be together and every minute of the evening proved it.

Seeing the Polaroid on the coffee table and Natasha seemingly dozing off, Maria decided to capture the moment. From her angle, she could see Natasha's face completely, her nose slightly scrunching as Sam laughed too loudly. When Maria took the picture, Carol glanced at her and smiled before looking down at her girlfriend. Maria waited for the picture to dry because moving to Carol's and Natasha's couch and showed it the blonde. Natasha, who wasn't totally asleep, looked at the picture and muttered something about a _private collection_ before closing her eyes again.

They chattered for a little while longer before Carol noticed the time and said that she and Natasha must get to bed soon. Maria was about to offer her help to clean all up when Sam bested her and accompanied Carol to the kitchen.

It left a sleepy Natasha and Maria alone in the living room. The redhead was just waiting for Carol to come back, so Maria thought she might as well leave and go to her room for the night, but Natasha actually spoke up, "Hey… I have a… weird question."

Maria didn't think Natasha Romanoff was the kind of person to be hesitant but she didn't mention it, "Shoot."

"Were you and Carol ever a couple?"

Maria chuckled, this was the silliest question she had ever been asked. Amused, she grinned but realised that Natasha wasn't kidding, "Oh wait, you are serious," she cleared her throat, "No, I'm not into romantic relationship, I never have been," she clarified and saw the redhead's features softening.

"Oh! Okay," she said with a high pitched voice, definitely relieved by the news, "Sorry, I didn't mean to be intrusive or to sound like I was jealous, I'm glad she has you."

"And I'm gladder she has _you._ You really are the most important thing in her life, she'd put you above everything, even me. You are a part of her now and she won't ever let you go."

Natasha's eyes widened for a second, "Wow!" she exclaimed before licking her lips, "That's… a lot."

"I mean, you did say you wanted to spend the rest of your days with her earlier so…"

"Yeah but I have more difficulties hearing those kind of things than saying them."

Maria laughed, "Thus Carol telling you she loves you, to get you used to it."

Natasha laughed too, "It's funny because I'm aware that you and Carol are best friends but I'm still so surprised by how perfectly you know her."

"And so do you, yeah? You knew why she does that?"

"Yes," Natasha sighed, "And for some reasons I can't get myself to say it back."

"Well, for that I can't help you. All I can say is that she knows, since the day you kissed her, she felt it."

Natasha nodded before her attention got drawn by footsteps coming from the stairs. They both got up and saw Carol arriving with a smile on her lips, "May we walk you to your room?" she asks as Natasha patted Maria's shoulder.

"Okay, let's go."

Carol and Natasha led the way and Maria followed them, a few step back so she could observe them. The truth was that all evening long she enjoyed seeing them together, as much as it annoyed her, because they were two people who had had a difficult life and who found the person that made them happy, they found the right fit. Maria never dreamt of that but she knew Carol did, for most of her life there was this thing missing, this person that she would love more than anybody else and now that she had it, she had Natasha, Maria was sure that she would never let her go.

When they reached Maria's room, the latter went inside while the couple waited at the door, "It was great to have you here with us," Natasha told her before stepping in for a good night hug.

"A pleasure to be there," she replied before Carol pulled her in her arms as she giggled.

As they became silent, Maria felt Carol's hold tightening, "I'm gonna miss you," the blonde whispered before pulling out.

Maria replied with a nod that meant a lot, _me too, I love you, take care,_ and more, and she wished them a good night and closed the door.

* * *

Natasha was already in bed, waiting for Carol to join her when the latter's phone rang. Natasha took it and brought it to the blonde who was still brushing her teeth in the bathroom.

She stayed with her, hugged her from behind while Carol read the text and got intrigued when she didn't move a bit for half a minute, "Everything's alright?" she asked as she looked over Carol's shoulder and glimpsed the screen of her phone.

"Um… yeah. Just Maria reminding me that it was the last time I'd see her," explained Carol in a pained whisper as she put her toothbrush and phone down.

"What?"

Carol span to face Natasha and leaned against the sink, "We just… agreed that I had to move on, remember I told you when you came to her place that we thought it was best for me to move on from my previous life, well now is the time."

"I- I didn't think you were actually doing it. You barely talked to me about her since you came back."

"Because I barely talked to her at all," Carol said as she looked down at her feet, "I sent her texts, updated her on what was going on in my life but she never answered," Natasha saw the tears in Carol's eyes and stepped closer to cup her cheeks, "I stopped texting her about a month ago but after your birthday I wanted to see her so I called. I really thought she wouldn't answer but when she did I argued with her for an hour before she said yes."

"Carol, you should have told me."

"I didn't want to because she says I have to forget her and live my life with you and I know you'd feel guilty about it," the blonde said and Natasha looked down, "See, you feel guilty."

"No. I was just think about something she told me," Natasha began as her gaze met Carol's, "she said I was a part of you, which is a lot of pressure and I… I didn't think she was saying it because you two weren't going to talk anymore, but I guess she was giving me her place or something."

"She probably was."

"But I don't want to replace her. She is your best friend and I-"

"And you are the most important person to me," Carol whispered as she took Natasha's hands, "She used to be it and now it's you."

"It's a tough spot to fill."

Carol smiled, "But you are doing it beautifully."

If Natasha's wasn't too afraid, she would have told Carol how much she loved her, instead she showed it. She freed her hands from Carol's and threw her arms around her neck as she captured her lips. The blonde tugged her shorts to press their bodies together before her hands slid on Natasha's ass. Natasha chuckled as Carol lightly squeeze her ass and adjusted her head with her hand on Carol's jaw to slip her tongue in her mouth.

Natasha didn't mean to start a whole making out session, especially at this time of the night, but that was how much she loved Carol and there was no better way to express it.

They eventually slowed down, their tongues only teasing the other's lips until they exchanged one last tender kiss and pulled away. Their gazes met before Natasha closed her eyes again and nuzzled Carol's nose. She traced circles in the back of Carol's neck while she held her close and eventually lightly nudged her forehead.

Smiling, Natasha opened her emerald eyes and found her girlfriend grinning, this adorable grin she had when she was about to tell her that she loved her.

Carol pressed her lips together to hide it, but it can back when the words escaped her mouth, "I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah I said Maria Rambeau aromantic and I love that headcanon


	28. Christmas Eve

It wasn't just a cliché, waking up next to the love of your life was in fact one of the best feeling ever, especially on Christmas Eve. And for once, Natasha woke up first, unlike ninety nine percent of their mornings where she woke up and her first sight was Carol on her phone or staring at her. This morning, she was the one who would have to wait until her lover would wake up.

Natasha had three options there; going through her phone, not exciting at all, staring at Carol and dying inside because of how cute she was, better, or discreetly getting out of bed to make her breakfast and pay back for all the time the blonde did it for her, genius idea.

Getting out of bed was easy, when Carol was asleep nothing could awake her except her alarm clock or Natasha's stirring when she had nightmares. On the way to the exit of the room, Natasha took a hoodie that had been there for weeks – and deserved to be washed – and put it on as she made her way to the kitchen.

The couple was alone in the tower for Christmas, Tony was at his house with Pepper and invited Bruce, Clint was with his family in Washington, Sam too stayed home and Maria went somewhere but didn't tell where. Clint did ask them if they wanted to spend the holiday with the Bartons in his house but Carol and Natasha both agreed that they wanted this moment to be just them so they stayed in New York.

It was true that Natasha wasn't the best cook of the tower, she might even be the worst, but she knew exactly what Carol liked for breakfast and it didn't seem to be too much for her cooking skills. First, she put water in a kettle for the tea and while it heated up she picked what kind of tea she would brew. Then, she toasted some sliced bread on which she spread strawberry and blueberry jams, Carol's favourite flavours. She finished by pouring apple juice in a glass for the blonde and also took one glass of orange juice for herself.

Everything went well, which was really a magical event considering what happened the last time Natasha tried to make something to eat, so she didn't waste any time and went back to Carol's room with the tray.

The door automatically opened when she approached it and Natasha discreetly thanked Jarvis before stepping towards the bed. The AI also turned on a soft light that helped Natasha seeing Carol, still asleep in their bed. The redhead put the tray down before climbing onto the bed and proceeded to wake up her girlfriend.

That might be the hardest part, but Natasha never really tried to wake her up with kisses so maybe it would work. She began by moving away the golden strands of hair that were covering her face and then kissed her temple. This first attempt didn't work, not very surprising, but Natasha was not done and had new things to try. As her hand ran through Carol's hair, Natasha leaned in and murmured to her ear, but again the blonde didn't wake up. In a last try, Natasha pressed her lips on this spot that Carol loved so much under her ear, and this time she whimpered in response before rolling onto her back.

"Hey there," Natasha whispered as Carol rubbed her eyes, "Look what I made for you," she added and put the tray on Carol's lap.

With a long hum of struggle, Carol sat up and took a look at the food in front of her. Then, she glanced at Natasha with amazement shining through her still sleepy eyes and back to the tray, "You made this?" she asked in disbelief.

"Uh-huh, and I didn't burn the whole kitchen down."

"Aw, baby, that's so nice, thank you," Carol purred before her hand found Natasha's jaw to pull her into a kiss, "There is some for you on this?"

"Yes, except if you need two cups to drink tea," Natasha replied before sitting down beside Carol.

They spend the rest of the day in Carol's room, they shower together and the rest of the time they were in bed, cuddling, making out and cuddling again until it was time for dinner.

Carol got up suddenly when she noticed it was almost seven PM but Natasha stopped her, "I know you made me breakfast this morning but dinner won't magically appear in our plates," Carol told the redhead as she pulled her back in bed.

"Actually it will, everything's handled," Natasha said with a mischievous smile, "you just have to put more than just your underwear on your ass and we'll be good."

Carol was intrigued but did as she was asked and went to her bathroom to change. Meanwhile, Natasha went to her own room and put on a white shirt, a black skirt and red lipstick before checking if her Christmas gift was still hidden in her dressing room. She found it exactly where she put it and took it with her to the dinner room where she hid it again.

They had agreed to not offer presents this year, having the other with them was completely enough but Natasha thought that with this gift, Carol would feel like Natasha was even more hers so it was okay to break the rule. She was also a hundred percent sure that Carol didn't respect their agreement either considering how on edge she was every time Natasha entered her dressing room, where must be what she had gotten for her.

The present hidden and the table already set by the team Natasha hired to make them dinner, she had nothing else to do than wait for her girlfriend to join her.

Seeing a bottle of wine on the table, Natasha groaned, she had told these people to not serve them alcohol but the bottle had already been opened. It seemed to be an expansive wine so, instead of throwing it in the trash, Natasha poured herself a glass and let the rest that Carol would drink during dinner.

With her filled glass, Natasha went to the windows and leaned on the barrier as she observed the city and its buildings and drank her wine.

Since her breakdown, Natasha had tremendously reduced her consumption of alcohol, and the last time she had had some was at thanksgiving, she had allowed herself a single glass for the occasion. She knew it wasn't the alcohol that was the cause of her bad mood but still stopped drinking because it did have an impact on her behaviour that day. Carol also slowed down alcoholic beverages with the redhead to support her, and because it wasn't good for anyone's body, not even her.

Natasha was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't notice that music had started playing in the background until Carol joined her at the window and hugged her from behind, "Drinking without me, I see," she said before kissing Natasha's cheek, and then her neck.

"I said no wine but there's a bottle on the table so I took a glass," Natasha explained before finishing her drink.

Carol giggled against Natasha's temple before pressing her lips on her skin, "I wasn't scolding you."

In a smooth motion, Carol took the glass away from Natasha, put it down and pulled the redhead in the middle of the living room. The blonde started dancing on the upbeat music and, after a mocking laughter, Natasha accompanied her in her crazy moves. Maybe she didn't inherit of the cooking skills in this couple, but at least Natasha was the one who could decently dance while Carol looked more like she was punching bad guys than following the beat of the song. But she was the most adorable person when she was dancing and Natasha loved how she shamelessly did it, knowing that she was doing it like shit but still enjoying every second of it.

The song eventually came to an end, and the next to play was one Natasha had known for so long that she didn't even remember when she first heard it. As Carol pulled her closer and began to slow dance, a chuckled escaped Natasha's mouth, "This song is not romantic at all, you know."

"How could I, you are the one who speaks Russian," Carol replied before pressing her forehead against Natasha's, "What does it say?"

Natasha sighed as she tried to listened to the lyrics but the sound wasn't loud enough, "Not sure, but it's a lullaby."

"Russian sounds beautiful," Carol mumbled as they rocked slowly, "Tell me something in Russian."

"ты моя," Natasha said with a smirk and Carol giggled, "I'm yours, huh?"

Natasha suddenly stopped to dance and furrowed her eyebrows, "How do you-"

"I was a US air force pilot during the cold war, Natasha. I had to learn the language, I lost a lot of it but I guess I still remember a some things."

It shouldn't be a surprise, Carol had acquired many skills in her life, speaking Russian could be one of them, but it never came to Natasha's mind, "Let's see what you know."

Slow dancing again, Natasha thought of a few things not too complicated that she could ask, "красивая."

"Easy, that's your favourite nickname, _beautiful_."

Natasha rolled her eyes but continued, "возлюбленный."

Carol frowned, "Uh… No idea."

" _Lover_ ," Natasha whispered and pecked Carol's lips, "Now, любимый."

"Is it _my love_?"

Natasha smiled as she moved her hands to Carol's cheeks, "It is."

"Now, my turn. How do you say _baby_?"

"малыш," Natasha replied.

Carol tried to repeat it but she didn't quite get it. Natasha didn't tell her though, it was so cute to see her trying, she couldn't mock her for having a bad accent in a language she didn't know how to speak.

"What about _I love you_ ," Carol asked and pursed her lips, but it wasn't enough for Natasha to not see her smile behind this bad hiding technique.

It was a smart attempt to get Natasha to say _I love you_ , but she was still not ready for these words to leave her mouth, whatever was the language she would use to say them, "Вы любишь меня," she said instead.

Not proud of lying, especially since Carol couldn't understand it, Natasha looked away, but the blonde gently cupped her cheek and smiled, "Я тебя люблю," she enunciated perfectly and kissed Natasha's lips, "I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to trick you into saying it, I j-"

"I know," Natasha interrupted in a soft whisper, "at least now you know how to say _you love me,_ моя."

"I'm starting to like it when you call me yours," Carol laughed before pulling Natasha into a passionate kiss. They kept the other close as they tightened their holds, Natasha's hands in the back of Carol's neck preventing her to pull away. They both smiled so much into the kiss that it became all messy and then it was just pecks before Natasha eventually let go and broke the kiss.

"We should go eat," Natasha told Carol as she was still holding her closely.

When they arrived at the table, the food was already served and it smelt delicious. Carol pulled Natasha's chair before sitting on hers and watched the redhead as she started to eat. Natasha didn't mind being stared at by Carol, but the chef she hired was expansive and she was going to waste the food if she let it get cold.

"Carol?"

The blonde blinked before taking her fork and started eating, but she still seemed to be somewhere else, "Whatever is on your mind, you can tell me. I'm sure it's fine."

"When are you going to tell the others about us?" she blurted out and looked away.

Natasha put down her cutlery and took Carol's hand, "I don't know… I'd be okay telling Tony but he will shout about it everywhere and I don't trust Bruce yet, so I don't want him to know."

Carol laughed at the Tony part, because she knew Natasha was right, Tony would be very annoying about it, "About Bruce… do you think we will ever try the thing?"

The thing was Natasha trying to help him turn back into himself, and for that she had an answer, "Since Tony and I have been talking about what happened to us here," in New York because of Loki, "I feel more ready to do it. We can give it a try I think."

Carol gave Natasha's hand a gentle squeeze before taking her fork again, "And the rest?"

In the middle of a mouthful of vegetables, Natasha used this time to think about how explaining what she figured out with Tony during their talks, "I think I need to take it slowly, one problem at a time. We went from Bruce to them and Bruce again and then my fear of love… and it fixed nothing, so I think I should focus on Bruce first, them later."

"What about your fear of love?" Carol asked with a smirk.

Natasha scoffed, she didn't mean to mention that, but it was still something that she wanted to fix. She wanted to be able to tell Carol _I love you_ , and she also needed to accept that her girlfriend was not going anywhere, but she had such a hard time believing it.

It helped to hear it regularly though, and Natasha wanted to thank Carol for that, "I think you are doing great with that, just keep going," she said and winked.

They went back to eating, chatting about less serious stuff like going to a concert together one day or getting a pet. The meal was great, they both agreed on it, even though Carol stated that she could have done it herself.

After the main course, the chef told them they would have to wait twenty minutes before dessert would be ready. Hearing that, Carol excused herself and went to her room. Natasha was intrigued but let her go and decided to not follow her after a quick debate with herself.

When she came back, Carol had her hands in her back and was wearing this little full of guilt smile, "I know we said that we would not get presents but I saw this in a store front and I just had to…"

Carol put a small box in front of Natasha before sitting on the chair beside her, "You know Christmas is tomorrow, right?" Natasha joked as she analysed the shape of the box.

"I know, that's why you get it now, that way it's not really a Christmas present."

Natasha chuckled at Carol's way of thinking and took the box. Her hand hovered over it and she looked at Carol as she opened it, just to create more longing, and then gazed at its content. There were two silver chains, bracelets considering their length, and a small stone at the middle.

"I figured it would be nice for us to have matching jewellery, and I know you love bracelets so-"

"It's perfect," Natasha cut off, "I love it," she added before leaning in to kiss Carol's lips. The blonde smiled as she took one of the chains and wordlessly asked Natasha for her forearm to put it on. Then, Natasha did the same for Carol, she tied the bracelet on her left wrist, hers being on her right. She didn't realise directly that Carol took her right wrist despite it being at the opposite of her because Carol was right handed, and Natasha was left handed, they were wearing it on the other's strong hand.

Natasha thought about her own gift, hidden behind the giant Christmas tree a few metres away but it didn't feel like the right time to let Carol open it. Instead, she kissed the blonde another time before she went back to her seat in front of her, and they started chatting again.

"You're really getting used to wear blouses, aren't you?" she flirted as she looked her girlfriend up and down.

Carol was wearing a white blouse similar to the one she owned before she and Natasha met, but this one she bought after Thanksgiving when she suddenly wanted a new one. This one was more form-hugging, which Natasha really enjoyed, because of course Carol was not wearing a bra underneath it. She probably didn't do it on purpose, but the outfit Carol was wearing was really turning Natasha on, something that was becoming easier now that Natasha was getting more confident with herself and her body. However, she wasn't going to tell her, she was keeping it for herself until the moment she would give Carol her Christmas present.

The waiter eventually brought them dessert, that Carol ate way too fast because Yule log was her favourite dessert of all the planets she had been on and mint her favourite flavour of ice cream, flavour that Natasha picked knowingly to make her happy.

It was still early when they finished eating so they went to the living area for more chatters and cuddles as the people Natasha hired washed the dishes and cleaned everything up.

On the way, Carol laid hands on a box of chocolates that she opened for them to eat as they talked, "God how good it is to be there with you," Carol sighed as slouched in the couch, Natasha joining her when she was in the right position, "We are always here together, Carol."

"I meant in this living room where I can kiss you because nobody else is around."

"Actually, Jarvis is around," Natasha corrected, "How are you doing Jarvis?"

_"_ _Good, and you Miss Romanoff, are you enjoying your evening with Miss Danvers?_ _"_ the AI asked.

"Yes, I'm having a great time. Merry Christmas, Jarvis."

_"_ _Merry Christmas,_ _"_ the bot mirrored.

Carol, who had been grinning for the whole exchange, let out a laughter, "You love this bot more than you love me," she joked.

"That's impossible and you know it."

Carol hummed in response before leaning in Natasha's neck and left opened mouthed kisses on her skin. The redhead leaned into the touch and closed her eyes as Carol reached her pierced ear.

"Do they have a meaning?" Carol suddenly asked as she brushed her girlfriend's ear with her nose. Natasha looked back with a raised eyebrow, wordlessly telling the blonde that she must clarify her question, "Your piercings? Why do you have them?"

This was a question she thought she would have to answer sooner in their relationship, but she was glad it took so long, because the thought hurt and right now she was in a good enough mood to talk about it, "It's um… for the girls they made me kill."

Carol gasped as she glanced at Natasha's left ear again, the redhead could tell she was counting them, the ten rings that Natasha only rarely took off, "God…" Carol eventually breathed as she started rubbing Natasha's back, "Yeah… I- I did it when I got out, one for each of them. I just- I want to remember them, you know."

"Yeah," Carol whispered before pulling Natasha into her arms, "It's a great tribute to them."

What she didn't tell Carol was that she remembered exactly how she killed them, every single moment when she had to choose between killing them to survive or to let them go and get herself killed cold heartedly by one of Madam B's mercenary, she remembered them, she was haunted by those memories. And how could one not be, being forced to kill at a young age, for your survival, it was the most traumatic experience one could live.

She remembered how easy it had been the first time, how proud of herself she had been because she didn't realise what she had done, she didn't realise that she wasn't going to see that little girl again after she had broken her neck because she was as young as her and didn't know what it meant to die. She remembered the day she was put against her best friend in her year, a girl named like her, but with a _y_ instead of the _i_. They were the best of their group, they fought for almost an hour, Natasha thought a couple of times that she would get killed, but Natalya never could and the third time she was in position to kill the redhead, she refused, and Madam B gave a gun to Natasha and she shot her. If she hadn't done it, Madam B would have done it for her, so she rather do it to not give that awful woman this satisfaction.

Her last fight was the one for the ultimate price, she was finally getting out of the Red Room if she won, which was hers and the other girl's goal since they got abducted. It was the biggest event of the year, Natasha had been to all of those fights before it was her turn and never thought she would get to it. But she did and she had one last person to kill before being freed from these walls. She and this other girl were sisters, they had been raised together but that night, they were sworn enemies and fought for hours for their survivals. Younger girls were spectating, Yelena was there, cheering for the redhead, and when she won, she got a quick hug from her before she was taken away for the ceremony.

These memories were probably the worst Natasha had and she wasn't ready to share them with the love of her life, even if she knew all about it. Telling her would make it real and she couldn't do it, she didn't want Carol to see her like a monster who killed so many people to survive, it was her biggest shame.

Carol understood that hopefully and was doing all she could to support her, offering chocolates that Natasha gladly accepted. This woman always had the word to make Natasha laugh, even when she was sad. She was very smart, but she could be such an idiot some times, and all those moments were moments of fun for Natasha. She loved this about her, despite all her life experience, Carol was still a child in her head most of the time and it brought the redhead a lot of most needed joy.

Her brain was working like no one else's – might be the mix of Kree blood, human DNA and Tesseract power – and every time it had to it found the best thing to say, "Remember when we were going to Camp Lehigh and I woke you up in the car?"

"Yeah."

"You said for once you were dreaming and I never got to know what you dreamt about," Carol pouted to soften her girlfriend and it always worked, as much as Natasha tried to resist.

With a sigh, she sat up and told her dream, "I dreamt about us… I basically relived our first kiss over and over again while I was asleep."

"So it _was_ about me!" Carol exclaimed, "You lied to me, Miss Romanoff!"

"What was I supposed to do, tell you the truth?" she shrugged, "doesn't sound like the best way to tell you I liked you. And knowing you, you would have been so out of what we were doing we would have died in this bunker."

"Well, that's true, if you had told me that day I don't know how I would've reacted."

"Did you ever… dream about it?" Natasha asked shyly.

Carol chuckled, "I dreamt about us kissing before we were together, and I think it was my only dream when I was in Europe with Sam," she told her softly before kissing her temple, "there is nothing better than kissing you, baby."

"Not even fucking me?" Natasha asked as she turned around and straddled Carol's lap, "That's close second. You really are the best kisser ever, Natasha."

Smirking, Natasha leaned closer to Carol and brushed her lips before stand up and went to the Christmas tree. She heard Carol whining as she walked away and then gasped with excitement when she came back with a wrapped box, "I see we both didn't respect the rule."

Natasha didn't reply and gave the present to Carol that she hastened to open and took off the top of it to discover a bright red laced sexy lingerie, its colour matching Natasha's lipstick perfectly. Pursing her lips, Carol looked at Natasha, "That's for me?"

Natasha licked her lips before leaning in and kissed Carol as she took the box, "Sort of."

Before Carol could say something, Natasha walked away with the box. She took the elevator and made sure the door would be closed before Carol could catch up, a shit eating smirk on her face as the door closed on her. Going to her room, Natasha couldn't stop imagining how much Carol must be frustrated right now and how turned on she would soon be.

In her bathroom, she quickly took off her clothes to put on this body and some perfume. Since her birthday, Natasha had felt more at once with her body and she wanted to thank Carol for that, because she was the main reason she was getting confident. When she had tried this on in the shop, Natasha didn't feel like she had expected but she didn't feel bad either so she hoped that wearing it for Carol would change it. She wanted to be sexy for her, to _feel_ sexy for her, she was the only person that ever made her feel that way.

Her reflection in the mirror was more appealing this time than it had been in the store, probably because Natasha was turned on herself and couldn't wait for Carol to see her.

When she exited the bathroom, Natasha wasn't surprised to find Carol sitting at the edge of her bed. She was suddenly dumbstruck, her eyes and mouth wide opened as Natasha slowly approached her. Seeing that the blonde could still not say a thing, Natasha guided her to the other side of the bed, Carol lightly gasping as her back found the headboard. Again, Natasha straddled Carol's lap and started unbuttoning her blouse.

When she reached her breasts, Carol suddenly reacted and she ran her hands up and down Natasha thighs, "God, Natasha, you are so sexy," she breathed as she stared at her body, "And so are you," the redhead replied as she took off Carols blouse, exposing her braless breasts.

Carol looked up and smirked, "I figured you'd like that," she whispered as she sat up, her hands sliding up Natasha waist until they reached the laces of her lingerie. Natasha quickly took a hold of her wrist and stopped her, "No no no… you are not taking this thing off me yet. This is your Christmas present, you must wait until it's Christmas, моя."

The blonde whined, "Christmas is in an hour."

Natasha laughed devilishly, "Which gives me a _lot_ of time to make you beg me to touch you."

Carol sighed but it got stopped by Natasha capturing her lips. With gentle hands on her chest, the redhead pushed Carol back on the mattress as she kept their lips linked. The blonde couldn't stop humming against Natasha's mouth and it turned into a moan as Natasha put her hands on her abs, it was one of her sensible spots and Natasha's favourite.

Carol was already so turned on that she was rocking her hips against Natasha's crotch, desperately searching for friction, but Natasha wasn't going to give in so easily. Teasing Carol was Natasha's favourite activity the few times they had had sex and she wasn't going to make an exception for Christmas. Being on top of Carol gave her the full control of the situation, she was the one slipping her tongue in the other's mouth or biting her bottom lips. Carol was just laying there, hands motionless on Natasha's thighs.

When the blonde became a panting mess, Natasha left her lips and kissed her sharp jaw, neck and collarbones. With open mouthed kisses, she made Carol shiver but totally ignored her breasts, causing Carol to groan loudly. Natasha chuckled against her abs before nibbling the skin of her stomach, Carol curving her back at the touch, "Fuck," she cursed under her breath as Natasha scratched her skin with her nails.

"Like it when I hurt you," Natasha laughed as she left a trail of kisses on Carol belly, up in between her breasts and stopped at her chin, "or do you prefer when I'm soft?" she purred against her slightly parted lips.

Carol's chest rise and fall made Natasha laugh inside but she kept it for herself and started kissing her jaw. After a few more big inhalations, Carol swallowed hard before speaking, "Like… both…" she panted.

"Both it is then," Natasha replied as she stroked her fingers in her hair. As Carol leaned into her touch, Natasha kissed her exposed neck, gentle until she found the right spot and bit her. Carol replied with a grunt and then a moan when she sucked her skin. The redhead went back to her lips when she was done with her love bite and shoved her tongue in her mouth. Carol was barely kissing back, she was to excited to think about it and just enjoyed her girlfriend's touch, humming and moaning with pleasure.

They were both starting to get very sweaty when Carol's phone rang, Natasha instantly interrupting their making out to see who was texting her so late. Carol of course whined when Natasha got off her lap and unlocked her phone, "Hill is wishing us a Merry Christmas," she said before noticing the time on the clock.

"Oh!" she gasped and sat back on Carol's lap. The blonde, confused, sat up and was about to talk when Natasha put her pointing finger on her mouth before taking her hands and led them to the laces of her lingerie, a smirk on her face as she let her take it off because it was past midnight, "Merry Christmas, моя."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beautiful- красивая (krasivaya)  
> I love you- Я тебя люблю (Ya tebya lyublyu)  
> Lover- возлюбленный (vozlyublennyy)  
> My love- любимый (Lyubimiy)  
> Baby- малыш (maliish)  
> Mine- моя (moya)  
> You love me- Вы любишь меня (Vy lyubish' menya)  
> You are mine- ты моя (ty moya)

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Twitter to know when I will update: @CarolNatIsCanon


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